Summer TV Update (with Vampires, guilty pleasures, cooking, movies, AGT, and more)

Fall is just around the corner. I know that because I am painfully aware that books for the fall quarter for two college aged kids will run around $1,600 – $2,000, maybe a little less if they are lucky enough to get used books. But on a good note, the summer TV season is still in full swing.

I know I’m not the only person on the planet who is NOT watching Game of Thrones. I was turned off the first season by all of the gratuitous doggy style sex in every single episode. Really? Come on folks mix it up. I think that is an HBO thing. Seriously it gets annoying after a while (like after the first five or six times within an hour.) There were also a couple of other annoying things. I tried to read the first book and couldn’t get through it due to the writing style. It was well written, but I just couldn’t get into it. Hey, I have read a lot of fantasy, more than most, and a lot of difficult literature (which I loved) but I couldn’t get into Game of Thrones. Sort of like I can’t get into any Wally Lamb book (sort of like waiting in Hell, I mean on hold with any technical support department with any cable company, phone company, or eBay.) But if you like it then go for it. Have fun. As us Vampires say, “sink your teeth into it.” And there are dragons. Dragons are always exceptionally cool.

I also don’t watch Dr. Who. Never have. Never will. I will not discuss the subject. Period.

By the way, I have a funny bit. This morning my husband answered the phone at some early still-dark hour. He said, “Microsoft Technical Support,” and presto – the caller was gone. HA HA HA. I love that man.

So what stupid things have I been watching this summer? Not a lot. Mainly movies. Mainly small indie films. I’ll do another post for summer theater films (maybe) later. This is what I’ve watched and highly recommend that I’ve seen on cable.

Juliette’s Short List for Summer Movies You Can Watch On Your TV or Computer:

  • The Fundamentals of Caring
  • Shimmer Lake
  • I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore
  • Tangerine

Note: All of these are small Independent films. Good stuff. None of them will make you want to strangle me after you see them. Please see the ratings and descriptions before you watch them with kids. 

 

The Bachelorette

Late one night, while I was alone, I discovered The Bachelorette. I discovered Rachael. Who couldn’t love Rachael. She is a beautiful, lovely, charming, sweet woman from Texas.

I usually don’t get hooked into this stuff but I did. I watched it in secret without family or friends. I wouldn’t admit to anyone that I was following Rachael’s adventures. But I couldn’t stop watching it.

You know, if it was a guy picking out a girl from the usually room full of chicks in too high of heels and too tight dresses I wouldn’t have watched. But this was different. This was so different. I’m not going to even try to explain today. Maybe later. Not today (I have stuff to do and need to finish this post.)

She started out with about thirty guys who all wanted to marry her, or at least get the chance to find out if they wanted to marry her. Each week she’d give a rose to the guys she wanted to keep in the running. The guys all stayed together in a stable, I mean house. Some were nice. Several were real douches. Some spent their time back stabbing other guys. That got them nowhere. In the meantime Rachael went around the world having romantic adventures with the fellows and FINALLY picked the last THREE. Oh what a heart break and what a sweet ending.

She picked…one of my favorites…the right choice… Bryan. Woo Hoo. I wish them a long happy life together.

I hope it works out for them when reality sets in. You know the reality I’m talking about. How will they handle it when one of them gets sick our injured? How will she deal with his weird high school friend Kyle? What about their morning routines, holidays, decorating styles, views on how they’ll raise their kids, where they’ll raise their kids, morning coffee breath, what they watch on TV and a variety of weird things? Life after dating can get complicated – yes, that is what marriage is. Marriage is rewarding but it isn’t easy. It takes a lot of work, and it isn’t always romantic.

I still can’t believe I got sucked into this. Awww, must be the romantic in me. Hey, Peter, dude, you blew it.

America’s Got Talent

This is my flagship show. What I mean by that is that when I first started this blog back in 2012 I started blogging about this show every single week during the summer. All of us (me, family, friends) would gather around and watch. I publish comments from the peanut gallery – unfiltered and unapologetic. The honest truth. The show is good this year and now in the judges cuts for the top acts. I’ll be posting on it again… and YES WITH COCKTAILS. Do a search for previous blog posts on this show.

I have to add one note about this season’s “golden buzzer” choices. A small girl with a big voice sang a lovely song and received the “golden buzzer.” My daughter looked the girl up on Google and found that she’d been in talent shows all over Asia. No wonder she was so good on stage, so slick, and utterly fantastic in a practiced and staged way. Her parents have made her into an industry – starting with what they named her (after a famous singer.) Unlike many of the other children we’ve seen on the show I feel this child is exploited by her parents. There is nothing natural about her. This isn’t talent. This is force fed performance – like a trained dog or monkey. She is their cash cow – raised to be a cash cow. By the time she is 23 she’ll be washed up, but who cares – mom and dad can retire in comfort. It is too bad the guest judge who pressed the golden buzzer couldn’t have seen through the blatant exploitation of a small child.

Vampire Cocktails – two parts mixer, one part blood. Cheers. And never drink and drive.

Next Food TV Star

This season had a bunch of likable folks (except two who were just annoying.) In my opinion it was the best season ever. They are now down to the last three. All men. All fun. All guys you’d want to hug and have as neighbors. All great. My bets are on Jason, a wonderful guy from Tennessee with an accent that will melt your heart away. I could just eat him up. This man can cook and entertain. Let’s see what happens.

If you don’t want to win on this show do the following:

  1. Refer to yourself as “Mama” something.
  2. Talk non-stop about a distant country you identify with, that nobody has ever heard of, even though you are 5th generation American. Then rather than educating us, and sharing with us the wonders of your beautiful family culture, be so confusing about it that nobody knows what the crap you’re talking about.
  3. Be totally clueless in the kitchen.
  4. Show the other contestants how ignorant and helpless you are.
  5. Act surprised that you’re going to be on TV and have to talk about your food.
  6. Don’t know what a vanilla bean looks like.
  7. Make the other contestants want to cry when they are paired up with you.
  8. Don’t follow directions.
  9. Act like a Martha Stewart wannabe.
  10. Make some sort of shrimp and grits for every single challenge. Yes, we know you’re from the South, but I know damn well that folks from the South eat a lot more than grits.

Preacher

I love this show. I fucking love this show.

Life Below Zero

I’m hooked. Love Sue. Love the others too. But I wish they’d show more than just hunting and fishing. I’d like to see other aspects of their lives as well. We get a hint, but I’d like more. OK I admit, I watch for the foxes at Sue’s and the puppies with everyone else.

Forged in Steel

People make knives. No drama. They are craftsmen and women. They are awesome. Wow. Check it out.

Ink Master

Yes, we’re watching this weird and wonderful train wreck of a show. This year is a team effort (teams of two in competition against each other.) There is less drama and better ink than on previous shows. Thank you producers for raising the bar a little. And did I say better artists? Yes, they’re better than we’ve seen in years. Like most shows this is just something we watch together, talk about while we watch it, and don’t take too seriously. It is family time. Don’t like to watch it alone cause it just wouldn’t be fun. And Dave is still hot.

If this Vampire wants to tattoo your image on his arm…you’ll have to check out his entire body first. Hey, look at the Vampire Maman tattoo (yes, he has a tattoo.) Is that me on his arm? Hell yeah!

 

So have a nice week everyone, and try to get outside too. Have fun – as only the summer can give you.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Stop for just a moment…

Children are sensitive souls, even when they are almost grown.

When parents are sorting through their own issues, their teens are stoic for the most part. They turn it all inside. That is when we (parents) need to buck it up and watch and listen.

They need us almost more now than when they were toddlers.

The same goes with marriage. By the time kids are teens life is so crazy and complicated and emotionally turned upside down.

We are all so busy and stressed that it just gets overwhelming.

I always say TALK WITH YOUR KIDS. I still say that. But today I have another chant for you. Talk with your spouse/partner. Talk to the other parent in the house. This is assuming the other parent is in the house. If he or she is make the time for them, as well as for the kids.

I know you know this. We just need reminders.

Yesterday my brother Aaron stopped by. Aaron and I are the only married siblings of my parent’s brood of five. He was happy that his young adult children were home for a few weeks, but they were off in their own world. His wife Verity was either with the children or working on a thousand things that had nothing to do with him.

I thought about my own household where we were all coming and going at 3,000 mph.

Stop. Talk. Hug. Say I love you.

“Maybe we’re meant to be solitary creatures,” said my brother.

“We all need our time alone. Is everything ok?” I asked.

“Sure. I’m around my family but they’re not really there.”

We talked more. They ARE there but everyone just gets so tied up in everything but each other.

Sometimes both Aaron and I feel alone, yet we know we are both part of something extraordinarily special and amazing. We have spouses and children who are there for us no matter what, and we are there for them. In turn, we are siblings who are so different, yet we are always here for each other.

I get lost in my own thoughts and issues and forget everyone around me. I become like a shadow. I become invisible. Sure, we’re Vampires so we should be invisible for the most part, but not when it comes to those we love. Nor should we make anyone feel invisible.

So your assignment for today: Love and show it. Your heart might not be beating but it doesn’t mean you can’t make someone feel they are valued and needed.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

red heart

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ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Family time – in the shadows and night

Chlorine Bleach.

You don’t need to keep gallons of it around because you shouldn’t be making that kind of mess.

That is one of the first things I teach new Vampires or stupid Vampires. I swear sometimes I wonder how they survive.

I swear to God if we tore out throats and had blood dripping down our chins like the creatures in movies we’d be extinct. Everyone would be after us. No really, they’d be coming with knives, and guns, and flame throwers. The government would get involved (not that they already aren’t.)

We’ll leave the monster mashery to the Zombies. Even Werewolves know how to be discreet.

I’m overhearing my husband and daughter talking. They’re watching something on TV about computer apps. A woman comes on who looks kind of like Barbie and she is showing her child something.

Clara: She looks like one of those perfect moms who like to tell other moms how to do their job.

Teddy: Just stab her in the neck.

Then they laughed about it. There again, some other method of shutting her up might work better. Don’t get a worked up – they were just kidding. Why would we want to stab someone in the neck. It isn’t a good idea to manhandle food.

They’re talking more but I’m doing something else, like trying to figure out what I’m going to write next. Then I hear Teddy saying, “you can’t just shut up can you?” Then they start to laugh.

Now they’re talking about what to do in North and South Dakota. They’re kind of impressed by the Badlands and Cluster, excuse me, Custer State Park. Now they’re talking about what states have the highest rates of meth use.

Yes, folks, talk with your teens about everything. It is fun and always interesting.

Outside the ghost is sitting on the back fence watching something out in the woods. Maybe ghosts of wolves of days gone by or maybe nothing. He looks up and flips me off. I curl my lip and show him a fang. Fucking ghost.

Back inside the child is still discussing statistics about the states with her dad.

All is well in the land of shadows and night.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

traditional vampire

 

 

 

 

AGT and Cocktails IS BACK! 8-19-2014

Every summer we hunker down on the couch on Tuesday and Wednesday nights for America’s Got Talent. My husband used to hate the show but now he watches it with us. But there is an addition… we’re not drinking Snapple. Teddy makes cocktails.

I’m bringing this feature back from time to time, maybe two or three more times this season out of tradition. This was one of the features that got this silly blog going. I don’t know if it was for AGT or Teddy’s Cocktails or just people wondering WTF when they saw I was posting a “Vampire Parenting Blog.” Who knows, be we’re all here now. We’re still here, and I’m glad that a lot of you are still here after my first year and now onto my third year of vampiremaman.com.

Warning the following blog is extremely opinionated and don’t try to push me in a correct moral direction according to whatever. I’m a Vampire. This is a flippin talent show on TV. I don’t care. Get over it. We might not agree but this is my blog.

As for the rest of you… Big group hug. I’m glad you’re here. On with the show!

So far this year it has been a sort of mild mixed bag. There was that prissy annoying asshat who was bound and determined to give rollerskating a bad name. The kids immediately took a dislike to him. THANK GOD he was voted off the show. I hope the door slammed him in the ass on the way out.

There was that pathetic girl who used “mental illness” as her reason to get votes. My teens informed me that she performs all over the place and has all kinds of fans without the “my mental illness” pity party going on. Don’t get me wrong – I am a STRONG advocate of mental health education, support and understanding. THAT is why I don’t like it when I see people use it as a marketing ploy. She exploited the audience with her sob story in a cold calculated way that made me sick. The girl couldn’t sign worth a shit either.

I am also tired of the endless parade of children being whipped into shape to salsa dance for egotistical sadistic dance studio owners. Does anyone else see the exploitation of these kids not to mention sexploitation. I have no problems with the other children on the show. All (except that annoying piano brat boy who had marginal piano skills) have been exceptionally sweet, cute and talented. I wish them all the best.

This year there are no big stand out acts like Prince Poppycock. Everyone is pretty tame, but fun. It is all fun. If it wasn’t we would be watching it. Yes, it is silly. One can only be serious for so many hours of each week. One can only read so many literary novels, only listen to so much smooth jazz or only watch so much Charlie Rose.

Alright then, now on to the show and cocktails! Let’s have some wholesome family fun.

Cocktails first…

Summertime Vampire Lemonade

  • 2/3 strawberry lemonade
  • 1/3 vodka
  • Enough ice to cover
  • Mix
  • Let it chill for a minute
  • Enjoy

If you want blood in your drink I recommend a nice chilled Marin County Mystery Writer Blood. Dave’s Wine & Blood is having a sale this week if you get a case.

Cheers!

Cheers!

 

So far our favorite acts are:

WAIT… I like all of them, except for two of them (the salsa sleaze and the weird girl who do acrobatics to her own drawings)  But if I had to pick so far…

  • Sons of Serendip
  • Blue… oh you know, the dancers (Look it up. They’re great)
  • David & Leeman
  • Miguel Dakota
  • Mat Franco
  • Emily West
  • Audrey Moran
  • Christer Stoiney and his cute little dog
  • And all the rest except the two mentioned above that I don’t like. As you know I’m usually extremely opinionated about this stuff but I enjoyed watching them all.

 

We’ll see who wins tonight’s show. I’ll share a few comments from the peanut gallery.

Here we go….so many dance troops and singers tonight.

Bad Boys of Ballet

  • 6 guys. 1 girl. I like this group. They can DANCE and they are entertaining to watch. 

Dom the Bombs Triple Treat

  • They’re so cute but kind of missed the mark tonight. They’re still cute. I doubt if we’ll see them again. Oh well. It was fun. They’re good kids.

Emil and Dariel

  • Two brothers who play the cello. They are wonderful. More than wonderful. I love these guys. The teens in the room loved them. They’re cute, sweet, talented and have a darling grandpa. A truly wonderful story and a great act. I’d love to see them win. They got a lot of votes from this group.

Extreme

  • Technically good but boring. I’d seen this before and before and before. Most high schools have dance groups like this. It was good but not a million dollar act. It was a basic cheer routine. 

Jonah Smith

  • He sang “Stay with Me.”  The peanut gallery all said it was better than the original. He was wonderful. I’d buy his album. Johah you’re wonderful. You rock. You deserve it. Johah got a lot of votes from this group.

Jonathan Riqulme

  • Good act. Dangerous. Some here got bored. But he was very good.

Keli Glover

  • Keli Glover was on several years back. Didn’t realize that this is a talent show. A show. One contest. She should have followed her dream. She is hanging all of her hopes on this. Can’t do that baby. Keli Glover looked beautiful (but her dress did not fit well at all.) She has a beautiful voice. I don’t think she’ll win. She isn’t unique enough. I hope she does well, gets a gig, gets on YouTube, tours with someone big. You never know. I just don’t think she’ll win this one.

Mothmen Dance

  • Comments included; I kind of like it. They’re all wearing their shirts – that is good. I like it. Not too busy. Not tons of people. Different. It could have been a little more campy. Of course they don’t get as many cheers as the boy who can’t sing. This is fun. A lot of fun. 

Nina Durri

  • Even the Vampires think this girl is creepy. The music and her act was just creepy. Yes, she does amazing things with her body but we had to fast forward. I wish her luck but it isn’t for us.

One Voice Children’s Choir

  • A cute group of kids. Most of them can sing. Of course they sang a song from Frozen. BUT… I don’t like choirs like this unless I know the kids or it is a live program. The front kids could sing a bit, but every school has a group this good or better. It all sort of sounded like yelling after a while. Cute kids. I’m happy for them but they won’t get my vote. 

Quintavious Johnson

  • We are getting mixed reviews here in the peanut gallery of night folks. Some say HE IS AWFUL. Some say he is cute and he can belt out a song. He is good for a kid but I don’t think he’ll move on.  On the other hand one never knows about this game.

Smooththini

  • Cute slight of hand. How did he do that? He palmed it, but of course he did. But it is cool and nobody can see how he does it. Charming. And where did the fish come from? HA HA

 

The results will be on Wednesday night’s show. We’ll see who goes to the semi finals.

Woo Hoo!

 

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Rude, Crude and Socially Unacceptable – Old Fashioned Family Fun

Good news, I’m taking my kids to see the band All Time Low tomorrow night. Am I the cool mom or what. It will be a lot of fun and I’ll write a full review and maybe even post photos live from the show. And in May we’re going to see (for the second time) Twenty One Pilots.

In the meantime….

Rude, Crude and Socially Unacceptable – Old Fashioned Family Fun

For all I write on parenting…and this is a parenting blog (or at least it used to be)…

Some people might think my husband and I are bad examples for our kids after they read this. You may stop now if you want. There are a lot of other great posts on this blog that will make you smile and are in good taste. There are even Vampire posts and some great short stories… Check it out. Or go on reading this… I guess.

We’ve been talking about “Not Quite Reality TV.”

On Tuesdays we all curl up on the couch together and watch Ink Masters. Someone commented on that yesterday. Hey, it teaches art appreciation, how to be a good or bad competitor, grace under fire and the importance of learning your craft no matter what you do. Plus Dave Navarro is smoking hot. Chris Nunez is super smart and we’ve learned a lot from him about tattoo standards. And Oliver Peck is darling. Chris and Oliver are amazing artists as well – two of the best. And it is just an old fashioned freak show. We’re waiting for the next show when Kyle goes off on Chris. Smack the crap out of him Chris! Stop being a whoosie ass baby Kyle! Find your man card and grow a pair.

My daughter is addicted to Bar Rescue. I have no words or explanation on that one.

Antiques Roadshow is ok because my husband is in the business, we’ve been to Antiques Roadshow AND it is on PBS (and he knows a lot of the dealers).

My son tells everyone he never watches television but I know he watches Sherlock on Netflix and Skins (which is not about weasel trappers.)

When the kids both turn 18 they want to be on The Amazing Race. I think they’d win, or at least be the most entertaining people ever on the show. Even more amazing is the fact that they don’t even watch the show.

Tonight we discussed game shows and new shows in general we might produce.

Wheel of Torture. If you don’t get any of the words right you get the thumb screws, whacked with a cattle prod, bitten by dogs…or forced to watch reruns of Jersey Shore.

Are You The One – Family Style. 10 girls and 10 guys get together to find their perfect match. The hitch is that two of them are brother and sister but none of them know WHO is related. Yes, that is super sick, but it keeps them all out of the BOOM BOOM room. Yes, this was really bad but I won’t even start to tell you some of the really bad shows we came up with.

Werewolves on Ice. Ice skating show featuring Werewolves. Think about it. THAT wold be funny (at the expense of our furry friends.)

Junk Yard Wars – Naked Edition. A team of girls try to guess, you guessed it, what guy that junk belongs to.

Than again most of the stuff on Cable TV is pretty scary and weird and in really really really bad taste. We couldn’t make it up.

My Strange Addiction features people who want to be living dolls, people who eat eye makeup, eat beds, get humongous boobs, eat other people’s toe nails, collect rat skulls… the list goes on. It is the most disgusting thing on TV.

There is even a show about women who don’t know they’re pregnant. Excuse me? If you’re pregnant you know it.

Then there are all of the Southern Hillbilly shows. Swamp people, Swamp Girls, Fish Giggers, Pregnant and Stupid, Pregnant and Knocked Up, Pregnant and Stinky, Deadly Dogs, Pawn Punks and Duck Danglers… it goes on and on and on. I know a lot of Southerners but none of them are like these yahoos. And don’t forget Honey Boo Boo. My brain is going to rot out of my head even knowing that these things exist.

Forget Horror Movies, just turn on your TV.

I know this has been a stupid post but…

Oh come on, I wish I’d recorded our conversation because it was really really funny. We laughed so hard. Maybe next time.

And it all goes to show that a family that laughs together and does stupid silly things together stays together. If you have kids enjoy them. Laugh with them. And when they ask you to lighten up – do it. And you know, you can teach your kids the difference between good taste and bad taste – and have fun doing it.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

If this Vampire wants to tattoo your image on his arm...you'll have to check out his entire body first.

If this Vampire wants to tattoo your image on his arm…you’ll have to check out his entire body first.

Vampire Maman (look I drew something, a tattoo, now leave me alone)

Vampire Maman (look I drew something, a tattoo, now leave me alone)