In three days we’ll be done with Middle School so now is the time to really think about teens. Summer is here and fall will be here in no time with all sorts of challenges. So we’re getting back to parenting basics.
Between the teens, work, my husband, watching the elders and everything else…there are times when I really wonder about this blog. Not just the blog but a lot of things, but I guess it all comes down to just going and going and going and not even thinking about stopping anything. Weird how things work out like that.
So I was talking to my friend Kelly who said something interesting about parenting. She said, and I quote “My parents were nice people. They trusted everyone. Doctors and other professionals could do no wrong because of their social standing and levels of education. Authority was never questioned. Consequently they ended up with some extremely angry and untrusting adult children. I mean, we’re all fine, but we’re so angry.”
There is a lot more to that story but you have to think of the consequences of your actions while you have kids in the house will have on your children when they are grown.
I’ve tried not to parent by accident. I think of things like how to make sure the kids are individuals and unique but not bully bait. OK I used to think about that until I found they made friends naturally and were far more outgoing than most kids, and a little more in tune with the “big picture”. As you all know, I’ve never been one to over baby or encourage my kids to be over sensitive. They’re happy, funny and outgoing and yes, they’re sensitive but in a healthy way. It is good to be sensitive in a strong way.
My daughter said she has had it with sensitive boys who cry – the kind who would get eaten by squirrels if they were left alone in the backyard for five minutes. Seriously. The girl will break hearts. She is no-nonsense (maybe not always a good thing.) Our son writes love letters to every girl he has ever met but he won’t be eaten by squirrels. Your teen should be able to be expressive and loving and giving and sensitive – but please not so much that small woodland creatures will eat them alive. And not so much that other people will eat them alive.
And to get to the heart of the matter (and this blog POV) is that the same applies for Regular Humans, Vampires and Werewolf teens. They’re all just kids trying to make their way and they need our support and love and someone to talk to and go to for guidance.
And it isn’t all happy dance and perfection – there have been all sorts of stupid things we’ve (my husband and I) have had to deal with, but that is what we do. We deal with it. No sitting around uncomfortable wondering “how” to deal with it. We just deal with it with logic and sometimes we even raise our voices (yes we have.)
Yes, we have to deal with the 24/7 zombie like attraction to the smart phone. We have to deal with the selective hearing. We have to deal with music that might not all be good. We have to deal with clothing choices that we might not be 100% in agreement with. We still have to say “go to bed” and “GET UP NOW” in the mornings. We still have to say things like “don’t put your guitar in the middle of the hall or someone will trip over it and fall down the stairs.”
But at the end of the day our kids talk to us. They talk with us. They tell us what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with and what they think about it. We trust them and they respect us for it. Sure they’ll have their secrets but we aren’t going to pry unless we think they’re in danger.
Our kids still hugs us and hang all over us – and they’re teens. Wow. Teens. Don’t knock them unless you live with one. You never are too old or too cool for hugs or holding hands with…gasp…one of your parents.
I’m not saying our way of doing things would work for every kid or every family but it works for us.
So anyway, decide what works for you, your family and what doesn’t work and seriously think about it. Talk about it. Think about it. Seriously – because parenting is serious business.
Now, I’ll climb off my soapbox and wish everyone a great week.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Vampire Maman 
It is always such a difficult balance, but I think if they learn to be emotionally competent ~ not afraid of their own emotions or the emotions of others, they will be fine ~ able to confront authority wisely, able to think and feel for themselves, not afraid of anger and the power it gives us to make changes, and able to express passion without fear.
It can be a painful learning process – a path we all have to take and find our own balance.
Uh oh, now the secret’s out that squirrels eat oversensitive boys. There goes our reputation!
I have to admit – as soon as I wrote “eaten my squirrels” I thought about you.
Squirrel bait – what a great image!
I remember some time ago I was watching some interviews with guys on “the new sensitive male,” and the question came up of whether it’s ok for a guy to cry. One of the people interviewed was a crusty old farmer, in overalls with stuff on his boots who said, “Hell no! Only time a man’s got a right to cry is when something really bad happens, like he looses some kin or a good dog.” I’ve never forgotten his point about what’s bad and then what’s *really* bad.
Thank you for the story. Wise old farmer.
My husband is the one who came up with the “eaten by Squirrels” bit a couple of years ago. We’re still using it (and laughing about it).