Things to never say to a Vampire (for those who lack filters of common courtesy and polite society.)

Things to never say to a Vampire (for those who lack filters of common courtesy and polite society.)

  • You’re going to hell.
  • Can you turn ME into a Vampire?
  • I’ve always wanted to be a Vampire.
  • Where is your cape?
  • Are you, like, dead?
  • You should consider being a vegan.
  • If I have sex with you will you bite my neck?
  • Are your teeth real?
  • You’re sort of pale.
  • Don’t eat my soul. OK?
  • What’s up with the flip flops? You’re supposed to be a Vampire.
  • I shoot you with a silver bullet will you die?
  • So, tell me about this blood lust thing?
  • Turn into a bat. I’ve always wanted to see someone do that.
  • Do you, like, sparkle?
  • Do you ever have to go to the bathroom? Just asking, because in movies, you know, like, Vampires never go to the bathroom.
  • Do you eat dead people or is that just Zombies?
  • Do your kids go to special Vampire school?
  • If you had to fight a Werewolf would you win?
  • Why aren’t you wearing black?
  • Your Werewolf friend is hot. Introduce us!
  • You don’t look like a Vampire to me.

And no, I don’t look like a Vampire. That is why I’ve been around so long.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Everyone needs to get along!


  1. Dear Juliette,
    Consider me warned. I thought this list is hilarious and I giggled nearly all the way through reading. Honestly, are there people being this impolite? Even though I have to be curious now: Do you see Angels as well as you see ghosts? (And this, I hope, isn’t an impolite question to you!!)

    1. Whoops… I’m sorry Juliette… I can’t even imagine why my comment was published anonymously… weird. Hug Raani

    2. Thank you. I’m glad you found this both appalling and amusing (as I did). Everyone (no matter what they are) runs into rudeness. Ugh. Angels? Funny that you ask. There are those good and bad who’ve been around a long long long time and they won’t say who or what they are. They aren’t vampires or ghosts or anything I’ve ever seen.

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