Horror and Art from my Cold Undead Heart

I’ll be blunt.

I write stories. I draw cute little sketches.

I love you. Juliette drew this.

I love you.
Juliette drew this.

If you download and read a FREE Horror Anthology (not just my stuff, but a lot of really good stories) and leave a review, I will send you an original sketch drawn just for you with my cold undead hand.

As part of the WPaD (Writers, Poets and Deviants) writing group I am proud of what we do to support MS research and entertain the reading public at the same time.

This month (January 2016) our newest anthology Creepies 2: Things that go Bump Beneath the Bed, is FREE.

Creepies 2 - Best Horror Anthology of 2015

Creepies 2 – Best Horror Anthology of 2015

Yes, FREE.

From the twisted minds of Writers, Poets and Deviants:
Prepare for terror… and a few laughs as well.
– An exterminator meets his match in a family’s attic…
– A cuddly toy with a disturbing origin is all the rage…
– A boy’s survival of a deadly accident turns out to be more curse than miracle…
– A man asks a vampire for a favor and gets more than he wished for…
– A strange device collects and stores the rage from people bent on revenge…
– An exquisite chess set in an old pawn shop is more than it seems to be…
– A WW2 bayonet carries an evil history…
– An ancient vampire struggles with life in modern society…
– Something is alive in the outhouse…

Enjoy these chilling tales and more in volume 2 of WPaD’s popular Creepies series.
But leave the lights on…

CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK FOR THE FREE DOWNLOAD.

And if you download it, read it, leave a decent review telling the world what your favorite stories are, I will send YOU an original sketch drawn by my own cold undead hand.

I mean, it is a WIN/WIN for everyone.

So do this:

  • Download the book.
  • Read it (and have the crap scared out of you, or just laugh and enjoy)
  • Write a nice review on Amazon (an honest review)
  • Let me know about it via email at juliettevampiremom@gmail.com
  • And I’ll draw you something fun and silly. Then I’ll send it to you either electronically or send you the REAL drawing. By the way the drawing might be worth millions one day so this is your chance to retire to that cabin in the woods or your dream house in Palm Springs.
  • This is all for fun so no trolls or haters please.
  • Art work give-a-way limited to first ten readers who participate. 

Questions? Ask below and I’ll get back to you.

But seriously, this is a fun anthology. Read it, review it, get art. You can’t start off the new year better than that.

Well except maybe possums eating bananas.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Even Vampires have feelings.

Why Parents Drink

vm man of the future

 

This morning I was talking with a friend discussing all of the crazy things little toddler children do.

They stick rocks the size of marbles up their tiny little noses. They wrap strings around their fingers until their fingers turn red, then white, then blue. They wrap curtain and blind cords around their tiny necks and then laugh about it. They run out into the street in front of trucks that are going way too fast. They run when you tell them not to and then they tumble down steep grades on asphalt taking all of the skin off of their knees. They slip on pieces of paper you told them to pick up and knock out their teeth. They squeeze cats. They backwash in every drink you try to enjoy. They lick the dog. They whack you in the face for no apparent reason. They throw things. They put mysterious things down toilets. They cut their own hair. They pour expensive perfume down the sink. They feed the fish the entire container of fish food all at the same time. They take the fish out of the tank to pet them. Some of them put everything not locked down or glued down into their tiny mouths, even if it tastes vile. They eat spoons full of salt. They projectile vomit on expensive suits and silk ties. They find Sharpies and draw on EVERYTHING. They yell things in public like, “DON’T HIT ME.” Sometimes they yell things like, “WHY DO YOU HAVE HAIR ON YOUR BUTT?” Or “YOUR BRA IS REALLY BIG.”

Then they giggle and laugh and give you a slobbery kiss. Then they say, “I love you.” This is why we don’t eat our young. On the other hand, this is why we drink. This is why we don’t have enough sex with the other parent. This is why we crave alone time with books after everyone in the house is asleep.

It is a good thing they are so cute. It is a really good thing.

This is why I love teens. Yes, it is worth the wait. You’ll get through it.

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

vm darling girl

 

Ladies… Make Vincent Price!

Yes, I “borrowed”  this from a Facebook page. No I didn’t draw this but I wish I had. Have fun ladies!

More on Vincent Price from Vampire Maman.

xoxoxo Juliette

Make your own sexy man!

Make your own sexy man!

Honey Boo Boo VS Teen Mom

Today my 13 year old daughter told me “Honey Boo Boo and her mom make the girls on “Teen Mom” look like Einsteins.

 

I know, I know, I could write about the downfall of modern civilization and the influence of junk culture on our kids … BUT screw it,  I just thought that was too funny. I love what kids say!

It almost reminds us that there are somethings so scary that even Halloween can’t match it (or Vampires!).

I’m going to go read now (or watch baseball GO GIANTS!!!!)

Welcome to HELL!