Good Friends and Men in Dark Suits…

You know those times when a friend is talking to you over a glass of wine after work and all you can do is look at his wrist for the perfect vein.

I shouldn’t go out hungry.

I occasionally meet with a group of friends a few times a month, usually when the husband and kids are busy. Regular Human friends. Sometimes more than friends (why I’m looking for veins).

Anyway, I’m sitting with my friend Tray waiting for the rest of the group when he says, “the weirdest thing happened to me today. I was asked if I knew anything about Vampires.”

“What?” I looked up from his arm. “Who asked you that?”

“They said they were investigating the disappearance of Mike and Melissa.”

Mike and Melissa were friends of ours. They still are friends. Anyway, they’ve vanished off the face of the Earth, or so it seemed, one night when their car broke down on an isolated highway.  Unknow to everyone else…our friends  turned into Zombies and with help from another friend (me) avoided being captured and returned back to Area Z. But Tray didn’t have a hint of any of that.

“Why’d they ask you about Vampires?” I knew Tray didn’t have the answer but I asked anyway.

“I don’t know. They said they believed I might know people who walked more on the dark side, alternative life style.”

“You’re the most un-goth guy I know.”

“I know. It was weird.”

“Do you have beautiful women coming to your room at night biting your neck?”

“I wish.” He laughed and almost blushed.

I looked at his neck. Nice veins that I knew well. Trey was such a sweetheart too. A+ too – my favorite.

Anyway he looked up and smiled at someone who just showed up and shook hands. I turned around and there was my brother Val. I didn’t know he knew these friends of mine. Then Mattie and Lilly showed up and Jason. All professionals in their mid 30’s, early 40’s.

I stood up and gave friendly hugs and kissed my brother.

“Where do you two know each other?” They asked.

“We’re siblings.” Val said putting his arm around my shoulder. They all saw the resemblance, brown hair, hazel eyes, cute noses, pale skin and our dazzling smiles with those cute pointed eye teeth. Yes indeed.

By then I was ready to take Tray for a walk, my stomach was about to jump out and eat me.

But I wanted to know more about those men in suits.

They’d all been visited by them. Tray at his job with the Justice department, Mattie at her law firm, Lilly in her design studio and Jason in his hair salon. Then they all asked if Val and I had met the men in suits.

“Sure,” said Val “but they’re way off course. Vampires? Really? They’re looking for either a cult or some sort of code word. We’re all professionals who happen to be hip, smart and interesting. We’re open for new ideas and the avant garde.”

“Don’t take these guys lightly. They know more about you than you think. They aren’t too far off from a Twilight episode. I’m serious.” And I was serious. I’m glad my friends were smart enough to listen, not to mention that I planted the seed in their brains to take it seriously. People don’t realize that Vampire friends really do look out for their safety.

We talked more, but I kept looking at Tray. Then I noticed Val talking close to Lilly, in a friendly way that was more intimate. Her blue eyes gazed into his as he brushed a strand of bottle blonde hair behind her ear.

The sun went down and we talked for a few hours, speculating on the existence of Vampires and other such nonsense. Val and Lilly eventually left, no doubt to go back to her house.

Tray walked me to my car and asked me how Teddy and the kids were doing. I asked him how he was doing after his breakup with his girlfriend. He was doing ok but we talked some more. I know he’d find someone new and special and wonderful, but I didn’t think he believed that. At least not yet.

Then we talked about how much we missed Mike and Melissa. Maybe one day I could tell him the truth, but that was still a long way off.

At that point I didn’t have the heart to sink my teeth into any part of him. Sometimes we just need to be friends, even if we are Vampires.

And all the way home I watched my rear mirror for a car containing men in suits. The fun never ends.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

For those who missed it the first time around: A Lunch Date With Zombies (featuring Mike, Melissa and Cody)


Teen Suicides – I wish I had a real answer

It is sad that my 13 year old daughter talked about suicides for about a half hour last night. She wouldn’t shut up about it but then again, she needed to talk about it. But what was scary was how she was so matter of fact about it. But she was also passionate and angry about it.

This isn’t the first time she talked about it. All of the kids talk about it a lot. It is common conversation with kids. But usually not with kids and adults. They don’t share this information or their concerns about suicides with their parents or teachers, especially not with their parents because they don’t talk to their parents about anything.

There were attempts or actual deaths at several local middle and high schools. Some schools have more because of their culture of bullying.

We’re on the border between high school boundaries, and thank goodness we’re in the boundary for the “nice” school. Sure there is bullying there on some scale, but it isn’t a huge part of the student culture (like the other school). With 2,500 students they all aren’t going to get along or be nice.

 My son says there is a strong anti-bullying theme in his school’s culture. I hope he is right and it isn’t just wishful thinking.

The other school is smaller and (according to kids and parents I’ve spoken to or overheard) there is a huge girl bully culture. The school is ruled by a gang of girls who pick on other girls with no mercy. I personally know of at least two girls who ended up homeschooling because it.

Anyway, that isn’t exactly the point of this post (ragging on a school I’m glad my teens won’t attend.)

I’m not worried about my kids. They’re strong. They’re alphas. They don’t bring negative attention to themselves. They aren’t bully bait. I’ll pass on the Vampire stuff here because they go to school with all sorts of kids and that is not the point of this post either.

The point is…

Too many children, and I mean CHILDREN are resorting to suicide to solve temporary problems. It is tragic. It should not be happening. It needs to be addressed. And for every high profile case you hear in the news there are dozens, I expect hundreds of cases you don’t hear about.

I don’t have an answer. But first and foremost school administrators need to stop with the “shake hands” bullshit and kick bullies and bully culture out of their schools. They need to ask, “Why are so many kids dropping out to be homeschooled?” Gee do you ever consider it is because your school has an unsafe hateful environment?

Parents…raise your kids not be bully bait. Don’t let them be timid. Don’t over protect them. Let them know that if they act weird other kids will make fun of them. They can act weird at home. And TEACH YOUR KIDS NOT TO BE A BULLY.  Teach them to not be friends with bullies. Teach all kids to put the bullies on the bottom of the social scale not the top. Teach all kids to protect the weak and timid and shy and small and fat and different.

But then again my daughter said some of the girls at the “other” school are bullied “just because”. Just because they dated someone that the head cheerleader liked or went to a different Middle School or plays the tuba or usually for no reason except that they were breathing and taking up some of the bully’s sunshine.

But death isn’t an option. High School lasts 4 years then it will be all over. They can start a new life. They can do better and say “I’ll show them all”. I know it is hard.

And often times parents don’t even know what is going on with their kids. They don’t know their daughter had sex with a couple of guys because she wanted to fit in and feel loved. They don’t know that because of that she is now being slut shamed and terrorized. Open your eyes. TALK WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT UNCOMFORTABLE THINGS.

Like I said. I have no answers. I guess it all goes back to deliberate parenting. Raise your child so they won’t be bully bait. But also raise them not to accept bullies. Raise them to be aware and raise them to protect others. Raise them to listen to their peers who might need help or need a friend.

And tell them that it is ok to tell an adult about things that are going on at school. It might save a life.

I don’t have an answer for this. A close friend of mine was bullied without mercy as a child but took the attitude “one day I’ll show them all with my success”. And she did. Unfortunately not all kids have that inner fire and toughness.

Anyway, it was sad, too sad. I wish I had a real answer. I really wish I did.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

More on this subject on this blog:

Listen to Teens – an important message from a teen

My kids don’t care if you hate their music for no reason – they care if you hate for no reason.

Bullies and Jerks

If you have any other links please feel free to share.

Ideas with old Vampires, scraps of paper and strange young men.

Sometimes when I’m out and about I’ll make notes or sketches for blog posts. I was out seeing Lola the other day. She is an ancient thousand-year old Vampire who is the quintessential classic Vampire – you know the one who rocks the tight little black dress and the curls tumbling down her back and the F-me shoes. The one no guy can resist. Only yesterday she was wearing a little red sweater with white trim and a bow.

She’d had a man over for dinner. A young handsome one at that, but when I arrived he was still on the couch wearing nothing but a blanket. Thank goodness I didn’t bring the kids with me.

But in his defense, when a beautiful woman drains two pints of blood out of you then adds several hours of rigorous physical activity (you’re an adult figure it out) –  that wears a guy out. She was letting him sleep it off. His name is Sean and he works for the Federal Government and that is all I’m going to say for his privacy.  I guess he sees Grandmama Lola a few times a month. At least she has good taste. I guess he does too (you’d agree if you ever meet Lola.)

I was worried about Lola for a while due to serious injuries made by Vampire Hunters about a year ago, but she seems to be doing fine, at least physically. There a still a few scars and when she gets tired she might limp a little, but she’ll be over it all soon. Apparently Sean had no complaints. And of course he has no idea she is a lot older than he is or a Vampire.

And yes she does have a pet Armadillo – I kid you not.

Sketch idea for post with Lola and her Beef Cake or whatever.

Sketch idea for post with Lola and her Beef Cake or whatever.

A Man Should Have What He Wants

A Man Should Have What He Wants

A New Story from Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A house full of books and the ghosts of what could have been.

What can be. Oliver Thomas thought as he sat on the edge of the bed.

He never let himself get close to those he visited over the years. It was easy to become detached just as one could be detached to an apple or a head of lettuce.

She slept quietly. On the nightstand were books, earrings, a clock set for 5:00 a.m., and her glasses. Her husband was snoring and slept in another room. Her children were tucked into their dreams. Oliver made sure of that. They’d all be asleep.

Oliver Thomas kept coming back to her. She was different, by her own accord. Laurel had always been different – the type who saw the world in visions and possibilities. Someone who overcame obstacles.  If she grew to be old she’d be a sweet eccentric with her window boxes full of exotic flowers and vast knowledge of the obscure and unusual.

She had a hard time making friends due to her shyness and reluctance to follow up. Her fear of rejection paralyzed her in some areas of her life. Most of life was paralyzing but she seemed to thrive and succeed.

Yet, the woman could light up a room with her wit and charm. She was a success despite her low opinion of herself.

But he’d fallen in love with her in a strange way that someone falls in love with an idea of perfection and the ideal person to share life’s adventures with.

Her teenage kids still hung all over her like toddlers, leaning on her even now. They were taller than she was, dressed in their black band shirts with trendy long hair and black painted nails.  Oliver had seen Laurel once, her son with his lanky arm around her shoulder, her daughter with an arm around her waist. How many women, he wondered, envied her for the closeness she had with her children.

If it wasn’t for her children she might have checked out and left the world a long time ago. Since childhood Laurel had been uncomfortable with life and the tremendous effort it took for her to live with herself and her failures.

Oliver saw that Laurel had failed to see her success, except with her children. He didn’t want to think of her marriage with Craig. It worked better than most. In fact, for the most part, her marriage to Craig was an uncommon success.

Craig, the handsome and successful husband, was the love of her life. Even in her dreams Laurel couldn’t cheat on Craig. They’d built a life together. For her that was enough. More than enough she told herself.

But Oliver knew it wasn’t enough. Laurel found her life in others but kept her secret soul and passions locked up, bound in shadows and secrets.

At one time, Oliver and Laurel had been lovers. The memory of her warm skin, her lips on his own, her hands in his hair and her passion haunted him. He’d come and gone from her life assuming she’d always be there.

Now he was only with her in the dream world of the night.  She’d remember him in another time and place in long lost memories of centuries past. She’d think she’d had a life in another time with him, a past life of possibilities and promise and passion.

An unlikely candidate this middle aged working mom, too tired and busy  to think of herself except when she let her imagination fly as she commuted to school and work in her car each morning, or when she dozed off at night in her own secret places.

The passions were still in her, as it had been when she was young. How could that be?  He kissed her then buried his face into her neck and when he’d had enough of her he silently left her with dreams of passion and desire.

The following evening Oliver looked up from his desk and there she was, standing in the doorway. Black dress, apple green sweater, black heels. The blue Coach bag, a 50th birthday present from her husband was slung over her shoulder. She looked she owned the world, but she still didn’t think she was beautiful.

How did she find me here? I never told her where I live?

“Laurel.” He said her name as if in a dream.

“Don’t Laurel me Oliver. I want you to leave me alone.”

He stood and approached her with his hands held out. “It was always the wrong time or place for us.”

She stepped back ignoring his open arms. “Don’t even start with me Oliver. It would have never worked. You always said I was too independent. Then you turned around and called me needy.”

“I never said any of those things.” He was shocked by her accusations.

“You didn’t have to say it. You made it obvious you were thinking it.”

He didn’t respond. This wasn’t the time for the witty dialog they’d shared in the past, the long talks through the night or the sweet lover’s words.

“Laurel, you can’t stand there before me and say that with a straight face.”

She looked at the floor then looked up straight into his eyes. “You never told me you loved me.”

“I didn’t have to.”

“Bull shit. You just expected me to hang around and wait for you to come in and out of my life. It got old Oliver. But it doesn’t matter. I’m married to a man who loves me the way I am.  I’m successful, happy and I love my life.”

“I doubt if Craig realizes what a fortunate man he is.”

“He knows.”

“Did you ever tell him about me?” Oliver took a step forward. Laurel folded her arms as if to shut him out.

“I haven’t told anyone about you. They’d all think I was nuts. Just like my Aunt Margaret when she talked about her Vampire.”

“You still love me Laurel.” Oliver said those words quietly with such passion that almost no woman would be able to resist. No woman except Laurel.

She turned and left, slamming the door behind her.

Oliver watched from the window as she got in her car and drove away. The slightest hint of regret surged through his dark thoughts. He’d never meet another who captured his heart and his passions like she had.  He’d never meet anyone who made him laugh or feel the joy of being like Laurel had.

Oliver heard the steps behind him but didn’t turn around. A warm hand caressed his shoulder.

“Is she gone?” The speaker was obviously annoyed.


“Does she have any idea I’m here?”


Craig looked out the window. “Good. Where do we go from here?”

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”

“My son is an Emo freak who acts in plays and writes poetry for fun. My daughter won’t talk to anyone unless it’s a text. My wife is never going to lose the baby fat or stop telling stupid jokes or snoring or complaining how hard she works. It wasn’t what I signed up for.”

“I understand.”

“Just for once I want what I want. I don’t want to go home to a woman who is tired all the time and can’t even comprehend my needs.”

“What about your children? You must care about them on some level.”

“They’ll be fine without me. Laurel will have two million dollars in life insurance to get the kids through college. There’s another 10 million in assets she can sell off if she has to. She’ll make sure her children have wonderful memories of me.”

“The news of your death will break her heart.”

Craig scowled at Oliver. “Laurel is already so miserable she won’t even notice. She’ll be happy to be the unfortunate widow and bask in the glow of her own sorrow. I’m doing her a favor by dying rather than divorcing her.”

“And your girlfriends?” Asked Oliver.

“They’re whores who think they can get ahead by sleeping with the CEO. They’ll both get their pink slips next week. So now what?”

Oliver went back around to his desk and sat in the antique leather chair. “Your car will be found in the river and it will be assumed your body was washed away with the currents. Your wallet and a few clothing items will be found washed up on a beach. It will be assumed that you died.”

“So when do I change?”


“When do I become like you? A Vampire.” Craig asked this impatiently almost sounding like a spoilt teen.

Oliver took a deep breath and answered him. “Tonight if you want, but I’d rather wait until tomorrow.”

Craig leaned on the desk close to the Vampire. “I want this Oliver. I want my freedom.”

“You’ll get what you want Craig.”

“Oliver, I’m telling you…”

Craig started to speak but Oliver held up his hand. “We’ll take my jet to Rome in the morning. By the time we get there you’ll be a different man. The old Craig will be gone forever. In the meantime, you need to see your children one last time.”

Laurel sat in the high school auditorium waiting for the play to start. A Midsummer’s Night Dream. Her son played Lysander and her daughter was playing Puck.

Craig had called earlier to tell her he was working late. He’d been sorry to miss the play but said he’d see it on closing night next weekend. She thought she was going to throw up. She pulled out her phone and listened to the message she’d received right after she’d seen Oliver.

A sing song girlish voice said “Laurel this is Trinity, Craig’s assistant. I wanted to let you know that I’ve been sleeping with your husband for about two years. He said I did all those nasty fetish things you wouldn’t do and I believed him. I really really loved him and would have done anything but he dumped me for Tara Hall. She’s like the VP of Marketing.  They’ve been doing it since October so he was two timing on me too. Stupid puke. So when he says he is gone on business he’s really with her. I just thought you’d want to know because you seem like a nice lady.”

It was the fifth time she’d listened to it. Each time she’d hoped she’d heard it wrong but that wasn’t the case.

A text came in from Craig saying he had a change of plans and was on his way.

Concentrate. Don’t think about him. It isn’t true. He’ll be here any minute. Don’t cry.

The house lights went down and the play started.

Oliver Thomas stood on the side of the river and watched the emergency crews on the opposite shore drag out a sliver convertible, the headless body of the driver still strapped in the seat. Some unfortunate member of the police department would find sightless eyes attached to a severed head staring up at him from the floor of the passenger seat.

Witnesses said another car had forced him off the road. The convertible rolled and went into the water. It had been too dark to get any plate numbers or a good description of the other car.

Craig wanted to be free of his wife and children. A man should have what he wants after all.

Now Oliver would do it right. He’d wait a few months, he had time and he’d be there for Laurel and her children, like he should have been all along.

sun in my face

Deliberate Parenting

Don’t parent with your eyes closed. Don’t wake up surprised one day when it is too late.

I raised my kids deliberately. I raised them not to be bully bait. I raised them to be confident. I raised them to fly with their own wings and pursue their own interests. I raised them to think. I raised them to see the big picture. I raised them not to be stupid or sheltered. I raised them to question what they hear and see – even if they see and hear it from me. I raised them to realize that one day they’ll have to make it on their own and that they’ll have to fight tooth and claw.

They know how to come to their own conclusions. They know that reputation is everything. They know that being fair and good and standing up for what is right and good is everything.

They’ll be far better people than I will ever be.

They aren’t perfect, but at least they have a chance.

I don’t always agree with them but at least we discuss it and as a parent I have the last word, period.

And they still cuddle with me and need me. We’ll always have fun.

Don’t parent by accident. Do it deliberately.

I’ll say it is important for your Vampire kid, but it is important for all kids, even Werewolves and especially regular human kids.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


blu butterfly

White Silk, Black Tails…a Vampire love story

Vampire Love Poem


I was a spirit

In white silk with pink roses

Bustle in back

You in black tails

Took my breath away

And a century later

When you realized

That I loved you

I could exhale