Reality Road Trip is the best, and more realistic reality TV show ever filmed.
Four teams. For different vehicles. Four different starting points. Who will get keep going and who will get left at the rest stop?
- Each team starts out just a few miles from each other, but eventually end up on the same road.
- Each team starts with a map. When they come to the end of the road, they are required to find the new map with the next leg of the journey.
- The team, or person, who ends up at the finish line first gets the cash.
Team Limo: 5 Team Members. Three women and four men.
This team was also known as Team Glam. The luxury limousine had a driver and carried a full stash of booze and the most elegant treats. They were high maintenance idiots in high heels and flip flops, who were totally unprepared for the road ahead. In their defense they drop kicked one of the male team members off at a rest stop a mile out of San Francisco for making homophobic remarks. At the next stop, at Donner Lake the women hobbled in their heels and short tight dresses over a rocky trail to attempt to find the next map. The men made jokes about eating their teammates. Luckily they did have a driver. He suggested they get some athletic shoes (sneakers) in Reno. At Yellowstone they didn’t fare too well. One of the male team members was injured and lost three fingers while trying to feel the water in one of the thermal pools. One of the women was arrested for trying to catch a baby buffalo. Now down to two team members, they decided to spend a few days in a Jackson Hole luxury spa and were caught in a blizzard. Then both team members, the driver, and the film crew came down with Covid.
Team Motorhome: 6 Team Members. Three Women and Three Men.
The team consisted of a professional rock climber (M), a swimsuit model (F), a 3rd grade teacher (F), a former contestant of The Bachelorette (M), a professional bull rider (M), and a WNBA professional basketball player (F). They were fun, and smart, and attractive. We all expected them to win. Everyone liked them. Unfortunately, none of them knew how to drive a motorhome. While driving late one night through the Rocky Mountains near Telluride they were hit by a big rig and went off the side of the road. Everyone on board was killed. The only survivor of the group was the rock climber who was left at a rest stop near Salt Lake City because he missed his girlfriend and couldn’t stop crying.
Team SUV: 4 Team Members. Two men and two women.
The team consisted of a computer nerd (M), a plastic surgeon (F), a small town mayor and farmer (M), and a romance writer. They followed the second map wrong and ended up 50 miles down a dirt and gravel road road somewhere in Utah, near the town of Dinosaur. After being stranded for two days with no cell coverage, they hiked out to a ranch. Unfortunately, they didn’t know the ranch was owned by a serial killer. Only two of the bodies of the team members were found. Their two member film and sound crew was also never found.
Team Mid-Sized Hybrid Sedan: 4 Team Members. Two women and two men, plus a dog (some sort of Lab Mix).
This, by the way, was my team. If it matters, the car was not a Prius or a Tesla.
The members consisted of an electrician named Ryan (M), Kimber Lynn who trained racehorses (F), Jackson who was an entertainment lawyer (M), and me. I’m female and I restore artworks for a living. The dog, Luna, belonged to Jackson. Luna was my favorite team member.
We left Kimber Lynn at a rest stop near Denver. After making a stop at Dinosaur National Monument she couldn’t stop talking about how evolution wasn’t real, and that dinosaurs existed at the same time as human, and that most of the bones we saw were either fake, or demons from Hell who froze when they hit the surface of the Earth and where then buried. We got tired of her shit really fast.
From there we found all of our maps and made it to our final destination, which was New Orleans. The three of us are still friends.
Unfortunately, the show never aired. We were paid our prize fee of $300,000 each. Sure we signed a non-disclosure paper, but Jackson was able to find flaws in the paperwork, so here I am telling you the story now because I’m not getting paid for it.
By the way, I married Jackson, and we have a cat now and a three month old baby boy who is the cutest little guy ever. Ryan and his wife Gloria and their kids live just down the street from us.
And that is the true story of Reality Road Trip. The best reality TV you never heard of.
~ end
March 2024
As usual I wrote this in about 20 minutes over a cold cup of coffee. Hope you enjoyed it.
Vampire Maman 