Modern Vampire Teens, just like other teens, have their own revolving terms describing other teens, especially the weird ones. In order to stay safe and protect your teen’s reputation, talk to him/her/them about the following “types”.
Random Sucker
Hit and run hunter who takes quick bites at dances, sporting events, parties and even during break between classes.
This is just rude and TACKY. Don’t do it or you’ll get a bad reputation. Nobody likes an out of control teen Vampire (compare it to excessive masturbation or binge eating).
Blood Bitch
A regular human girl, usually one who is slutty or with low esteem, that Vampire boys will hook up with and keep around at his beck and call, with the sole purpose of sucking her blood.
What can I say about this one? Sit your Vampire boy down and read him the rules. No girl, even if she is a slut, deserves to be used. We must at all times teach our teens to respect their blood sources and treat them with dignity. That is part of being a self-respecting modern 21st Century Vampire.
Creeper Vamp
A Vampire who becomes obsessed with everything regular-human. These teens are found lurking around humans and often pick out a group to stalk. Girl Vampires often will pick a popular human boy and follow him night and day. Creeper Vamps also tend to do the black clothes and pale face thing (we’re so over that so please don’t do it is you have any self respect).
Don’t do it. Not only is it rude and TACKY, it is dangerous and immature.
Zompires
Vampire teens who are obsessed with Zombies and death to the point they think they might truly be undead.
Most are fearful and clinically depressed. Please, if you spot any Vampire teens in this state of mind PLEASE get them help immediately. This is not normal, not common and not natural.
Dead Zoner
A Vampire teen that has unhealthy romantic ideas about the dead. This includes the desire to attend funerals, hang out at hospitals and roam cemeteries at night. This includes the desire to sleep in a coffin.
Harold and Maude is a cute movie but you don’t want your kids using it as a role model. Monitor their popular reading and talk to your kids. Living in La La land is ok for regular human teens – and we hope they’ll grow out of it. Living in La La land for Vampires is dangerous, plus it just makes you look like an ignorant fool (the last thing any self respecting Vampire teen needs).
Wolfer
A vampire teen that excessively bad talks other non-regular humans, especially Werewolf teens.
We all know that Werewolf teens have a rough go of it. While it is not up to Vampire Teens to be their friends, it IS up to Vampire Teens to stick up for and protect Werewolf teens both physically and socially when necessary. It’s just the right thing to do.
Vampire Maman 