Vampire Nuts

Who is that knocking upon my door?

The black shroud of death

And doom

Covers his form

And hides all life

Within.

I wait,

For his embrace,

The cold kiss,

Silken lashes,

Claws down my back,

In bloody lines,

Of passion.

Who is that knocking upon my door?

Oh nuts!

Is it you?

 

Alright, that was cheerful. Now that you’re all in a scary mood let’s have some fun.

No, no, no, this isn’t one of those posts about the table set in the form of a man made out of sausage guts and gummy worm brains. Go to Pinterest for that kind of thing.

It isn’t about bat wings or eyes of newt boiling in a pot. I’m a Vampire, not a witch. I wouldn’t even know where to find a newt, but if I did I wouldn’t steal it’s dear little eyeballs.

I realize that a lot of Vampires just aren’t that into Halloween. People dress up like Vampires, but those who are Vampires sort of take it all in stride. It is what it is.

We’re more inclined to celebrate at Christmas time with twinkling lights in the dark, candles burning, and the scent of pine trees. We’ll take any chance to gather with goblets of wine and blood, and nights of wonder underneath the winter night skies.

I saw “we” as a whole. I love Halloween with a passion. It is a time to go nuts. Literally. And you know that one cannot live on blood alone. Really, seriously, one cannot live on just blood. Occasionally you have to have a bit of something else, so why not Vampire Nuts.

 

Vampire Nuts

Kids and adults like this mix. If teen boys are around I usually triple the recipe. You can use whatever kind of nuts you like. This is just a suggestion. If you’re good at this sort of thing play around with the flavors.

1½ cup hazelnuts (roasted)

½ cup pumpkin seeds (roasted)

1 cup whole cashews (roasted)

1/2 cup walnuts halves or pieces (roasted)

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh sage

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh thyme leaves

1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

1 teaspoon garlic powder

2 tablespoons Grade A maple syrup

¾ teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 teaspoon sea salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 tsp powered blood (optional if you are a Vampire, otherwise leave it out or you’ll get grossed out – it adds a bit of bite to the nuts.)

1. Preheat the oven to 400°. In a medium bowl, combine the hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds, cashews, sage, thyme, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, sea salt and black pepper. Spread the mixture on a baking sheet or baking stone  and place in the oven. Bake, stirring occasionally, until browned and fragrant, about 15 minutes.

Note: If you are not using silicone bakeware spray the baking sheet or stone lightly with some sort of cooking oil spray. I usually use the olive oil kind. 

2. Remove from the oven when done and set aside to cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Some people use Pumpkin Pie seasonings in place of the sage, thyme and rosemary. It is pretty good.

Watch carefully to make sure you don’t burn anything. Seriously, I’m serious about the burning nut thing. I can’t tell you how many people (Vampires and otherwise) have told me they burned this as black as coal.

Serve these with Poet’s Blood, your favorite red wine or Bourbon (or use your imagination.)

This Halloween have fun and be a little nuts. I know I’m going to be.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Little Hagrid

My husband Teddy and I have been invited to a Harry Potter themed party on October 30th.

First of all I need to say that my children never read the Harry Potter books. We tried. They didn’t like reading the books. I didn’t like reading them.

Call us uncultured morons but we liked the movies a lot so we know who the movie characters are.

It was the language that bothered my kids. It was too British. It was too fussy. My kids are fans of American authors. I loved British authors when I was young but I’m not my kids. And yes, I know your kids LOVED the books as if they were all the books of the Holy Bible, but that wasn’t our experience. Right now my daughter is loving Nathaniel Hawthorne and John Green. But seriously, you don’t need to leave a comment that you love the Harry Potter Books. I also can’t stand Little Women.

So back to the party. Teddy claims he hates dressing up to parties. However, when he does dress up he steals the show and becomes the life of the party.

When I was 7 months into an 8 month pregnancy I went to a Gilligan’s Island party as a pregnant Mary Ann. I also once went to a party as a princess dressed up like a New England Fisherman. I’ve been space aliens with a costume made of kitchen utensils, and I’ve gone to most parties as a dead girl. Last Halloween I was a Vampire (ha ha ha no kidding.)

But Harry Potter? Really? Mind you this is an adult party too. Naked Harry Potter?

Teddy didn’t have any ideas. I told him to wear a suit (because he is smoking hot  sexy in a suit) and go as the Minister of Magic. He shrugged.

I was digging through a drawer looking for my Nook charger (people around here steal it for other devices) and found a brown dreadlocks wig Teddy had worn as part of a hippy costume. He also wore it for his snowboarder costume (complete with a “will work for pot” sign.)

 

ZING. I have an idea.

ZING. I have an idea.

 

Then the light bulb went off in my head. I’d get a beard, wear the wig and go as Little Hagrid. I showed Clara (age 16) and she laughed and laughed and laughed. I showed Teddy and he said, “no.” I might have well be standing in front of Grumpy Cat.

 

Grumpy-Cat-NO-1

 

Clara and I laughed about Little Hagrid for the next two days. Teddy still said, “NO”.

It is my fault for marrying someone who is always serious. Oh right, we’re Vampires, we’re supposed to be serious and grown up all the time. Screw that.

Iareseriouscat

So I put the wig back on and said I’d be Hermonie. I picked up a pencil and shouted, “MAGICUS DOGUMOUS.” The child laughed so hard she fell off the couch. No laughs from the man.

Then the husband tells me this is a classy and serious party. What would people think of us? Excuse me? It is a Harry Potter Party. I told him I’d find a blonde wig and be the bitch in the pink suit. I don’t remember her name. She had a lot of cats so I’ll carry a creepy stuffed cat with me.

Teddy said, “we’ll see.”

Yes, we will see. In the meantime I’m going to be Little Hagrid on October 31, despite the fact that we’ve been invited to a Zombie themed party.

Clara and I will be laughing about Little Hagrid for a good long time – because that is what we do.

We also push Teddy to his limits so it was time to put up the wig and be serious…or pretend to be serious.

And you know, the sexy costume is far over rated. I can always be a sexy Vampire. I AM a sexy Vampire.  But I can’t always be Little Hagrid.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

I've got the moves like Hagrid

I’ve got the moves like Hagrid