Mom, can we keep him?

A couple of days ago I was traveling near the border of Utah and Colorado. I saw this cutie standing by the side of the highway begging for treats. Yes, dinosaurs are real.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Vampire Road Trips

No, I haven’t been away at some Vampire High Council meeting deciding what to do about nasty Vampires from another tribe, or discussing all of those flea bitten, tick covered Werewolves. Screw that. We don’t even DO THAT. All of the blood dripping lofty ceremony laced fiction out there gets people thinking we’re living in the 15th Century, or all dress like Victorians ALL THE TIME. I’ve been busy and we’re in a heat wave from Hell right now.

We’ll be on not one, not two, but three road trips this summer. The only place we’re not going where it is blazing and stupidly hot is Alaska.

Which brings me to a favorite subject: Vampire Road trips

Some suggest we bring freeze dried blood with us. Yes, that can be obtained by our usual sources but why? First of all we’ll just throw a cooler in the car and keep the fresh stuff on ice. We can also be guaranteed of a steady supply of truckers, hitch hikers, and Airbnb hosts.

The main thing we avoid are hookers in small desert towns (I kid you not.) It is seriously sad to see young women out trolling for truckers in the middle of the day wearing cuts offs, fishnet stockings, and heels. I look at them and wonder, “how the fuck did you end up here?”

We give a nod to the Vampires who live along those mysterious roads that seem to lead to nowhere. We give a nod to the lone Vampires in the small towns scattered across the highways. You know those towns where you wonder what people do there, and why they stay.

We will also stop to see friends along the way, both Vampires and regular folks we know.

All of my bitchiness aside, I love road trips. Driving across country with a kid (even if the kid will have just turned 18) is an amazing opportunity for both parent and child.

On our trips we’ve discussed (in-depth) music, history, art, social studies, geology, zombies, politics, cars, interesting people we’ve known, my own personal history, ways to murder someone when writing a novel, serial killers, movies, relationships, people we know, nature, dogs, cats, current events, and we wonder about things we see along the way.

We’ve seen two exceptionally handsome young men at a rest stop and wondered what two exceptionally handsome young men were doing out in the middle of the desert. We’ve stopped at a giant truck stop sort of place near the Colorado/Nebraska border and wondered where everyone was going. We’ve met a woman who said Lincoln, NE was the largest city she’d ever been to. We’ve seen roadside art, weird mysterious monuments, and a giant crater. We’ve gone to National Parks, and city parks. We’ve driven across Indian Reservations. We’ve driven through small depressed towns, and through some of the most expensive real estate in the country. We’ve been to Temple Square in Salt Lake City and stayed with a gay couple there. We’ve been to interesting little coffee houses that serve lavender scented lattes and vegan muffins. We’ve been on roads that seem to go on forever across the deserts and plains. It is hot because it is summer. It is dry because we’re driving through the West, only as far as Nebraska.

We’ll be in Nebraska this year as well. Then we’ll arrive home and a few days later head off for Alaska. But first we have to go to Fresno for an event. There is no other reason I’d go to Fresno. But in defense of Fresno, like all places, we will find interesting things to do.

So take a trip, even a day trip. You’ll learn something, and maybe even see some Vampires. We love road trips. Just don’t expose too much skin or you’ll get either sunburned or bitten.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

This guy looks interesting. Let’s show him something REALLY scary!

 

 

 

 

What Happens in Vegas…2013 Vampire Roadtrip Continues

Vampire Roadtrip

Vampire Roadtrip

Kids are going to be who they’re going to be. You never know who you’re going to give birth to. But I can say I definitely gave birth to my daughter. She doesn’t look like me but we are so much alike. We’ve been on the road for 5 days and it has been a riot. I mean that in a fun way, not a destructive breaking windows and looting way. Anyway…today we arrived in Las Vegas.

It is HOT and blazing Hell-like sunny. Hence, I sit in the cool and dark writing this because I’ve had way too much exposure and risked frying myself to a crisp and going into some sort of heat related Vampire coma. But we’re now In Las Vegas – where the night will come and the sky will be awash in lights and life and a regular feast for the eyes – and a feast for Vampires.

We’re sending the kids off to the water park tonight. A regular buffet for hungry Vampire teens and talk about “fast food”.  And it is fun. Hey, if anyone tells you Vampires don’t have fun they’re wrong. Vampire teens always know how to have fun. Fun is their code.

For the adults there are other entertainments and other places to dine. Many more places.

My dear friend Amelia lives in Las Vegas with her daughter and husband. Amelia and I were both born the same year (1859) and have known each other since we were the same ages as our daughters (14).

Amelia stretched out her long legs in her ultra modern and cool living room and gave me one of “those looks”. “Guess who is back in town?”

I could feel my lip twitch in disgust. I knew who she was talking about. It was Don. Disgusting Don who gives all Modern Vampires and all Males of any species a bad name. Ugh. I swore that last time I saw him that I’d kill him. Not nice, but he is lower than a roach in my book. He’d abuse the lower forms of Vampire women and Regular Humans as well. He was scum. He needed to go away. Amelia and I decided that WE were going to make him go away.

I could just see him in a shiny black suit, a silver shirt unbuttoned down the front, gold chains, dark hair slicked back, 8 diamond rings and just a hint of eyeliner.

Of course there was the scent that clung to the air as he passed by – a mixture of blood, lemons and sandalwood. Made me want to barf.

Amelia and I had come across him in the 1930’s. He’d gone to Europe from the dust bowl as a Regular Human and returned a Vampire. Not the kind of person we like to see being turned into a Vampire. There were repercussions but Don, unfortunately, was spared and has spent the past 80 years spreading his slime across the world only make a poisoned snail like trail between Los Angeles and Las Vegas.

At various times over the years, he’d stalked me and tried to drag me into his nasty lair. The guy had no idea what he was dealing with. My husband Teddy and brother Max hunted him down and dropped him down a mine shaft where we stayed for over a year, only to be rescued by one of his pathetic little Vampire sluts. These are not Modern Vampires, but Vampire cockroaches of the lowest order. Vampire Trash. The idea of them makes my skin crawl. And even worse, he attracts Vampire Hunters – the kind who make no distinction between scum like Don and the rest of us. Damn it. I wish they’ll thrown a fire bomb down that well when they had the chance.

In the meantime, Amelia and I discussed what we’re going to do tonight. Maybe go to a few clubs. We’d put on our little black dresses and heels and have some grown-up fun.

I suggested cocktails but Amelia just smiled and said “Why not just go straight for the jugular.”

And perhaps, as long as we’re solving all the problems of the world, we’ll do a little Vampire hunting of our own. Watch out Don, if Amelia and I get our way this might be your last night in Vegas.

Now that sounds like a fun night out.

Wishing you all fun, no matter what you’re doing or who you’re doing it with.

I’ll keep you updated on what happens with Don the cockroach later tonight or tomorrow.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

beware

Roadkill… I um, mean, where are we going to eat while we’re traveling?

roadtrip

Vampires usually don’t do fast food but sometimes we find a nice diner or a nice owner of a diner…

We’ll be taking a roadtrip across California and the American Southwest (Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico).

I gotta tell you, everything in my life has been so stressful lately, never mind the Zombies, it has all just had me over the top and to the edge so I am so looking forward to getting in the car and driving across four states (four BIG states).

When Vampires travel we have all sorts of things to take into consideration that other folks might not think about. During the next couple of weeks I’ll try to bring you tales from the road and travel tips for Vampire traveler.

What are we going to eat?

My daughter keeps asking this one. Of course we’ll have water and snacks in the car but…we’re Vampires so the question is WHO are we going to dine on while we’re out on the road.

Well…there are a lot of options

This guy looks interesting. Let's show him something REALLY scary!

Hitchhikers. But watch out for Zombies and Aliens. But if they look scary, just remember…we’re Vampires. Bahahahahaha.

Bikers are a good option because there are a lot of them and a varied menu.

Bikers. Bikers come in all shapes and sizes. There are the yuppie accountants and orthodontists bikers on their Gold Wings, there are the James Dean wanna bees, there are the hairy old grizz bikers, there are the Hell’s Angel types. And they’re easy. We like that. Good for those eat and run times.

Clueless Bimbos driving alone across the desert also make for a quick snack. I hope she has on sunscreen!

Bimbos. These gals are usually going to LA to be stars or Las Vegas to be strippers or breaking up with husbands or doing something sketchy. They’re fast and easy and usually have some interesting story. Vampires love these gals.

Truckers. HA. This one is just for fun - but you know ones like this can't run too fast and are an easy and fast snack.

Truckers. Truckers are like Bikers – there are a lot of different kinds. What makes them great is that they’re generally friendly and have their own trucks. That makes it especially easy for a nice evening sit-down dinner. And those truck stops brings them all together sort of like a grocery store for Vampires. It is pretty great.

THIS TRUCKER. Yes, this is more like it and fits in with a healthy diet.

Finding a baseball team on a bus is like a good casino buffet! Loads of yummy stuff and you can keep going back for more!

Baseball Teams! This time of year a traveler can look forward to busses FULL of healthy, young, good looking men. It is like one of those big all you can eat buffets at the casinos! What more could a Vampire on the road ask for? Not much except when we’re traveling out West…

Cowboys are always mighty tasty and a fun ride!

YES INDEED… what we’re really looking forward to are the COWBOYS! Just look at the picture. Need I say more. And if you’re lucky maybe he’ll take you for a ride or show you how he can tie things up.

Panic" at the Disco tour bus! We're heading for Las Vegas but we'll be happy to meet you on the road!

Wait, one more thing. This has to be the best. A Rock Band Tour bus. Everyone is on the road with tours this summer and we hope for a private show or two. My daughter hopes we see her favorites and pull them over for a little bite! Always a treat!

lizard

We tend to stay away from highway patrol men and women. They’re healthy and perfect for our needs BUT we have to respect the badge.

Also, stay away from lizards. If you get hungry eat a burger without the bun or bring some trail mix or cheese with you. Lizards are nasty.

We also stay away from old folks in motor homes and families in mini vans. Please don’t make me explain why.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

You’re never a stranger when you’re a Vampire… 2013 Roadtrip

roadtripSometimes even Vampire parents have to get their children from Point A to Point B.

This year that means ROAD TRIP TIME.

Traveling for us is just a little different. We interact a bit more with other travelers along the way. We like to drive at night. We stop more to look at the stars. But other than that we’re just like anyone else driving across America!

My 14 year old daughter and I will be traveling across California and the Southwest, savoring the locals and the local culture and history – from Sacramento to Albuquerque with stops along the way. She has an event in Albuquerque so we decided to make it a real vacation with highway travel, National Monuments, stops to see our Vampire friends in the desert and loads of “are we there yet” fun.

On the way we’ll be posting postcards from the road, our thoughts, our adventures and any other thoughts we might want to share. This is the first major driving-in-a-car-across-state-lines trip we’ve made since Yellowstone three summers ago so we’re looking forward to it.

And for you Zombie watchers…we will be passing by the super secret Area Z. Stay tuned. We’re not going to get too close! And of course in New Mexico we’ll look for little green hitch hiking space aliens (HA! Like anyone believes in green space aliens in New Mexico.)

Anyway…just wanted to give you a heads up.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman and Clara aka Vampire Teen

night drive

Stranger in a Strange Land

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/07/17/daily-prompt-new/