Short Story Sunday: Don’t Fall Apart On Me Baby.

Melissa watched Say Yes to the Dress on satellite TV knowing she’d never wear anything strapless. The lace lined sleeves she’d planned would be lined with flesh colored fabric. She switch out her black bejeweled eyepatch for one covered in white lace and pearls. On her hands would be white kidskin gloves, with stuffing where she was missing fingers.

Hers would be the perfect Zombie wedding.

A few weeks ago I’d received a call from my Zombie friends to tell me that they’d purchased a farm up I-5 near Willows.

Melissa and Mike hadn’t always been Zombies. They hadn’t always been a couple. It all started when the two who worked for agricultural lobbies had been attached while on a business trip. They’d been friends but the long hours, and of course the shared experience of turning into Zombies had tightened their bond.

I wrote about them in A Lunch Date With Zombies (click here for that story). I helped stop the spread of their condition thought my own blood. It was a risk on my part. A huge risk. Vampires live a risky existence by default but we don’t like to take risks. We don’t like Zombies either. Seriously who does?

My friend Cody and I drove up from Sacramento to their farm. Melissa and Mike met us on the porch of their farm house. It was lovely. They walked in a slow gait to my car to meet us. Once inside Melissa offered drinks but no food. They’re Zombies, we’re Vampires so we generally eat different things. Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. Vampires do not eat the flesh of humans, brains, or whatever. We drink blood. There is a difference.

But aside from that we’re cool. No pun intended.

Mike and Melissa are doing fine. For her birthday Mike had a beautiful Steampunk style artificial hand made for her. It would outshine anything Luke Skywalker would have had.

They’d had their teeth fixed and learned to use make-up to their advantage. They learned to seem normal again.

Then he proposed to her on day when she was ready to give up. Don’t fall apart on me baby. I love you. We’ll keep it together. Marry me.

And she said yes.

We visited in the lovely home surrounded by walnut trees. I knew there were chewed up bodies buried out in the orchard. I know they picked up transients along the highway – the kind of people who were wondered about but never missed.

The conversation turned to the wedding, and the farm, and their quiet life. And before we left, Cody and I left a small amount of our Vampire blood in a couple of coffee cups in their beautiful refurbished kitchen. Because, while they won’t turn into Vampires, our blood will, you know, keep the Zombie shit at bay. It isn’t a well known fact, and I tend to keep it that way (since Zombies and Men in Black generally don’t read my blog.)

On the way home, Cody, who’d only been a Vampire since 2012, said, “They’ve done well all things considering. Their world was turned upside down, their bodies changed, their brains fucked with…everything. I know how that feels.”

I don’t know what else to say except when your world is falling apart, along with your bodies, you just need to be creative, call your friends, and keep your wits. And your love.

~ End

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


My Chocolate Affair

And speaking of snacks and treats….

Of course Vampires LOVE chocolate and treats of all kind. We can’t have a lot of it, but when we do it HAS to be GOOD. I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD. And made with LOVE. I swear we can feel the love (you all can if you let yourself go).

So, where do I recommend you get CHOCOLATE? My Chocolate Affair – of course (love love love the name).

In 2005, Elizabeth and Jamie made their love affair with chocolate an obsession, they create their own chocolate confections and gift baskets for all to love. You can find their fine products in their retail store, website and boutiques in CA.

“Chocolate is no ordinary food. It is not something you can take or leave, something you like only moderately. You dont like chocolate. You dont even love chocolate. Chocolate is something you have an affair with.” — Geneen Roth, Feeding the Hungry Heart

  • Getting married? Planning a wedding? Maid of honor? My Chocolate Affair has wedding favors, bridal shower favors that fit any budget. Visit the My Chocolate affair website for sample favors, or call us at (916) 225-3773 and they can customize your favors.
  •  Six hours a day, five days a week a teacher devotes to your child. Give a gift of chocolate to show a small appreciation for all they do for you and your child.
  • Graduation time is here! Time for CHOCOLATE
  • They’ll also do custom orders for special events like parties, business functions, holidays, birthdays…you name it. Give them a call.


1 (916) 225-3773


Side note: A dear friend of mine passed away a few years ago leaving an adult cat that nobody else could take (or wanted to take). Elizabeth adopted the cat “Fox”, took her into her home, with her three girls, and loved that cat! Fox is doing great and I hear happy as any cat could ever be. I will always be grateful to Elizabeth and her family for taking Fox into their home.