Is he gay? Well, um, does it matter?

skatepair

 

The other night my brother Val was out in a popular crowded pub, doing what Vampires do, getting a bite to eat, when an attractive woman approached him.

Mind you, for all of you who are new here, we aren’t those creepy creatures with blood dripping from our chins wearing musty old black capes lurking around with claw like fingernails. We’re well groomed, well dressed, clean and most of us are somewhat, if not unusually attractive.

That said, Val was talking with a friend when a pretty young woman came up to him and asked, “What year were you born?”

He was somewhat take aback and told her, with a flirtatious smile, “1858.” A true and amusing answer, especially considering she had no idea what he is. And I have to admit that my brother is awfully cute.

She gave him an annoyed look and asked, “Are you gay?”

“I am if you want me to be,” my brother replied.

Without a word the young woman went back to her friends.

Val has been puzzled all week by her question and her reaction to his answer.

 

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can't show photos of my family here.)

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can’t show photos of my family here.)

 

When I tell people my daughter has a skating partner for dance (artistic roller skating) people ALWAYS ask me the one question. “Is he gay?”

Excuse me? The first time I was flustered and said “No he goes to…” and I gave them the name of his high school.

I don’t know the answer to that. I never even thought about it. It doesn’t really matter. Gay or straight he is a good skater and I’m so proud of those kids for being such a great team. They work hard. They have fun. They’re championship material. They could both be gay for all it matters, because it doesn’t matter.

Every time someone asks me that question I just want to scream “What are you stupid on top of being rude?” And I say that because they ask in that weird uncomfortable way… I can’t even describe it.  Ugh. My head is going to explode.

I know they ask because he is a boy who skates. Sigh. Would they ask if he played football or was on the track team? No, they wouldn’t. At least in skating nobody has to be afraid of being who they. In skating you can be yourself and be an incredible world-class athlete.

In skating, if you’re a guy, you can work up a sweat while you hold on to pretty girl who is also working up a sweat and nobody says a thing about it. Skating is a great sport for any guy – gay or straight.

In football guys slap male butts and jump all over each other. Nobody asks if those guys are gay (in a condescending way) and nobody giggles about it.

So why be rude about gay skaters and not about gay football players? Why do football players have to keep it secret if they have a boyfriend (not a girlfriend.)

Yes, it is confusing. So why do people care? Why be rude at all? This is sports not matchmaking. There is no such thing as a gay or straight sport. It is just a sport. It has nothing to do with the sexuality of the athletes. It has everything to do with skill and good sportsmanship.

So please, stop asking me if any of my kids’ friends are gay or straight, or smart or stupid, or pretty or plain. They’re teens just trying their best to make it through high school with as little drama as possible and as many good memories as possible.

My kids just shake their heads about stuff like this. In their world and the world of their friends there isn’t much room for labels. We’re all so complex and different from each other, yet we’re all more alike than we can imagine or even list. So yes, the world our kids are growing up in, in a lot of ways, is a better place.

And we all know… if everyone was the same the world would be a really boring place.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

rollerskating

4 thoughts on “Is he gay? Well, um, does it matter?

  1. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have had that question asked about people that I know or even me! It’s ridiculous! People spend too much time on labeling, they forget to have a good time. Great post! 🙂

  2. I had a friend who faced the same problem. He was working as a Flight Attendant. And apparently many Flight Attendants were gay. He told me he had heard that so often, he even quite choking. And he loved this job so much.

  3. Pingback: Is he gay? Well, um, does it matter? | West Coast Review

  4. Some people are just ignorant – they aren’t aware or don’t know…
    Some know but choose to behave in a rude and stupid manner…
    The first group can learn…, the second group never will. I can accept ignorance (to a certain degree), but stupidity is just intolerable. Nice post, J. 🙂

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