New Insanely Spooky Halloween Music

Turn out the lights and listen.

My talented friend and fellow author Mike Cooley sent me a couple of his Halloween compositions. These are so much fun and SPOOKY!

Click here for more from Mike.

Thanks Mike!

Have fun everyone. Stay safe. Wear your mask. Hug your kids. Kiss a Vampire. Vote.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Headless (a kind of, sort of, romantic Halloween poem)

jakc shaving


He stood in front of me

his neck a stump

without a head.

In his hand was a note

on expensive stationary

scrawled in rough cursive.

It said

I need


To his delight

I took a gourd,

a pumpkin really,

and with a knife

carved a face

with eyes fierce

with pride

and a mouth

that smiled

not with joy

but with spite.

I put the pumpkin on his neck

then lit the candle within

and told him

“Go find another. I’m tired of loving a man who is always losing his head over nothing.”



~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Juliette Roasts Pumpkin Seeds (an easy how-to with pictures)

At my house, after we carve our Jack-o-Lanterns, we roast the pumpkin seeds.

Contrary to popular opinion Halloween isn’t great for Vampires due to the over abundance of sugar. I’m not kidding. We don’t handle it well. So it makes sense that pumpkin seeds are the perfect Halloween treat (other than fresh blood but that is a different post).

Some methods of roasting pumpkin seeds are full of steps. Well step no more. This isn’t the fox trot or Dancing With The Stars. It is just pumpkins seeds. It is EASY.

Juliette’s Way to Make Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

  1. Clean seeds after removing them from your pumpkin. Just scoop them out with your hands or a spoon. Remove all the gunk. Rinse them off.
  2. Spray your baking stones or pans. I use either my thousand year old well used black and beaten pizza pan or a well seasoned stone (I used to have a Pampered Chef stone but somebody broke it). I have better pans that I use for other things – but the old ones seem to work better for this sort of thing.
  3. Heat oven to 300 degrees F
  4. For 3-4 cups of cleaned seeds mix in a couple table spoons of olive oil and season to taste. I use a lot of garlic and a touch of seasoned salt. And why yes, Vampires DO eat garlic. But mix up your flavors with herbs, chili powder or Tobasco sauce. Whatever floats your ghost.
  5. Spread seeds on pans (one layer) and bake for 25 – 60 minutes. It all depends on how wet your seeds are. Figure it out as you go along and check every 10 minutes or so. When seeds are dry and crisp take them out. Feel free to taste while you cook (the sign of a good cook). PLEASE keep checking so you don’t burn the seeds. They will be dry and crisp when ready. And I mean dry, not chewy like an apple, but dry like a potato chip.

This isn’t a recipe for the exacting anal cook but it always turns out wonderful pumpkin seeds for me.

Happy Halloween!


Clean out your pumpkin.


Carve it. Admire it. Smile because it is so happy and scary!


Clean your seeds.


Turn oven to 300 F.


Season and mix.


Put seeds in the oven.


Go admire your Jack-o-Lanterns.

Nom nom nom! Seeds are ready and crunchy and yummy! And good for you!


Happy Halloween!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Spooky Story Problems

Josh is a college student majoring in History at a top university. He is also a Vampire. At a recent party he took one half pint of blood from Brittany, a full pint of blood from Hank, a full pint from the Johnson twins, and 1/3 pint from Sarah. He went home with his crush Kylee who threw up all over his shoes. What are the odds of Josh getting a good paying job without going to graduate school?


Bram Stoker wrote Dracula. He also managed a famous theater. If the theater had been haunted by 32 ghosts how many actors would be used for the production of Taming of the Shrew and how many vampires were in the book Dracula?


Doris walks 1.02 miles to high school. When it rains her mother drives her. One day her mom’s car wouldn’t start so Doris had to walk in the rain. What is the law of physics called that changed that 1.02 miles into 10 miles and changed the rain to snow?


If the average zombie eats 1.5 brains a day how long will it take for 23 zombies to eat all the brains in the US House of Representatives in Washington DC during a month with full attendance? Yes, this is a trick question.


After a life of moral decay and debauchery, Sir Helwig died at the age of 42. He was buried in the family crypt. After the Devil took his soul, a witch took his cold black heart, a vampire took his gold watch, a zombie took his brain and a werewolf took his leg bone. How long did it take for the worms to crawl in and out?


Have fun! Answers are in the back of the book.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

spooky math