I bet God (and everyone else) doesn’t want your kids to be assholes.

The fear of God isn’t going to make your child a better person. It is not going to make your child a good person. It isn’t going to give your child a high moral compass.

What will make your child a better person is telling them that if they act like an asshole that everyone will think they’re an asshole. Nobody wants to be an asshole.

I told my kids that if you’re mean, if you act up at other people’s houses, if you don’t defend other kids in need, if you’re a bully, if you put up with bullies, if you make fun of others then everyone will think you’re an asshole.

How about sex and religion? No religion ever stopped a kid from getting pregnant or a STD. If you’re not responsible when it comes to sex you’re being stupid. If you use sex to get what you want you’re being an asshole.

If you smoke pot all the time or vape or get drunk all the time. Everyone will think you are stupid and maybe even an asshole.

Kids who are told God doesn’t like homosexuals, trans folks, anyone of a different color, anyone who is sort of weird and different, anyone with a different religion, anyone who is a free spirit, artists, write country music, or anyone who isn’t hurting anyone but not like you, grow up to be assholes and really stupid. Don’t teach your kids to hate someone who will never hurt you or anyone else. You know why? Cause they’ll grow up to be assholes.

Being a good person has nothing to do with religion or going to church. It has to everything to do how you treat others. It is how you live your life. It is standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

Being a good person is being kind to all living creatures not because some higher power told you to but because it is the right thing to do – as a human. Watch the movie Bambi if you don’t know what I’m talking about. They (animals) think we’re assholes. Don’t be that asshole.

Good behavior shouldn’t be forced. Good behavior has it’s own rewards. It isn’t always easy because the world is full of jerks and assholes. Many of them justify their bad behavior and hate filled beliefs with their religion.

I am by no means an atheist. I’ve written a lot about angels, demons, and the forces of good and evil. I’ve written about death and grief and love.

I am not per se anti-religion, though in todays climate of people who howl about hateful things in the name of God and get involved in hateful politics, (including who you can love, what you can do with your own body) in the name of God, I am extremely anti-religion. Anti-hate and ignorance. Anti judgement. Anti stupidity.

Many good things come from religion but hate, ignorance, fear, mean behavior, and bigotry are not among those good things.

Read my blog. I have been inspired about the messages of love and hope that religion brings, but not by the twisted messages of stupidity and hate that some people are so drawn to.

For some reason hate is easier, especially when it is taught by adults to children who have not yet learned to think for themselves and see the outside world.

Yes, that is also why I speak so much against over protecting your children from the outside world. It makes them so vulnerable to either hate, or just being taken advantage of, or unhappiness when they’re finally exposed to and expeirence real life, and see that not everyone is like them or their parents.

But as a parent, and someone who has been damn successful at it, I feel I can spout off my views of how to raise a responsible, well adjusted, person with a high moral compass. I know what it takes to raise someone who cares and is a good person. 

It doesn’t matter what color your hair is, what sex you are, or what music you listen to, or if you like horror movies, or what flavor of ice cream you like, or who you pray to, or what freak flag you’re flying. Be yourself. Be good. Talk to others and learn about how they think, and most of all how they feel.

Being a good person means trying to understand different lifestyles and points of views. It has taken many of us many years to learn that. You’re never too old to learn or to change.

Don’t be a dick. It’s easy.

If you want your child to be good then teach them to be good. Talk to them. Talk with them. Show them how to be kind. Teach them the importance of kindness and the difference between right and wrong, between being an asshole and not being an asshole. Nobody wants to be around an asshole.

And if this rubs you wrong then fine. This is a Vampire blog anyway so you might be at the wrong place. You know a lot of people think Vampires hate Werewolves. Why? Because they’re different. That’s just stupid. See what I mean? Stupid.

Just remember, if we were all the same life would be boring, and the world would be a dull place indeed. And I bet we’d all be jerks.

I’ll see you all in the next post where you’ll learn about about parenting adult kids and getting rid of the roommate from hell (a situation where they had to adult all by themselves.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Parenting Young Adult Vampires – Quick Notes

vampire teens

Even after your kids are grown, or in this case sort-of-grown, you still worry about them.

They graduate from high school, turn eighteen, vote, drive, get jobs, go to college, and they’re adults.

Sort of.

They’re also maybe drinking, having sex, forming strong opinions, dabbling in drugs, staying out late, and exploring the dark side of culture.

They’re exploring all sides of culture. That could be a good thing. A mighty good thing.

And if they’re Vampire kids you have a whole other thing to deal with.

It is one thing if your younger child starts to hunt a little on their own, but it is a whole new game when a young Vampire turns into an adult.

This isn’t something you can push off on the old traditions. Our old timers didn’t make the rules in the 1950’s. They made the rules in the 1750’s, and those rules don’t work anymore. Just like with any other parent you need to keep up with your kids, be open and honest, and teach them the rules of the 21st Century Vampire.

Your young adult children are going to start collecting their own sets of donors. Make sure they choose wisely. Guide them. By guiding I don’t mean vague references like “don’t  pick criminals,” or “watch for people with Hep C.” They need to pick safe donors. Safe means people with calm personalities. That means people who live private lives. It means people who can mentally and physically withstand being a donor.

You also need to continue to talk with your kids and be open with them. Donors are not friends. They are not serious lovers. They are not someone you will fall in love with. Sure you can care. Of course you SHOULD care, but not in a romantic way. Never get involved romantically with a donor. Also do not turn your donors into Vampires. Do not EVER let your donor know you’re a Vampire. These are tough conversations you need to have with your young adult children.

Encourage them to attend seminars about avoiding, and dealing with Vampire Hunters. They have enough going on with trying to find jobs, go to school, and juggle their activities, and start to live on their own, without having to deal with someone trying to put a stake through their heart, or worse. Make sure their only heartbreak is the kind they sing about in pop songs, not literally having their heart ripped from their body.

Vampire Teens Rock

This is just a quick thought for today. Just a reminder. I’ll go into more depth on the subject later.

In the meantime, no matter how old or young they are, talk to your kids. Talk with them, not at them. Listen to them. Engage them. Laugh with them. Share with them. Learn from them. Yes, learn from them – you’d be surprised what they can teach you.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire mom

 

Parenting Choices: Allowing your children to have their dreams

 

Strange but true: I trust my children. I raised them that way.

It all goes by so fast… way too fast. That is the hardest thing about being a parent.

When I’m asked where my children go to college, or plan to go to college I expect to get a good response, but half of the time I get negative responses. Now, they’re not going to Monster University or Ghoul Tech. The schools in question are part of the well respected University of California system. Yes, schools like UCLA, UCD, UCSB, UCSC, and of course UC Berkeley. Those schools aren’t scary. Those schools are FANTASTIC.

The comments I get are always about the school being a party school, or a drug school, or a crazy radical school, or a stoner school, or a hairy armpit school. You know, I’ve heard it all. The reality of the situation is that unless you send your child to some backwoods religious school that ALL colleges are party schools. That is what college students do.

When I became a parent I knew that it was a huge responsibility. I was responsible for not only having a child but for raising a child who would one day be an adult and go out into the world without me. I didn’t let crap just happen by chance. I parented with deliberation. 

That doesn’t mean I kept my kids under my thumb. I didn’t do that at all. I let them freely explore, create and THINK. At an early age they “got the big picture” on the world. And I explored with them, as their guide through the jungle of childhood.

From the beginning they were looking at books (Clara’s third word was book, after baby and kitty), learning how to navigate and use the Internet, learning to explore nature, questioning the world outside of their own family, and discussing ideas. All questions were answered. All opinions were respected and discussed.

My husband Teddy and I also discussed hard lessons with them like the importance of one’s reputation, drugs, sex, relationships, friendships, responsibilities as a citizen, and the consequences of actions. Reputation was a huge issue, and it wasn’t an easy one but we dealt with it.

Their father and I told them cautionary tales of our own youth and of others we knew. As a parent you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking to your child about anything. You’re the parent. Your children WANT to learn from you.

So when someone questions my choices, or the choices of my children, I don’t give them the stink eye and tell them we’re Vampires. I don’t tell anyone that we’re Vampires for obvious reasons.

There is enough negativity in the world without imparting it upon our youth. I’ve made a list of a few of the worst things one can say to a young person.

  1. You can’t make any money doing that.
  2. It is really hard.
  3. Everyone with that major is unemployed.
  4. Everyone at that school is on drugs.
  5. You’re not smart enough to do that.
  6. Be happy with the way things are.
  7. Why can’t you be like ______? (fill in the blank)
  8. People in our family don’t do that.
  9. The chances of that working out are a zillion to one.
  10. You’ll fail.

 

I’ve come to the frightening point where I realize that my children are almost grown. For the most part they are grown. One will be twenty in a few weeks. The other is almost seventeen. As I write that I can almost feel my heart beating fast (but, you know, I’m a Vampire so that is a relative term, but still…)

While I doubt myself every single day, I never doubt my children. Even if I’ve failed at everything else, I know I haven’t failed my children, or failed at being a mother.

Even when I feel as if I’ve failed myself I look at the years and years of amazing and interesting things I’ve done, and my amazing and interesting friends. Yes, one can measure success by those we surround ourselves with. Each and every single one of those amazing things, good or bad, have become lessons for my children. In turn, those things also become lessons for me.

As I write there is a small puppy, all of eleven weeks old, curled up on my feet. Her little furry warm face is resting on my bare foot. She won’t be the dog my children grew up with. That dog, Jasmine, would sit with the children in their car seats, and sing (as sled dogs of unknown parentage do) in the car when I’d pick the kids up from school. She was always there for them until last year when she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. Now, as my kids become adults, there is a new pup, who won’t grow up with children. And in a year, tiny Alice will be a 60-70 pound dog, who will look like a beautiful dark hound from some paranormal romance novel. Yes, the paranormal romance novel would be my life some years back, but now I’m writing a parenting blog. It all goes by so fast – a fleeting moment.

So enough about me, and back to kids.

You only have so long with them. Take time with your children – real time. Good time. Or that time will be gone before you know it.

I know life happens. Parents DO have lives outside of their kids. They have jobs. They have relationships. They have tragedies and loss. Your own dreams and hopes sometimes die. And all of this intertwines with being a parent.

But kids aren’t stupid unless you raise them to be that way. They know when something isn’t right. They’re sensitive. They’re smarter than you give them credit for. They may not know everything but that doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about everything and trying to figure it all out.

So when they’re on the brink of adulthood and someone tries to squish their dreams be there for them. Because it is THEIR dream. It should be your dream to make their dream happen. I’m not talking fairy tale crap, but real dreams. Don’t tell your kid that biochemistry is too hard of a major, or that history is a stupid major, or that artists starve. Let them try, because if they have the passion they’ll find their way. Let your child surprise you with his/her success. Let them learn by their failures and be there for them. Because it is now their time and that window is so small, so fleeting, so precious.

My children are smart and happy about who they are. Sure they aren’t perfect, but they’re mine and I’m proud of them.

So if you get anything from this post/blog it should be to talk with your kids, listen to them, discuss with them, share with them, trust them, and love them. Always.

Savor your time with your children. It is your time and their time – something precious, rare, and to be treasured. It is a gift you can’t afford to squander.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Keep Calm We're Teens

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/fleeting/