AGT and Cocktails – The 2017 Voting Starts (and Vampires)

(Peviously recorded – the winners of this round are listed after all act descriptions.)

In the summer of 2017 I started posting about AGT, sharing the comments of the peanut gallery of friends and family, and telling you what cocktails Teddy was making for the night.

Last night was the first night of votes for the 2017 season. Tonight we’ll find out what the first batch of talented folks going in for the finals will be.

So here is a run down of who performed, and what was said. This gets pretty brutal. Vampires are not an easy crowd.

Christian Guardino 

This kid is only 17 and I gotta admit has a huge voice. Last night my family was not part of his fan base. The peanut gallery gave the following comments:

He’s not that good.

Like Catsup and Ice Cream, but the judges will rave about him.

The judges did rave about him but I don’t think he is that great.

Yes, the judges ate him up.

Our vote: NO

Artion and Page (Dancers)

This eight and ten year old pair is so full of energy and sooooo cute. I have no idea why I like them. I usually don’t like kid dancers. Maybe that was after years of a certain dance school exploiting and sexualizing their hoochie dancing baby salsa stars. Ugh. BUT this isn’t the case this year. These kids are absolutely genuine and precious. They are just funny. Their facial expressions are hilarious and joyful and real. And these kids can move – but they move like kids. They just fun. Puppy and kitten cute. By the way, they danced to Footloose.

Our vote: Yes (except Teddy who doesn’t like any of the dancers)

In the Stairwell

This group is made up of a group of fine young men who attend the United States Air Force Academy. They are all great singers, good looking, and just darned cute (suck it up Vlad, you’re not the only one.) I love them. One Tuesday they sang the Fun song “Some Nights. Even Simon stood up to cheery. They are fine indeed.

Our Vote: YES YES YES

Singing Trump

This is a guy who is in his 50’s, obviously a professional performer, and entertaining. Unfortunately he was off on Tuesday, with a bad choice of songs. He did “Shut Up and Dance,” which was weird and confusing done by “Trump.” Then he switched to M.C. Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This.” A sad fail indeed. Yes, the man will never get my vote.

Comments from the peanut gallery: He’s not fat enough to be trump. Whoever he is the man is a professional. Tremendous, greatly, and very very bad tonight.

Our Vote: No

Angelica Hale

A nine year old girl with big pipes. We like her. She is cute with a mature sounding voice. She can really sing.

Our Vote: Yes

Bello Nock

This guy is a classic circus clown in the old time Barnum and Bailey tradition. He does dare devil stuff. He is good at what he does. He makes it look fun. Alas, he didn’t grab any of us enough to get our vote.

Our Vote: No

Just Jerk

When I saw the name I thought of Jamaican cooking. No such luck.

This is yet another group of teenage boys (with a couple of token girls) who dance as good as an average high school drill team. Ho hum. Boring music. Boring Dancing. I don’t know why they were even chosen in the first place. This is where the formula aspect of the show comes in – they need people in every group (singers, dancers, teens, adults, kids, dare devils, etc.)

Our Vote: NO

Puddles Pity Party

This guy is a talented mature singer dressed like a sad turn of the 20th century clown. 

Comments from the peanut gallery:

Fast forward. NOW.

Simon should come out and beat him to death.

This is bull shit.

The song is horrible enough and even worse when he sings it.

Simon gave him an X.

Our Vote: No

Preacher Lawson

Comedian

We love this guy. OMG he is funny. He is a shooting star. Love love love! Look him up on YouTube. Preacher Lawson.

Our Vote: YES

 

Yoli Mayor

No good comments from the peanut gallery EXCEPT that she looked great and had a wonderful dress on that was super flattering. It was a bad song to start with and she can’t even sing it. I don’t know why the judges (Simon) are so intrigued by her. She is a lovely young woman, but not the million dollar act.

Our Vote: No

 

Trashy Roller Skaters

We’re a skating family. My daughter is a US National Roller Sports Champion. We DO NOT like this act. This brother and sister pair CAN skate. They have expensive boots and plates. They know what they are doing, BUT they are so trashy. She dresses slutty. He usually has his shirt off. They were spinning around and his head is right in his sister’s whoo haw.

Comments from the peanut gallery: All they do is spend. People are doing this in Vegas (naked.) All they do is spin. All they do is spin. All they do is spin. This would be a good 90 second opening for another act. If she wasn’t hot it wouldn’t work.

Our Vote: No

 

Darcy Lynne

This young ventriloquist could win it all. I can’t even describe how good she is (so here is a video.)

She is amazing. She sings better than 99% of the singers. She keeps in character with her characters. She has amazing stage presence. She’s a winner.

Our Vote: YES YES YES YES YES YES

And the acts that went through to the finals are:

In the Stairwell

Darcy Lynne

Angelica Hale

Preacher Lawson

Trashy Roller Skaters

And two acts saved with some Dunkin Donuts weird vote thing were:

Yoli Mayor

Christian Guardino

 

While we’re all watching this silly show my husband Teddy is making cocktails.

Forget the fruit and the fluff.

We’re going for the hard stuff.

 

That’s No Bull Shot

  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 2 oz blood
  • 1/4 fresh squeezed lemon juice
  • 1/2-cup of cold beef concentrate
  • 2-6 dashes of Tabasco or other hot sauce to taste
  • A dash of ground pepper
  • A dash of cayenne pepper
  • A dash of kosher salt

Instructions:

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with liberal amounts of ice. Garnish with a slice of lemon.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

vm_eve

 

Bloody Bovine

  • 2 oz vodka
  • 4 oz of V8 or Trader Joe’s Vegetable Cocktail Juice
  • 4 oz chilled beef concentrate
  • 4 oz blood
  • 1 tsp of peeled and finely grated fresh horseradish (If you don’t have fresh use the kind in the jar. Don’t use the cream horse radish sauce because it will be disgusting.)
  • A pinch celery salt
  • 2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
  • 3 dashes of Tabasco Sauce or more to taste
  • A liberal sprinkle of ground pepper
  • 1/4 oz fresh lemon juice (just squeeze in a few wedges)
  • And a big green olive or two. Try a blue cheese stuffed one.

Instructions:

Combine everything over ice in a big glass (or two if you want to share). Stir. Ganish with a long piece of fresh red bell pepper.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

Now Let’s Talk BACON

vm bacon cocktail

It’s all about the bacon. And the news is good.

You can now have your bacon and drink it too.

 

How to make Bacon Washed Booze.

 

You can add bacon flavor to vodka, whiskey or broubon. And it is easy. AND best of all you’ll get to eat the bacon.

This is fantastic in a Bloody Ceasar or Bloody Mary.

 

Bacon Washed Booze

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound good quality bacon
  • 26 ounces vodka, whiskey or bourbon (some people like to use rum too. I say go for it.)
  • 2 quart Mason jars
  • Fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth and funnel
  1. Fry up your bacon on low heat until nicely crisp but not charred. You don’t want to burn it. Pour fat from the pan into a heat-safe bowl (like a Pyrex bowl).
  2. Remove bacon strips and put them on a plate that’s covered with a paper towel. Let stand for five minutes.
  3. Pour alcohol of your choice into a large mason jar.
  4. When the bacon has cooled slightly, add strips into the Mason jar with the alcohol. Pour bacon fat into the jar as well. Let jar stand at room temperature for four hours and stir mixture every hour. Remove the bacon strips (but not the fat)
  5. Put the jar into the freezer overnight. The fat will solidify and rise to the top, scrape as much fat out of the jar as possible.
  6. Using a fine-mesh strainer pour vodka from one jar to a new empty mason jar. The strainer should catch lots of bacon fat and other stuff.
  7. Wash the original jar used and train the bacon infused alcohol one more time into the now clean and empty Mason jar. Enjoy.

 

vm_rick

Make a dry Bacon Martini and garnish with a strip of bacon. Or try a Smokey Vampire. Yum.

 The Smokey Vampire

  • 2 oz. Bacon Infused Bourbon (or Whiskey)
  • 1/4 oz. maple syrup
  • 2 dashes Angostura bitters
  • Orange juice (just a bit)
  • Blood (just a bit)

In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with bacon and if you want add a splash of orange juice and blood.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

Have fun and we’ll see you next week for more ATG and Cocktails (and Vampires.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

America’s Got Talent 2016 FINAL – With Cocktails & Vampires

AGT and Cocktails

AGT and Cocktails

Every summer since 2012 I’ve been posting about AGT and Cocktails – that is the television talent show America’s Got Talent, my husband Teddy’s cocktails, and comments from the peanut gallery (assorted Vampires and occasional “other” friends.)

Tonight we have my daughter Clara, Teddy, my brothers Max and Andy, and Lola here to watch and make their peanut gallery observations.

This year I’m skipping to the FINAL. I didn’t feel like blogging every single show this year. t have to admit it has been a good year. There have been a lot of talented people in the competition this year. I’m not crazy about all of the finalists but I like most of them. All are good. Anyone could win. There are no unlikable assholes, freakish contrived family acts, obnoxious Cha Cha dancers, precocious brats, or fart acts.

What we are watching are talented kids, talented adults, great singers, unique sleight of hand, a guy with tape over his mouth, a pretzel girl, a juggler from another time  and old-fashioned mind readers.

I’m not going to go into great detail about who these folks are. If you’ve watched the show all along you’ll know who they are. I’ll post a video of each from either the final or a previous show.

Sal Valenetti

The 20-year-old St. John’s University student brought down the house singing Mac The Knife like a seasoned pro. I love this guy.

Comments from the peanut gallery: He is just smooth. He crushed it. He nailed it. I could listen to this guy ALL NIGHT. Wow. And the judges loved him.

He could win.

Sophie Dossi

From the Peanut Gallery: What is she going to do. I want to see her eat her foot. She can pint her toe nails from this. There is nothing that gives me a wow from her. Any gymnast can do that. This just sucks. How does she do that. You seen enough? The one with the remote fast forwarded this one. Alice doesn’t care, then again she is a dog.

Linkin’ Bridge

From the Peanut Gallery: Great the first time but… The big guy is the one who can sing, I don’t know why they keep letting the other one do solos. That guy can sing too. They need to pick songs that are actually good to sing. They did it ass backwards – the solos were in the wrong place. But it doesn’t sound too bad. They are good but I’m not getting the wow I got the first time. Sort of like that wonderful first date and by the fourth date you’re kind of bored. Nobody liked the back up singers. Why do great singers and groups have to ruin it with backup singers. The original was such a good song. Sigh. They are about two carrots short of stew. Good but not quite. I could pick four random guys around a fire on a corner in Philadelphia and they’d do just as good.

Laura Breton

The Peanut Gallery was speechless. This is why people watch opera. She is so talented. With training…oh my goodness. Where does that voice come from? And angel. Only fourteen with a real natural beauty and sweetness. Such passion. She hits is perfect every single time.

The Clarivoynts

The Peanut Gallery: They’re creepy. I like them. They’re so pretty and charming and I know how they do it. Word cues. They have their own code just like the clairvoyants of the 19th century and before. Key words. Key words. Key words. But they do it with style.  This is county fair shit. This is awful. We’ve seen others like them but they’ve all been voted out. I’m done. She isn’t dressed like some skank. OK I’m done.

Brian Justin Crum

Ho Hum. I’m just not a fan. Then he did a Queen cover – is was, well, in my opinion, awful.

From the Peanut Gallery: This is awful. He’s announcing not singing. He changes the songs too much. He can’t hit the notes so he changes the songs. He can’t hit notes. A one trick pony. I didn’t even recognize that song. OMG that is Michael Jackson. No. The jacket is too tight. He sucks. The judges hyped him up so much. He’s horrible. That wasn’t even singing.

I have to say that my brother Andy is here. Andy is a professional opera singer. He just sort of rolled his eyes. Someone mentioned that one of the judges has the intelligence of a jelly bean.

Tape Mouth

I love him. Teddy is not a fan. He does stuff in New Zealand but under his own name without the tape.

Peanut Gallery: I got to admit that was pretty good. I wonder what he does when he isn’t so random. I wonder if he won if he’d break character and take off the tape. When you look him up he mentions that his ideas come from Charlie Chaplin and other silent comedians. The sight gags are goo. He just flashed the 21 Pilots symbol.

Victor Kee

Juggling like the Ballet Russe from the early 20th Century. He is from another time. I love his style. I love his look.

The Peanut Gallery: I can’t do a summersault. He isn’t as wonderful tonight as he usually is. Uh oh he dropped one. He is still beautiful to watch. I was hoping with the mountain/fire background that he’d do Hall of the Mountain King. Butt contour.

John Dorenbos

Peanut Gallery: He is so sweet. Do you remember him from when he was playing football? He still plays dear. He is so likable. He is but he’s used to being in the public eye. He has a good message. His presentation is what makes him. Magic that inspires. He is brilliant.

Don’t hate, don’t blame, and forgive. The magic is in every single one of us. I’m getting all choked up now. Awww man.

Gracie VanderWaal

And the winner is… she is only 12 years old. Wow. We love her. She could be opening for Never Shout Never, or 21 Pilots, or Fall Out Boy, or even Panic! at the Disco.

You can tell she is a good kid. You can tell she isn’t from some weird family who is trying to exploit her. She writes her own songs. She could be singing at Warped Tour. Cha Ching Simon.

Her style is Punk Pop (in the indie/alternative range), which by the way is what my kids love. Good job Grace for not buying into the commercial crap that is forced upon so many young minds and ears.

 

Who got our votes?

Sal, Laura, John, and Grace.

Who will win? Grace, John, or Sal.

We’ll see tomorrow.

Cheers!

Cheers!

Tonight’s Cocktail:

Kentucky Coffee

  • 8-10 oz Coffee (we used butterscotch carmel flavored beans, but you can use whatever kind you want, say a nice Etheopian blend.)
  • A dash of cinnimon
  • 1/4 cut milk
  • A shot or two of Bourbon
  • If you’re a Vampire add a shot or two of hot strained blood.
  • Mix it all in a mug and enjoy.

Ohhh, now it’s time for Ink Master. Tuesday night is when all the Vampires watch TV. Really. I couldn’t make this shit up.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

We've got plenty of talent.

We’ve got plenty of talent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the City that Nevsky Sleeps

A Guest Post From My Dearest Vampire Friend Amelia

It was a Friday night in the city that never sleeps. No, not New York. Las Vegas. Land of glitter and sleaze, neon and nightclubs; where we’d just as soon blow up our old buildings than redecorate. Viva Las Vegas! It was early June 2011 and my friend had come for a much needed visit. For me. Juliette is kind that way. I get sad, she comes and visits. I’m not nearly as good a friend. But then it’s me that gets tired of the grind of life. Or rather death. Maybe I should look into a different line of work. Life as a contract worker for several dystopian bureaucrats takes its toll, eventually. Believe me. Everything you’ve seen in the movies about being someone whose job it is to terminate others with extreme prejudice? Make it 1,000 times more boring and 1,000 times more deadly. Even a vampire can get tired of slogging through the grind of tracking a difficult hit and then dealing with the gore when it doesn’t go quite as planned. Juliette understands I have my moments after a particularly difficult job. She always seems to have her head on straight. But she’s willing to blow off steam, hence her volunteering to come cheer me up and our subsequent trip down to The Strip.

I steered Juliette through the casino floor bar at the Cosmopolitan, up the steps to the private cocktail lounge on the third level of the Chandelier. The first floor is to die for beautiful and best for people watching but it was getting late and the normal Friday night crowd could pack it in. The second floor, just as lovely, is very small in my opinion and a little two conspicuous for two vampire lovelies looking for a nip. “White Russian or black Russian?”

“Black. You know I like my brunettes…” she answered with a laugh. I love Juliette’s laugh. It always makes me smile and God He knows, I need to smile more often.

“Just so you know, I’ve lined up a few delicious ex-pats I found on InterNations. Goodness, they’re eager to meet up. Oh, by the way, how is your Russian? I told them you were born in Warsaw to a Czech mother after she was raped by Soviet soldier during the Prague Spring invasion. But the father later repented and came back for you and your mother. You immigrated to California when you were four.”

“OH MY GOSH, you didn’t! You’re incorrigible, Amelia!” Again, that laugh.”No. I didn’t. I told them you’re a descendent of Alexander Nevsky and were willing to sell a few holy indulgences for their forgiven sins.”

“Not very likely on any count. Nevsky was a saint. No descendents. I’m not a Catholic priest so I pretty sure I’m not in a category to forgive any sort of sin and NEWSFLASH: indulgences haven’t been for sale for several centuries. Where HAVE you been hiding out?” She linked her arm in mine as she finished climbing the steps. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll promise them something I’m sure we’ll all enjoy,” she added with a wicked smile and just a hint of fang. Now it was my turn to laugh.

“Добрый вечер, Анатолий Викторович. This is my friend Juliette,” I paused at the top of the stairs, greeting our first event for the evening.

~ Amelia

 

 

Thank you so much dear Amelia for this wonderful and flattering post. Now I laugh.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Now it is time for cocktails:

White Russian

2 parts Vodka

1 part Kahula

1 part heavy cream or half & half

Pour over ice, stir, enjoy.

 

Black Russian

2 parts Vodka

1 part Kahula

1 part heavy cream or half & half

Pour over ice, stir, enjoy. Add a cherry on top if you’re feeling extra festive.

Enjoy. Cheers!

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

Hot Sweaty Necks and Cocktails

I tell my kids that summer is a different sort of time for Vampires. One has to deal with hot sweaty salty necks and an assortment of other yucky summer fun.

Yes, sweaty body parts are disgusting. I’m not talking about the heat of passion sweat. I’m talking about the kind of sweat that comes with a hundred degree plus Farenheit temperatures mixed with salt and hair and God knows what else. The what else includes sunscreen, bug spray, dust, dirt, bacteria that turns into summer fun BO. Yes folks, that is the exciting romantic life of a Vampire.

On the other hand people are slow and sleepy. Of course my teens can’t ply their donors with alcohol but the can easily talk them down and make them drift off into a lovely heat filled summer trance. Oh my goodness how easy it is to get folks to just doze off for a minute or thirty in the summer heat.

And speaking of summer heat and good ideas… I heard that the animals in our zoo are getting water and blood ice to help keep cool with.

One of our summer favorites is a tall glass filled with half/half ice cubes (half blood, half water), pour almost to the top with Sanpellegrino Arncita Rossa (Italian soda), add a healthy dash of good quality gin or vodka, then garnish with fresh mint.

Note: If you are under 21 skip the booze. If you aren’t a Vampire just use regular ice cubes. Don’t try to be cool and use the blood ones. It will just taste nasty to you.

Of course you know I adore any kind of Bloody Mary. Do a search on my blog and you’ll find a number of fun cocktails for summer fun. Just do it. You’ll be glad you did.

So that is it for today. I’m finishing up and book and getting ready for the next road trip so the blog posts will be brief for a while (but don’t quote me on that.)

Have fun and stay COOL.

xoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Savory Vampire Cocktails – or – You Can Have Your Bacon and Drink It Too!

When the weather cools down our entertaining schedule picks up. That means Teddy (my fabulous, handsome, witty and delightful husband) is making his more savory cocktails.

By savory I mean nothing too sweet and specifically drinks with a little meat in them (and blood of course for the Vampire versions.) Some are based on beef broth and others are infused with bacon.

Also, don’t forget to cook with booze. It gives taste and tenderizes food. Plus (for those of you who don’t drink) the alcohol cooks off. Adding a beer to your slow cooker chili will make it fantastic but you won’t get drunk off of it.

 

vm_toast

Forget the fruit and the fluff.

We’re going for the hard stuff.

 

That’s No Bull Shot

  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 2 oz blood
  • 1/4 fresh squeezed lemon juice
  • 1/2-cup of cold beef concentrate
  • 2-6 dashes of Tabasco or other hot sauce to taste
  • A dash of ground pepper
  • A dash of cayenne pepper
  • A dash of kosher salt

Instructions:

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with liberal amounts of ice. Garnish with a slice of lemon.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

vm_eve

 

Bloody Bovine

  • 2 oz vodka
  • 4 oz of V8 or Trader Joe’s Vegetable Cocktail Juice
  • 4 oz chilled beef concentrate
  • 4 oz blood
  • 1 tsp of peeled and finely grated fresh horseradish (If you don’t have fresh use the kind in the jar. Don’t use the cream horse radish sauce because it will be disgusting.)
  • A pinch celery salt
  • 2 dashes of Worcestershire sauce
  • 3 dashes of Tabasco Sauce or more to taste
  • A liberal sprinkle of ground pepper
  • 1/4 oz fresh lemon juice (just squeeze in a few wedges)
  • And a big green olive or two. Try a blue cheese stuffed one.

Instructions:

Combine everything over ice in a big glass (or two if you want to share). Stir. Ganish with a long piece of fresh red bell pepper.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

Now Let’s Talk BACON

vm bacon cocktail

It’s all about the bacon. And the news is good.

You can now have your bacon and drink it too.

 

How to make Bacon Washed Booze.

 

You can add bacon flavor to vodka, whiskey or broubon. And it is easy. AND best of all you’ll get to eat the bacon.

This is fantastic in a Bloody Ceasar or Bloody Mary.

 

Bacon Washed Booze

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound good quality bacon
  • 26 ounces vodka, whiskey or bourbon (some people like to use rum too. I say go for it.)
  • 2 quart Mason jars
  • Fine mesh strainer or cheesecloth and funnel
  1. Fry up your bacon on low heat until nicely crisp but not charred. You don’t want to burn it. Pour fat from the pan into a heat-safe bowl (like a Pyrex bowl).
  2. Remove bacon strips and put them on a plate that’s covered with a paper towel. Let stand for five minutes.
  3. Pour alcohol of your choice into a large mason jar.
  4. When the bacon has cooled slightly, add strips into the Mason jar with the alcohol. Pour bacon fat into the jar as well. Let jar stand at room temperature for four hours and stir mixture every hour. Remove the bacon strips (but not the fat)
  5. Put the jar into the freezer overnight. The fat will solidify and rise to the top, scrape as much fat out of the jar as possible.
  6. Using a fine-mesh strainer pour vodka from one jar to a new empty mason jar. The strainer should catch lots of bacon fat and other stuff.
  7. Wash the original jar used and train the bacon infused alcohol one more time into the now clean and empty Mason jar. Enjoy.

 

vm_rick

Make a dry Bacon Martini and garnish with a strip of bacon. Or try a Smokey Vampire. Yum.

 The Smokey Vampire

  • 2 oz. Bacon Infused Bourbon (or Whiskey)
  • 1/4 oz. maple syrup
  • 2 dashes Angostura bitters
  • Orange juice (just a bit)
  • Blood (just a bit)

In mixing glass, stir 2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup, and bitters with ice. Strain into chilled rocks glass filled with ice. Garnish with bacon and if you want add a splash of orange juice and blood.

Note: If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

 

You gotta love a drinking chimp.

You gotta love a drinking chimp.

 

A word of caution: You can use the bacon booze for just about anything but Teddy advises NOT mixing it with tonic water. Nasty nasty nasty. Save your tonic water for your good gin without the bacon.

 

vm_party time

Party on Vampires but REMEMBER don’t drink and drive.

Elections and parenting and cats and stupid people and especially stupid Vampires are enough to drive anyone to drink – BUT don’t. Drink to enjoy the flavors and relax and never too much. And of course, never drink and drive (or ride a horse or bicycle while drinking and never drink while rollerskating.) Really, don’t drink and drive. It isn’t worth it.

 

vm blood and sand

I just added this one for kicks and grins. You know, the whole Blood and Sand thing. All girls (and some boys) love Valentino, who might… or might not be a Vampire now.

So welcome in the cooler weather (except for my friends in the Southern Hemisphere then have a great summer) with open arms. Don’t bring in the holidays with stress but with a quiet joy. Let go of the crap and start some new traditions. If you don’t like someone don’t spend the holidays with them – give that to yourself as a gift you always wanted.

So cheers! Teddy and I will be bringing you more holiday fun for Thanksgiving, including wine and food and Vampire fun.

xoxoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

vm_toast