What if… questions of history and an alternate reality

Oscar Wilde

I have always adored Oscar Wilde.

What if history had turned out differently? We’ve all thought or read about it. Some of us have even written about it. The more common “what if” questions are: What if the South had won? or What if Germany had won WW2? or What if Kennedy or Lincoln hadn’t been shot?

I was recently thinking about the tragic end of Oscar Wilde, and that got me thinking about a lot of things.

What if Oscar Wilde had stayed in California and never gone back to England after his tour? Would he have lived a happy life and died happy surrounded by friends?

What if cats never did funny things?

What if slavery had been abolished during the Revolutionary War?

What if women had been given the vote in 1787 when the American Constitution was written?

What if Frida Kahlo had never been in the bus accident?

What if Leonardo Di Vinci had been born a woman?

What if Philip K. Dick had decided to go into politics instead of writing?

What if dogs had never been domesticated?

What is Disney never made any princess movies? What if Walt Disney had made erotic Westerns or graphic Horror films?

What if Sylvia Plath had lived and divorced her husband and found happiness?

What if Errol Flynn had been cast as Dracula in the 1931 film?

What if a large group of Bigfoots had rescued the Donner Party in 1846?

What if Amelia Earhart and Fred Noonan had never been lost?

What if humans didn’t have finger prints?

What if Vampires were accepted into society?

What if Galahad had found North America on his search for the Holy Grail?

What if people weren’t stupid?

 

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What if? I don’t know. But I did name my cat after Oscar Wilde and he is extremely happy. I also have a beautiful sweet German Shepard named Alice but that isn’t her in the meme above.

What do you wonder about? Let me know. Also feel free to use any of these questions as writing prompts. I’d love to see what you come up with.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Marla Todd _ Oscar Gray

This is Oscar. I love this cat so much. He was named after Oscar Wilde. He is gray like Dorian Gray but unlike Mr. Gray, he doesn’t have a weird painting in the attic, at least not last time I checked.

 

 

 

Unanswered Questions (about super heroes, animals, and fools falling in love)

Part 1

Batman vs Superman

When this movie first came out I thought it was about Batman and Superman fighting over the last pair of XL sized tights.

Alright, I told this joke to about twenty people and everyone, without a single exception, ignored me. I thought it was funny. I was ready to get a reaction and laugh until my side hurt.

But that brings me to a questions. Why do super heroes wear tights? If you’re a skater or a dancer you know that tights get snagged and tights get runs. What self-respecting GUY is going to fly through the air or wherever with runs in his tights?

Does Batman, and his super hero friends shave their legs? Ladies know that a big mat of leg hair under stockings and tights can show through, making for an unattractive mess.

When they wear tights do they wear footless tights and thick socks under their boots to prevent blisters? That would be the most practical because they could slip off their boots and socks and switch to flip flops on hot days. (And click here to find out why Vampires wear yellow flip flops.)

Why capes? They don’t help anyone fly. Even Vampires have given up on the whole opera cape thing. They’re not practical unless you’re going to have a picnic and forgot to bring a towel, or you’re stuck in the airport overnight and need a blanket.

Why the masks? Why don’t you want anyone to know who you are? Aren’t you proud of saving the world? Don’t you want people to be able to relate to you? Are you ugly without the mask? If you’re a super hero why are you afraid so someone knowing who you are? I mean, you’re stronger than just about anyone and have super powers so it isn’t like someone is going to hurt you anytime soon.

I’m sure there must be answers. Nobody, male or female, in my family is a big super hero fan, except, yes, we do see most of the Marvel movies. We adore the Avengers in the movies, because they’re just all so darned good looking. And who didn’t love Guardian’s of the Galaxy, but they didn’t wear tights. I can’t imagine Chris Pratt in tights. And he isn’t going to be playing a dancer anytime soon, I can almost guarantee that.

 

Part 2

Why do we keep animals in our homes?

My puppy eats tampons then barfs them up. My cats barf up everything else. My entire house smells like dog pee. Somebody keeps digging up my roses. My dining room chairs are covered in cat fur and cat barf. My cats fight and hate the dog. One of the cats claws up furniture. Don’t even suggest a spray bottle – that means you have to catch them in the act, and they’re sneaky little shits.

Sure they’re cute, they’re sweet, they give us unconditional love, they protect us (so I hear but I’ve yet to see that in my house), they’re funny, they make us laugh, but they’re a pain in the ass. Yes, they wrap their little paws around our hearts and don’t let go. Sigh.

 

Part 3

Why do fools fall in love?

When my son was in high school I’d find notes in the dryer, folded up, and now crisp. They were love letters and poems he’d penned on yellow legal pads, then folded many times and hidden in his jeans pockets, only to be found by me, his mom.

Sweet Madison
Your blonde hair blowing
In the wind
Behind your bike
I wish
You’d break up
With Mike
And Kyle, Brandon, Forest, James, Jake, Ian, Austin, Jason, Christopher, Justin

Or

I imagine when we’re grown. You a CEO in pearls and a suit. I the most powerful Vampire in North America. You in a meadow, on a beach, in the moonlight. The wind is in your hair. You ask for a hair clip. I don’t have one because I’m a dude.  You look at me and smile then tell me you got into Yale. Your dream. Our dreams entwined. You’re leaving. I’m staying on the West Coast. You broke my heart. Damn you.

I found hundreds of those little notes scrawled out on yellow paper in fine point Sharpie or purple ball point pen. He seemed to have a thing for girls with hair blowing in the wind.

He is my romantic. Garrett is always falling in love, or out of love, or falling for the idea of love. I’ve always thought he loves the idea of love more than love.

Now he is in college and the game has changed. I’m starting to find the notes again, now that he is home for summer break.

I love the way your cool skin feels on mine.

or

I love the way your warm hands feel on my cool skin.

I wish I didn’t see those. He is twenty now. But cool and warm? That means he is seeing both Regular Human and Vampire girls. Yes, that is to be expected. But I didn’t want to see that. I’m his mom.

Oh well.

At least I know that he talks to me about this stuff. Even at twenty he talks to me.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you to Evil Squirrel at Evil Squirrel’s Nest, and his inspiration on unanswered questions about Super Hereos from our friend at  Faith, Hope, and Chocolate.

 

 

 

 

 

Questions my kids ask that I can’t answer

Questions my children ask that I can’t answer

My children have asked a lot of questions over the years. It leads to a lot of discussions because they are “big picture” kids. They see the world outside of their own neighborhood and outside of their own family, friends and school.

I can give them answers but it still never makes sense. I mean, I can logically and emotionally give them something but sometimes I feel frustrated because I don’t have solutions. As a mom I always wish I had a solution. As a citizen of this planet I wish I had solutions. It is frustrating as Hell.

I didn’t make these questions up. It came from the kids.

 

  • Why do people hate Jews?
  • Why do people have more children than they can take care of?
  • Why do people have kids they don’t love? Why don’t they give them to someone who will love them?
  • Why don’t people take care of animals?
  • Why does the media sexualize women and girls so much?
  • Why is everything in the media about sex?
  • Why does every movie or TV show have to have a sex scene in it for no reason? It doesn’t add to the story.
  • Why don’t people change?
  • Why does anyone allow their daughter to be a child bride?
  • What is Tiananmen Square and why did it happen?
  • Why can’t I get my belly button pierced? (Because I’m your mom and I said NO.)
  • Why are boys so stupid?
  • Why are girls so stuck up?
  • Why are the roads so bad?
  • Did you know I can get the dog to eat anything if I put Ranch Dressing on it?

 

The list goes on and on. Every morning it is something new. So we talk about it. We talk a lot. It is what we do, because we’re a family. That is what families do. At least I hope it is what they do.

You might not have all of the answers but you can sit down with your kids on whatever computer device you have, or go to the library, or call a friend and get an answer. Or you can figure out the answers between you. Sometimes there are no answers.

But even when there are no answers there can still be discussion.

Talk with your kids. It is the best investment of time you’ll ever make.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Mom

Who doesn’t have all the answers, but will continue to look for them.

And more along this line but with Vampire stuff and a story from Tellias (the ancient Vampire) to come later today or tonight…