In Appreciation of Rex the Dog

In Appreciation of Rex the Dog

Consider the dog…

Rex was a small dog of the largest order. He had the courage of a lion, the voice of an opera star and the heart of a lover.

Rex was a real son of a bitch too. He’d stare anyone down. Take on large dogs five times his size with gusto – always being the one to draw the most blood.

Rex’s owner took him everywhere. Rex went to business meetings, poker games, and all manner of business. Where his man went Rex followed tail in the air, head high, quick feet. Rex loved parties where ladies would come in big pretty skirts and scoop him up in their arms and hug him. They’d talk in high baby like voices to him that he liked a lot. It would get him all excited, so much in fact that he wanted to jump and bark. They’d throw him balls and kiss him when he returned.

Later they’d want to kiss his master as well, but it rarely went past a kiss. When it did Rex would stand guard at the door, just in case.

Rex watched for the watchers of the night. These were the people who smelled more like predators than most folks. They were always good to Rex – better than most, but Rex knew to watch. He’d watch them because according to the rules of the dog one has to watch one’s back for larger dogs. The predators weren’t larger but they were more dangerous. But like some of the big dogs, Rex loved them. He saw them protect his master from harm that his master couldn’t see. There were evil forces that only dogs and other predators can see. His master and most people were not predators.

“One can love without complete trust if one is being protected.” Or at least that is what Rex made himself believe.

Rex had been with his master since he was a teen. Now his master was 25. He was a successful man, about to be married, on the edge of greatness. But Rex knew it was time to go to where all good dogs go.

Nights grew colder and fall came. Rex had a hard time walking. He was 14 years old. Not a young dog anymore. Then one night he curled on the foot of his master’s bed and fell asleep forever.

The next night his master, still devastated by the loss of his small and noble companion heard a quiet knock on his door. It tapped out a rhythm not unlike a popular song at the time. He went to the door and there stood a beautiful girl. He knew her. He knew her father and well-respected family. She looked so lovely with her blonde bottle curls and paisley shawl around her milky white shoulders. She wore a ball gown of pink and cream. What was she doing there?

He told her she needed to leave, it wasn’t proper for a girl of her age, and standing,  to be out alone at a man’s house,  but she talked her way in. The man should have lived a long life and joined his faithful dog Rex in Heaven. Instead he discovered the girl, and the two friends who had come with her were predators – some of the very ones who had fed Rex treats and thrown him balls.

Rex’s Master, to this day says that night he went to Hell. Dragged down by rogue Vampires. Rex would have warned him, or at least he thought.

He has had many dogs since then, but he’ll always remember Rex, the dog with more charm and spunk than 100 dogs put together.

That has been a favorite story for the Vampire kids for a long time. For Rex went away and the next day was Halloween night, the night his master unwillingly became a Vampire. 

My kids have often sadly commented that we can’t turn our dogs into vampires so that they can be with us longer.

Note: A dog turned into a vampire would not be a Werewolf Dog. We all know that. Werewolves and their dogs are an entirely different matter. Can you imagine a Werewolf Mini Doxie? But back to the subject at hand…

In case you think you’ve seen this before…you have. The story of Rex was first published here October 2012.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Famous Monsters and Friends

Oh my monsters and horror! Halloween is right around the corner. To get you in the mood I’m sharing some Famous Monsters of Filmland, and other interesting monster themed magazine and comics covers. These aren’t my favorites but I’ll share this batch with you anyway. Yikes some of these guys are ugly (but remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder.) Had fun!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Famous Monster

A face only a mother would love

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I told him not to slide down the street on is face, but what did he do?

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This is just sort of stupid but I know somebody out there likes this shit.

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Everybody loves Victor’s Creature.

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Hey honey, got any chap stick in your purse?

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He needs to see the guys on “Botched.”

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Oh come on, you can give us a smile. Don’t be such a dick.

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Nice ape. I’ll fix you a grilled cheese sammie with a nice glass of wine. You want tomato on that?

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If you think a clown coming out of the gutter is bad, just imagine THIS.

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So you aren’t the best looking guy at the class reunion. Get over it dude.

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This guy is a total douche. Come on girl get up and poke his eyes out. I think somebody eventually rescues her, but still, tell your kids to keep their clothes on and stay away from weird guys with knives.

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I want my mummy.

Ask Juliette: Becoming A Vampire

Ask Juliette is a semi-regular (usually Thursday) feature here on Vampiremaman dot com. If you have questions about relationships, parenting, Vampires, the Paranormal World, Halloween, gardening, pets, art, or just about anything feel free to ask. Send your questions in the comments here or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com.
I have only one question/answer this week and it is about Vampires.

Dearest Juliette,

Recently, a friend of mine has unfortunately been changed as a Vampire without their consent. We are attempting to help him make his transition smoother and I was curious, as you are an expert on this topic, what advice you may have for me as I work to keep him safe.

Sincerely, 
Lydia Brown
Dear Lydia,

I am always shocked and saddened when I hear of something like this. It is morally and ethically wrong for any Vampire to turn someone else into a Vampire without their consent. It is a violation of everything we (Modern Vampires) believe in. Unfortunately there are plenty of Rogue Vampires, Shadow Creepers, and Ghouls out there to make a mess of things for unfortunate souls who happen to cross their paths. On a good note, just be glad your friend was turned into a Vampire and NOT a Zombie.

Thank the stars or whatever you pray to that your friend survived. Only about 10% of people survive the process and become Vampires.

Here is what you need to do for your friend:

1. Food.

Don’t let your friend go around trying to bite necks and end up with an embarrassing mess. One needs to start on wrists. But in all seriousness, start out with blood from other sources. Medical supply establishments and blood banks seem obvious but we have our own sources. If you have a Dave’s Bottle Shop in your area they always have a good variety of blood in the back. If you show up with your friend they’ll know right away he is a Vampire and help you out.

Your friend will be able to eat a limited amount of regular food BUT it is limited. No sugar, no fast food, no carbs, no bakery products at all, no fruit smoothies, no chips, or Hot Cheetos, or milk.

What won’t make your friend sick (usually, sometimes, maybe) is dark leafy green vegetables, red wine, most booze, olives, meat, etc. Stay away from chicken or most poultry at first.

2. Find other Vampires (not the creepy types either)

Your friend will know when they see another Vampire. They just do. Reach out and find out who can help. Most of us will. We understand. We want everyone in our community to be a success.

3. Light and Dark

Vampires tend to be light sensitive, even if they have dark skin. Wear sunglasses, sunscreen, and hats all year, rain or shine.

4. Vampire “powers.”

Your friend will notice that he can concentrate on a person and make them sleep, or stop, or all kinds of stuff. At first it will be awkward, but it takes practice. I can take down a Vampire hunter with a lock of an eye, but I’ve been doing this for 157 years. This is where other Vampires can help. Just think of the master and “Grasshopper.”

5. Don’t let ANYONE know you’re a Vampire.

Keep it to yourself. Keep your fangs in. Don’t be creepy. If you’re a Vampire you’ll live a long time but you aren’t immortal. You can be killed. And you won’t last long if you go around bragging, or even hinting.

6. You can have a normal life as a Vampire.

Seriously, you can. Read this blog. You’ll see. It isn’t a bad life.

7. Vampires can see Ghosts and other “different” folks.

Don’t freak out if your friends starts to say he sees Ghosts, Demons, Pixies, and other interesting characters. He does not have to talk to them, look at them, or socialize with them. Most of them are up to no good. If he ignores them they will usually go away.

8. Everything else (the myths)

As for stuff like garlic, holy water, mirrors and such – most of that stuff is kind of untrue. Modern mirrors show our reflection, but others will see our reflection blurry, unless we lock eyes in the mirror with them. It’s kind of hard to explain. Tell your friend to give it a try and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

The garlic thing has always been a myth. But honestly who wants to go to bed with someone with a huge string of garlic around his or her neck? Nobody. Holy water and church stuff – all I have to say is that we’re not welcome, but we like the music so you just might find us sitting in the back of the church, especially around holidays. If that is your friend’s thing them tell him to go for it.

And best of all Vampires do not have to sleep in crypts, coffins, or holes in the ground. Your own bed is just fine.

I hope this helped. I can’t stress enough the fact that you need to find other Vampires who can show him the ways of our people. You can still be friends with him. He’ll appreciate that more than you’ll even know.

Keep me posted on how he is doing.

 

Good luck,
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Scars

A friend of mine recently had something blow up (home repair) in his handsome face and now has a row of stitches across his forehead that would make Frankenstein’s Creature jealous.

It old him that chicks dig scars. Then another friend questioned my reasoning. Excuse me?

This is my answer:

If a guy has scars on his hands it proves that he can work on cars, or is other wise willing to get his hands dirty. There are always good stories behind scars (even you make em up.) Scars are the sign of an interesting life. Scars also prove that a man is not some pansy assed wimp who spends his life doing nothing but reading Proust, and drinking double soy fat free pumpkin spice lattes.

I’m happy to say my friend is still healthy and handsome.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Sounds of Sunrise

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Even before the sun came up I could hear the cries of the hawks. Eagles live at the end of the street, but hawks live in my yard. There is beauty in their flight, their voices, and in the way they sit and view their world. I’ve watched nesting magpies, blue jays, and tiny song birds pester the sitting hawks to keep them away from tiny nests and tiny babies. The hawk ignores the small birds. She could easily kill them, but her prey is in the grasses below.

This morning there were no ghosts in the oak woods behind my home. Only hawks, and my dog who is barking at deer. Excuse me, I have to go tell my dog to cut it out.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

What we talked about today

I used to write a regular post “What we talked about on the way to school today,” but now that my kids are in college we get in our talks whenever we can.

We are wondering why the public is obsessed with an obscenely rich twenty year old woman, with parents who have done nothing but exploit her for their TV shows. Now this young woman is pregnant and we’re expected to care? The child will grow up without anything normal about it’s life. It will be part of the freak show, that is no different than the exploitation of the Dionne Quintuplets. Have a kid and exploit it. When it turns thirteen start giving it lip injections, butt injections and a 25 year old lover. That is no way to raise a child. And she is no role model for any girl or young woman. And unfortunately she has no good role models.

Some rapper is trying to prove the Earth is flat. Again, why is this guy getting air time?

If NFL players or anyone else wants to kneel then let them. So let’s get pissed off because they are exercising their right to free expression. The first priority of our POTUS is to rant and rave about it like a rabid dog. Oh just fuck it all idiot man and go on to issues that matter. Or better yet, try educate yourself on WHY people are protesting by kneeling. You might not agree with them but you MUST agree with their right to protest.

Forget all of the bullshit above. Why isn’t our government doing anything about Texas, Alabama, Louisiana, Florida, Puerto Rico and other places hit so hard by recent storms. But that is easy. That is about normal, regular people. That isn’t any fun.

This morning I received phone calls from my daughter’s college. The sheriffs were on campus, there was a lock-down, then there was nothing. Then I received a second message. The sheriffs were on campus to apprehend someone. There was a lock down. I texted my child. No answer. I texted again. No answer. My head was spinning.

Then finally I heard from her. It was a different facility, in a different part of town from the main campus. It was in a place where she goes to class one morning a week.

A guy with two guns came on campus. He was going to shoot someone. When he saw the sheriff officers he dropped the guns and ran. He was caught. Nobody was hurt.

Why did this guy have guns? Why are there still shootings at colleges, schools, and workplaces? WTF?

I told my husband that I’m going to be a ghost for Halloween. We’re going to a big party. A ghost costume is easy and fun. He just looked at me with no response. A Vampire would be tacky. I’m not dressing up like a “Vampire.”

We are living in a time when everything we see or hear pisses us off.

I’m also having…I don’t even want to say this…I’m writing a book and my mind has gone blank. The current chapter sucks. I will continue on. I can rewrite it. I can get my mojo back. I can and will move forward.

So Clara and I decided to make a list of things that don’t piss us off.

  • Dogs (most dogs)
  • Cats (except my cat who peed on my dining room table.)
  • Trees
  • Fall bulbs
  • Coffee
  • Wine
  • Cool antique silver patterns
  • Comfortable shoes
  • Cute comfortable shoes
  • Cute dresses
  • Sweaters
  • Sweatshirt
  • Cool Fall Weather
  • Chickens
  • Wild Turkeys
  • Deer
  • Birds
  • Squirrels
  • Warm clean necks
  • Clean ears
  • Art pottery
  • Blue vases
  • Art
  • Music
  • Singing along to the radio in the car
  • Puns
  • Vampires
  • Werewolves with a sense of humor
  • Sunsets
  • Sunrise
  • Otters
  • Good friends
  • Books
  • My daughter’s friend decided to stay in the arts because that is where her passion is – rather than go into science (somebody else’s passion.)

That is a start. Deep breath. Relax before you’re head explodes. Or if you’re a Vampire just sit still and retract your fangs thinking of being on a quiet foggy beach with nothing but the sound of the waves, and nothing on the schedule.

I give up. Maybe. Not quite but my head is hurting. I’m done with the outside world (until I see a mushroom cloud, but then it won’t matter anymore.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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