ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Cocktails and 2013 ATG Finals at the Vampire Home

America's Got Talent and Cocktails

America’s Got Talent and Cocktails

Oh my gosh it is the very last night of 2013 America’s Got Talent. We watch it every year and for those of you who follow this blog (especially old timers) you know that, well, I blog about it. For no reason at all except that it is FAMILY TIME and this is supposed to be a PARENTING BLOG (fooled you didn’t I.)

We were all SORELY disappointed and pissed off about last week’s show. Now we have three forgettable singing acts (yawn), a darling high school boy who does magic and only two acts that are good enough to win it all. But I’m sure one of the singers will win because most people have no imagination (or taste). On the other hand the dog act won last year. Go dogs. Gotta admit those dogs were really cute.

Anyway, since the final show is exciting, stupid, fun and frustrating all at the same time Teddy is making cocktails.

So this is what we thought…by the way, it was the usual gang of Vampires, about 12 of us from age 14 to age 456.

Warning: Mean but true comments ahead. Turn back if you don’t want to read anything not nice.

Nick had a suit that actually fit!

Below are real comments. Thank your lucky stars I didn’t publish all of them. This is a tough crowd here at Vampire Central.

Jimmy Rose

  • He was precious.
  • He had that tall drink of water look that all girls like.
  • Natural Country voice.
  • He wrote that song? Wow.
  • He is genuine.
  • His heart is in the right place
  • He is the best singer.
  • Makes me think of Randy Travis.
  • Howie shut the F up.
  • He is so much better than the other singers.
  • Howard shut the F up.

Kenichi

  • WOW.
  • He’d be a good opening act.
  • Wow.
  • When is it going to start?
  • He was his own back up dancers!
  • That was fun.
  • He is the girls!
  • This is fun.
  • I love it.
  • He is so much fun.
  • That was great.

Cami Bradley

  • My God what is she singing?
  • Cher is going to come out and kick her ass.
  • What is she doing with her mouth?
  • She is cute but she can’t stay on tune.
  • She’ll win because people are stupid.
  • Just annoying.
  • She’s a whore.
  • She just puts on the goody two shoes act. It is all fake.
  • That was mean.
  • It’s true. That is what people at her church say.
  • Are you kidding me? Really? She has butchered every song she has done. Oh my God that is horrible.
  • She has never been on key.
  • Please forward through it. That is horrible.
  • Why does she keep screwing up her face like that?

Collins Key

  • How’d he do that?
  • HA HA HA
  • That is amazing!
  • How did he do that?
  • He is so cute.
  • I love him!
  • He is so much fun.
  • How did he do that?
  • How did he do that?
  • That was so much fun!
  • How did he do that?

Forte

  • They need to learn how to dress themselves.
  • This is not very good.
  • Hear that? No.
  • They’re ok.
  • No this is really bad.
  • You go to any professional opera company and there are 45 guys who sing better. More than 45.
  • They’re just not that good.
  • Would you watch more than 10 minutes of that? Hell No.
  • They’re boring.
  • The chorus was too much.
  • Why the F do they need so much backup?
  • They’re good but I won’t remember them tomorrow.

Taylor

  • So creative
  • He is so funny
  • He is so cute
  • He has been the best so far tonight
  • He has to win.
  • Stupid people will vote for the singers.
  • Can’t help but like him.
  • He is the best but I think the skank will win it.
  • You’re mean.
  • I’m right.
  • This is really good. He could win it.
  • He is so good.
  • He should win it.
  • I can’t believe he said that.
  • He is so funny.
  • He need to win.
  • It will be nuts if he doesn’t win.
  • He should win.
  • He is so good.

Cocktail of the Night

Bloody Talent

  • 3 parts V8
  • 2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
  • 1 part blood
  • A dash of lemon juice
  • A dash of lime juice
  • A dash of hot sauce
  • A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
  • A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
  • 3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)

And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

The only thing left is to vote and see who wins tomorrow and hope it doesn’t make us cry.

 

Update 9/19/13:

Kenichi 1st Place

Taylor 2nd Place

Jimmy 3rd Place

We’re happy with that. They were the best and I’m sure they’ve all been contacted by agents already. Good job. Well see who shows up next summer. Now we’re just waiting to see what Walt does next on Breaking Bad!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman