Bird Song, Lost Keys, and Sleep – Morning Musings

Before the sun even comes up I can hear the birds going about their own business. First there are the mocking birds and other odd lone birds who cry out in the night. Then the owls. Always the owls. Right before dawn the gulls, the tiny song birds, the hawk, the eagles, and crows welcome in the morning. And of course there are chickens when the weather is warm, but it isn’t warm today with the landscape covered in frost and ice.

The world is waking up. My daughter has a half hour to get to class and will no doubt get there just as it starts. Her father is asleep. I’m in that state of both asleep and awake.

Sleep once again has played tricks on me and treated me badly. I can’t curl up in a crypt or a darkened room, or anyplace and rest. Sleep hates me. The Sandman mocks me. Sweet dreams are just a faint memory, as if I ever had any sweet dreams.

My cats tell me that sleeping is easy. They curl up next to me to show me how it is done.

My dog comes up to me for attention, almost knocks over my coffee, then yawns and curls up on her bed.

We also had a frantic search for keys. One should never move keys that belong to another, but in my house it happens all the time. The teen took my car after much reluctance.

And I’m still not awake but not asleep, but will soon be awake. Maybe.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

She Taunts Me – Sleep, Ghosts, and Vampires


It is like the ghost that haunts me

Only worse.

The ghost will listen to me.

Sleep never does.

She taunts me

Like a woman who wants to seduce my husband.

She gives him slumbers so peaceful

So silent and lovely.

She taunts me and pulls my dreams to tattered bits

Then keeps me awake for days on end.

My slumbers end in a dark prison room

Always cold

Always alone

Always awake.

We’re not  friends Sleep and I.

I used to think it was my nocturnal nature,

But now I know it is because

Sleep hates me for something I did

In the past 

And fired up her jealous heart

To the point where she is only thinking of revenge.


I fixed a pot of coffee,

As Nigel the Ghost said, “Sleep doesn’t give a crap what you do Vampire. You’re too busy and you drink too much coffee.”

Maybe so but I’m not going to admit anything to a ghost.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

At the end of my street is a woodland that ends in bluffs overlooking a lake. On one end one can see the towers of Folsom Prison. If you walk a bit down the trail you can see the Mormon Temple. At night it looks like the Eifel Tower in Paris.

Most Vampires avoid both prisons and churches (I use that term for all places of worship.)

If we go in a church we’re usually drawn in by the music, hiding out or drawn in by someone of strong will.

I had a dream that my friend Amelia and I were inside of the Mormon Temple exploring on our own. I’ve been there so I have a visual, but I wasn’t exploring the first time – the real-time. I was on a tour, as a guest, when the building first opened (another story for another time.)

It was lovely and a bit confusing. I have to admit that I like exploring old Catholic churches full of statues of saints the best. Of course the ultimate is getting into the hidden areas of the Vatican. Oh have I got stories for you about that. Dan Brown – give me a call if you’re reading this. Yes, Vampires love the Vatican.

Amelia has always been the explorer – more than most Vampires. Granted we go in and out of buildings and places as we more or less please, but Amelia is the master. Name a place and she has been there, unseen. No, really, name a restricted place. Amelia has been there. Ask her about the Knights Templars. I dare you.

But my adventure was just a dream, however real it seemed.

For some reason, when schedules change, I dream vivid dreams. I can’t sleep either.

My brother Max came this morning at 3:00 a.m. and picked up my kids for a trip to the coast. Just the weekend, but I couldn’t sleep, except to have strange dreams. Granted my sleep schedule is already messed up. You know, people think being a Vampire is easy but it isn’t. Not at all.

So that got me to thinking about the meaning of dreams. And that led to a list.

Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

What you dream about and what it means (in italics.)

Cats: Something good is about to happen.

Blood: Either you’re thirsty or somebody is in big trouble.

Church outside: You are utterly alone.

Church inside: Feeling caution.

Cake: Cake.

Driving: Trying to resolve childhood issues.

Driving fast: Trying to resolve adult issues.

Vanishing road: You are afraid of everything and feeling out of control.

Airplanes: Black crows or grackles. 

Rockets: Toothpaste.

Wolves: Sex with someone you don’t really like but are attracted to.

Sex: Unresolved issues with the artistic side of your brain.

Sex with a stranger: Unresolved issues with disappointment.

Red: A color.

Blue: Another color.

Orange: A longing for Halloween.

Political conversations: You’re truly sick and need help.

Wine: Wine.

Broken glass: Broken dreams and self loathing.

Birds: Birds.

Bats: Feeling of being both cute and ugly at the same time.

Trains: Change.

Train travel: Sex.

Childhood: The need for cake. Maybe pie. Cookies will do in a pinch.

School: Fear.

Militant Vegans: Small barking dogs.

Roses: Beauty and pain.

Beer: Fear of hot weather.

Witches: You are being watched.


To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t believe in dream interpretation but please, go ahead and study my list. I’m concerned for the well-being of all and want everyone to feel good. Yes, look into my eyes. See the hazel waves of the ocean lulling you into relaxation. You’re in your happy spot. You feel calm. You feel the cool ocean breeze surround you in love. You want my teeth on your neck. Relax, close your eyes, sleep and when you wake… I will be gone.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman






Bad Dogs

A few nights ago…

I was camping in the Arizona desert with a few friends under the dark sky with stars unlike what we see at home.

Sleep, as always, was somewhere else. I always figure Sleep is hanging out at a bar somewhere flirting with a beautiful blonde and not thinking of me. He doesn’t care.

But, that said, for a few fleeting moments I fell into a slumber. I dreamed of two men with long brooms sweeping in a world made of blue light. Then the blue changed to black and white, like a vintage cartoon, and I watched a small naked man climb on rocks. He turned from a cave man type character to a Japanese man, then he morphed into a wolf.

I woke and went outside under the stars. In the distance someone was setting off bottle rockets of green and red. If I’d been at home I would have been in fear of fire but not here.

Walking away from the tents I stood listening to the sounds of the night. I could hear trains in the distance and the sound of the wind in the trees.

Four figures approached me from out of almost nowhere.

Oh crap. Werewolves.

Half human, half wolf, they circled me with low growls, showing huge teeth.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” I said that to them trying to be cool and defuse any potential trouble.

“Vampire you are not wanted here,” growled one of the Werewolves. The voice was hardly human.

“You will be our feast tonight,” said another.

“Really? Stop the dramatics. You have to know Vampires are not worth the effort. If you kill me there is a 80% chance I’ll turn to dust. If I don’t turn to dust I won’t taste good. I haven’t fed on prey in a couple of days so I’m going to be kind of dry. Plus I’m tired and cranky which will add a bitter taste to my flesh like you can’t even imagine.”

The largest wolf man, obviously the leader growled out a response. “We will eat you alive. First we will eat your limbs, then rip open your belly and eat all but your heart, then we will eat off your face. And last we will eat your beating heart before it turns to dust.”

“Right now my heart isn’t beating much… but listen guys, my friends at home raise their own sheep. They have freezers full of good stuff for those night time cravings. There is no reason for this kind of behavior. I mean, can’t you go find some rattlesnakes or something?”

They didn’t back down. I showed them my fangs. The group backed off. I was no longer a woman in jeans, a tank top and flip flops, but a powerful force to be reckoned with. You know, I was just being myself.

And I don’t know why, but I yelled, “BAD DOG.”

All the sudden them all stopped and put back their ears. Their tails tucked. They whimpered and backed off.

“BAD DOG,” I yelled again. Pulling together all of my energy I put feelings of guilt into their canine filled heads. I channeled my own dog (the best dog in the world.) My dog is the Queen of Guild. We never dare say “bad dog” to her.

The Werewolves, uprighted themselves and morphed before my eyes back into humans. Yes, it is an ugly disgusting process. If you ever have to make the choice between becoming a Werewolf or a Vampire, pick the Vampire.

They stood like guilty children. Then they walked away, naked, into the night.

Well, that was exceptionally weird.

Now I’m home. Home sweet home. I’m still recovering from some road born bad blood illness. Exhausted from 24/7 activity and driving. Popular culture is wrong – Vampires DO get tired.

I hear my teenage children moving upstairs. They sleep so much. And I think of future posts for this blog. And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

I’ll have to call my friend Adam the Werewolf and see what he thinks of my desert friends.

Oh well.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Patron Saint of a Quiet Mind

School is almost out for the year. One child has graduated and the other still has a week to go. No vacation for me on the horizon. The morning brings getting the wee teenage child out of bed and then getting myself ready for a full day of work.

That is with no sleep. Not at night. Not in the day. Sleep and I are not friends. Sleep ignores me, making me feel like some cast off lover that waits in the wings for the day when nobody else is available to share his bed.

Teens sleep as if they’re drugged in deep slumbers. It takes a monumental effort to get them up in the morning. I am awake but dreaming of sleep.

I’m not Catholic but I hear there are many saints with vague references to dreams and sleeping disorders. No such luck for Vampires. Yes, it’s complicated when we can’t sleep. Hell, it’s complicated for anyone.

If suddenly sleep came with great dark wings and embraced me I’d give him a piece of my mind about his recent behavior. It isn’t just sleep that I need but a quiet mind.

But no matter how many deserts I cross or mountains I climb or mom things I have to do…alas, having a quiet mind is not on my list, nor is sleep, at least not until tonight when I will try once more to not complain and be a saint (like all good moms.) Saint Juliette of the Quiet Mind.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

My clock is a little off… musings on sleep, time and creativity.

silver watch


It is said that we all have an internal clock. I know I do. The problem is that my life goes by a different schedule or no schedule.

Plus sleep is a problem. Sleep is like a spirit who doesn’t like me, or at least have a love hate relationship with me. Sleep is a friend with benefits (we used to call it a F____ Buddy) who torments us with a promise of love then yanks it back. Sleep throws rocks at my window one day begging for me to let him in. Then he won’t show up for weeks. Sleep is not my friend. I know, I know, I have to just get over it. Plus the day/night/Vampire thing is a bitch if you want to live in the regular world, which if you have kids, is something you need to do. I mean, I know you know what I mean.

But forget Sleep. He’s a bastard and we don’t need to talk about him right now.

My cats keep a rigid internal clock. They are up in the wee hours before dawn. They let me know that 5:00 am, before the sun comes up, is time for breakfast. It is then that my own clock sets in and creativity flows the best. It is a new day without the distractions from the world around me. It is the time before I start wondering why I’m up during the day instead of the night. It is before the time I have to get my teens ready for school (oh the drama of it all.) It is a time when my Vampire husband is tending to his own business. It is a time when it is my time alone, with just my thoughts and the cats.

All parents need this time alone. Your kids need it too. We all have our prime time. Our time for creativity, our time for work, our down time, our up time, our own clocks… even if the clocks are a little off.

Yes my clock is a little off, but then again, I’m a little off too. But that isn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

And so is coffee, which I need badly right now.

Wishing you all a good week. Expect more on high school, ancient vampires and other quite unexpected adventures and musings in the coming days.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman