Is he gay? Well, um, does it matter?

skatepair

 

The other night my brother Val was out in a popular crowded pub, doing what Vampires do, getting a bite to eat, when an attractive woman approached him.

Mind you, for all of you who are new here, we aren’t those creepy creatures with blood dripping from our chins wearing musty old black capes lurking around with claw like fingernails. We’re well groomed, well dressed, clean and most of us are somewhat, if not unusually attractive.

That said, Val was talking with a friend when a pretty young woman came up to him and asked, “What year were you born?”

He was somewhat take aback and told her, with a flirtatious smile, “1858.” A true and amusing answer, especially considering she had no idea what he is. And I have to admit that my brother is awfully cute.

She gave him an annoyed look and asked, “Are you gay?”

“I am if you want me to be,” my brother replied.

Without a word the young woman went back to her friends.

Val has been puzzled all week by her question and her reaction to his answer.

 

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can't show photos of my family here.)

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can’t show photos of my family here.)

 

When I tell people my daughter has a skating partner for dance (artistic roller skating) people ALWAYS ask me the one question. “Is he gay?”

Excuse me? The first time I was flustered and said “No he goes to…” and I gave them the name of his high school.

I don’t know the answer to that. I never even thought about it. It doesn’t really matter. Gay or straight he is a good skater and I’m so proud of those kids for being such a great team. They work hard. They have fun. They’re championship material. They could both be gay for all it matters, because it doesn’t matter.

Every time someone asks me that question I just want to scream “What are you stupid on top of being rude?” And I say that because they ask in that weird uncomfortable way… I can’t even describe it.  Ugh. My head is going to explode.

I know they ask because he is a boy who skates. Sigh. Would they ask if he played football or was on the track team? No, they wouldn’t. At least in skating nobody has to be afraid of being who they. In skating you can be yourself and be an incredible world-class athlete.

In skating, if you’re a guy, you can work up a sweat while you hold on to pretty girl who is also working up a sweat and nobody says a thing about it. Skating is a great sport for any guy – gay or straight.

In football guys slap male butts and jump all over each other. Nobody asks if those guys are gay (in a condescending way) and nobody giggles about it.

So why be rude about gay skaters and not about gay football players? Why do football players have to keep it secret if they have a boyfriend (not a girlfriend.)

Yes, it is confusing. So why do people care? Why be rude at all? This is sports not matchmaking. There is no such thing as a gay or straight sport. It is just a sport. It has nothing to do with the sexuality of the athletes. It has everything to do with skill and good sportsmanship.

So please, stop asking me if any of my kids’ friends are gay or straight, or smart or stupid, or pretty or plain. They’re teens just trying their best to make it through high school with as little drama as possible and as many good memories as possible.

My kids just shake their heads about stuff like this. In their world and the world of their friends there isn’t much room for labels. We’re all so complex and different from each other, yet we’re all more alike than we can imagine or even list. So yes, the world our kids are growing up in, in a lot of ways, is a better place.

And we all know… if everyone was the same the world would be a really boring place.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

rollerskating

There is no excuse for rudeness (even to a Vampire or Werewolf)

When a child under the age of 6 or 7 asks a rude question we can brush it off as the innocence of youth. But, when an adult asks rude questions or says rude remarks it just makes them look stupid, insensitive and just plain mean. Not to mention it makes them seem like bad parents.

Their mouths open and rude things just spew out like so much sewage. They have no idea of how them might hurt someone, and how badly it makes them look. On some levels being rude is just another way of being a bully.

I’ve been having this discussion with friends on and off about rude things people ask or say so I’ve made some lists of “What Not to Say ANYTIME”. And don’t be shocked. These are real things we’ve heard people say.

Note: For example purposes all references to a child will be LuLu or Rand. And of course I know none of my regular readers would say rude things like the examples I give below. It is just a list (I like lists. Like to make them. Like to read them.)

Things never to say to people with children:

  • Why do you only have one child? Variations include: You need to have more sex. Only one child? It’s selfish to only have one child.
  • Why don’t you have more kids? Answer: None of your f__ing business.
  • Won’t little Rand get lonely if he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters? Why no, he has a lot of friends.
  • Only children are selfish children. Not true. Go away.
  • Why do you have so many children? Answer: Go away.
  • Which is your favorite? They’re children not flavors. Go away.
  • What is wrong with LuLu? Variations: Do you get money from the state for her? Shouldn’t she be in a facility for kids like her. Yes, people who say things like that SHOULD be shot or at least slapped silly but that is illegal so just tell them “I love my child and I don’t wish to discuss her with you.”
  • Isn’t that ________________ (sport, activity, camp, club, school) expensive? I could never afford THAT. Answer: Just walk away.
  • I’d never let MY child _______________ fill in the blank. Good for you. Now go away.

Things never to say to people who don’t have kids:

  • Why don’t you have kids?
  • Can’t you have children?
  • Why don’t you want kids”
  • Isn’t that selfish?
  • Who will take care of you when you get old?
  • Well I guess if I didn’t have kids I’d be taking vacations to Europe too.
  • All of the above are rude things to say.

Things never to say to your single friends, especially those over 40.

  • Why didn’t you ever get married? Answer: None of your f____ing business.
  • I have someone I want you to meet. He but he hates cats. This is to the friend with 3 cats. The friend who has always had cats. The friend who WILL always have cats.
  • Life isn’t complete without a mate.  Really? That is both rude and wrong on so many levels.
  • I wish you’d find someone. Answer: Well so do I, so why are you rubbing it in?
  • Are you gay? Honest to God I can’t tell you how many single people I know who have been asked this question. There is nothing wrong with being gay or single. There are gay single people. Gay married people. Gay dating people. Get over it.

Things Never to say to Cat Owners:

  • I hate cats. OK this is the story. The cat is sitting in the front yard watching bugs. Then the cat goes inside and eats, Then rubs up against my leg. What is there to hate? And why do you feel compelled to say you hate MY CAT? I’m not asking you to take it home with you. Go away. You can also exchange cat with dog, horse, rabbit, parrot, fish, husband – some people are just RUDE.

Things never to say to someone on a romantic date:

  • My sister is coming with us. This usually translates to “my sister who is nuts and talks non-stop and is so weird that if you look up weird in the dictionary her photo will be there.
  • Have you ever thought of doing something about your thinning hair? Who told you this is a sure fire way to get a guy into the mood? There is nothing wrong with thinning hair on men. It is natural. It happens. Get over it.
  • You’d be perfect if you lost about 10 pounds. And you’re sleeping alone tonight Mr. Romance!
  • Anything about your ex. That includes ex wives, ex girlfriends, ex husbands, ex boyfriends, ex lovers of any kind. Don’t talk about how badly your kids are doing either. That is also a sure fire turn off.  And don’t use the excuse of being “honest”. That doesn’t fly.  It is RUDE to  do an emotional dump on someone who wanted to spend the evening with YOU and NOT everyone who has ever done you wrong.

Things Never to Say to a WORKING MOM:

  • I stay home with my kids because they need me.
  • I get to volunteer at the school 3 days a week so I’ll know what my child is doing.
  • Before you know it they’ll be grown and you’ll have missed out on everything.
  • I always go to my 10:00 work-out class when the kids are at school.
  • All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a Stay-At-Home Mom

  • Why don’t you have a job?
  • Don’t you get bored?
  • Don’t you wish you had your own money?
  • You don’t work so why don’t you have time to go to the gym?
  • You’ve wasted your college education.
  • All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a child that isn’t yours?

  • How much money does your dad make?
  • Who did your parents vote for?
  • What are your grades?
  • Do your parents spend a lot of money on ____________________?
  • It seems like there are a lot of people who try to find out financial information about people they know through the children.  And tell your kids not to answer any questions about money or other private family matters.

Things never to say to a Vampire:

  • Why aren’t you wearing black?
  • Show me your fangs?
  • Do you sleep in a coffin?
  • Aren’t you worried about eternal damnation?

Things to never say to a Werewolf?

  • Do you eat people?
  • Do you have fleas?
  • When you take a bath do you smell like a wet dog?
  • I’m allergic to dogs.

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