Vampire 101 – Blood Stains

There is a reason why a lot of vampires wear black…STAINS.

A few months ago my niece Lauren came home from college with happy stories of loving school and new friends. My brother Aaron, Lauren’s father, took her aside and said “honey, you have blood on your shirt.” It was just a few small spots but Lauren’s face turned red, or as read as a vampire can get, with embarrassment.

She’d been at a party, there was a boy. Aaron said he knew it was a boy before Lauren even spoke – he could smell it. The boy, with the name of Mason, was handsome and smart. He was the guy all the girls were drooling over. Lauren already knew him from classes and mutual friends, but they flirted and she was feeling the old vampire urges, so she kicked in the paranormal and took him aside for an hour or two. In the exchange she ended up with blood on her clothing.

Actually, it was more than just flirting. It was more than just kissing. After tears she told her parents she’d had sex with Mason and given him the hickey of a lifetime. Her parents asked if she’d been careful and assured her that there was nothing to be ashamed of. She was responsible, she did not harm her prey, was with people she trusted and she used protection. Plus she was 19 years old, almost 20, doing what responsible adult vampires do.

There are going to be stains, but in the meantime tell your young adults to plan ahead. Wear dark colors or patterns. The plaids that are popular now are perfect when you know you’ll be getting blood.

A good item to give your college bound kid (or yourself) is a laundry stain pen. Most major brands make them and they can be found in any grocery story. These handy little stain removers can easily be kept in a backpack, purse, pocket or binder.

But if you DO get a stain follow these follow these steps:

To remove blood stains from washable fabrics.

  • Spray with a stain solution such as Simple Green or any laundry pre-treatment and wash immediately in cold water.
  • Check before you put the shirt (or other whatever is stained) in the dryer. You don’t want to set a stain in that you can still remove.
  • If any stain remains, I usually soak the hell out of it overnight with OxyClean or Goof Off spray. If you don’t want to do that then soak it in a solution of 1 quart warm water, 1­/2 teaspoon dishwashing or liquid laundry detergent, and 1 tablespoon ammonia for 15 minutes.
  • For excess solid or caked-on stains, scrape off what you can, scrub gently with a soft brush or clean sponge, blotting occasionally until the stain is gone.

To remove blood stains from leather or suede:

  • Mix a solution of mild soap in lukewarm water. Dish soap works well. You want a lot of suds.
  • Apply only the foam with a sponge and gently rub the stained area, taking care not to spread the stain. Q-tips work great for this.
  • Wipe dry with a clean soft cloth. If all else fails take it in to get it professionally cleaned.


It may seem romantic and daring to the younger vampires to use silver goblets to drink blood from but DON’T DO IT. Not only is it hard to clean but it is TACKY. But what if your college aged child gets carried away with the moment. Wash right after use. Dried blood will cause some nasty tarnish. Better yet, tell your kids NOT to use silver with blood – especially not YOUR silver. If the stains are difficult get out the polish and elbow grease and MAKE YOUR KID DO THE WORK and polish those stains out.

Previous articles: We’ll discuss how to resist the urge and be a politically correct vampire. As a rule we are polite and civil to a fault but some so-called vegan vampires are going too far.

~ Juliette




  1. indeed, emotional vripmaes. I have seen my share. Funny that it is becoming common place, since I had heard it as a satanic phrase…lol… not that I am a satanist (thought i should clarify!). I have a copy of the devils dictionary, and Anton LaVey is mentioned for making the term up (even though he wrote his saanic bible well after the phrase was used in multiple other areas like wicca). I like the dictionary though, it is quite funny.

    1. Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce? Brilliant piece of satirical work. Check out his short stories too. I put him up there with the top American writers. I’ve been hearing the term emotional vampire for years. Honestly I couldn’t give one person credit for it – I think every woman (and man) I know has dated or befriended one and used that term. Thanks for the comment and thanks for visiting Vampire Maman.

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