Pandemic ABC’s

A is for asshole who won’t wear a mask.

B is for baking at home because it makes the house smell good and it is a comfort.

C is for cat. We’re at home more and our cats have strong opinions about that. C is also for conspiracy theories. See A.

D is for  dogs who are ALL glad we’re home all of the time.

E is for the elephants who hide in our backyards and closets and sometimes right in the middle of a room.

F is for friends we haven’t seen in person in a long long long time.

G is for grandstanding. See A. G is also for gardening. I’ve always had a garden of some sorts. Even my kids have porch gardens in their apartments. I’m happy to see so many people are growing their own gardens now or starting community gardens. That is a good thing. G is for good.

H is for hate. No need to explain. Figure it out. Don’t hate. It will eat you faster than any demon or any virus or any great white shark.

I is for ignorance. Too many people are embracing ignorance when they should be embracing their children and their cats and other things that really matter.

J is for joy. Find joy even if you’re home alone. Joy is found in small things in small amounts. It ads up.

K is for kids who can’t go to school because so many people (see A) wouldn’t wear masks or take this thing seriously in the beginning. Wearing a mask isn’t political. It isn’t about rights. It is about being a sane human with half a brain.

L is for love. It is also for checking in on those we love who need extra help or extra encouragement.

M is for my friend Mandy White who has some wonderful stories featured in the new book Goin Extinct Too. 

N is for nothing. We’re all doing a lot of nothing these days. It is also for Netflix. We are all watching a lot of stuff on Netflix.

O is for OVER IT. We are all over famous people telling us how good they look in their swimsuits and yoga pants during the pandemic lock down. We’re tired of hearing about their relationships, their vaginas, their woes. Shut the fuck up. We’re OVER it.

P is for pandemic. P is for painting too. We painted the inside of our house. Now I’m painting some POP ART. Seriously, I’m doing some pop art projects. I might show some photos later.

Q is for quiet.

R is for rest.

S is for sanity. S is also for hands sanitizer. Mostly it is for sanity. S is also for sense of humor. You must keep a sense of humor.

T is for together. We are all in this together. If you don’t agree see A.

U is for unusual. These are unusual times.

V is for Vampire. We are doing very well thank you.

W is for Werewolves. They’re doing ok. Summer is a difficult time because of the heat and all of that fur.

X is for Xanadu a horrible awful movie you get to see after you’ve seen everything else on Netflix, Prime, YouTube and every other cable network and streaming service. Make sure you have strong cocktails and maybe some a joint first.

Y is for YOU. Not for U but You. You’re going to be OK.  You have value. You are loved.

Z is for Zallia. I know a lovely 90 year old woman named Zallia. It is also for Zebra. Everyone loves these distant striped relatives to horses. Z is also for ZOOM.


I wrote this little list in about fifteen minutes on a borrowed tablet. We make due when we have to. In fact we’re all making due right now but that is ok. We’re good at it. 

Now I’m going to work on ART. Yes, A is also for art.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





  1. Well, I guess I fit your A, B and C. I only wear a mask to go into stores. I cook at home, and I have lots of cats and the cats and I discuss all kinds of conspiracy theories.

    1. I only wear masks in stores too. I don’t wear one when I walk my dog or talk to the neighbors across the fence or down the street. Social distance. The cats don’t wear masks either. They’re all more or less assholes but they don’t anywhere and aren’t driving anywhere (as far as I know)

      Stay safe. Keep up those discussions with your cats.

  2. F is also for fishing! Been doing a lot of that lately., and painting (the garage), and cooking/baking/grilling. It may be a bit boring at times, but life goes on (if uou take the necessary precautions). 😉🧡😊

  3. I’m honored to be included in your list! I have a great face shield that clips onto a baseball cap, which is a nice alternative when things aren’t too crowded. But I always have a mask handy that I can slip on if necessary. Since this pandemic thing is going to be with us for a while, I bought some fun masks. Currently I’m wearing pink zebra stripes and my Hannibal Lecter one should be arriving soon.
    L is for Lake, and S is for Swimming, which I plan to do a lot of this week, with the heat wave we’re having. Stay safe, everyone!

      1. Do it! I made some masks early on from some red dragon fabric I had, and I have a skull one in the works as well. But there are too many cool looking ones online not to have some fun with it. The mask is THE fashion accessory of 2020.

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