Poor Me

The atmospheric river is flowing across California in full force. It isn’t quite as bad in Northern California, where I am, as it is down south.

With storms come power outages. We’re known for our power companies due to the fact that they refuse to put old overhead power lines underground, and tend to start devastating fires that take out miles of precious forests and entire towns. The typical power company response to fires is equivalent to a “whoops, my bad.” But back to my story…

Our power was out for 29 hours. Now some people take that as a happy opportunity to pretend they are camping, or playing at a historic reenactment. The problem with the historic reenactment is the back when we did not have electricity our homes were set up without electricity. We didn’t have to charge our phones, or keep our freezers from melting, or worry about the heater not working because our lives were different than they are now. Much different.

So Sunday night, with no power, and no clue of when we’d get it back, my husband Teddy and I decided to go to the movies. We decided to go out into the almost hurricane gust winds and see “Poor Things.”

I love weird, odd, artsy, and interesting creative films. I love them. I did not love “Poor Things.”

There were only 4 other people in the theater. Right in the middle was a couple with bags of chips. They crunched loudly and loudly rustled their bags. They talked non-stop during the movie. They slurped their drinks. But worst of all they used their phones.

But back to the movie. As advertised, it was strange. Oddly gothic and quite cleaver at first. The mismatched animals were wonderful. Then it just got stupid. The worst thing was the music. It was like an off tune toy piano. I know, I know, I know it was done that was for effect but it gave me a headache. In the film the weird off key music played at the home of the mad scientist and Bella. So every time the story went to the home I’d prepare myself for the attack to my nerves.

The movie then continues with non-stop gratuitous scenes of Bella peeing, Bella chewing up food and spitting it out, Bella doing stupid violent and childish thing, and Bella stabbing dead bodies. Chew spit and repeat. Between the music, the rude disgusting couple sharing the theater with us, and the film my head was going to explode. I’m sure Bella would have clapped at the spectacle of my exploding head. Seriously, that music did physical damage to my brain. I finally told Teddy that I needed to leave.

Yes, the music was just too much.

Also, the movie was shot in black and white, but it wasn’t even good black and white. It was dull. Hear me out on this one. If you look at any old black and white movie, from Noir, to horror, to romantic comedy, the light and shadows work. In this film it was flat.

On the way home we laughed because the night before, when we had electricity, we saw another film that was also partially in black and white. Like “Poor Things” that film was also trying too hard to be artistic and fell flatter than an out of tune piano missing half of it’s keys. That film was “Maestro.”

After getting half way through “Maestro” (Netflix) we looked at each other and agreed we’d had enough. Oh boy, that movie was full of itself. The cast was fantastic so we thought it would be great. Like “Poor Things” it was nominated for Oscars. It was horrible.

You know when someone tries too hard to sound smart, or attractive, or interesting, and you just feel embarrassed for them? Well that was “Maestro”. None of the characters was likable or interesting, except maybe the baby and the former boyfriend. Seriously, NONE of them. The whole thing was just annoying.

You might love both of these films and you are welcome to your opinion. Like I said, l adore a wonderful, weird, strange, unusual, and creative film, but it was two thumbs down for both of these films for me.

2023 was a year of books I never finished because I didn’t like them. I hope 2024 doesn’t continue as the year of films I didn’t like and never finished.

Speaking of films, I heard that Paul Thomas Anderson was filming a movie in Sacramento yesterday. Leonardo DiCaprio was in it. They were downtown near the Capitol. I’ll be over that way in about two hours but I doubt if I’ll see the filming.

Of course on TV there are series like La Brea that are so bad that it is the perfect fodder for drinking games and treating them like a comedy/farce. The writing is SOOOOO bad. OMG. On the other hand there is True Detective: Night Country which is also strange, disturbing, weird, and dark, but it is written well. While, the the main characters are difficult to like, they are extremely interesting. We all know someone like them.

Of course you can never go wrong with, “Northern Exposure.”

Speaking of artistic things…I’m wrapping it up, going out in the storm, and heading downtown to the Crocker Art Museum. I have research to do for a talk I’m giving in April, and I’m attending a talk. I know I won’t be disappointed there. There is a new amazing spectacular beadwork show by artist Joyce J. Scott. The “Black Artists in America” show started on February 4. It should be quite wonderful.

Stay safe everyone. Check in on those who are elderly, alone, or might need extra help. Do your research before you vote (don’t just vote for names you recognize.) Volunteer for causes you believe in. Stay creative. Go 49ers! Hug your dogs and cats. Hug your kids. And kiss a Vampire – you’ll thank me for it later.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman