I was out before the sun came up walking the dog. It was cold and foggy and beautiful. My mind is on good cheer, family, friends and a wonderful glowing sense of contentment. That didn’t last for long. Of course it was that damn ghost.
I suddenly was walking along side of me looking me up and down like I was a prime rib.
“Look at you all decked out in black like a perfect little Vampire,” he said with a slight snarl.
“My jeans are blue asshole,” I snarled back.
He was wearing a green tweed coat with a great red scarf. I have no idea why because ghosts don’t get cold. I could see his girlfriend (another ghost) dancing on the trail ahead of us wearing a red elf dress trimmed in red fur complete with a Santa cap and high black fur trimmed boots, and gloves.
The ghost walked backwards in front of me. “You’ve been a very bad girl Juliette. I can smell the blood of last night’s hunt on your breath. How does it feel to be a thief who steals from the bodies of others?”
The night before I did spend some time with a few blood donors – a couple of hip young men who owned their own successful graphic design and web business. I got what I needed and they’ll feel happy and content for the next two weeks.
“It’s a win-win situation ghost. Don’t get on your high horse and rat on me.”
“You’re so undead.”
“I’m very much alive. You are the one who is dead. What horrible thing did you do to be a ghost?”
“I was murdered. So was she.” He motioned to the ghostly girl 40 feet ahead of us who was singing Christmas songs.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” I wanted to tell him that I bet he deserved it, but I doubted that. Being a ghost makes one quite bitter, but still, there is no excuse for his rudeness.
“What are you doing for Christmas?” I asked knowing that ghosts never answer questions like that.
“Do me a favor Juliette.” He looked at me with harsh judging eyes. “Don’t do any hunting on Christmas.”
“Of course not.” I said, wishing my dog would growl or bark or do something. No she likes the ghost. All dogs like ghosts. Go figure.
“I have another thing to say.” He looked at me again but this time with a more gentle expression. “I would have thought that Vampires would be horrible parents. You know, the kind that spawn their kids then send them off flying like little bats. That or you’d bring them human babies to chew on and keep them in dark basements teaching them blood lust and how to bring terror to the world. I’ll have to admit that I was wrong on every point. You might be a Vampire but you’re a damn good mother. Your kids are great. You should be proud, not just of your offspring but of yourself. I wish I’d had a mother like you.”
“I am proud of my children. I take parenting seriously.” I have to admit I was profoundly touched by his words.
“You even write a blog about your parenting thoughts.” He said with a twinkle in his eye.
“That too.” I said surprised he knew.
“It’s a stupid blog.” He put his head back and laughed about his insult. I wondered that he might be right.
“Go away.” I said to the ghost.
“Merry Christmas Vampire Mom.”
“Merry Christmas Ghost.”
And then he and his elf girl ghost vanished into the fog as the sun came over the hills in the distance.
Merry Christmas to all,
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman