Rejection Quota

 

It seems that all Hell has broken loose lately and damned if I’m doing my best to try to get it all back to normal. If not normal at least I want something that isn’t a never-ending roller coaster ride (roller coasters make me puke) or just quiet. I’d even go with boring. I’d embrace boring right now.

I had to attend one of those annual meetings yesterday. You know the kind where you sit for hours while others talk just to hear their own voices.

I picked Tellias up at his house on the far end of the city limits. I’m glad he and Eleora are still on the farm but sometimes the drive seems so long.

When I arrived he was in a grouchy mood. On the good side he was dressed decently thanks to my brother Val for helping with that. On his own who knows what the ancient Vampire Tellias would be wearing. It could be anything from old farmer overalls, to a vintage polyester fast food uniform, to a tuxedo with a Hawaiian shirt. Today he wore a black suit with a deep purple shirt and a silk tie with a very cool atomic age print on it. One his feet were yellow flip flops but I could deal with that. He’d pulled his white blond hair back with a black ribbon. Despite his age Tellias looks about nineteen or twenty years old – so the suit was charming on him.

“You look handsome today,” I said to him kissing his cold cheek. He did look handsome. He is one of those guys who is both handsome and beautiful at the same time.

“And you my dear are a vision of beauty unlike the world has ever known,” he said to me then he sang me a verse:

Exit: light
Enter: night
Take my hand
We’re off to never never land

He always sings me a song and I never know what it will be. I had to smile.

“I don’t want to go to this meeting. Nobody there cares what I have to say. Nobody ever listens to me anymore. I’m not relevant,” Tellias said to me.

“Tellias,” I said, “everyone there respects you. They value your opinion.”

He gave me a nasty look. “Nobody ever calls. They never come to see me. They treat me like I’m an idiot.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Is too.”

To some point it is true. Tellias and Eleora are old and alone, like so many other elderly and ancient folks of all kind. Thank goodness I enlisted my brother to help me out with them. They’ll go for weeks without help and never ask for help until the situation is grave. They are more or less a pain in the ass but I love them and help them and do what I can no matter how frustrating they are.

“Nobody values what I say either,” I told him and we went out to the car.

I don’t know if nobody values what we say but it feels like that a lot.

At the meeting we sat with the others and listened. After the speaker had spoken (it was just Vampire business, you wouldn’t be interested in) we gathered for a simple reception.

Everyone wanted to talk to Tellias. I held his arm and made sure he didn’t say something uncalled for or hijack the conversation to something trivial and uncomfortable. Who knows what was on his agenda on any given day.

It was true that nobody cared what I had to say. They knew what I was doing and the fact that I have things under control (so they think.)

My mother was there, collected, confident and elegant. Tellias gave her a hug and said, “You never come to see me.”

She shrugged him off and gave me a shit load of unwanted advice. Then she took Tellias by the arm and sweet talked him for a while. They had things to talk about, or so it seemed. I was just glad she was paying attention to him.

I made nice with everyone. It was all lovely in a weird sort of way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an introvert (though my daughter says otherwise). I just wasn’t feeling social. All I could think of was all the other things I needed to get done. Thank goodness for the many bottles of Poet’s Blood they had on hand. Someone had put a paper-thin orange slice in each glass – a very nice touch.

I made my way over to the window and looked at the view over the city. So many trees. So much going on with so many people. I turned at the sound of my name.

It was Mehitabel. It was one of the few times she was out of her usual work garb of black leather and dark glasses. She was lovely in a black lace skirt and cream colored sweater. Let me back track on this one. She is a hunter and alpha Vampire in every single way possible. Her job is to seek out Vampire Hunters and Rogue Vampires and other nasty creatures and eliminate them. That is part of her job. And she works with my brother Max. She also sleeps with my brother Max… sometimes. Sometimes it is him, sometimes it is her – meaning who wants to do what. I think right now she is just pissed off at him. Then again he pisses off a lot of folks, but that is another blog post.

Anyway, this quiet and thoughtful Vampire is standing before me and I didn’t even know what to say. I never know what to say around her.

So I ask, “How are you?”

She gives me a half smile, “Fine.”

“I liked what you said,” I told her.

“Good. I didn’t think anyone cared. Nobody listens to me, but I’ve learned to listen to others. It makes things easier because… I don’t know why, it just makes me feel better. It makes others feel better.” She shrugged. “I think I’ve hit my rejection quota. I’m done with it. I don’t even care anymore. Speaking of rejection, I heard you’re looking for a new mission.”

“Um, yes. I am.” I told her about some changes lately. I was still helping others in transition but other things had changed. I have been a bit distracted and unsure lately about what is next. No, right now crawling into a crypt is not an option.

“You’re the most creative person I know,” she told me.

So everyone keeps telling me. Sigh.

We talked for a while about other things, like clothes and the drought and cats. I think both of us needed a casual conversation where we didn’t need to prove or justify anything. In fact we did talk about this season of Justified. That was interesting.

Later I dropped Tellias off and promised I’d stop by more often. I’d also promised my mother I’d see her more. I did not ask Mehitabel about Max. I will let them work that out on their own. In fact, I almost don’t want to know.

I always tell my readers to listen to their kids, but we need to listen to everyone. Sometimes we need to listen really hard because sometime it is hard for people to say what they need to say out loud.

And sometimes we just need to be there for no reason.

And sometimes we need to stop whining and get to work.

Have a good weekend everyone… I’ll have more on, well, you know, more stuff, later.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Rejection Quota
First posted March 27, 2015

 

Rejection and Choices

gloria

I imagine myself on a beach, then feel the tug of my heart and soul because I’m not there. I hear wind but no waves.

Instead I force myself to go outside and walk the oak forest in the cold wind. There is snow on the mountains. That is good news in a world that seems to be in a never ending drought.

The calm and beauty of the trees and dry grasses means home. Even the gold hills meet the Pacific Ocean eventually.

Back in the old days one only had to worry about the next hunt. Hunt and sleep, then do it again. Find a dark castle or crypt if  you can’t afford a castle. It was easy, but sad, and cold, and dark, and nothing I’d want to do.

I was in a dark mood this morning. Too many door slammed in my face and windows painted shut. I can’t seem to stop it. I don’t know how to stop it.

What am I doing? Why didn’t I __________ fill in the blank?

Then I look at the wall of books on art, literature, history, poetry and all subjects under the moon and I feel a sense of comfort. My home is my haven, and my shelter from the rejections and failures that haunt like unruly ghosts. The panic and unease slide off. Those ghosts are not allowed in my library or in the oak forest.

The one thing I have excelled at is parenting. My heart, soul and endless passion are there.

Over the years I have learned from my mistakes and failures. I have learned from my triumphs. I’ve learned from my experiences. I’ve learned from the joy and wonder I’ve witnessed. I pass all of that knowledge and experience on to my children.

I let them talk. I listen. I guide them. I am gentle and firm. I don’t make excuses. We discuss the world inside of our home and far away. We love. We laugh. We cry.

I want them to be like me, but I pray that they are not like me. I want them to be better than I’ve ever been – and they are. They are much better than I will ever be.

The most difficult thing and most rewarding thing to teach your child is the lessons of rejection. Whether it be a bad grade on an assignment, a failed friendship, a romance gone wrong, a sports even lost, not getting a job, or a thousand other things, it is a lesson we must all learn and a lesson all parents need to teach their children.

Rejection hits over and over and over. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming. That is hard, especially for teens.

My husband has a good expression, “Screw them. Their loss.”

Words of wisdom if you ask me.

That said, rejection is like people. It is different every time. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not. But shit happens. Rejection happens. Good things happen.

A lot of good things happen, and sometimes they happen out of rejection of something else.

With rejection comes the traps of what ifs and I should haves.Move on. Teach your kids to move on. Their value is somewhere else. And they have value, far more value than they can comprehend.

Ships that pass in the night. What you should have said. What you should not have said. What you should have done. It is all just experience to learn by. And LEARN by it.

If you don’t do anything else, learn by your experiences. Learn by the rejections of life.

And learn by the joys.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

212

Revolutionary Fanfiction, Being Creative, Being Weird, Being True to Yourself as an Artist

Yesterday we were fully entrenched in the Dark Ages. Now that we’re almost back in the light, Clara, my teenage daughter told me about a girl she knows who writes fanfiction based on the Sons of Liberty TV series. She wrote 60,000 words of fanfiction complete with a lot of non-physical romance between Sam Adams and Thomas Jefferson. Hey, don’t laugh, that might be more accurate than the TV series (Sam Adams was shown as a smokin hot bodice ripping hunka hunka burning love.) Not that Sam and Tom had a romance but the general facts, or lack of facts, in the show. In fact, one of the history teachers read it and said that the teen writer was right on spot with her historic lifestyle facts. It was silly and far-fetched but the girl did a great job. Huzzah!

Will the real Sam Adams stand up.

Will the real Sam Adams stand up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have never even thought about writing fanfiction. I have to admit that I’d like to rewrite the final season of Justified because it seems like the worst fanfiction ever played on TV. It just isn’t fun or interesting or believable this season. I feel cheated. Anyway, enough of my rant on that.

My own teen told me a while back that there is fanfiction out there about bands she likes. These aren’t bands you hear on most radio stations. This is fanfiction about bands like Dance Gavin Dance or Twenty One Pilots or My Chemical Romance. There is plenty of fan fiction for the bigger bands too. Anyway it usually involves a lot of sex. Lots of it. And most of it is really bad.  She read an interview of one of the musicians who was amused by it all. I mean, you’d have to be amused.

Meanwhile back at the castle…

Vampire Maman is sitting in a semi dark room with coffee and a head full of cobwebs. I’m  finishing up a novel. It has nothing to do with fanfiction or Vampires or much of anything I’ve ever written about.

When it is done I will fling it out into the world.

That is why I have to admit I admire the passion and guts of fanfiction writers. They just throw their stories out into the world with no shame or fear of backlash – no matter how bad or silly it is.

Alright I have to admit that I do that every time I post something here, but they (fanfiction writers) really throw it out there. It is hard to explain. They just barf it up – right out in the open. OK they’re weird and if you’re that weird then you don’t care what other people think SO we should embrace our weird sides because weird is fearless.

I am not fearless.

Last week I received a rejection notice from a well respected publication. It is a publication that I have always read and admired. I’ve always thought I would one day be published in that magazine. I was told by many that my work would be a perfect fit. No, my story didn’t capture the interest of the editor. That is what I was told. Oh well. At least it was read and somebody got back to me about it.

My daughter asked me if I was sad about it. Maybe for a few seconds. I was disappointed. Being in the creative world be it art or graphics or writing or music or even writing, one gets used to rejection. One gets used to being disappointed with one’s self as well as others. It is part of being a creative soul. You expect people to be assholes because they don’t understand the difference between a Thomas Kincade and Thomas Hart Benton.

But you also learn to be calm. You learn to be clear with your words. You learn to count to three before saying anything. You learn to explain the difference between what you believe is good and WHY it is good and WHY it works and the advantages of your work over some stupid ass lame idea. Just don’t say out loud that you think the other ideas are stupid ass – use different words such as less effective.

So if someone rejects you what do you do? You don’t use bad words. You don’t get emotional. You just move on. That is part of being a creative person in an uncreative world. Tell your kids that.

So back to that novel. It is a lot of work.

Here are a few other things I believe about being creative:

  • It doesn’t matter if anyone else sees it.
  • It doesn’t matter if you make money from it.
  • You can make money from it (I do make money from it.)
  • Stand up for your work.
  • Learn and refine your craft – this is a process that never ends.
  • Don’t be stupid about it – you can always get better. You can always improve.
  • Relax.
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself. This is one of the hardest things to do. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone (unless you write a blog.)
  • Stay with your art, your music, your writing, your dance, your furniture design, your painting, your typography, your garden sculptures, your videos, your cooking or whatever you do that makes you feel alive and creative. Stay with it.
  • Never give up.

I don’t believe in suffering for my art. That comes along easily enough on it’s own. I would rather embrace it and fit it into my life. It is who I am, so suffering is unproductive and it just isn’t fun. Nobody likes a martyr. And being a martyr is too much work. With all the time and energy you put into suffering for your art you could have written that novel.

And with that final thought I will refill my coffee, sharpen my fangs and work on that novel and fear no more.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Jessie at the Guitar by Thomas Hart Benton

Jessie at the Guitar by Thomas Hart Benton

 

Rejection Quota

It seems that all Hell has broken loose lately and damned if I’m doing my best to try to get it all back to normal. If not normal at least I want something that isn’t a never-ending roller coaster ride (roller coasters make me puke) or just quiet. I’d even go with boring. I’d embrace boring right now.

I had to attend one of those annual meetings yesterday. You know the kind where you sit for hours while others talk just to hear their own voices.

I picked Tellias up at his house on the far end of the city limits. I’m glad he and Eleora are still on the farm but sometimes the drive seems so long.

When I arrived he was in a grouchy mood. On the good side he was dressed decently thanks to my brother Val for helping with that. On his own who knows what the ancient Vampire Tellias would be wearing. It could be anything from old farmer overalls, to a vintage polyester fast food uniform, to a tuxedo with a Hawaiian shirt. Today he wore a black suit with a deep purple shirt and a silk tie with a very cool atomic age print on it. One his feet were yellow flip flops but I could deal with that. He’d pulled his white blond hair back with a black ribbon. Despite his age Tellias looks about nineteen or twenty years old – so the suit was charming on him.

“You look handsome today,” I said to him kissing his cold cheek. He did look handsome. He is one of those guys who is both handsome and beautiful at the same time.

“And you my dear are a vision of beauty unlike the world has ever known,” he said to me then he sang me a verse:

Exit: light
Enter: night
Take my hand
We’re off to never never land

He always sings me a song and I never know what it will be. I had to smile.

“I don’t want to go to this meeting. Nobody there cares what I have to say. Nobody ever listens to me anymore. I’m not relevant,” Tellias said to me.

“Tellias,” I said, “everyone there respects you. They value your opinion.”

He gave me a nasty look. “Nobody ever calls. They never come to see me. They treat me like I’m an idiot.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Is too.”

To some point it is true. Tellias and Eleora are old and alone, like so many other elderly and ancient folks of all kind. Thank goodness I enlisted my brother to help me out with them. They’ll go for weeks without help and never ask for help until the situation is grave. They are more or less a pain in the ass but I love them and help them and do what I can no matter how frustrating they are.

“Nobody values what I say either,” I told him and we went out to the car.

I don’t know if nobody values what we say but it feels like that a lot.

At the meeting we sat with the others and listened. After the speaker had spoken (it was just Vampire business, you wouldn’t be interested in) we gathered for a simple reception.

Everyone wanted to talk to Tellias. I held his arm and made sure he didn’t say something uncalled for or hijack the conversation to something trivial and uncomfortable. Who knows what was on his agenda on any given day.

It was true that nobody cared what I had to say. They knew what I was doing and the fact that I have things under control (so they think.)

My mother was there, collected, confident and elegant. Tellias gave her a hug and said, “You never come to see me.”

She shrugged him off and gave me a shit load of unwanted advice. Then she took Tellias by the arm and sweet talked him for a while. They had things to talk about, or so it seemed. I was just glad she was paying attention to him.

I made nice with everyone. It was all lovely in a weird sort of way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an introvert. I just wasn’t feeling social. All I could think of was all the other things I needed to get done. Thank goodness for the many bottles of Poet’s Blood they had on hand. Someone had put a paper-thin orange slice in each glass – a very nice touch.

I made my way over to the window and looked at the view over the city. So many trees. So much going on with so many people. I turned at the sound of my name.

It was Mehitabel. It was one of the few times she was out of her usual work garb of black leather and dark glasses. She was lovely in a black lace skirt and cream colored sweater. Let me back track on this one. She is a hunter and alpha Vampire in every single way possible. Her job is to seek out Vampire Hunters and Rogue Vampires and other nasty creatures and eliminate them. That is part of her job. And she works with my brother Max.  She also sleeps with my brother Max… sometimes. Sometimes it is him, sometimes it is her – meaning who wants to do what. I think right now she is just pissed off at him. Then again he pisses off a lot of folks, but that is another blog post.

Anyway, this quiet and thoughtful Vampire is standing before me and I didn’t even know what to say. I never know what to say around her.

So I ask, “How are you?”

She gives me a half smile, “Fine.”

“I liked what you said,” I told her.

“Good. I didn’t think anyone cared. Nobody listens to me, but I’ve learned to listen to others. It makes things easier because… I don’t know why, it just makes me feel better. It makes others feel better.” She shrugged. “I think I’ve hit my rejection quota. I’m done with it. I don’t even care anymore. Speaking of rejection, I heard you’re looking for a new position.”

“Um, yes. I am.” I told her about some changes lately. I was still helping others in transition but other things had changed. I have been a bit distracted and unsure lately about what is next. No, right now crawling into a crypt is not an option.

“You’re the most creative person I know,” she told me.

So everyone keeps telling me. Sigh.

We talked for a while about other things, like clothes and the drought and cats. I think both of us needed a casual conversation where we didn’t need to prove or justify anything. In fact we did talk about this season of Justified. That was interesting.

Later I dropped Tellias off and promised I’d stop by more often. I’d also promised my mother I’d see her more. I did not ask Mehitabel about Max. I will let them work that out on their own. In fact, I almost don’t want to know.

I always tell my readers to listen to their kids, but we need to listen to everyone. Sometimes we need to listen really hard because sometime it is hard for people to say what they need to say out loud.

And sometimes we just need to be there for no reason.

And sometimes we need to stop whining and get to work.

Have a good weekend everyone… I’ll have more on, well, you know, more stuff, later.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

vampire girls