How to Make a Bloody Martini

How to make a Bloody Martini

Special Guest Post
by Brian Callahan

            Good Evening everyone and welcome to Night Bites, your one stop shop for recipes for you and all of your night-time prowling friends and fiends! Tonight, by viewer request, I’m going to show you two different recipes for the best Bloody Martini you have ever drunk!

            Now, I originally came up with this for all of my fanged fans out there but if you’re not a bloodsucker you can exchange it for bone broth and it’s just as good. Some of my furred friends swear by it! And if you aren’t a drinker you can make it into a mocktail as well just leave out the alcohol. I used Vodka, but if you prefer Gin or Tequila, have at it.    

            This recipe has all the best ingredients in it, some of which you would probably never imagine. How many other drinks do you know that use red curry paste? 

            Something I wanted to take a moment to talk about is the garnish skewer. This is a great way to show off your creativity! I love to add several things but it depends on the mood I’m in. I might go with a couple of blackberries and other seasonal fruit or if I’m feeling spicy maybe some pepperoncini spaced with some fresh knucklebones. I mean, you may as well make it a mini meal to go along with your cocktail, am I right?

            Now I know that some of you out there prefer a dirty martini and if this is you then feel free to toss in a splash of olive juice in the mixture. 

            Okay, so on to the main event. Here’s what you’re going to need:

Ingredients:

• 6 oz. cup Blood (O positive is the standard but if you have some AB laying around, it’s a special treat!)
• 1 oz. Hot sauce
• 4 oz. Vodka
• 2 Tbl. Worcestershire
• 1 Tbl. Red curry paste
• Sea Salt & Pepper to taste
• 1 lemon, divided
• Ice cubes
• GARNISH: Fresh Lemon and Nibbles Skewer (olives, pepperoncini, bacon, pepperoni, celery, fresh knuckles, cheese cubes, cubed brain chunks, salami and more!)

Instructions

1. In a large measuring cup, whisk together the blood (or bone broth), vodka, Worcestershire, red curry paste, salt, pepper and half of the lemon, juice only. Make sure to whisk in the curry paste into the liquid very well.
2. Pour into a martini shaker. Add ice. Shake a bunch. Pour into your most fun martini glasses. Coat rim with fresh lemon juice.
3. Garnish with one-fourth of the remaining lemon and a nibbles skewer! Use the rest of the lemon wedge as a garnish if desired.
4. This will make 2-3 cocktails. Enjoy!

All right! I told you in the beginning that I was going to show you two recipes. The one we just talked about is the modern version and now I am going to show you how to make the old fashioned version. This was a recipe handed down to me from my Sire who liked a martini so much in life that he invented this not long after the original was created back in 1858. It’s a bit more complicated in some ways but I assure you that it is worth the wait. 

            So the first thing you’re going to want to do is find a proper vessel. Considering that the average height of people in this country is about 5’10” I’d recommend finding someone in the 180 to 220 weight range. While still reasonably healthy the extra fat content really holds the flavor well. 

            Also, since we’re on the subject, there is a popular rumor out there that hair color affects the flavor and I want to assure you that this is completely untrue…and even if it were, with the prevalence of dye jobs these days you could never know for sure what you were selecting. Ah, one thing I did find out that you might want to know is that if your vessel has high blood pressure it tends to really affect the saltiness of your drink. Depending on whether you like a salty aftertaste, I’ll leave it with you on how to deal with that little issue. 

              Now, once you have your vessel you can store it but be careful! Do this right and you can have a refreshing drink for weeks to come. 

            You’re going to want to make up a couple of pitchers of martinis at this point and try to always have a spare or two waiting in the fridge because what you are going to do next is to feed these to your vessel. If they aren’t cooperative I have found that a small section of hose and an automotive funnel will do the trick just fine. 

            So, I would put about half a pitcher in your vessel every half hour for two hours or until they lose consciousness. At that point I generally wait another half hour to let the drink fully penetrate the blood…and then it’s time to drink up! Now, you can drink directly from the vessel if that is your favorite but we’re not barbarians, right? I found these cute little drain spigots on a medical site that work beautifully. Just insert them and then use them to fill up your favorite martini glass, add some garnish and voila! The best old fashioned bloody martini available!

            Enjoy your drinks and make sure you check in with next week’s episode of Night Bites where we’ll be making authentic Alien gelatin cups!

~ BC

Thank you Brian for this most excellent cocktail recipe.

Brian Callahan is a treasured member of Writers, Poets, and Deviants, and a raising star in the literary universe.

Fall is almost here, so if you’re looking for cold weather cocktails to sooth any Vampire appetite click here.

Stay safe everyone. Don’t drink and drive (even if you’re a Vampire.) Talk to your kids. Check in on those who are alone or need extra help. Hug your dogs and cats. And kiss a Vampire – you’ll thank me for it later.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman