Burning Question #14: The Pineapple Dilemma

1280

It is time for #14 of 50 Burning Questions. Happy Saturday. Now get ready for an emotional roller coaster.

Today I submit one of the most divisive burning questions in the history of the universe.

Traditional Italian vs Hawaiian. No this has nothing to do with soccer or volcanos. It has everything to do with PIZZA. 

 

mlvxT2C

Burning Question #14: Should Pineapple Be Allowed On Pizza?

 

3wPkZy7

I hope I haven’t caused any riots. Please, listen to Israel sing. It will make you feel happy, even a world where a simple pizza topping can tear families and friendships apart.

In the meantime please feel free to leave comments. Let me know what your favorite pizza toppings are, where you favorite pizza joint is, or anything else you need to say.

 

I’ll see you next Saturday for Burning Question #15.

Oh, and by the way you can get your pineapple coconut and Thai tea ice cream at Gunther’s in Sacramento, CA. They make their own ice cream. Loads of flavors. Gunther’s has been there since 1940 – they know what they’re doing. To make it even better Gunther’s is fairly close to the Old Sacramento City Cemetery AND the Sacramento Zoo so you can make a day of it. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #6: Fish Tails

s-l300

It is Saturday which means it is time for you to answer a BURNING QUESTION. It is TIME for ANSWERS.

Today’s rather fishy question is #6 of 50 Burning Questions to be featured RIGHT HERE on Vampiremaman.com. Keep checking back every single Saturday until we reach FIFTY.

54b7f80356bd588deefdd57c49fc552f

Do the POLL. Yes, you MUST answer the question. It is fast, easy, guilt free, and your information will not be sold unless I can get a lot of money for it.

And now for something to leave a bad taste in your mouth…

Mermaids live in the ocean. The upper half is human and the bottom half is fish. If you’re going to be biologically correct the bottom half would be, theoretically, more like a dolphin or whale tail, or maybe even a seal, because mermaids evolved from mammal humans (duh.) But you never know, it might have scales and be like a fish.

Humans have long been fascinated with mermaids. They have been pictured as seductive dames of the sea, and as nasty horrible creatures who’d rather bite and pull you under the sea than have a civil conversation with you. This includes both mermaids and merguys. They’re kind of like us, but they’re not really human. Or maybe they’re half human. Or maybe their DNA is 99.99% human. Or maybe their DNA is 99% salmon. Not really, but you never know. They could have evolved from Neanderthals for all we know, and as we all know everyone with blue/hazel/green/non-brown eyes has a little bit of Neanderthal in them. THAT is a scientific fact.

Or, and you never know, mermaids might be vampires who were driven into the sea by hordes of haters who just didn’t want to sit down and talk it out. For heaven sakes why can’t we all just all get along and be friends?

f448d6d023f36bf7183d898649ad36b7

Be my Neanderthal baby.

So that brings up some interesting questions, including today’s Burning Question.

Burning Question #6: If you eat a mermaid is it cannibalism?

 

No matter what your answer you’ll be shouting “Winner! Winner! Mermaid Dinner!”

Have fun everyone and don’t get too close to dark water, or dark eyed children with fish tails for that matter. You know how strange life in dark waters can be.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

il_340x270.762660675_s2y8

Burning Question #1

I want answers.

I have questions for the ages.

These questions are important.

Today I will ask the first of 50 BURNING QUESTIONS.

YOU will provide the answer. YES YOU. I’ve got a poll below. Don’t just say you like this post. Answer the poll question.

Please comment as well if you want. I encourage it.

BURNING QUESTION #1

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

This includes hotdogs, weenies, brats, and sausages served on buns or rolls where the top and the bottom of the said bun/roll are attached on one side. You know what I’m talking about.

 

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

What is your favorite trait in a politician? Or a Vampire? Hey, they’re not the same.

With all of the debates and crazy and totally insane political crap going on right now it is high time I do an official political poll. You may choose one or more answers and you may do the polls as many times as you want (to make sure it is fair and completely scientific.)

So…

 

What is your favorite trait in a politician?

 

 

What is your favorite trait in a Vampire?

 

 

If everybody running for President of the United States VANISHED today, who do you think should run? Who would you replace them with?

 

 

What do you like to eat?

 

I added the last one in case I have a party or have your over to watch a movie anytime soon.

All of the answers will be scientifically tabulated and sent to all of the major news organizations. Thank you for your time.

Vote today and vote often.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

A Vampire Muses on Passion, Mr. Grey, Food and Marriage

The teenager is using my computer, so I am using my husband’s. It is a lovely laptop with a 17 inch monitor. I have an old PC that is one heart beat away from death. It is maybe beyond death. It has Vista on it so it was dead before it even started to die. There is also an old Mac G5 on my daughter’s desk that once screamed with speed but now seems low and is not good friend with the Internet. So the child in on my Power Book Mac and I am on my husband’s lovely Dell laptop. I know for sure it is lovely because I gave it to him for his birthday and I was the one who figured out the specs etc, etc, etc.

The point of this is not computers. It is books and romance and writing. Some of you already know this, but my husband Teddy deals in antiques, antiquities and precious metals as a business. From time to time he leaves off bits of stuff on his desk. Not long ago in a box of odds and ends of gold and silver was a book. It was “The Last Man” by Zane Grey. Forget every single thing in Fifty Shades of… Zane is the man to go to for passion and romance. He is the one to go to for the agony of the heart. His mother had to have been a Bronte.

Zane Grey - Master American Story Teller

Zane Grey – Master American Story Teller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Despite the fact that it was published in 1922 it is HOT. And who said there was no romance back then. There was – especially in the great wild Western parts of the country (where I just happen to be from.)

 

The cover called to me so I had to open it up and read those words...

The cover called to me so I had to open it up and read those words…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I opened the book, just by random chance and came upon a paragraph that I was compelled to read.

“Again Ellen fell upon the soft pine-needle mat, face down, and she groveled and burrowed their, in an agony that could not bear the sense of light. All she had suffered was as nothing to this. To have awakened to a splendid and uplifting love for a man whom she had imagined she hatred, who had fought for her name and had killed in revenge for the dishonor she had avowed – to have lost his love and what was infinitely more precious to her not in her ignominy – his fault in her purity – this broke her heart.”

I had every intention of coming up to my husband’s computer to blog about food and the family dinner table, but Mr. Zane Grey swept me off of my feet. I’ll take Zane over Christian anytime. I’d even take Dorian Gray over the latest version.

Watch out honey, Dorian has a big ugly picture hidden away that you don't want to see!

Watch out honey, Dorian has a big ugly picture hidden away that you don’t want to see!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So back to food…

Vampires do not live on blood alone. OK we can, but we don’t.

We try to gather each night as a family, at the table. Sure the kids could ask to just grab a glass of blood and head up to their rooms, but we like the time as a family. My husband and I could just drink, but we like the time around a bit of food. Not too much just a bit.

We will gather around the table with a bit of rare meat sliced thin, maybe some seafood, hummus and thinly sliced vegetables, my own salsa, maybe some flat bread and goat cheese with fresh basil leaves or something small and light. Thick green Swiss chard and other vegetables are lightly sautéed in olive oil. Next to that is a plate of olives and cheese and some slices of fruit. It is just a bit, but enough to spark a conversation and talk about the day. As parents it is a opportunity to talk about school, and talk and talk and talk about school, both the academic and social aspects.

Tonight I was in the kitchen thumbing through one of Nigella’s books. I also like to check out Another Foodie Blogger (click here.) I make a lot of stuff. Today I cut a pork loin in butterfly fashion, pounded the jeebers out of it until it was thin and then rolled a lovely stuffing in it. That was tied with kitchen twine and put in the oven (where it still is 30 minutes later.) The stuffing was just fresh mozzarella cheese, a bit of spinach, a slice of bacon, fresh rosemary, garlic, onion and some more Italian type herbs plus any extra bits of pork that came off in the pounding. This was rolled up and then covered in a sauce I threw together of tequila, a bit of catsup, honey, dried onion flakes, a lot of herbs and spices and a splash of orange juice. And of course fresh rosemary from the yard. That was both inside and out. I know it will be good. Then I threw a couple of sweet potatoes (the orange kind) into the oven to bake (plain and whole.)

I wait for Teddy. He works 6 or more days a week because it is what he does. It is what most business owners do – they work. They work for money but there is something else that drives them. It is a passion and desire – not unlike a romance.

Some like to say that Vampires are bloodless and heartless, devoid of love and passion. That is so untrue. Even the most dead of our kind lives and breathes passion.

And speaking of sick and twisted passion (and my name isn’t Gray or Grey) I wrote a little story about pine needles and longing. CLICK HERE to read it.

My husband, the dad and the guy who works all the time is also a man of passion and romance. Right now he is downstairs with the teen discussing the latest airing of Bar Rescue with our daughter. Yes, folks you’ve come to the right place for high culture… anyway, my husband is a man of quiet romance and great passion. Unlike the men (be they Vampires, humans or other paranormal types) of movies and fiction he is here. There is no chase. There is no questioning motives. There is no mystery or inequality or hidden portraits of weird horrifying visages or any reason for me to have tears. He is just like that. And no, he never reads my blog so he won’t even see this.

But he brings home random old books, insists we sit together every single night and he loves me and his children. You can’t get more romantic than that – even if you are a Vampire (and a very handsome one at that.)

That’s it for tonight. xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

If you see one movie in 2015 then see this one (or read the book.) Read a lot of books.

If you see one movie in 2015 then see this one (or read the book.) Read a lot of books.

Tag Hash

taghash_ancient-rome

“It is called Tag Hash. You add stuff as you go, as in tagging it on to the end,” explained the ancient Vampire Tellias. “I learned to cook in Rome, when I was a much younger Vampire than I am today. Tiberius was emperor at the time. God, that was a strange time. Fun if you were on the top of the food chain like I was. They thought I was a demigod. Oh, I had my share of torrid adventures. Nothing I’d recommend either one of you try, but it was fun.”

Tellias pulled out a large cast iron skillet then rooted around his kitchen for various knives and bits of food. Vampires don’t eat a lot of regular food but we do, from time to time. One can’t live on blood alone.

With his white blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, wearing a red apron over a tuxedo shirt with a thousand little tucks and blue plaid pants he was quite the dashing cook. He looks all of 19 years old but Tellias is as ancient as modern civilization and much more civilized. My 15 year old daughter Clara and I were visiting and chatting and having a lovely time in large Victorian kitchen.

Tellias talked as he cooked. “We made Tag Hash back then too. I believe I’ve had this made with everything from chopped mouse to wolf to mussels. Once a group of superstitious soldiers even added the body parts of slain heroes. A bit of human heart or liver that made the soldiers feel special. It wasn’t very good, in fact it was horrible and a bit disturbing, but they thought they were stronger after eating it. Anyway, people used to do all sorts of nasty things. They still do. So, where was I? Tag Hash. Ingredients come and go with fashion but everyone likes to add bits and pieces together and think they have something special. Sort of like a romance – all bits and pieces.”

Tag Hash

He took a few mushrooms and chopped them up, then grated a carrot and a few squash he’d picked that morning. After that he added finely slivered onion and shallots to the mix and a bright red bell pepper. He chopped a small mountain of spinach and Swiss chard together. Throwing in a bit of thyme, salt and pepper he mixed everything in a bowl with a hand full of chopped oysters, some raw steak thinly sliced steak and a slash of white wine.

Next he took out some thick smoky bacon and cut about 8 pieces into small bits and threw them in the cast iron skillet to fry. He said he never cooked the pieces whole. It was easier this way and much more fun.

Throwing a bit of olive oil and a hint of grape seed oil in the pan he added the chopped ingredients and flattened them out.

“One must wait a bit to make sure everything browns.” He said with a sly smile, and then flipped the crispy hash over. Then he cracked a few eggs on the top and left them to cook.

When it was brown on both sides and the whites of the eggs had cooked, he moved it to three plates and we proceeded to the table. He sprinkled a bit of chopped tomato and green onion on top for color and a little zest. The vegetables were tasty, the oysters were done to perfection and the steak was rare.

The dish was served with Bloody Marys (made with real blood of course), and Clara had some spiced Poet’s Blood.

It is a dish that is served different every time because it is Tag Hash – just tag things onto it until you get it like you want.

“I like to fix this around Halloween.” continued Tellias. “I add pumpkin and winter squash with a bit of sweet potato. It adds a delicate sweetness without processed sugar. If I was a Witch I’d add small children, monkey balls and bat eyes, but I’m not a Witch. Luckily none of us are Witches or Warlocks. You have to watch out for them. Always question what they’re cooking, or better yet don’t dine with them at all.”

Long long ago his wife had been involved with a couple of Warlocks so Tellias never trusted any kind of Witch. Come to think of it none of us really trust them or like to spend much time with them. They’re as creepy as Ghosts as far as I’m concerned and far weirder and one can never trust a Witch. Never.

I wouldn't recommend eating ANYTHING a witch serves you. Just smile and say you have a stomach flu or better yet, run away.

I wouldn’t recommend eating ANYTHING a witch serves you. Just smile and say you have a stomach flu or better yet, run away.

We didn’t have any left over Tag Hash but we had some left over hash tags: #taghash, #hashtag, #vampirecooks, #vampiremaman, #modernvampires, #Tellias, #ancientvampires. I’m not sure what to do with them but we’ll figure it out before they go bad.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman