I’m going to rant and rave right now so if you want a happy Vampire story go to the bottom of the page for links.
I recently received an email from someone named Tiffany who said “I work for Noah _____fill it in_____. He showed me your blog and said it was really cool.
Then Tiffany Smith proceeded to tell me about an amazing offer to up my blog traffic and be part of some NATIONAL happening. WTF?
I usually ignore such emails and send they to the SPAM folder (directly to SPAM do not pass GO.) Today I was feeling inspired to answer back. By the way, it was to an email address that is only published on this blog not my personal private email address (the trolls can find that email addresses with their trolling software.)
So I looked up that Noah character she was referring to. He is one of those “inspirational” self-help gurus who sells books to people who don’t have enough self-confidence to tie their own shoes in the morning. I mean, honestly, who the F goes to those seminars?
I wrote back:
Dear Tiffany,
F-off (but I wrote out the words).
I erased that and wrote:
You work for a f_____ing a-hole con-man.
Then I wrote:
Dear Tiffany,
I doubt very much that your boss Noah has ever read my blog much less shown it to you. For God’s sake I write a Vampire blog.
I do not want to be part of your scam. If Noah wishes to speak with me or is really a fan of my blog then he can contact me himself.
Juliette Kings
I loathe Self-help inspirational guru like motivational speakers. I have seen them suck the life and soul out of people, not to mention their life savings. I’ve seen people I know go all glassy-eyed over these guys. I once stood in the back of the room and watched one of these con-artists as he spun his black magic and made people laugh then cry then want to hide in shame – then build them up with the false hopes of finally finding an answer (but only after they handed over their credit card). I once saw someone take out a second on their home for one of these guys. It makes me sick. They are evil personified as far as I’m concerned.
There are so many great blogs and online magazines out there with all sorts of great advice and articles that are worth reading and FREE. Plus if you want advice on happiness and success go ask someone you know who is successful how they did it. I’m not just talking finances, but real happiness.
And nobody, especially these con-men, gurus or cult like leaders has a one size fits all solution for anyone. We’re all different.
I read, on a regular basis, about 10 blogs. Some of you writers I follow might even be reading this (hi, I love your blog). All have different points of views, different solutions, different musings, different problems, different heartaches…you kind of get where I’m going on this. I’d much rather read about backyard birds, poetry or life-stories, challenges, cooking, humor, art, books, relationships, kids, Vampires, tall tales – and get more out of that than I’d EVER get from some yahoo who is no doubt sleeping with Tiffany too (don’t tell his wife), that is if Tiffany really exists.
You can fool some of the people some of the time but you can’t fool a Vampire, or a Werewolf or I hope not you.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Happy Vampire Links:
- Why Vampires Wear Yellow Flip Flops
- The Necklace
- Conversations on love, art and little things
- It was like…
- True Confessions
- Driving in the Dark
- Lost Keys and Lies
- My mom and I are so much alike
- A Lunch Date with Zombies
Vampire Maman 
That is funny. . . I was just going through my spam folder and there were like 30 emails in Korean. I mean, why?? But I hear you on the self help thing. I am a family therapist, so I do advocate for the betterment of onesself through counseling and hard work/change, but those self helpers seem to think that there is one quick solution, down and dirty, that will “fix” people, eg., the Secret. No thank you! xo!
Thank you for taking time with my little venting session. Years ago, in the 1980’s, in another life I worked for a motivational/happiness guru. I saw lives ruined by this man. Eventually a friend and I talked to local investigative reporters and it all hit the fan. The leader, and his minions all had hefty prison sentences. While I worked for the leader he attempted to control every aspect of his employees lives, including who we dated. It was sick.
Keep up the good work! And I guess we’ll all keep laughing at those crazy spam emails.
If I had the secret to happiness, I wouldn’t charge money for it. I’d just tell you. Though I honestly one secret to happiness is to stop obsessing over happiness. Live your life. But maybe that’s just me.
Oh, and don’t get me started on The Secret. Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish.
Why human beings so often need others to tell them how to live…it is a mystery to me.
I feel the same way. Happiness is found in so many different places! I might quote you on the “stop obsessing over happiness.” Good point.
And I feel the same way about The Secret! Rubbish! It is scary how people migrate to it.
Thanks for dropping by! And don’t forget the Happy Vampire Links. he he he
Too many don’t realize that real life has ups and downs and you can’t be happy all the time. Real life just doesn’t work that way – ever !!! I “strongly dislike” (I reserve the word hate for serious matters), these cons with their directions on how to live your life…, after all, it’s YOUR life. Live it how you want. Rant on, J !
Thanks Paul! I agree with you 100%. And don’t forget to check out the Happy Vampire Links!
Great rant! Self-help gurus look and sound even sleazier than used car salesmen, and at least if you fall for the scam, you can always sell the lemon car to a junkyard and recoup some of your loss….
It’s great to see that Tiffany has found work now that nobody wants to listen to her sing old 60’s hits in the mall anymore…
You’re making me laugh. If I fall off of my chair it will be your fault!
Hard work and effort is what increases the spread of poetry and our thoughts. I use four sites to spread my poetry. Many reasons to write. I believe we must gain confident, improve and get published. Your answer to the BS was correct.
I’m standing up and cheering. Poetry! Yes!
This is a great post! Hey, I think you’ve got the right stuff. You should write a self help book. I’ll be your agent.
Hahahaha! . That’s why I love to read your posts. You tell it like it is.
Considering you’re one of the few sane people I know it sounds like a great idea.
Chapter 1: Laugh
Chapter 2: Don’t listen to anything I say
Chapter 3: Didn’t you read chapter 2?
Thanks for your support and making me laugh (and not feel the need for self-help books unless it is about baking or a murder mystery)
Wow, Noah Happycamper never likes my blog enough to order his paid assistant to send ME spam. I’m sooooo jealous!
I’m sorry. I’ll tell Tiffany to contact you so Noah will have the opportunity to PERSONALLY see how cool your blog is and give YOU the opportunity to have an additional 100,000 contacts a week…if, and only if you link each and every page of your blog to HIS website.
Sounds fair. I’m packing my soul and dignity in a box, and mailing them to Tiffany right now!
Oh Juliette, you’re great!! I do admire you for sending them this really polite email. *chuckle*
I had experience with being contacted by a couple of them – And believe it or not, I did send them a link to someone who “might eventually be interested” in what they had to offer. Too bad that link was foul. *grin*
I can’t tell you what happened… but I really hope it took them a while to get their computer back to work. ROFL
I used to get e-mails like that too. Sometimes even on here, I’ll get follows by people like that. You go to their blog to check it out and it’s poorly slapped together to look “authentic”… I always check out blogs of people that give me the follows and such. And self-help people have done quite some damage to people. I’ve seen it happen in front of my eyes with a family member. They sunk deep into a depression and started going to this “self-help” therapy class. They became a stranger and it made their depression even worse.
Anyway, Great post! 😀
I get the fake follows too! How stupid do they think we are? It all goes back to the snake oil guys!
Thank for visiting. Hey, saw your video. You two are darling!
Thank you so much!