Food for Thought

This morning, between cups of coffee, I made a cake. I made a cake from scratch.

I won’t eat any of the cake. I don’t eat cake. It makes me sick. But it is beautiful. People love my cakes.

Why? Because I’m going to a picnic. It is one of those group events where everyone brings foods, the old guys grill, hula hoops spin and all is well.

So I go and try to feel like a normal person, but I’m not a normal person. I’m a Vampire. You know how it is.

When it comes to our teens food is sometimes a touchy subject. How old should your kid be before they go from biting wrists to biting necks? I’d like to believe they’ll wait until college, but unfortunately the temptation is always there. But don’t forget that it comes naturally and they’ll know what to do. And please, don’t compare it to sex. But is can be sexual, but not always so please, don’t panic. Don’t put on your Victorian Vampire Prude hat. At the same time don’t encourage your teen to over indulge. As with all things they must learn to use caution.

And cake? Use caution as well. It can really screw up a Vampire system. Too much sugar mixed with not a lot of blood will jack up a Vampire unlike almost anything. And people say garlic is bad. Screw that. I love garlic. It is sugar that will mess up a Vampire.

So please, do not let us eat cake.

Yes, you learn something new every day.

This morning… I’m writing for a few hours before we have to take the cake to the picnic. I look out the window and see my bird feeder covered with what look to be finches of all colors. The large squirrel is braking and flapping his tail. The cats are watching. I have my third cup of coffee.

Yesterday I had coffee with a dear friend of mine (we’ve been friends for over 100 years.) She wore no make-up but was still stunning. She is also always stylish in ways I have always admired (and failed to reach.) But the reason I mention this is because she told me a story about a ghost.

My friend is in real estate. She comes across house with stories. More than that, she sells houses with ghosts. We talked for a good hour about the homes with ghosts and the thought stuck with me for a good long time. I’m still thinking about it.

It is her story to tell, so maybe I’ll try to get her to write it down so I can post it here.

But I’m thinking about the ghost and food and roller skating. Yes, roller skating. In an hour we’ll watch the live feed of the World Championships in Columbia (yes, Columbia this year.) It is run by the Italians so it will run well. The Italians are the best when it comes to roller sports.

And tonight we’ll be at a party with friends we met through skating. It will be a wonderful event (for a birthday) so I’m sure there will be more cake I will not eat. But there will be plenty of necks and wrists. The home is large and lovely with plenty of quiet spaces for private conversations – if you get my drift.

Yes, I’m just rambling this morning and thinking out loud.

I have to get down to some serious writing now.

Have a good weekend everyone. Talk to your kids. Hug them. Tell them you love them. Teach them to be safe. And let them fly.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Adventure in a Cup

Adventure in a Cup

Get your thoughts on Halloween

August is still here. The days are getting shorter and I am ready for the cold weather. No such luck where I live. Fall starts around Halloween. Summer lingers on and makes me feel like I’m living in Death Valley.

Clara and I were out the other day and I said, “Let’s drive over the damn road and take a look at the lake.” That would be Folsom Lake.

She said, “No, it is too depressing.”

But our minds still fast forward to the end of October and Halloween.


There is something about Halloween that attracts us more than the hope of candy. It is the day of the dead with marigolds and sugar skulls. It is being out in the dark, the unknown, things that go bump in the night, and ghosts in bed sheets. It is all things fun. It is mystery. It is a night when our imaginations are not shunned but celebrated.


So let’s get ready. Yes, you. You need to start getting ready for Halloween NOW.


I don’t mean candy, because I know it will all be gone long before October 1st.


I’m working on the Vampire Maman Halloween Theme for 2015. In the past the Halloween Hotties and the Cut and Color Halloween Paperdolls were popular. Werewolves won the popularity contests hands down, or should I say paws down.


Vampires are sort of on the side lines of most Halloween festivities. We’re more of a deep winter sort of paranormal creature. Werewolves like the bite of the first frost and the crunch of the fall leaves under their paws. They like the smell of damp earth with a flash of an Indian Summer.


Ghosts of course are the stars of Halloween. It is their day. It is the Day of the Dead.

Then there are the witches. Watch out for witches. You can’t trust a witch.

But one thing you can trust… you can trust a Vampire. I won’t tell you how, but just take my word on it. Or don’t take my word on it.

One thing for certain is that, yes, I am thinking about Halloween. Seriously thinking about it.




~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman










Just talking about teens (Boys are Stupid: Part 28)

Girl Child (age 16): I’d hate myself if I was a teenage boy. I am so glad I’m a girl. If you’re a boy you’re expected to act cool, drop F bombs a hundred times a day, say the N word a hundred times a day for no reason because they think they’re cool but they’re a bunch of stupid little boys, you stink all the time, if you get near another guy and give him a bro hug you have to say “No homo.” Boys are so insecure. Then they go home and be perfect little clean mouthed little polite mommy’s boys.

Man Child (age 19): We’re not all like that and the rest grow out of it. Most of us grow out of it.

Girl Child: Sure, you and my guy friends. But the rest of the guys. They’re all a bunch of F boys. They posture like a bunch of monkeys. I feel sorry for you.

As a mom I just listen. Girls swoon over the Man-child. The Girl-child is going to break hearts. They are both going to grow up and realize that they were on the right track – more than either of their parents (or at least more than I was.)

Some of you might be horrified but all kids talk like this, at least the ones I know. They talk about life and love and what they see and hear at school.

Then I watch them both sit in the cool dining room with the shades drawn, working on school work for fall. They’ll laugh together until their sides split, then they’ll study and study and study. I’m not helicopter parent – they do this on their own.

For all parents of young children my advice would be to guide your kids. Talk to them. Encourage them to be curious. Teach them study skills. And let them know that at a certain age that it is on them to work for their future. Let them know that they should be kids, but prepare them to be adults.

Sure they’ll make mistakes. How else can one learn?

I let them speak their minds around me too. I don’t want them ever to be afraid to speak or feel they have to have secrets.

But I swear, being around teens is like a 24/7 comedy club. I have to write this stuff down as they say it, or record it.

Oh well. Just thinking out loud.

So your assignment for this week is to hug your kids, listen to them, laugh with them and love them. And tell them not to be jerks or try not to offend everyone they see. It isn’t cool. It is just stupid.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Thinking out loud

Last night there was a rap rap rapping on my door.

My husband answered it.

A pale man in black clothing stood, brooding, pale, cold, deathly still.

“You look like a Vampire,” said my husband Teddy.

“I am a Vampire,” said the man.

“So am I Matthew,” said my husband, “but I don’t look like such a fright. You’ll starve to death scaring people off when you walk around like a phantom.”

“I met a woman.”

“Is she a Vampire?”

“Yes. She calls me Matt.”


“Do you have time? Time to talk?”

“Sure, of course,” said Teddy and took Matthew out to the back deck where the night air has started to turn cool. They sat on the comfortable chairs under that stars among the flowers, the cats rubbing against their feet. It is a calming space. But anyway, it doesn’t matter about the flowers or cats right now. I don’t need to set scenes.

I opened a bottle of nice Pinot and brought them both a glass, then left them for their guy talk.

In the old days Teddy might have brought Matthew some unfortunate woman from the local village and they’d drain her blood together. Or it might have been some unfortunate man. That was long before our time. Well, um, where was I?

Right. Matthew. Teddy. I let them talk. I wasn’t in the mood to give advice or listen to awkward male love laments.

I checked on the kids upstairs (teens) and then curled up on my red couch with a book. The book I’m reading is good but sort of depressing. Sigh.

Earlier in the day I’d met with a couple of attorneys downtown for lunch. Four pints of blood later I was ready for a nap. I over did it. No, I’m not into the blood lust of books and movies. Nothing drips down my chin. I don’t want to spend hours trying to get blood stains out of my favorite clothes.

I went into the family room and sat down with Teddy and Matthew. They were watching the movie Rush, the one about the formula one race car drivers. I thought about my one and only trip to Monte Carlo in the 1960’s. It was weird.

I sort of watched not really being able to wrap my mind around much. Random memories kept popping into my head along with memories from the lawyers I’d been with earlier. The problem with being a Vampire is that there are so many lingering memories. No wonder we hang out at night when it is quiet.

So that is all. It was one of those nights when even a busy mom can’t seem to relax or do much of anything else. I made my way back up the stairs and laughed with the kids, played with the cats. One was in the sink, just hanging out, and the suddenly the stars aligned back up where they were supposed to be.

oscar in sink


That is all. Just thinking out loud.

Oh yes, and Halloween is only 76 days until Halloween!


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Little Things

All things are random.

There are things nobody expects. Little things. A broken heel. A flat tire. A warm kiss from a puppy.  A note from a former lover you knew a million years ago.  A rock cracking your windshield.  Those things make up our days and our lives so randomly.

There are those times as well that seem like transitions but one has no idea what or where they are transitioning.

And there are times when we have thoughts and feelings we can’t shake as they drift in and out of our minds like ghosts.

I can’t even fathom the thought of having no family, but about half of all Vampires, or maybe even two thirds have no families. There is nobody left. A lot of regular people are like that too. It doesn’t mean they’re alone. They make their own families. Their own tribes and groups and clans.

I see the kids in high school forming their own little tribes of friends. Nowhere are people so close as teens and their friends. It is the center of the universe. Teens are their own kind of creatures, set apart from the rest of the world and the rest of time and space, yet they are our glimpse of the future. They are the future. No need for a time machine – it is already here.

This weekend two young women ran up to my brother Val and me. A group of friends were in a sidewalk bar giggling.

One said, “We have a bet going. How old are you?”

“Twenty six,” answered my brother.

They giggled and left. I smiled. There was no bet. He is good looking with a beautiful smile and they were checking him out. Then again he lied too. Val turned 155 on July 4th.

News comes in. My daughter texts me that the strap to her backpack broke after 2nd period. I discover a death of someone I know that happened a month ago. A friend has published a book. My niece sends me a cute photo and thinks she is in love.  Her brother has broken up with someone.

I had a lunch date today, on a beautiful warm day in the 70’s with a hint of fall in the air.  We talked and chatted about art and events and life. He had no idea he was the first course. He had no idea I’m a Vampire. Needless to say he will have a lovely afternoon feeling tired (and not knowing why) but with a warm and fuzzy glow. I will keep this one safe from nightmares and stress.

Tonight I will fix a backpack strap and think of all the little things, good or bad, that make up the random swirling vortex of weirdness that is our life.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman