This is a comment from a teen (Anonymous) who saw my post the other day that mentioned the term “Emo”.
“So from what I would say the majority of people my age (teenagers) think “emo” is, is a person who self harms and is depressed all the time and wears a lot of black. Now if I meet someone who is like that I think nothing of it and don’t judge them at all and think of them as normal humans on the other hand the majority of teenagers don’t think that way, they think of them as attention whores freaks, faggs, or people who should just end there lives already. It truly is horrible and I hate that label and what it has turned into. And let me tell you being called an emo freak does hurt my friends and I would know from experience. So many people though are so ignorant….they never stop and think “hey will I be hurting someone by saying this?”. I hope things can change and people can start thinking differently. I know for sure when I have kids one day I am going to raise them to except all people unless given a reason not to and give everybody a chance before judging them and deciding weather you like them or not.”
I have no idea who this person is but I want say THANK YOU for being brave enough come out and speak about self harm and depression and misconceptions about who is involved. All types of kids are involved – not just Emo or kids considered “different”. I should have added that information into my post.
Self harm is there. I’ve seen the photos my daughter has shown me. I’ve seen the scars on kids in real life. I’ve heard the stories. I’ve worried about kids I know.
Depression is unseen or unrecognized in teens – that is by most adults. Watch for it. Talk to your teens. Get them the help they need. Go out of your comfort zone. Way out of your comfort zone to help.
Also make sure you recognize teens who STAND UP for their friends and don’t judge others. Admire them for their brains, good hearts and courage.
Thank you to Anonymous – the teen who wrote the comment above. I wasn’t brave enough or wise enough when I made the post the other day.
Below is the original post:
My kids don’t care if you hate their music for no reason. They DO care if you hate people for no reason.
This post is in honor and memory of everyone who has every celebrated the wonders of creativity, being different, being yourself and finding joy in those who are different. And sticking to what you believe is right and standing up for those who need someone to stand up for them.
What is it about young people that they are so quick to judge and call names? And no offense, but I’ve seen this is especially strong among Middle School boys (girls too but they tend to do it behind backs in a nasty back stabbing sort of way). Why are they so threatened about someone who doesn’t share their taste in clothing or music? Why are they so quick to call another kid (their words not mine) a fag or lesbo? They do it right out in the open with no shame. Kids are hurt. Other kids tell them to stop it but they keep it up.
My daughter (age 13, 8th grade) recently told me about a very sad event – Mitch Luker the lead singer of the band Suicide Silence was killed in a motorcycle accident. He was a young father as well, leaving behind a daughter he adored. Immediately the hate posts started to go up calling him and Emo Queer and all sorts of ugly names and saying he deserved what he got. It was so hateful and there was absolutely no reason for it. Of course there were many more kind memorials but the haters shocked even me. But the haters “normal” teens, not a bunch of back woods inbred Jeds. It was horrible.
My kids don’t listen to a lot of Suicide Silence but some of their friends do. They all follow the bands and closely follow the music industry. They talked about it. They were sad abut what happened to Mitch Luker, but they were horrified about mean spirited reaction on social media from teen haters making a sad event into an opportunity to hate.
Today my daughter told me kids were calling Panic at the Disco members a bunch of “Emo Freaks” or “Emo Fags”. Really? I’m an adult and I think they ‘re creative and different and I’m glad my kids listen to them instead of all the mindless soul-less crap on the radio. I would LOVE to go to one of their concerts.
But why do people HATE anyone who is creative and different in an artistic way? I just don’t get it and I’ve been around a long long time.
Emo is the last thing I’d think of with this band but tell me…what is wrong with Emo kids? My kids are not Emo, but they know kids who are and the Emo kids are fine. They don’t threaten anyone. They aren’t the ruin of the modern world. Ths same goes for gay kids. Why the attacks there? Why does it bother them? Just like fat kids, slow kids, kids with a different religion or sexual preference, odd-looking kids, shy kids, or any other different kid of kids aren’t going to hurt anyone. In fact those kids have A LOT to contribute – far more than the haters do.
HATERS contribute NOTHING to the world. Absolutely NOTHING.
Sure there are bands I don’t like but (as an adult) I’m not going to spray paint my friends BMW’s with the words “Neil Young SUCKS” or some other stupid thing. I just let them listen to their own music and I listen to mine. It doesn’t make them a hippy freak. It doesn’t make me an idiot. It just makes us people who like different kinds of music.
AND THAT is what we need to teach our children. IT IS OK TO LIKE DIFFERENT THINGS. But it is NOT OK to HATE people just because they have different likes, tastes, lifestyles or hairstyles.
It is OK to despise bullies, meanies, haters, gossips and immature turds. It is OK to stand up for friends who are different. It is ok to be friends with someone who is different.
After so many centuries you’d think that humans would finally “get it”. But they don’t and they don’t teach their children to “get it” either.
Darwin was wrong – it isn’t the survival of the fittest but the survival of the meanest. And that needs to stop NOW.
Luckily my son Garrett (age 16) and his best friends Randy and Zoe are Vampires. They don’t take crap from anyone. As extremely popular and successful high school students they’ll walk up to bullies and haters and say “Cut it out NOW” and the bullies and haters WILL cut it out. But not everyone is a Vampire, and not all schools have Vampire teens there to stand up for them.
Unfortunately all kids don’t feel comfortable standing up for what they believe is right, but they should. This is one case where no matter what – doing the right thing is ALWAYS the right thing.
This isn’t about music or lifestyle or personal preferences – it is about acceptance of things that are different and people who are different. It is about what makes life worth living – and that is creativity and the freedom of personal expression, and accepting the personal freedoms of others.
On a good note, I see a lot of kids standing up for what is right. I see them showing sensitivity, not blindly, but as smart and informed young adults. I see them standing up for “doing the right thing.” There is hope in this young generation. It is our job as adults to support them.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
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A Note from Wikipedia:
By 2011, Suicide Silence began preparing their third full-length album in Big Bear, California with Steve Evetts as the selected producer.[28][29] During March, the group performed at California’s Metalfest, and a week later, Nevada’s Extreme Thing festivals,[30] at both of these performances, the band confirmed that the new album would be titled The Black Crown.[31] Working titles for the album were “Cancerous Skies”, “Human Violence” and “Fuck Everything”.[32] When asked by Kerrang!, Lucker revealed that the album’s lyrical themes would feature more of the personal topics that No Time to Bleed had in-concept rather than the anti-religious theme that The Cleansing held. Lucker explained “I still have the same beliefs and same views, but I’m more open to everything. At this point in my life, I don’t see the good in making people hate you for something you say. This record [The Black Crown] is for everybody.”[31] The song “Human Violence” premiered on radio station Liquid Metal on May 13, 2011.[33] The Black Crown was released on July 12, 2011 and sold over 14,400 copies in the United States alone during its first week of release, which had it debuting at position number 28 on the Billboard 200 chart.[8][34]
On November 1, 2012, it was announced by Orange County Coroners Office that Mitch Lucker had died from injuries incurred from a motorcycle accident. The coroner’s office said Lucker was “pronounced dead at 6:17 a.m. Thursday at UCI Medical Center in Orange County”. One report stated that Lucker crashed his motorcycle shortly after 21:00 on October 31.[36][37][38]
An official status was also posted on the band’s Facebook page. It said:
“There’s no easy way to say this. Mitch passed away earlier this morning from injuries sustained during a motorcycle accident. This is completely devastating to all of us and we offer our deepest condolences to his family. He will be forever in our hearts. R.I.P. Mitchell Adam Lucker – We Love You Brother.”
On December 21st, 2012, a memorial show to benefit Kenadee Lucker’s future education costs was held at the Fox Theatre in Pomona, CA. The show was titled “Ending is the Beginning: Mitch Lucker Memorial Show”[39] as a reference to both an early song from the band[40] as well as acknowledging the transitional period for the band following Mitch’s death. The show itself featured the members of Suicide Silence performing songs from each of the bands releases with a different guest vocalist performing with the band for each song.[41] In addition to the memorial show, the band started the Kenadee Lucker Education Fund and continues to promote donations towards Mitch’s daughter.
Go to Suicidesilence.net for more information on the college fund for Kenadee Lucker.
- Mitch Luker and daughter
Vampire Maman 
I focus on healthy eating for kids and their families – and was struck with the thought (while reading your post) that over-eating is form of self harm and perhaps poor self esteem too. Emotional eating is a big factor in unhealthy weight gains. Mood is big part of what I have to say and how i say it! Thanks for the post.
You’re right about food. A friend of mine used to be almost 200 pounds overweight. She said “Food never tells me I’m stupid or a bitch. Food is always there for me.” It was really sad. Thanks for your comment.
J, When I got your response to my question about “emo” I somehow realized that it wasn’t you replying, but was very much impressed with the compassion, wisdon, and courage of whomever that was doing the writing. At one point I wondered if it might have been your daughter or son. Whoever this person is, they definitely have my attention, and thanks for the very informative reply. This is the kind of leadership we need in society today.
Paul
Thank you Paul for reposting this. It means a lot. I never remember anything like this when I was young so this has been a real shock over the past few years and even more so now that I’m around older kids all the time.
J,
I’ve had a lot of really positive responses to the post.
Makes me glad I asked the question.
Paul
So sad how some young people can feel so marginalised and disenfranchised so as to self harm. We need more teenagers to speak out and let others in to this tragedy, if we are to know how to help.
It is so sad and something I see more and more of, even in “normal kids” from “good families”. You’re right in that it will take other teens to help stop it – one kid at a time.
Very good post however sad but true. God Bless!
Thank you Beverley.
I certainly remember the nightmare of my teen years. I didn’t bother to wear makeup or fix up my hair in fashionable ways because I sensed it would make no difference. Once you’re labeled as different, efforts to fit in seem like further ammunition. I went about my business, ignored threats to beat me up (never did get beaten up! Only threatened.), and planned a way to get out of my hometown as soon as possible.
Kids can be great and cruel. Like adults. I try to teach my son to accept difference. Once I was trying to help my son remember someone he’d known when he was little (3-5), and I said, “You remember her. She was in the wheelchair.” And my son looked at me puzzled and said, “Mom, that’s not noteworthy.” He was like, so what if she was in a wheelchair? What’s that got to do with anything? He finally remembered who I was talking about, but not for that. I hope that means he doesn’t find things like that something to comment on or react to.
We also watch shows like Oddities and note how maybe it is a bit off the beaten path to be a sideshow performer, but how fun, nice, and interesting the people are. I want him to see there are many ways to live, and everyone is entitled to their choices as long as they don’t hurt others.
What a wonderful man your son will grow up to be.
I wondered about some of the bullies I’ve known over the years and none of the amounted to anything – but it is so difficult to make kids see that. The kids who were bullied ended up being tough and savvy and successful because they knew how to handle situations. But the pain still lingers for years. What is it about people that makes them so mean? The bullies were so emotionally bankrupt that they ended up as total failures.
BTW – We love Oddities too! I’ve always been attracted to, unusual things.
I kind of suspect that one reason my mother-in-law changed her Christmas tradition of hanging with us was because last Christmas Eve my son and I watched an Oddities marathon. Unusual things are not her cup of tea. But oh well.