Vampires Reflect On The Pandemic

Jake: When everything closed down it was a challenge. It isn’t like I could just run to the store. Sure I could get by on the bottled stuff, but it isn’t the same as fresh. I need that, you know, human interaction.

Elizabeth: 2020 and 2021 proves that even if you’re the prettiest girl in the room, if nobody else is there it really doesn’t matter.

Jayne: My workload tripled during the pandemic. I didn’t have time to be creative looking for donors so I signed up for Tinder. There were plenty of guys who weren’t too concerned with social distancing. For the most part it was fun. Everyone got what they wanted. I even have a few regulars now. They say they’ve never slept better. Yeah, blood loss will do that to you.

Max: Over the past month I’ve fed almost exclusively on Vampire Hunters. You can’t believe how satisfying that is.

Gunter: I know a few bottom feeders who are going around to the homeless camps. I try to avoid it. It just seems opportunistic.

Roger: I got my shots. Moderna. You won’t be able to go anywhere without that card. Sure I could have made a fake card, but I wanted to be seen getting the shot. I wanted the experience. I have to be as close to warm blooded normal as possible.

Ginger: I went right for the easy targets. Before the election in November there was a protest at the Capitol every weekend. I went for the extreme nut jobs. Most of them didn’t believe in social distancing so there was always someone I could isolate for a quick bite.

Randolpho: Creating a bubble of close warm friends was the key to success. I’d always bring food, or books, or wine. I’d make them laugh. That was the key. I don’t want to take without leaving anything.

Stay safe. Continue to wear your mask. Be kind. Check in on those who might be alone or need extra help. Plant flowers. Don’t be a dick. Kiss a Vampire (you’ll thank me for it later.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

What isn’t going to happen in 2021 and what else we’re talking about

After what happened yesterday at the Capitol in Washington DC… well, I don’t know what to say. I spewed my thoughts on Twitter already.

What I was thinking about are all of the “What We’re Talking About Today” posts that I wrote when my kids were in Middle School and High School. We covered everything including school shootings. I thought school shootings were the worst that could happen. I still think that. But now I can’t hardly think at all.

I haven’t been blogging much due to a numb brain and construction at my house.

Anyway, I usually write something about resolutions (I don’t make them) or predictions (I no longer make them). This afternoon after the workers left after putting in new hardwood floors (yippee) I was thinking it would be fun to write a post about what won’t happen in 2021, but then my mind went back to photos of someone running through the Capitol building with a Confederate flag. Who could have imagined something so fucked up and horrible could have happened this year? 2020 was supposed to be the bad year.

So what won’t happen in 2021?

Aliens from another planet won’t contact us or visit. Or maybe they will.

I won’t become a MacArthur Fellow. They are not going to ask me. I would be honored and do my best to live up to that honor by helping other authors and artists, but it ain’t going to happen. But you never know. Maybe they’ll see all of my witty and thoughtful posts and brilliantly entertaining short stories and… no I doubt it. Seriously, if they see this post they’ll run. MacArthur folks please don’t run. Read the other stuff. Read about Vlad.

Dinosaurs will not roam the Earth again! Or maybe there will be a new bunch of dinosaurs.

I’ll won’t get everything done that I want to do. Or maybe I will.

I won’t star in a movie. It has been a long time since I’ve done any acting. I think I’m pretty good but HA HA HA HA wouldn’t that be fun.

Pigs will not fly. With genetic engineering you never know.

Sasquatch will not show up at my back door. On the other hand I’ll make sure I keep cold beer on hand in case one does.

My dog will not talk in clear understandable English. On the other hand she is a German Shepard Dog and extremely smart. It is a good think I know a little German because if she starts to talk in German or English I’ll be ready.

People will not stop their obsession with celebrity. OMG would it be nice if they did.

My cat will not stop crapping on the bathroom floor right next to the litter box. She is old and does what she wants so you figure it out.

I will not be giving a Ted Talk about writing about Vampires and blogging. But you never know. Come June or July I might be doing just about anything. You never know.

OK, that is enough for now. I only have a few more words then I’m done for today.

  1. Happy New Year, no matter how crazy 2021 seems now.
  2. Wear a mask
  3. Stay safe
  4. Be kind
  5. Don’t be a dick
  6. Hug your kids
  7. Talk to and with your kids
  8. Check in on those who might be alone or need extra help right now.
  9. If you adopt a pet remember that it is FOREVER.
  10. Kiss a Vampire. You’ll thank me for it later.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman