Musings on Good Behavior and Time Well Spent

As the New Year approaches let us all make a resolution to be nice and civilized in 2015. We will also make a resolution to teach the teens and younger adults in our lives to do the same.

Good taste and manners is what differentiates us from those people who are considered somewhat lower than us on the evolutionary scale.

There are things we do not do.

  • Do not wear push up bras to the gym.
  • Do not try to dress sexy at the gym.
  • Do not bring babies to movie theaters.
  • Do not worry if someone ignores you at a party. Their existence doesn’t count.
  • Do not pay attention your cell phone while dining with others.
  • Do not pay attention to your cell phone while you are on a date or at a business meeting.
  • Do not let your dog sniff crotches. He can sniff dog butt but that is all.
  • Get your dog fixed.
  • Always show respect to your teachers (even if you do not like them). The rewards will be great.

This list could go on and on. It is just part of my chore as someone who writes about parenting young adults and scolding older adults.

Dear Vampires, you also have to mind your manners. Make it a goal in 2015 to follow proper etiquette.

  • Use proper hygiene. You’re a Vampire not a Zombie. Nobody likes to be around someone who smells dead. For that matter nobody likes to be around someone who looks dead. The same goes for Regular Humans and Werewolves.
  • Never be a bore. Nobody like to be around someone everyone wishes was dead.
  • Don’t talk in an Eastern European accent unless you are from Eastern Europe.
  • Be neat. Blood stains are a bitch to get out of carpets and clothing.
  • Age has nothing to do with maturity. Just because you’re 400 years old doesn’t give you the right to be an immature jerk.
  • Don’t be creepy.
  • Don’t lurk around.
  • Don’t stalk. If you like a girl just go up and say hello. Don’t stand by her bed late at night and stare at her.
  • Don’t take advantage of Regular Humans. Just take what you need and get out of there.
  • Always be polite and use good manners. You already know that you’re better than everyone else so act that way. And I don’t mean by being a snob.
  • Be a person everyone wants to be around. That way you’ll never go hungry.

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I came home to finish up this post after going for a walk with my kids. We went about a mile away, away from the trees and the neighborhood to the local Starbucks. Along the way we talked. The subjects ran from over population, to religion, to manners, to dogs, to good friends, to relationships, to cities my lovelies would live in when they grow up and go out on their own. We saw the snow on the mountains in the distance and decided we’re in a pretty good place right now. But one day they will spread their wings and discover the world on their own. I told them about some of my hopes and dreams and things I almost did. They said I have an adventurous spirit. They were surprised by some of my youthful adventures and dreams. I still have dreams and plenty of adventures ahead of me. You have to. Everyone has to.

So to add to the list of things above, here are a few more:

  • Keep talking with your kids.
  • Listen to their dreams.
  • Keep having your own dreams.
  • Keep having your own adventures.
  • And don’t be afraid when your kids want to have adventures. Let them fly. Let them live their lives. They’ll be safe because you raised them right. I hope you raised them right.
  • Treasure your time with them. Treasure the small things. The walks, the talks over coffee, the time spent piled up on the couch together, the times watching funny dog videos or shopping or going to the local museum… all of the times. It all matters. It is all well spent.
  • Love well. Love a lot.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

proudparentofvampireteens

There is no excuse for rudeness (even to a Vampire or Werewolf)

When a child under the age of 6 or 7 asks a rude question we can brush it off as the innocence of youth. But, when an adult asks rude questions or says rude remarks it just makes them look stupid, insensitive and just plain mean. Not to mention it makes them seem like bad parents.

Their mouths open and rude things just spew out like so much sewage. They have no idea of how them might hurt someone, and how badly it makes them look. On some levels being rude is just another way of being a bully.

I’ve been having this discussion with friends on and off about rude things people ask or say so I’ve made some lists of “What Not to Say ANYTIME”. And don’t be shocked. These are real things we’ve heard people say.

Note: For example purposes all references to a child will be LuLu or Rand. And of course I know none of my regular readers would say rude things like the examples I give below. It is just a list (I like lists. Like to make them. Like to read them.)

Things never to say to people with children:

  • Why do you only have one child? Variations include: You need to have more sex. Only one child? It’s selfish to only have one child.
  • Why don’t you have more kids? Answer: None of your f__ing business.
  • Won’t little Rand get lonely if he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters? Why no, he has a lot of friends.
  • Only children are selfish children. Not true. Go away.
  • Why do you have so many children? Answer: Go away.
  • Which is your favorite? They’re children not flavors. Go away.
  • What is wrong with LuLu? Variations: Do you get money from the state for her? Shouldn’t she be in a facility for kids like her. Yes, people who say things like that SHOULD be shot or at least slapped silly but that is illegal so just tell them “I love my child and I don’t wish to discuss her with you.”
  • Isn’t that ________________ (sport, activity, camp, club, school) expensive? I could never afford THAT. Answer: Just walk away.
  • I’d never let MY child _______________ fill in the blank. Good for you. Now go away.

Things never to say to people who don’t have kids:

  • Why don’t you have kids?
  • Can’t you have children?
  • Why don’t you want kids”
  • Isn’t that selfish?
  • Who will take care of you when you get old?
  • Well I guess if I didn’t have kids I’d be taking vacations to Europe too.
  • All of the above are rude things to say.

Things never to say to your single friends, especially those over 40.

  • Why didn’t you ever get married? Answer: None of your f____ing business.
  • I have someone I want you to meet. He but he hates cats. This is to the friend with 3 cats. The friend who has always had cats. The friend who WILL always have cats.
  • Life isn’t complete without a mate.  Really? That is both rude and wrong on so many levels.
  • I wish you’d find someone. Answer: Well so do I, so why are you rubbing it in?
  • Are you gay? Honest to God I can’t tell you how many single people I know who have been asked this question. There is nothing wrong with being gay or single. There are gay single people. Gay married people. Gay dating people. Get over it.

Things Never to say to Cat Owners:

  • I hate cats. OK this is the story. The cat is sitting in the front yard watching bugs. Then the cat goes inside and eats, Then rubs up against my leg. What is there to hate? And why do you feel compelled to say you hate MY CAT? I’m not asking you to take it home with you. Go away. You can also exchange cat with dog, horse, rabbit, parrot, fish, husband – some people are just RUDE.

Things never to say to someone on a romantic date:

  • My sister is coming with us. This usually translates to “my sister who is nuts and talks non-stop and is so weird that if you look up weird in the dictionary her photo will be there.
  • Have you ever thought of doing something about your thinning hair? Who told you this is a sure fire way to get a guy into the mood? There is nothing wrong with thinning hair on men. It is natural. It happens. Get over it.
  • You’d be perfect if you lost about 10 pounds. And you’re sleeping alone tonight Mr. Romance!
  • Anything about your ex. That includes ex wives, ex girlfriends, ex husbands, ex boyfriends, ex lovers of any kind. Don’t talk about how badly your kids are doing either. That is also a sure fire turn off.  And don’t use the excuse of being “honest”. That doesn’t fly.  It is RUDE to  do an emotional dump on someone who wanted to spend the evening with YOU and NOT everyone who has ever done you wrong.

Things Never to Say to a WORKING MOM:

  • I stay home with my kids because they need me.
  • I get to volunteer at the school 3 days a week so I’ll know what my child is doing.
  • Before you know it they’ll be grown and you’ll have missed out on everything.
  • I always go to my 10:00 work-out class when the kids are at school.
  • All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a Stay-At-Home Mom

  • Why don’t you have a job?
  • Don’t you get bored?
  • Don’t you wish you had your own money?
  • You don’t work so why don’t you have time to go to the gym?
  • You’ve wasted your college education.
  • All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a child that isn’t yours?

  • How much money does your dad make?
  • Who did your parents vote for?
  • What are your grades?
  • Do your parents spend a lot of money on ____________________?
  • It seems like there are a lot of people who try to find out financial information about people they know through the children.  And tell your kids not to answer any questions about money or other private family matters.

Things never to say to a Vampire:

  • Why aren’t you wearing black?
  • Show me your fangs?
  • Do you sleep in a coffin?
  • Aren’t you worried about eternal damnation?

Things to never say to a Werewolf?

  • Do you eat people?
  • Do you have fleas?
  • When you take a bath do you smell like a wet dog?
  • I’m allergic to dogs.

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