Don’t Fear The Reaper

Thursday. I’m writing this on Thursday, October 19. Halloween is almost here, but this isn’t exactly a Halloween story.

We recently had our house repainted, soooo, that isn’t that important. It is just that I was out on my back deck rearranging the outdoor furniture and my rather large succulent collection. I’m also watching like a hawk to make sure my 7 month old kitten Sterling won’t run down the stairs to the lower deck than out into the yard, where he could get into a lot of trouble.

As I’m wiping paint chips left from the pressure washing off of some of my plants, I hear someone, a male, clearing his throat behind me. I turned around to see Nigel (The Ghost) standing there looking like he’d just come out of an 1880’s Gilded Age costume drama, or from when I was in my 20’s and attending one of my parent’s parties.

“What are you wearing?” I asked, but I knew exactly what he was wearing. 

Nigel took off his top hat, which immediately vanished, then he shook out his dark layered 1980’s hair.  “It just seemed like a good day to dress up. I have a story for you. I wanted to see what you thought about it.”

“OK, tell me your story,” I said.

“Have you ever killed anyone and seen the Reaper waiting?”

“I’m not in the habit of killing of people Nigel,” I said.

“You’re a Vampire,” he said.

“I take blood, not souls,” I said.

“Fine. I know you’re not the scary kind, but I just assumed…”

“Tell me your story,”

“You know Reapers, like in you’ve seen them, or even know them,” he said. 

“Yes, but I’m not exactly friends with any of them. I try not to run in their social circles,” I said.

“Friday was Friday the 13th.”

“Get to the point and tell me your story Nigel.”

“Have a seat, and I’ll tell you an interesting story Juliette.” He then hitched up his pants a bit as well-groomed men do when they sit, and he sat on one of the chairs on my deck. I pulled another chair over and faced Nigel.”

“Talk,” I said.

“I was murdered,” he started. “But you already know that. A lot of ghosts were murdered.”

“I know Nigel. A sad fact but too often true,” I said.

“It sucks,” he said. Then he cleared his throat. “Last Friday was Friday the 13^th. I wasn’t doing much, because, well shit, I’m a ghost. I decided to do some reading, so I went to a house near here and decided to hang out in the backyard, which by the way has a fabulous view. It is right on the bluffs and overlooks the lake.”

“What were you reading dear Ghost?” I asked.

“Cannery Row. You know, I never read it when I was alive. I started it, but you know, I was murdered and never had a chance to read it until now.”

“It’s one of my favorites.”

“I know. So, I’m sitting on a deck chair reading when the occupant of the house comes out. He’s around my age, or the age I was at the point of my demise. Just an average sort of pleasant looking guy. He takes out a notebook and starts to write. Of course I’m curious, who wouldn’t be, so I go over and take a look. Damned if he isn’t writing a suicide note.”

“What?”

“Yeah. He wrote please make sure my dogs are taken care of. Lila and Bosco have been together their entire lives so try not to split them up. I’m sorry, but. Then he stopped writing. Two dogs ran out into the yard. One was a tan and black German Shepard, and the other was some sort of goofy Black Lab mix. The guy bent down and hugged his dogs. Tears started to run down his face. I was going to make myself known, but then I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. I turned around and there was a guy standing there looking at me with black eyes and a way too serious look on his face. He was wearing a blue button down Oxford shirt and jeans. He noticed that I noticed then told me it was casual Friday.”

“Who was he? Another Ghost?”

“No, a Reaper. He didn’t have the usual black robe or skull looking face. Anyway, he said he’d been told to wait. We both agreed that it was a sad situation. This guy apparently was only 28 but he’d had a lot of shit piled on him over the past few years. But in my opinion it was all shit that was going to pass. The Reaper told me to stay out of it. Holy crap. How could I not? Then before I know it a second Reaper, also in casual clothing shows up. So now we’re all waiting for two deaths.”

“But there was only one man,” I said.

“There was another guy. He was next door setting up his chain saw and a ladder. There was a dead branch in a tree by the fence. I knew where this was going.”

“What happened?”

“From the side yard a cute girl, young woman, comes holding a piece of paper. She’s really cute in a flowy kind of Boho skirt with a cropped top and her hair up in a clip. She called out to him. His name was Ryan. Suddenly I could see their story in my head. Her name was Jamie. They’d been F buddies in college. He hadn’t seen her in like, forever, but she was in town and another friend said he was living in a house he’d inherited from his grandfather.  She was dropping off a flyer for an art show. I knew it was an excuse because they’d had something, well could have had, but they were both too stupid to do anything about it. He is surprised but he smiles. So now there are two Reapers and three people.”

“Interesting,” I said. “Tell me more.”

“Then out of nowhere another guy, all dressed in black, comes running through the back sliding glass door yelling and screaming at Ryan. He is demanding Ryan tell him the combination of the safe. Oh, he has a gun too. Ryan tells the guy, who is named Ben, to calm down, and that he is tired of his shit. Jamie asks when Ben what the fuck is wrong with him. Ben points the gun at Ryan’s head. Then Lila the German Shepard leaps up, all teeth, and grabs Ryan’s arm.”

“Nigel, wow.”

Nigel looked down at my huge mostly black German Shepard and smiles. “She’d do the same for you. Or for me if I wasn’t a ghost. But back to the story, all of the sudden another dog, a huge black German Shepard sits next to me and the Reapers. I’m thinking damn, it is coming for one of the dogs.”

“To take it over the Rainbow Bridge,” I said.

“Unfortunately, yes. So, the gun goes off. It hits Lila the German Shepard. A second shot hits, Jamie.”

“Oh no,” I said, “she was just there dropping off a flyer.”

“This is where the story gets weird. Just as Lila attacked Ben, the guy next door was up in the tree staring his chain saw. He didn’t even hear the commotion. Ben goes running across the yard and tries to scale the fence. He knocks one of the fence boards over, which hits the tree, and knocks the poor neighbor off of the ladder. The neighbor and the chainsaw fall on top of Ben, and it cuts Ben’s head in half. It was beyond disturbing.” 

“That is insane,” I said.

“By then Jamie, who’d just been shot in the arm, and Ryan, made their way over to Lila. I watched as Lila left her body and then turned back to look at Ryan one more time. Then the large Reaper dog led her away. I started crying. I kid you now. Then to make it worse the dog Bosco came over and started to whimper and howl. Ryan had taken his shirt off and wrapped it around Jamie’s arm.”

“What about the Reapers? Did someone else die?”

“Just Ben. The first Reaper said show time, put his robe on and took Ben away.  I don’t know where they went but nobody was smiling. He didn’t become a ghost.”

“How do you know he didn’t become a ghost?”

“The other Reaper told me. Oh, by the way. He was just hanging out for a while until that evening when he had to go be with a lovely woman who’d been in Hospice care. All of her family, and two of her close friends were with her. I died alone. I guess it was just as well considering the mess. How was your Friday the 13^th.”

“Uneventful,” I said.

“What are you up to today,”

“Trying to wrap up a book. I need to write some sort of introduction, or maybe not. I don’t know. I’m kind of stuck right now. Maybe I’ll just finish cleaning up my deck.”

“Oh the glamourous life of a Vampire.”

“Yeah, right. Hey, how are Ryan, Jamie, and the neighbor doing now?”

“They’re all doing great. I think there might be a future for Ryan and Jamie. I hope so. The neighbor, his name is Bob, just got some bruises. He was pretty shaken up, but he’ll be fine in the long run.”

Then as quickly as he appeared Nigel put back on his top hat and vanished in a whisp of purple smoke. 

I guess is time for me to stop telling horrific stories and get busy on some fiction. 

Stay safe everyone,

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman