You raise them
To be independent
To fly
To think
To discover
To be curious
To be amazing
To be smart
To listen
To show compassion
To be fierce
To be heard
And when they fly
You know
They’ll fly high
And that your nest
Was a success.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Oscar, pre-scar days.
I was out early this morning getting something out of my car. OK, I was looking for my purse. I thought I left it in my car last night. I didn’t. While I was outside I heard the sound of an angry cat. You know that snarling, growling, hit pitched sound from Hell that cats project when they’re really pissed off and ready for a fight.
It wasn’t one of my cats. At least it didn’t sound like either one of them. I decided to walk down the street to the mail boxes and find out where the gosh awful noise was coming from.
My cat Oscar, my sweet baby boy was standing in the front yard of my neighbor Josh. Josh lives alone. He rides his bicycle when it is 120 degrees F outside. Everybody likes Josh, but I don’t think he has a cat.
On the front porch (a favorite place of the neighborhood wild turkeys) was the largest calico cat I have ever seen. Her head was the size of a honeydew mellon. She was screaming at Oscar.
Oscar sat there and meowed with a confused little voice. Then he looked at me, then looked at the giant calico.
“Hey, Oscar,” I said. “Come on baby, let’s go home.”
As always, Oscar looks hopeful when his mom (me) is around. I’m always there to rescue him. I scooped him up.
I walked home like a crazy cat lady with Oscar under one arm, and an armful of junk mail in the other arm.
Oscar will always be like a baby, despite a notched ear and a scar across his face. He is thirteen pounds of fur and love. He is also an asshole, but he is my asshole.
This has been a long hot summer. Not all of us are handling it as well as my bike riding neighbor Josh. Then add massive wild fires to the heat and it gets really fun. If someone ever tells you “Burn in Hell Vampire,” you can tell them “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE I live in California.”
After the cat adventure I dropped off a trunk load of supplies that will go up to a fire shelter near Redding (Carr fire.)
By the time I got home my son Garrett was peeling tape off of the walls. We’re painting the insides of our home. From neutral to color. It looks great. As we’re peeling long steps of blue tape from around the windows we talked about all kinds of stuff.
Garrett will be in his fourth year of college. He is twenty-one now. No longer a child. I have kids now but I also have adults – Vampire adults.
“I hate summer necks,” said Garrett.
“It isn’t that bad,” I said.
“Oh come on mom, they’re gross. All covered in sunscreen, sweat, foundation, hair products, and body spray. The body spray is the worst. It smells great, but oh my god, the taste… How did you do it before people took showers everyday?”
“I don’t know. I guess we were used to it. You know, like cigarette smoke and rancid bacon grease.”
“That’s disgusting. I’m sticking with wrists until October.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I told him. I didn’t mention that I go to nice adult people with indoor private offices. But I’m sticking with wrists more often than not as well.
College classes start soon for both of my kids. It already seems like fall. This morning was unusually cool and nice. On morning like that I pretend I’m living by the ocean or up in the mountains. For a myriad of reasons I’m still here, in the Sacramento Valley with the smoke and the ghosts of the 49ers and the first Vampires to settle in California.
Anyway, that is how my day went.
Hope yours went well.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Parenting is a job you never retire from but those little people grow up.
They grow up and, well, they’re grown. You’re still a parent but your children are adults. In theory they’re adults. They’re eighteen or older, but they’re not quite adults yet.
They’re not like the teens still in high school either.
And you’re still a parent.
I’m spending a lot more time with this girl now.
Alice the GSD is two years old now. She is the new family dog. We lost our sweet Jasmine three years ago after twelve years. She was the dog the kids grew up with. She was the dog who grabbed our hearts and souls like no other.
But Alice is the personification of sweetness and love. Now she is my shadow. She is the one who now goes everywhere with me. She is my constant companion.
But back to non-dog creatures…
It is difficult to write about parenting now because everything changes. Some parents tell their kids to move out as soon as they turn eighteen (I think those kind of parents are assholes.) Some kids never leave and are content to live in their childhood bedroom with the single bed and posters on the walls and have mom make grilled cheese for them forever (in that case the kids are assholes.)
Most kids I know are somewhere in the middle. They’re going to college or trade schools, or working, or volunteering. Many are stressing out over how they’re going to pay for school or cars or rent.
A few are stupid and now are finding themselves with minimum wage jobs and babies on the way, but those aren’t the ones I’m writing about today. That is a subject I’m not even going to touch because I’d be mean, judgmental, and make people cry.
But for the most part most kids are growing up, and it is like learning to swim or ride a bicycle. They all do it on their own terms, in their own time, but they know they have to do it. Sink or swim. Fall off and get back on.
They’re having their first serious relationships. They’re falling in love. They’re angry because they are evaluating their childhoods and judging their parents. They’re discovering people who aren’t like them. They’re doing wonderful things and exploring their worlds. They plan trips without us. They working. They’re voting. They’re pulling away. They’re turning around and letting us (parents) know they still need us.
Since the beginning I’ve written about letting your little birds fly. Soon the only ones left in my nest will be a couple of cats, a dog, a husband, and empty bedrooms for when my babies come home for visits.
I miss my children so much. But I rejoice and treasure the adults I’ve raised. I’d never go back if given the choice to have them small again. I have one more year and another one will be miles away on the other end of a very large state.
So where does that leave us as parents?
You have to let go. At the same time you still need to be there 24/7 in case they still need you.
There will also be changes. They’ll pull away. Hopefully they’ll pull away some because that is part of growing up. But hopefully they’ll stay close.
Like I’ve been saying forever – just keep talking with them. Let them know their thoughts are important. Let them know you understand their fears, and if you don’t understand, then listen but don’t judge. Remember when you were young. I swear I don’t want mine to be like I was, but rather than jumping all over their young butts I encourage them, and again talk to them. And it isn’t like they’re never going to do something weird, but you just have to take it one thing at a time.
No matter what they’ll be, and who they want to be. They’ll be who they need to be. Learn from your mistakes when helping them learn not to make those same mistakes.
I’m just talking and musing today. The the best parent you can be so your kids will be the best they can be.
I know this is simplistic but it seems to work.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
“Ironic isn’t it that my mom named me Tristan?”
“I’m not following you.”
“In the Celtic legend, Tristan stole another man’s bride.”
Bryan cracked another beer and gave it to his exwife’s son. “That isn’t why she named you that. There was a BBC show she liked. It was about a couple of veterinarians. Your mother loved that name. One of them was named Tristan. He was tall and blond like your dad. That is why she named you Tristan.”
“Yeah, I know. Listen, Bryan, I’m sorry. I’m being a dick.”
“Apology accepted.”
“When I was a kid I was always jealous of Hannah because she had two dads. I only had one dad. It didn’t seem fair. I’d always want to go with her when she went home with you. One of the best times of my life was when my dad was in that car accident and you took Sabrina and me for a couple of weeks. Why’d you do that? My parents tore your life apart.”
“It wasn’t about me, or them. It was about three kids who loved each.”
“Why’d you and my mom break up? What was the real reason. I mean, why’d she go to my dad?”
“It wasn’t your dad. Our minds were somewhere else. We never hated each other. Maybe she might have hated me a bit, but she wanted,” Bryan paused. “she wanted something else with someone else.” said Bryan. “Then I hated her for a few years, but realized it was just hurting me. Hate takes too much energy, especially when you have kids. One day you’ll know.”
Bryan still hated his ex-wife on more than one level but he’d never tell her twenty-three year old son. He liked the kid. Tristan was a smart ass but Bryan couldn’t imagine not having him around. Life was funny like that. It didn’t always make sense but that was OK.
~ end
This is a Friday the 13th post. Yes, I’ve been posting this for over 7 years with minor changes/updates. Have fun and kiss a black cat – and a Vampire if you’re so lucky.
I wake with a cool hand stroking my hair. He kisses my neck and then covers my mouth with his. I pull the handsome man beside me in my bed closer. “You’re naked.”
He smiles. “I know.” And we both know the kids won’t be up for at least another 45 minutes.
Friday the 13th isn’t all that unlucky after all.
I was thinking about our conversations last night with the kids.
Voyager 1 has left the solar system but the signal is slow getting back to us. Against all odds we’re still hearing from our little embassadors in space.
My dad got his first telescope in the late 1850’s and we’ve been watching the night skies with close-up wonder ever since. There is something about being a small dot in a large universe that brings on such a sense of awe and wonder that can’t be explained away by reason or logic. And it is great fun! FUN.
And the speculation continues on what is out there, if anything. I’ve always thought it would be very sad indeed if we were the only planet with intelligent life. I’d like to think there would be more advanced places where every single day didn’t seem like Friday the 13th and ignorance wasn’t embraced like a cult like religion.
So now we just wait for someone from another planet to find the Voyager. I’m hoping it will be sooner or later. I can imagine one of them saying “Hey, they have Chuck Barry too!” Or maybe, “How’s they get Chuck Barry songs? Did they find our satellite?” How cool would that be. And don’t say it couldn’t be because we have so much to learn – there is so much we don’t know about our neighborhood and the universe we live in.
There was a long discussion about space with my husband and kids. That is one thing the Voyager has done – made people think and talk about stuff. Space, the universe, our roles in it, the idea that someone else is out there… good stuff.
Finding real life in Space, life we could communicate with would be literally earth shattering, or more human shattering.
I’ve imagined what would happen if the general population knew Vampires and Werewolves were real. Just imagine if someone from another planet dropped by for a visit. It is mind-boggling. It is exciting beyond belief.
Then one of the kids brought up the proposed Mars trip. A trip was proposed a few years ago in which the volunteers for the Mars trip would never return to Earth. That brings up all kinds of questions, including birth control, chocolate, boredom, lack of beach time, museums, and cats. Dogs too. I can’t imagine leaving cats and dogs behind forever.
That would be difficult to leave our home forever. There is an attachment we have that tugs us and keeps us here, like an emotional gravity.
We can’t breathe the little atmosphere on Mars. It is colder than cold. It is a harsh planet, but then again so is ours – thanks to humans.
But imagine going to live in Space and freely travel to other planets. How cool is that? It is the stuff of dreams – the ultimate dream. The dreams the cumulate in the reality of great science fiction books and films.
We talked about Vampires in space. That might be a logistical nightmare considering our unique dietary needs. It certainly would be a nightmare for our fellow space travelers if we were along. HA HA HA. That could be interesting.
Is there life on Mars? You can Count on it!
We need to keep our dreams and work on making them a reality. Dreams of home and dreams of places far away in space.
After the kids left for school my husband Teddy said “I sometimes feel as if I’m an alien on my own planet.”
“You’re completely normal, for a Vampire. That’s why I fell in love with you.”
“There is nothing normal about us my love.”
Well, I thought, nothing is normal except our kids, thank goodness, but they’re our kind of normal which isn’t a bad thing.
Some random thoughts on Friday the 13th:
Favorite movies (of mine) about meeting someone from another planet:
Then anything by H.G. Wells, Issac Asimov, Philip K. Dick, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Jewels Vern, and Robert Heinlein. And of course Edgar Allen Poe’s The Black Cat (because it is Friday the 13th) and any of the Oz books (books not the movies – I love the movie but humor me and read the books – the ones after the first one.)
This is just a short list (since I have only spent about 20 minutes writing this post and haven’t thought it out too much). Feel free to share your favorites!
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Proof of Life on Mars!
This morning, overheard between my husband Teddy and our 18 year old Clara.
Teddy: Honey, you have to stop and get some rest. Between school and work you can’t keep staying out late every night. You’re burning the candle at both ends.
Clara: What candle?
