The Vampire Friend Diet: for My Regular Human Friends

My neighbor Kelly and I often hang out on the back deck of either her home or mine with a nice bottle of red wine. Our kids are close to the same age – middle school and high school.

Kelly has been through a lot in the past few years. Her husband was murdered. The sister of the man who killed Derrick gouged out Kelly’s left eye. She had to go through the trial and aftermath of finding the killer (someone was paid to kill her husband). But she has survived and thrived.

Talk about stress. My heart just breaks for her sometimes. Yes, my cold vampire heart – we feel and love just like everyone else. Don’t judge us because we’re not like you (if you’re reading this and NOT a vampire).

Oh yes, and Kelly has ghosts in her house. Ghosts give me the creeps unlike anything else, but I’ve come to term with Kelly’s ghosts. I haven’t mentioned them to her yet. I’m not sure how to even bring it up.

So back to stress. Over the past few years Kelly has been fighting with her weight. She has been frustrated to the point of tears. Once she told me she hated going out in public and never let anyone take her photo.

She often commented on my diet with almost no sugar or carbs of any kind. I told her it would make me sick. She said it was making her sick in a different sort of way.

By the way, Kelly doesn’t know we’re vampires but she knows something is up. I live on that sort of street where it seems “something is up” with every household. Anyway….

Recently she has lost a little over 50 pounds and is happy with her new perfect weight. Best of all she is keeping it off.

Kelly’s Vampire Inspired Way of Life (the vampire diet)

Simple rules

  • Write down what you eat
  • Track your weight on a chart
  • No sugar unless it is from hugs, kisses, or fruits (excluding fruit juice)
  • Drink your water. DO IT.
  • Keep portions small. Eat half of what you usually do.
  • Make sure all carbs are whole grain and have a high fiber and/or protein content.
  • Eat loads of veggies. Kelly steams them and eats them plain or with a touch of lemon. Sometimes she splurges with a tiny bit of reduced calorie Ranch dressing.
  • Keep meats lean and only have them at one meal per day.
  • Stay away from processed food. Yes you can have your bacon (what is it about regular humans and bacon?) but only once a week as a treat.
  • Find proteins in beans and tofu
  • And be like a vampire and eat loads of dark leafy things.
  • Cut back alcohol to the weekends.
  • MOVE  – go to the gym, take a walk, dance to the radio, stretch, don’t use your husband or kids as an excuse. Make them do it with you. Make them fix their own dinner.
  • Get your family on board with you. If not DO IT ALONE.

So there you go. I never thought I’d be doing a diet blog, but I love my friends and I want them to all be HAPPY, HEALTHY and LIVE LONG LIVES.


~ Juliette

(Juliette and Kelly are based on fictional characters in an upcoming book in 2013-14 – More information and publication dates to come)


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