When I first started blogging, back in 2012, and I had kids in school and sports, I’d occasionally write about those HORRIBLE children, and their HORRIBLE parents.
These were kids who were rude, mean, bullies, and stalkers. I’m not talking about weird kids. Weird kids are ok. I’m talking about those who went through their young lives leaving trails of destruction. I’m talking about parents who sometimes encouraged this behavior.
So, now ten or more years later all of these kids are grown. What happened to them.
Demon Child #1: There was one child who stalked other children. She was not a welcome house guest because she was so destructive. She would expose herself in the school bathrooms, and say sexual things to other children – things no kid should be saying. This child would also lie about everything. She, with the help of her parents, stalked my child and others. The parents could twist it so that the school staff would see all of the other children as mean. I realize that something was profoundly wrong when an 12 year old was saying she wanted to be in Playboy Magazine when she grew up. No parent would have them in their car on field trips because she was so disruptive, mean to the other kids, and even once took the keys to the car and threw them in a field. I was told that my child was being stalked because the demon child admired her. There was more, but I don’t have time for it now.
I’d had enough. I complained. My kid was being harmed and stalked by this predator. The school Vice Principle who said this was not normal behavior and was concerned about the sexual comments and exposure left that summer for another job. The other staff members did nothing. The father of the demon child lied and told the school staff that he and my husband were friends. They were not. They were not even on speaking terms. Lies were a way of life for these people.
Fast forward to now. When she got into high school she calmed down a bit and started to act a little normal. One day there was a big fight in the school parking lot and security had to be called in. The girl was fighting, yelling and hitting, with her father. It turns out the girl who acted like an out of control crazy demon was being sexually abused and exploited by her father. Now She is an advocate for sexually abused children.
I wish that when something is PROFOUNDLY wrong with a child and a family that school administrators would LISTEN and protect the child, AND protect other children. I didn’t want this kid in the same school as my child. I don’t care how much she was being abused – she needed to be in a safe place away from her abusive father with the help she needed to learn how to overcome trauma and become a healthy human being.
Demon Child #2
She was a sports bully. She would knock down other kids. She would say mean things. She would throw tantrums. Her mother encouraged the behavior and bullied other parents. Everyone in the sports club hated them.
After a few playdates I would not have this child in my house. She was mean and destructive. We were done. She and her mother terrorized us for years, and finally I was done.
When my child got a position that this child wanted they dropped out of the sport. Wow, what a difference that made. My kid isn’t a quitter.
So what happened? The sports bully was tired of being beaten and bullied by her mother and went to a small out of state college. She met a nice guy, got married and has almost no contact with her mother.
Despite the horrible things that happened to either one of those girls neither one is welcome in my home.
There were others who were odd, and lied a lot, and not nice to be around. They also had parents who were selfish, abusive, and completely unfit to be parents. Most are climbing out of their dark childhood holes.
I could go on, but there is a pattern here. It always comes back to the parents. It always makes me wonder why everyone who might be able to do something turns a blind eye.
Of course then there are the kids who were just assholes, but you’re going to find that anywhere. It has nothing to do with their parents, and more to do with the “Lord of the Flies” kind of culture in some schools. There are also those kids who get religion or some other type of obsession and try to force their friends to join up.
Is there a point here? Yeah, there is. The world is a horrible sad place.
That said, I raised my kids not to be rescuers. Some people don’t want to be rescued. Most will drag you down faster than you can even bring them up a tiny bit. I’m not saying to have no compassion. I’m not saying to tell your children not to help others. Just proceed with caution. There are predators out there, even young predators. And that too goes back to the parents. They encourage that kind of behavior in their children because it is all they know – they learned from their parents. It is a sad cycle.
Not every friend was from a perfect home. All families have problems. My family has issues. A lot of the children who came into our lives, kids we loved and welcomed, had less than perfect families. But they were good kids. They were nice kids. They were kind kids. And their parents, or someone else who looked after them, loved them and they learned how to love. They also learned how to be a friend, compassion, and that there was a future out there after Middle School and High School.
I know my opinions aren’t that popular. I’m not sorry. I’m just stating facts and sharing my own opinions and frustrations.
I just hope that one day there are people at schools that kids can go to. I hope there are safe places where children learn that mental, sexual, and physical abuse is not normal and should not be accepted. They need someone to teach them, and teach them to unlearn the bad disruptive hurtful behaviors.
Maybe one day, but as we all know, most reasonable things with children takes a second seat to all of the crazy people who seem to rule the world.
I’m done, at least for now.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
It’s sad how very little has changed since I was in school. Every school has the same clique of mean girls and/or boys. They bullied me mercilessly, and when I finally got the courage to tell someone, the school guidance counselor said, “Oh, I find it hard to believe that those girls would do that. They’re such NICE girls. They’re all very POPULAR, you know.”
When I finally told my parents, I got a similar response: “Just ignore them and they’ll go away.” It’s hard to ignore people who are stalking you, shoving you against lockers and using you as a daily punching bag. My mother worked with one of the girls’ mothers. When I mentioned her name, I got the same response as the counselor: “She’s such a NICE girl! She would never do that!”
The problem is, the ones who have the power to make a difference don’t want to hear about it. And when they do, they don’t want to believe it. Because then they would have to DO something, and more often than not, it means dealing with parents who are either in a position of power, or more of a nightmare than their kids.
But what they can do, and often do, is punish the bullied children who finally find the courage to defend themselves.
Yeah, I always wonder about those “nice girls” and “popular girls.” Most are like that song “Glory Days” where their importance more or less ended after High School. I am always amazed the way kids are just supposed to shake hands and “be friends.” The bullies always get away with their actions and usually never stop, until most of them become total losers as adults. Unfortunately the damage they do is horrible and lasting. The bullied kids either have to continue to suffer or change schools. Why don’t the bullies have to change schools? And like you also mentioned, the parents of bullies are the worst. They know how to twist and turn the truth to the usual “both kids were at fault.” Their apologies are worthless, without meaning or feeling. The parents of many of the bullies at my daughter’s school would threaten to sue the school over everything. The child would even brag about it. Pure evil. Thanks for dropping by.
(You know, they’re called ‘asshole’-kids? *grin*