Vampire Diary: The Twilight Zone of Love

Dear Diary,

Today I started to write my memoirs. I feel the weight of the damned upon my shoulders.

The cats are screaming. I must feed them. They refuse to catch their own food. I will start feeding them salad greens to inspire them to channel into their carnivore souls.

~ Vlad

 

I am her cat.

 

Dear Diary,

The cats are not happy with me.

~ Vlad

 

Grumpy-Cat-NO-1

Dear Diary,

Three hundred years of sleep has put me at a disadvantage. I wake and the world is an alien planet. Yes, I, Vlad the Vampire King, know what Science Fiction is. I make a comparison, only the world in which I have awakened is not fiction.

I’ve read the stories of Philip K. Dick, Ursula K. Le Guin, and H. G. Wells. Their worlds are hardly less fantastic than what I see before me each and every single day. Yet, their writing is bold and fearless. I shall read more. I shall seek out more of what they call SciFi.

My old Vampire friend Thomas Kent came by the other night. We consumed many bottles of blood and many of wine, as we binge watched X Files episodes. I could fall in love with Scully. She would make a fine Vampire.

Thomas said we would next binge watch Breaking Bad. I understand it is about alchemist teacher and those who are against his art.

Later Thomas and I went out for fresh blood. I looked around every corner for The Smoking Man.

~ Vlad

The-X-Files

 

Dear Diary,

Today Thomas introduced me to something called Twilight Zone. I might never leave my house again.

He said that next week he will introduce me to something called Golden Girls. He said it will change me on so many levels. I have no idea what he means by that. I shall wait until next week.

~ Vlad

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Dear Diary,

I have been thinking much about allegorical concepts and metaphors of stories that are so much part of modern culture. A wolf is no longer enough to scare someone. Religion does not bring fear into the hearts of the parishioners. It is stories of modern morality, greed, sex, and vanity told in straight forward ways that aren’t about royalty or gods. The stories are of the common man, both grim yet highly entertaining. There is a man called Stephen King who writes of such things in terms of good and evil with descriptions that would make even a Vampire take note. He is the master. There are others as well. But forget the horror, I have discovered women who write of romance in ways that make me almost numb not knowing what to think. The men on the covers tend to look a lot like me. How did they know? I am the man all women desire yet after reading these novels I wonder… I wonder a lot of things. I wonder if a woman called Nora Roberts would write a book about me. My image does not have to be on the cover. I’d prefer she just write about me, in

Modern women are like more like men in some ways, yet they are even more mysterious than they ever were. They are more beautiful and full of desire than women of the past. They are…they are…my dark soul is moved to say that they are wonderful.

But I speak too much about my food. I find while my body can be with many, my heart and mind are only with my Gillian.

~ Vlad

 

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Dear Diary,

Thomas told me that the actress who plays the role of Scully is name Gillian. If my heart could beat fast it would.

~ Vlad

 

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Dear Diary,

Gillian and I went out tonight, as we often do, because we’re Vampires. It should have been a normal night. By that I mean the kind of night that people have gone out in for hundreds, if not thousands of years. We went to a club, we drank wine, we listened to music, and we even danced. Then we had our fill of blood from new found friends.

As we walked through a dark alley, arm in arm, warm blood in our veins, love in our barely beating hearts and headed towards my car. Then I heard voices. Gillian heard them too. We stopped. She glanced at me and squeezed my arm. I took her hand.

“That’s them, the cute blonde guy and the beautiful ginger.”

“The Vlad the Vampire King?”

“They look like they’re off the cover of a bodice ripper romance. Don’t let that fool you.”

“Let’s make this happen. Jay, take the woman with the net. I don’t want her dead. Not yet. Carl, take the watch. The rest of you guys, stay with me. We’ll get Vlad.”

Gillian and I turned around. There were seven of them.

Vampire Hunters.

“I wish I’d worn flats,” Gillian hissed under her breath.

Before us stood six men and one woman. They were all dressed in black. They all carried weapons of some sort.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“The accent. Listen to his accent. He has the Lugosi accent,” said one of them.

“What an asshole,” said Gillian. “Let’s do this Vlad.”

She was right. I’d take no more insults from these idiots.

As they rushed us I held out my hand. “You are tired. Your eyes are weighted with molten silver. Your feet are like stones. You want to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.”

Gillian sang softly. “Sleep, my loves, sleep in the dreams of your childhood. Sleep my kittens. Sleep.”

Then they fell to the ground. They were not good at what they do. Gillian and I looked down on them in disgust.

Then she started to dig in her purse.

“What are you looking for Gillian?”

“A Sharpie.”

“Do you wish to stab them? Their own pathetic lives are enough punishment for these characters.”

“No, not that kind of sharpie. A pen.”

And out of her purse she pulled a black pen. “Indelliable ink. It won’t come off for at least a week, unless of course they scrub their skin off.”

Then she proceeded to write the word LOSER on their foreheads and colored their noses black. She colored the woman’s lips black. On the men she drew funny beards and mustaches. Aside from when we make love I’ve never seen Gillian so happy.

When she was done we left and went back to her house.

In the old days I would have killed them. Now we do something worse. We make them look ridiculous.

I opened my eyes as she slept with her cold pale arms and legs wrapped around me, her auburn hair over my chest. We did indeed look like the cover of a romance novel. Maybe that isn’t a bad thing.

As for the Vampire Hunters… I don’t know. I don’t care. They are fools and will never be as glorious as the Vampires they seek.

~ Vlad

night walk

 

Dear Diary,

When one lives in a world that is in the shadows of both the real and the unreal it can be confusing, but then again it can be rewarding.

My mind goes back to times when we’d see dragons flying overhead as they migrated to their winter homes. There was a time when most everything in our homes, including the computer I write upon would be considered magic.

Then I see Gillian and I feel a different kind of magic.

I do not always understand it, this thing called love. There were centuries when I never felt it or missed it. There were centuries when I didn’t care. Love was no concern of mine. Then a woman who would draw funny beards on Vampire Hunters entered my existence. She was every bit as cold as I am, and it, what is the word they use? It clicked.

I must feed the cats. Tonight to celebrate they get tuna. From a can. As Vampire King I must make my subjects happy. HA HA HA. See I made a joke.

~ Vlad

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Having Guests for Dinner? Thanksgiving Day Movies with a Bite!

Who are you having for dinner this Thanksgiving? That’s right WHO are YOU having for DINNER? Make your list and after the Macy’s Parade and Football and Turkey comes MOVIES!

Even Vampires like those feel good holiday movies! The traditional Thanksgiving movies around here have been Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (plenty of evil characters in that one so we can all cheer for Truly) and of course Sound of Music, My Fair Lady and just about anything we can all sing along to and know by heart. I also love Local Hero, which is just about my favorite movie. Then there is that long list of favorite romantic comedies that we can watch over and over again. But sometimes it just gets old. I mean, we’ve seen these movies 1,000 times.

And it is THANKSGIVING. So since we’re having guests for dinner, why not watch movies about having guests for dinner?

The list below are my suggestions to new traditions in Thanksgiving movies. Feel free to leave your own suggestions too!

To Serve Man – Twilight Zone (1962)

Odd but friendly aliens land on Earth claiming that they only want “to serve man.”  That sounds great to the thousands of people who decide to go away with the aliens with the promise of adventure and wonder. Only the book called “To Serve Man” isn’t what they think. This is so much fun! You HAVE to check it out. One of the best Twilight Zones ever and in wonderful black and white!

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X Files “Home”

From Season 4 – this one will give you nightmares (even if you’re a Vampire or Werewolf.) It is creepy and disturbing and about as awful as it gets, but hey, what could be better to have the family hugging each other on the couch! You MUST see this one! I’m not giving anything away. No spoilers here.

Of course for kicks and grins there is “Bad Blood” from season 5 – an amusing Vampire story that won’t disturb anyone.

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Eating Raoul (1982)

In this black comedy Paul and Mary, a stuffy couple with quite a few misadventures and an odd way of looking at life, decide to have their friend Raoul for dinner. This charming movie is so funny and unexpected. Get out the good wine and the pumpkin pie and sit down for a lot of silly fun.

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World War Z (2013)

Brad Pitt and Zombies. That pretty much says it all. I loved this movie. I also loved the book. And don’t forget to turn on the surround sound on this one! Max Brooks was truly brilliant when he wrote this one.

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Alive (1992)

A plane crash in the Andes. A group of young soccer players stranded without food…except for all those bodies… Based on a true story. This really is a good movie and kind of inspirational. Not blood and guts. It is more about survival and teamwork and friendship.

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The Donner Party (PBS) – American Experience

Everybody loves the Donner Party especially if you live in Sacramento. The Donners and their sad story is in our blood. In the winter of 1846 the ill fated Donner party. So what happens when a bunch of friends (not really) get stranded in the mountains all winter? No need for Vampires to make this story scary. Believe me, this was no party. I’m glad my parents took a ship to California. Mind you there were NO roads there back then (there is now a 4 lane highway and snowplows) and no way to get off the mountain. So after they ran out of food and ate their dogs, a few members of the party started to eat their dead friends. There is some speculation that there was more than one murder involved. And not everyone ate the dead. Plus we have to give credit to those who DID survive and kept their children alive through it all. It is a story that we just can’t stop talking about!

They agreed that having Dave for dinner was a great idea.

They agreed that having Dave for dinner was a great idea.

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So have fun this Thanksgiving and try something new. You never know how Grandma will react and maybe for once weird Uncle Pudd will get to see something he likes!

And feel free to add your own movie suggestions!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman