“Did you ever go to Ancient Egypt?”

“No, I didn’t. I guess I should have. The generals going to Britain requested that I go there with them as a form of protection or some sort of nonsense. I didn’t want to go. Not really. Then I started thinking that it was north of Rome, so maybe, just maybe I’d get some information about where I’d come from, you know, originally as a toddler.”

“Do you remember your parents?”

“Not really. I remember I was at a place that was home, there were a lot of trees and people who looked like me, then I remember I was someplace else. You’ve asked me all of this before. I know it seems extremely interesting but I’d like to talk about something else now.” He put his hand on Val’s shoulder. “How are you holding up these days? I see you’ve shaved off your beard. Did you do that on your own volition or did a woman put you up to it?”

Val smiled. “It was my idea. I don’t have a woman in my life right now.”

Tellias patted my brother’s knee as he stood up, “Oh you will, you will. You’ve got a good face. Women like good faces.”

The old Vampire, who looked like a nineteen year old kid, stretched his arms from side to side then, looked over at me. “Don’t you think your brother is handsome without the beard?”

“Indeed I do,” I said.

“Indeed he does look handsome as ever,” said Eleora as she danced into the room carrying a basket full of what looked like colorful scraps of fabric. “And now we shall cover you up. Completely up.”

“Completely,” said Tellias.

He took the basked from Eleora, then danced her around the room. “My love, forever. You are why I’m glad I did not go to ancient Egypt and decided to go with the Romans north. When I saw you dancing on the edge of the cliff with the sound of the waves in the background I knew.”

“You knew,” said the brown haired young women who was really over two thousand years old. “I knew. Now we all know.”

“Yes we do,” said Tellias.

“Now, we shall cover up,” she said grabbing a daisy patterned face mask out of her basket. “I made these yesterday.”

“She made them,” said Tellias.

“Two dozen,” said Eleora.

“Yes, two whole dozen. Twenty four,” said Tellias.

“Twenty four,” said Eleora as she hooked it over Val’s ears. “Now you look quite dashing Valentine. Just be careful not to hook your fangs in it.”

“I’ll do my best,” said Val. “Thanks. This is great.”

“You look good in daisies,” said Tellias. “Here Juliette, take the one with roses on it. Pink roses. It suits your hazel eyes.”

We spend the rest of the afternoon, my brother Val, the elders, and I, over iced tumblers of blood with a squeeze of lime and fresh rosemary sprigs. It was over 100°F but we remained cool and happy to be in each other’s company.

In these times of uncertainty make sure you check in on your elders, and those who might need extra help. Even if you can’t see them in person please make that call, or call their caretakers. Just a few moments of your time can make the world of difference to someone isolated or out of touch.

Be aware of your actions, and that even though you might be alright, there are those who are fragile and by wearing a mask you can help prevent their memories and stories from being lost forever.

  • Wear a mask
  • Wash your hands
  • Call those you love and check in on them
  • Be cool, even in the heat and again, wear your mask.
  • Help others
  • Talk to your kids
  • Be concerned
  • Take this seriously. We’re not all so lucky to be Vampires. Take it seriously.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman








When everyday seems like Halloween…










October will be here in a few hours! Time for scary things.

I have refrained from the darker side of Vampire life. I was brought up not to talk about things like that in polite society. But we all know we talk about it ALL THE TIME.

Face it, sooner or later Vampire kids, those who are brought up to be Modern Vampires have to hear of what goes on in the darker circles of our population. We can’t protect them from everything but we can give them the tools to deal with it. We can teach them good judgement. We can not only tell them what NOT to do but WHY they shouldn’t do it and the consequences. We can teach them not to associate with members of certain circles of the Vampire population. That is what happens when you live in a world where everyday is Halloween.

Then again I know a lot of Regular Humans who live like it is always Halloween so I guess my point isn’t too unique to Vampire Teens.

You know how, sometime when you’re just sitting around and some weird memory comes to mind and you think “I would never tell my kids that.” Well, that happened today.

I was thinking about a guy that I knew. It was more than a guy. He was minor royalty. He wanted to be a Vampire. I played with him. I led him on. I even thought about granting his wish. He was fun and sort of dangerous in that bad boy sort of way and he was gorgeous.

One night I showed up at his house. He had a surprise for me. I thought of his surprises. Once it had been one of his friends with a rather nice neck. One time it had been a pair of ruby earrings.  I couldn’t guess.

He took me to a bedroom where he presented me with two very small children. They couldn’t have been more than two years old, sweet and perfect, sleeping like angels. “I brought you babies, the sweetest babies, for your enjoyment.”

“Are these your children?” I knew the answer but dared not show my true feelings.

“I bought them for you.” He told me that as if it was normal. “Like the finest lamb or veal. They’re yours to enjoy.”

I took the children without taking a drop of blood from them. They were placed in loving homes and never remembered a thing of that night. I never saw my lover again. Nobody ever saw him again. Not even one drop of his blood. Imagine that.

It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. It won’t be the last, but we’ve tried to be civil. We try to not do harm. It is our way in our circles.

That was October, 1880.  A lot of ugly things existed in the world then and still do now. We talk to our kids about what we hear in the news and what goes on with those we don’t associate with…but all the while…

While we protect our children we must also let them know that the world isn’t always  rainbows and puppy dogs. I know I’ve said that before. They need to go out in the world prepared with open eyes, and we need to teach them from our own experiences. Maybe not tell them everything, but you know where I’m going on this.

So, Halloween is coming and I’ll try to get some fun stories of adventures we’ve had that are scary and fun… but there are some things that are too scary and too sad for this blogger to put down here.

And now that you’re all depressed… You know I’m tough and can handle bad situations, but I’d rather live the life of a comfortable wimp who seduces to get my blood rather than putting fear into the hearts of everyone I meet.

But I promise some fun in October and plenty of Vampire fun! Really, I’ll try to stay away from these depressing musings (ok maybe not but keep coming back just to check in for the funny stuff.)

Alright, twist my arm, maybe we’ll have some scary stuff…

So I’ll end with a joke:

A Vampire goes into a bar with a bat. The bartender says “You need to take that thing to the zoo.” The Vampire says “We went to the zoo yesterday. We’re going to the movies today.”

I just looked up from my computer to see the ghost standing outside the window, leaning on the deck rail looking up at the starts. He just flipped me off. Damn him. I’m going to flip him out and show him some fangs. Serves him right. Like I said, it is always like Halloween around here.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Am I not hip enough for you?

Cody, my new Vampire friend (it will be a year in April that he has become a Vampire) told me I needed to be more “hip”.  Cody is 27. I met him downtown wearing black slacks, heels and a blue jacket with pearls. I can’t wear scarves, sweaters and canvas shoes all the time. Come on, give me a break.

We’re Vampires Cody. V A M P I R E S. Now say it after me “We’re Vampires”.

What Cody? Am I not hip enough for you? All of the teens I know think I’m “hip” and they are the future. And they think I’m funny. They think I’m really funny.

I buy local wine, local organic produce, local blood, local beer, local jewelry and just about anything else that I can get local. I reuse and recycle everything. I listen to indie music. We go to small clubs to listen to that music with our teens. I watch indie films. I drink a lot of coffee and tea. I read indie and self published books. I read poetry. I wear fingerless gloves. I wear flip flops in the winter. I wear a lot of black (but I’m not Goth, but I could be and I can be whatever I want to be despite what you think). AND I’m a graphic designer (a professional graphic designer who uses a MAC).

I garden in my back yard – organically.

All my pets come from a shelter. And they are all spayed and neutered.

We have Ikea furniture but won’t get any more because it is a pain in the ass to put together and too heavy.  We get more stuff off of Craigslist and find cool old antique stuff that we mix and match. We have stuff fixed and we repaint and we repurpose. We’ve always done that.

I don’t do this because I’m trendy, or hip, or even making a statement. I do this because it is the right thing to do. It is what I’ve always done. And I’m not young. I was doing this before you were born. Before your parents were born.

I DO draw the line with living in a small space. I need space. I need MY SPACE. I won’t budge on that one.

My kids were brought up going to a FREE MONTESSORI PUBLIC CHARTER SCHOOL. We live near the FREE PUBLIC WALDORF school, or as we call it the “hippy school” and they have a very happy art filled school. Very cool. We like them.

Montessori is the ultimate in hip education. It is the bomb in hip everything. All kids should go to Montessori schools. Montessori Schools ROCK. Charter schools ROCK.

So don’t look at me and judge me, because you don’t know how hip I am. Yes, I do wear a Rolex and have a Coach bag which I will wear with my old beat up Doc Marten Oxfords. I wear jackets from the 1950’s and sweaters from Target and whatever I can mix and match together with the earrings I get from the local craft fair.

Judging people (as we learn in the Montessori school) is totally and completely UNHIP. So don’t do it. That means YOU Cody. Ahhh you have so much to learn young man.

And I write a blog. A blog about parenting from a Vampire Maman (mom) point of view but this applies to all mom’s and all parents and all teens. Enough said.

So today’s list (with bullets) is:

  • You don’t have to be hip.
  • Do what is right – not what is popular
  • Wear what you want.
  • It is ok to be hip.
  • It is ok not to be hip. (There is a song about that. Look it up)
  • It is ok to be old.
  • It is ok to be young.
  • It is ok to wear ugly hats if you want to (but I don’t advise it.)
  • Or like the man sings – you can leave your hat on.
  • It is ok to be yourself even if your friends aren’t you (think about it.)
  • It is not ok to judge or feel like you are morally profound, unless you are a saint. And I know you are not a saint.
  • Sometimes it is ok to vent even if some people will think you’re an a_hole.
  • Everyone will eventually be hip somewhere in the space/time continuum.
  • Not everyone is going to be like you and it is fun to have friends who are not like you. Really. Take my word on it.
  • My daughter has a shirt with a picture of a cat on it wearing a knit hat. Our cats won’t wear hats.
  • Cats will always be hip.
  • Flying Squirrels will always be hip – they’re beyond hip.
  • Listen to your mom.


On more of a fun note…and I don’t mean to judge. When we look up the neighborhood connections at our house we see stuff like Chuckslink, ATT2394, Comcast1256, JackandLisa231 etc etc etc. A few months ago my daughter went to visit cousins in a different part of the country where the culture is a little different. A place where there is a large Vampire population (my parents lived there before they came to California). Anyway she said the connections were all named “F___ you rednecks get your own damn internet”, Not your F____ing internet, F_____ you a__hole” etc etc etc. We had to laugh…but I’m not judging. Just telling a story. I thought it was funny.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman