Rosemary and Lemon…and Vampires

A lot of Vampires love the smell of rosemary and lemons because it reminds them of being warm and in the light.

In fits of melancholy they are drawn to the past. Alone they fill bowls with herbs and fruit, then sleep until someone texts them or until the night calls.

I bet you didn’t know that.

Just like with regular humans the people of the shadows have days where they can’t seem to bring it all together.

Then the stars come out, it starts to rain, a song comes on the radio that brings up the spirit. A friend reaches out a cold long fingered hand and pulls you into an embrace and you know you aren’t alone.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Dawn of the Undead

Dawn of the Undead – A Very Short Vampire Story

It had been a long night of love and blood and fun. So many Halloween parties. It was a good night to be a Vampire.

Jon pulled up to his house and sat in the driveway for a few minutes as he checked his messages. The sky grew lighter in the distance. Soon the sun would be up and he’d be in bed, shutters closed, dreaming sweet dreams of the night skies and warm women with long necks.

As he stepped out of the car something grabbed him and slammed him down in the driveway. Flat on his back he looked up into the face of a Vampire Hunter. Damn it.

“We’re going to hold you here until the sun comes up and you fry,” said a man dressed in black.

“Honestly Dude you’re going to have to cut out my heart or cut my head off to kill me. i guess you could burn me to a crisp but that takes forever. You might want to reconsider. Come on in and we’ll talk about this over a beer or something…” Jon was trying to stall them. The sun wasn’t going to hurt him much.

Turning his head Jon could see the thin ribbon of pink coming up over the hills. Dawn. It was his best hour. It was the time he’d write his best work. It was the time he’d relax and gather his thoughts. It is his time and they were not going to take it from him.

“Guys, I have a deadline on an article for Vampire Review. I have to get it done this morning. You’re making a mistake.”

The Vampire Hunters raised their knives.

A few hours later the sun was in the sky, the birds singing, squirrels ran through the trees. Jon took off his work gloves and put away his shovels. This wasn’t the way he’d planned on spending his morning, but when you’re a Vampire… sometimes you have to face the sun and do what you have to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From ghoulies and ghosties

And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Short Story Sunday: The Child

The Child (A Short Unspectacular Vampire Story)

“I don’t get them at all. What is it about the obsession with things like Proust and his stupid cookie or that German guy who kept shoving his cat into a box then pondering if it was dead or alive. And what is up with Hamlet? To be or not to be? Really? He needs some serious counseling. And don’t even get me started on Little Women.”

“Schrodinger. He was the guy with the cat,” I said.

“I hope it bit him,” said my partner (and best friend) Jayne.

We drove for a few more miles, lights off, but not in silence. There is never silence with Jayne along. She talks non-stop for hours on end, and endless stream of consciousness, a dialog of rambling thoughts and opinions.

“They’re all so stupid, you know, people who think they’re smart and profound. An it is usually guys. Idiots.” Jayne was scowling now. I don’t blame her.

“I know. I’m going to stop here.”

“Sounds good.”

We got out of the car, both in black from head to toe except for a shock of blonde hair coming from Jayne.

The sidewalk smelled like urine and barf. I love my job but only because I know I’m doing the right thing, not for the depravity I run into each and every day.

“Where’s Max this weekend?”

Of course she had to ask. I didn’t want to talk about him. I hated him. I loved him. I wished she’d just leave it alone. “Family stuff. It’s his mom’s birthday.

“You know the guy is just using you.”

“End of story Jayne. I don’t want to talk about it.”

We walked along for a few more blocks, checking out ally ways and what looked like mostly abandoned buildings. Not a street light was in sight or many lights in the windows of the buildings.

“Urban decay at it’s best,” Jayne said. “Remember when it was a big deal to live in a city. Everyone wore hats and gloves and men were always in suits. I don’t get it. Now they just sit around in jammie pants and sweats and everyone looks like slobs. It kind of turns my stomach. I mean, packaging and presentation mean so much. It is like nobody cares. That is why everything is going down into the deep black hole of…Mehitabel, are you listening?”

“Yes. We’re getting close.”

“When people ask me what I do for a living I never say I hunt monsters.”

“I know.” I had to smile.

We came to what looked like an 19th century factory or warehouse building. The windows were broken out or painted over with black. The brigs looked like they’d sagged from 100 years of gravity.

“Let’s do this,” said Jayne.

We checked our weapons.

I smiled at Jayne and we entered the building and silently walked towards the scent of our prey.

We didn’t need to talk. We knew what the other was thinking. We knew what needed to be done.

At the end of the hall was a light. The door flew open. They were there, hovering over a bed where a frightened child cowered in the corner.

They spun around looking shocked to see us.

“Give us the child,” I demanded. “She’ll die if you keep her. You don’t know how to take care of her.”

“She’s already dead,” one of them said.

“Oh give me a break. What an asshat.” Jayne always had something interesting to say, especially when she was pissed off. She drew her gun out and pointed towards the group.

“Don’t look them in the eye,” yelled one of the men.

Jayne chuckled under her breath. I drew my weapon. “Give us the child.”

I knew what the men were thinking. They’d been paid a half a million dollars for the girl. Yesterday she was happy in first grade learning how to read and write. Tomorrow she’d be a prize for the highest bidder on the pretense of scientific study.

There were three men, youngish, frightened. “Give us the child,” I said, “or I’ll let Jayne here talk you to death.”

Jayne laughed and walked towards the men, gun up and ready to shoot. “Back off gentlemen and let us take the child. Honestly imagine if someone had taken you from your mommies when you were this age. Scary scary stuff if you ask me. And look at you. You’re all so young with a full life ahead of you. You need to go to graduate school or join the Peace Corps or do something with your lives besides taking money to steal children from those who aren’t like you. Make something of yourselves. Learn to hula dance or tap dance or ballroom dance. Or you could just go to sleep. Go to sleep and dream of warm fires and gentle ocean breezes and the wind through the palm trees and white sands and ….”

Jayne’s hypnotic voice had put the three men into a deep slumber.

“I’ll have you know,” she said, “I don’t do this when I’m out on a date.”

I had to laugh.

We approached the small girl who threw her arms around my neck and held on tight. “You’re alright Holly, dear child. We’re going to bring you home. Are you hungry? You must be.”

The child nodded yes so I took the limp arm from one of her captors and held the wrist up to her mouth. The little Vampire teeth sunk in. “Not too much too fast or you’ll get sick.”

On the car ride home Jayne talked about growing up as a Vampire and how she couldn’t imagine anyone stealing her from her parents. They were tough and eccentric old Vampires. I loved going to visit them in their wild house full of insane fun.

My parents had been dead a long long time, as I wasn’t born a Vampire. But all the same, they would have been heart broken if someone had taken me.

Over a hundred years have passed and I think that maybe one day I’ll have my own family, but until then, I’ll do what I can to keep the children of my world, and any others safe from harm.

 

 

Note: The Child was first posted here in October 2013. So if you think you’ve read it before you probably have. ~ Juliette

Bad Dogs

A few nights ago…

I was camping in the Arizona desert with a few friends under the dark sky with stars unlike what we see at home.

Sleep, as always, was somewhere else. I always figure Sleep is hanging out at a bar somewhere flirting with a beautiful blonde and not thinking of me. He doesn’t care.

But, that said, for a few fleeting moments I fell into a slumber. I dreamed of two men with long brooms sweeping in a world made of blue light. Then the blue changed to black and white, like a vintage cartoon, and I watched a small naked man climb on rocks. He turned from a cave man type character to a Japanese man, then he morphed into a wolf.

I woke and went outside under the stars. In the distance someone was setting off bottle rockets of green and red. If I’d been at home I would have been in fear of fire but not here.

Walking away from the tents I stood listening to the sounds of the night. I could hear trains in the distance and the sound of the wind in the trees.

Four figures approached me from out of almost nowhere.

Oh crap. Werewolves.

Half human, half wolf, they circled me with low growls, showing huge teeth.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” I said that to them trying to be cool and defuse any potential trouble.

“Vampire you are not wanted here,” growled one of the Werewolves. The voice was hardly human.

“You will be our feast tonight,” said another.

“Really? Stop the dramatics. You have to know Vampires are not worth the effort. If you kill me there is a 80% chance I’ll turn to dust. If I don’t turn to dust I won’t taste good. I haven’t fed on prey in a couple of days so I’m going to be kind of dry. Plus I’m tired and cranky which will add a bitter taste to my flesh like you can’t even imagine.”

The largest wolf man, obviously the leader growled out a response. “We will eat you alive. First we will eat your limbs, then rip open your belly and eat all but your heart, then we will eat off your face. And last we will eat your beating heart before it turns to dust.”

“Right now my heart isn’t beating much… but listen guys, my friends at home raise their own sheep. They have freezers full of good stuff for those night time cravings. There is no reason for this kind of behavior. I mean, can’t you go find some rattlesnakes or something?”

They didn’t back down. I showed them my fangs. The group backed off. I was no longer a woman in jeans, a tank top and flip flops, but a powerful force to be reckoned with. You know, I was just being myself.

And I don’t know why, but I yelled, “BAD DOG.”

All the sudden them all stopped and put back their ears. Their tails tucked. They whimpered and backed off.

“BAD DOG,” I yelled again. Pulling together all of my energy I put feelings of guilt into their canine filled heads. I channeled my own dog (the best dog in the world.) My dog is the Queen of Guild. We never dare say “bad dog” to her.

The Werewolves, uprighted themselves and morphed before my eyes back into humans. Yes, it is an ugly disgusting process. If you ever have to make the choice between becoming a Werewolf or a Vampire, pick the Vampire.

They stood like guilty children. Then they walked away, naked, into the night.

Well, that was exceptionally weird.

Now I’m home. Home sweet home. I’m still recovering from some road born bad blood illness. Exhausted from 24/7 activity and driving. Popular culture is wrong – Vampires DO get tired.

I hear my teenage children moving upstairs. They sleep so much. And I think of future posts for this blog. And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

I’ll have to call my friend Adam the Werewolf and see what he thinks of my desert friends.

Oh well.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

When in doubt wear a dress

“I’m not going to crawl under a building again. It is going to be a hundred degrees out today. That is bad enough if you’re a regular person but we’re Vampires. Remember? Aaron?”

I have five siblings – all male. I am the youngest of the brood. Aaron is smack in the middle.

When I arrived at his downtown law office I was greeted by Aaron and our brother Val (short for Valentine). Val is between Aaron and me. I’d brought my almost sixteen year old daughter Clara with me.

“Wear a dress,” I told her.

“Why?”, she had to ask. They always have to ask.

“So your Uncle Aaron won’t ask you to do anything. So he won’t ask you to crawl under a building or into an attic crawl space, or between a wall or into a sewer. You know how he is.”

When we were small, young Vampires in the American West, my brother’s had great fun sending their tiny little sister into small spaces. Be it a hole in a tree or a hole in the side of a building, in I’d go.

Consequently we ended up knowing everything about everyone in the growing city in which we lived. We also knew where all the creepers were, and we had a lot of scary fun tormenting them.

The Creepers, as we called them, were a type of, or more of a Vampire of a certain culture (not ours.) Shadow Creepers were Vampires who were content being ghouls who lurk in the shadows and get all overly happy about finding blood. They’re like those socially awkward kids or the intense annoying kids my daughter goes to school with. They aren’t what we call Modern Vampires. They’re disgusting.

And since they tended to be nasty but awkward we took it upon ourselves to annoy them.

While we slept in real houses and in real beds, the Shadow Creepers tended to search out basements, attics, crypts and holes in the riverbank or in the bottom of ;rage paddle boats. We’d search them out and start our childish torments.

One of our favorite activities would be to go into their lairs and make loud sucking noises. Shadow Creepers have such disgusting eating habits. When they’d wake we’d hiss and scream at them. Of course we’d do other things to them. Mean things. Then again, we knew most of them didn’t even have souls. Plus they’re the ones, in our opinion, who give Vampires a bad name.

Even now the few who remain hate us with a passion. Oh well. They could change, and some of them have, but most of them choose to be nasty horrible beings.

Oh, I forgot, and the absolutely worst is running into a Creeper I used to know back in another century. Ugh. Talk about uncomfortable.

Which takes us to present day when one of them shows up occasionally after being found asleep or awakened from a hundred year sleep.

Over the past few years I’ve been asked to go check them out. Aaron is an attorney so for some reason people come to him when they find these unsavory creatures.

I end up covered with dirt and in the face of some dried up husk of an animated corpse of a Vampire. No self-respecting Vampire would ever ever end up like that on purpose. Plus they always act like it is still the nineteenth century. Wake up assholes, that isn’t cute anymore. It doesn’t make you look smart or mysterious. It just makes you look stupid and creepy.

It is always an unpleasant experience finding Shadow Creepers and I’d just rather call a Vampire Hunter to take them out. You know, like when you call someone to get rid of the wasp next under your front porch.

My brothers were both in a good mood. They just wanted to go for lunch and to the art museum. Thank goodness. It was a lovely diversion. The dresses worked out just fine.

Wishing you all a week of pleasant diversions and remember your sun screen.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Sounds of the Night

3:00 a.m.

 

In the quiet of the night

A snap of a twig in the trees

The sigh of a sleeping dog

A distant howl of a coyote

Is all that I hear.

 

I stand next to a sleeping form; a man I know well. Slipping my shoes back on I quietly leave. He remembers a dream of a night of perhaps passion mixed with the excitement of a nightmare. All I leave behind is the dream and the slight scent of my perfume. He’ll wonder where the bruises on his neck came from and why he is so tired in the morning. He’ll joke to himself about Vampires.

Home again to my quiet home to rest and sharpen my fangs and listen for the small sounds of the night.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman