The Bachelor – Another Viewpoint with Options

In the wee hours of this morning I was scanning my Twitter feed (no you haven’t landed on the White House Web Site) and kept seeing stuff about The Bachelor. You know, the TV show where about 25 women wear tight clothing and fight over the same man. I doubt if they have knock down drag out physical fights (but it would be fun if they did) but I’m sure they get plenty catty.

I’d usually ignore something like this because I don’t watch the show but I noticed something weird. All of the guys look the same. Seriously they look like a set of fraternal quads – kind of like armadillo pups.

In fact I saw #cookiecutterguys on one of the threads. These guys are so white-bread boring that it is a wonder any girl would want to take the time to dig and claw her way to the top to get his rose.

Look at these guys. If you scroll the page down and just see their smiles the first three could almost be the same guy. If you just see the tops of their heads you’ll know they ARE the same guy.

Unlike MTV’s Are You The One, with 22 contestants who all pair up with their perfect match, making eleven couples, The Bachelor is so one sided.

But imagine if we redid The Bachelor and added some interest to the mix. Let’s make the guy interesting and special so the women will REALLY have something to WANT.

So dear readers… Who would YOU pick for the next Bachelor if you had a choice?

Adam Driver. He was HOT in Star Wars. Sure Han and Leia were shitty parents, but there was something about Adam Driver that makes him able to transform himself from a goofy looking average guy into a bundle of dark evil male hotness.

 

Darcy. Ladies, need I say more?

 

John Steinbeck. Ladies, need I say more?

 

This guy. OK, I have no idea who he is. I looked up “Average Guy” on Google and this is what came up. If he is average then I’m not sure what universe we’re in right now. Then again, my husband Teddy is in that realm of a 27 on a 1-10 scale, so I’m used to it.

 

Animal lover, confident in his masculinity. I bet he does a great Chicken Dance.

 

Secure with all the self-confidence any woman could ever dream of. Bring it on baby. He has that Russell Brand thing sort of going on doesn’t he?

 

How about the Hipsters? A guy with a well groomed beard, great hair (same style as my son) and a scarf. Who needs the quads when you could have this guy. I bet he also makes great toast and French Pressed coffee (yeah, I’m sure he knows how to do all kinds of great French things.)

 

Dare I say that the Quads are painfully white? So I’d like to introduce you to this guy. And I like how he is dressed. I’m sure undressed is just as nice. He put the STEAM in Steampunk.

 

And what about Goth Guys? He is the one who will heat up any cold dead Vampire girl on a dark winter night. Ladies, go for the style and mystery. You know he’ll never be boring.

 

He might look like a Silicone Valley Geek but he makes a Million and a half a year plus benefits. AND he can fix your computer and maybe even more. And he is sort of cute – you have to admit.

 

Blondes. There were no Blondes in the armadillo group. Blonde guys rock.

 

Dead guys. Wait, this guy isn’t dead. This guy is Keith Richards. Nuff said. Ladies, feast your eyes before he turns into old Keith. Hell, even old Keith is great – just listen to him play on the new Rolling Stones Album. HOT HOT HOT

 

Peter Cushing. Oh come on ladies, you have to admit it.

 

 

My name is Gorn and I always agree with Juliette.

 

Even my cat Oscar would be more interesting and he’d like ALL of the women on the show.

 

FINALLY maybe they could pick a Vampire – because everybody loves to get a red rose from a Vampire. And a Vampire will ALWAYS treat you as if you’re the only one.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

What we’re talking about over coffee this morning.

Coffee with Vampires

Even during the holidays we try to keep daylight hours, more or less, but I sometimes have that pull of my nocturnal biology and don’t sleep. I don’t sleep anyway. Most Vampires sleep like the dead (duh) but, well, good for them.

In the wee hours of the morning of December 28, 2016, just past midnight, my house shook with the force of an earthquake. Then it shook again.

At first Teddy thought it was the dog scratching and yelled at her. I told him it was no dog. Outside of Hawthorne, Nevada, close to the California/Nevada border the earth shook not once, but twice, at 5.8 and 5.6. It was enough for us to feel it 160 miles away (as the crow flies.)

Everyone else fell asleep but I kept awake. I feel like I’m still awake. I have coffee.

This morning it was quiet, despite the crowd staying at my house. Almost everyone was asleep this morning, just before the sun came up, so I took the dog for a walk. It was cold and wet but that can’t stop a one year old German Shepard. The nose of a dog knows no limits to what it can smell. When I got home I found my brother Max in my kitchen.

He’d come in late last night. Now he was leaning against the island counter with his eyes closed and his headphones on. He was as still as stone with no obvious signs of life. I walked up to him and gently took the headphones out. I listened. Strumbellas We Don’t Know. It was fitting for Max but a surprise.

Max opened his eyes and smiled a rare dazzling Vampire smile.

“Morning. Your coffee is getting cold,” I said handing him his cup.

“Thanks.”

“Do you think your demons will be gone today?”

He shrugged. “It might take a while.”

Over the holidays Demons had infested his home in San Francisco. He went to a party and when he came back they were there tearing the place up. Like just about everything else in this universe of ours they are attracted to Max and just can’t seem to stay away. He tried to take care of the problem himself but ended up with a black gash on his arm, and a major headache. He had to call a professional and move out for a few days.

Our great great great great Grandmama Lola came in, also staying for a few days (because the kids are on break) and made tea. She has been nervous since the election and all of the right-wing religious talk. Unlike Max and I who have had relatively safe lives, all things considering, Lola has not. She is ancient and has seen those she loved strapped to poles and burned alive. She has seen our kind torn apart and beheaded for no other reason that the fact they were different.

Lola warns us and my children again that they must stay quiet and trust no one. Of course. She is right.

“Not just us, but others as well. Do not forget the lessons of history, or those of your elders,” she tells the younger generation.

I hear my kids upstairs laughing now. Garrett has that joyful sort of horse laugh that so many young men have. Clara’s laugh is deep and rich, but still the laugh of a typical teenage girl.

Lola doesn’t look much older than my two but her eyes show the centuries. Sometimes it is the same look one finds in war zones and refugee camps. It is that look that politicians and religious leaders can’t see from their high pulpits – it is a look they close their own eyes to.

But now I’m starting to sound like a schlockie Vampire novel, or something from Oprah’s Book Club. Actually, take that back, I’d love to be in Oprah’s Book Club, as an author.

My brother Val showed up, then my husband Teddy came downstairs so it was a regular party.  So much for binge watching Twilight Zone, Botched, and Leah Remini in a quiet house (where nobody knows what I’m doing.) Insomnia got me through West World, and Worst Cooks in America. I found the other three this week by accident because I just did, and I couldn’t sleep, and my brain turned off for writing, or art, or anything else.

The discussion over coffee and tea included:

  • “The Curse of Oak Island” is the fact that they aren’t going to ever find anything.
  • A guy I know is going to audition for “America’s Got Talent.”
  • We were all impressed by the movie, “Hell or High Water.”
  • Juliette only read a few books in 2016, and that is a shame. And in 2017 we’re all going to read, “The Stranger” by Albert Camus, some for the first time, and some of us again.

Just like any other family we talk about movies, silly TV stuff, and books when we get together. That is something most of us can agree on.

We also talked in length about Max’s Demon problem. I swear there must be a portal near his house, or it must be him. I think they’re attracted to him because they see him as such a powerful Vampire. He says that isn’t the case. He says we’re all powerful in our own ways, then tries to be the good uncle and tells the kids that. Val and Lola went off into a corner to discuss his new girlfriend. Teddy gave me a kiss and went off to work.

Tonight Teddy and I are going to the Kings game. It will be my first time in the new Golden 1 Arena. Woo Hoo. We’ll go to Magnolia’s (a blood bar) for dinner first. Woo Hoo. Yes, that is the Sacramento Kings (just like my name) Basketball. Woo Hoo.

Football does nothing for me but I like Baseball and Basketball. Go Kings. Go Giants. My other sport is Artistic Roller Skating. Woo Hoo.

More on all of THAT later this year.

I sat by Lola and Val, and took Lola’s hand. I wanted to tell her that it will all be alright but I said nothing, and listened to Val tell about the girl he is falling in love with.

Happy New Year again everyone.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Lola

Lola

 

 

Vampire Maman Fall TV Lineup: New Shows

I just got word from my friend Thomas Kent that the fall listings for V-TV are coming out. Below is a sneak peek of some of the new shows.

 

Dark A.M. with Andrew

Late night show with Singer Andy Todd. What will you be watching at 3:00 a.m.? Fill the void with Andy. He features interviews with Vampire leaders, musical guests, authors, bloggers, nocturnal pet experts and more. With Andy everything is always smart, unexpected and entertaining.

Rating: TVPG

 

Night Crawlers

Reality TV with a down home fishing champion Werewolves. Buddy and Laverne deal with parenting their litter of four, plus running a fishing camp and championship boat yard. the first episode takes place with their crazy friends during a full moon on the lake. A run under the stars has never been more fun. You’ll howl laughing with this good-natured crew.

Rating: TVG

 

Dead Hunt

Find out who the deadliest Vampire Hunters are and what you can do to stop them. This hard edged show identifies threats and where they live. Hard hitting news and information about something that concerns everyone in the Vampire community.

Rating: TVPG

 

Fangs

What happens when four young Vampire friends move to the big city? A lot. Follow the hilarious adventures of new Vampires Quintin, Kylee, Melvin, and Claudette as they navigate their new world.

Rating: TVMA 

 

Open Season

Detective Amanda Tinkerton solves the murders that nobody else can. Only her colleagues have no idea that she is a Vampire. Partnered with Werewolf Alex Black, the two go into the dark corners where they not only hunt criminals, but the criminals hunt THEM.

Rating: TVPG

 

Katrina’s Krazy Kitchen

Have fun with Katrina in her paranormal kitchen with sidekick Michael the Goblin. We promise no small children will be in their ovens, but you’ll see other surprises that will make your mouth water. So come on down and cook with Katrina in her Krazy Kitchen.

Rating: TVG

 

Reality Stalk

With so many reality TV shows on now,  Vampire producer Jack Van Lees wondered, “how fun would it be to drop in for a surprise visit?” Vampires Jack,  and his friends Lauren, and Woody make night time visits to shows like Naked and Afraid, Survival and Fast N Loud.

Rating: TVPG

 

Crypt Hunters

Hosts Ollie and Rachael take you on a weekly tour of Crypts that are now available for the old fashioned Vampires (and aren’t we all a little old fashioned.) This is a fun filled show full of grave yard trivia, Vampire history, and a bit of interior design, entertaining, and real estate know how. Meet the crypt keepers and the Vampires who want to downsize into their own traditional crypts. As Ollie would say, “This is bloody fun for everyone.”

Rating: TVPG

Crypt Hunters

Crypt Hunters

 

Dark Art

In the late 19th Century the artists colony in the beautiful Monterey coast of California was flourishing. The artists had unbridled passions for their art…and for each other. Ellie and her lover Gerald aren’t just artists – they’re Vampires. This epic drama highlights the art, the beauty of the California coast and the darker sides of the art and artists of the 19th Century.

Rating: TVMA

 

Have fun,

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Rewriting American History with Gratuitous Sex and Historic Hotties

Rewriting American History with Gratuitous Sex and Historic Hotties

Some you might have heard of the new mini-series Sons of Liberty (not to be confused with Sons of Anarchy.) It was shown earlier this week on the History Channel. Of course this is the History Channel that has little or nothing to do with history anymore. It is more into shows about old junk and inbreeding among humans. Yes, we like Oak Island and my husband is a Pawn Star and Mike and Frank fan … but really where is the history? When the History Channel first came out it was known as the Hitler Channel because everything was about, well Hitler, but I don’t even know what to think now.

Sons of Liberty was not painfully boring as the other recent Revolutionary War series Turn. As you might recall, Turn was the one with Jamie Bell playing a guy who seemed to enjoy suffering in Colonial America. It was long, drawn out and totally confusing. A big snooze.

So I’ll try to make this quick because I have to drop someone off at school this morning then I have real work to do (places to go, people to see etc.)

The American Revolution and those who lived it were far more interesting than anything television producers have put out in their fictionalized versions. I hate to sound like another TV icon but “Just the facts ma’am.” PLEASE.

Getting back to Sons of Liberty…

The six hour mini-series on the American Revolution was sort of disjointed and confusing and half of it completely fictional. I know I already said that but I have to say it again.

Samuel Adams was a rock star of the American Revolution. But was Sam Adams a seriously sexy dark  brooding make your loins ache for him sort of guy? I never met Sam Adams, but I bet that wasn’t the usual reaction to him. Yes, he had a larger than life persona, and women might have been falling all over him but could he turn around and pass for a dark brooding sexy please-have-semi-rough-sex-with-me-please Vampire like Ben Barnes (the actor who plays Adams)? I doubt it. I know actors can’t always look like the people they play but come on History Channel. Really? Sam Adams was 49 years old in 1771. In 1776 he turned 54 (older than the average life span of the time.)

How the History Channel Sees Sam Adams in 1771.

sonsofliberty_samadams2-E

 

 

 

 

 

What Sam Adams REALLY looked like in 1771.

 

J_S_Copley_-_Samuel_Adams

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other players in the Revolutionary War include:

John Hancock who was played by Rafe Spall. He was one of the only actors who was close to the real age of the character he played. The looks, though not exact, were closer than the others as well. And if you don’t already know, John Hancock was known for his beautiful handwriting.

How the History Channel sees John Hancock in 1771.

sonsofliberty_hancock-E

What John Hancock really looked like in 1771.

 John_Hancock_1770-crop

Joseph Warren was a wealthy and educated widower with four young children. He unfortunately and tragically died in the battle of Bunker Hill. I seriously doubt if he had an affair with the part-time spy and wife of General Gage, Margaret Kimbell Gage. Warren was 30 in 1771. Margaret Gage was 37, not the delicate young thing (played by the lovely Emily Berrington.) The real Margaret was beautiful and fashionable but risking an affair was dangerous business. Very dangerous. Margaret was said to have anywhere from 8 – 11 children (she gave birth to one in 1776, how fitting) which leaves her little time or energy for an affair with a younger man. I might be wrong but I doubt it. My daughter mentioned “Ohhhh a revolutionary cougar.” But then again, when something is on TV they MUST add the gratuitous sex scenes. And if you’re a fan of gratuitous sex scenes I hear there will be a second season of Penny Dreadful.

How the History Channel sees Joseph Warren in 1771.

sonsofliberty_warren2-E

What Joseph Warren really looked like in 1771.

 JosephWarrenByCopley

How the History Channel sees Margaret Gage in 1771.

sonsofliberty_margaretgage-E

What Margaret Gage really looked like in 1771.

640px-Margaret_Kemble_Gage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there you go, the unreal version of the American Revolution from the viewpoint of The History Channel. Huzzah.

So what am I trying to say here? The people involved in the American Revolutionary War were already sexy enough without someone rewriting them into something else.

More on Tee-Vee, history and Vampires later. By the way, neither Joseph Warren or Paul Revere became Vampires or Werewolves. It didn’t happen.

And if you DO need to involve yourself in some gratuitous sex/romance/creativity AND make history – don’t forget to enter the Vampire Maman Love Letter Contest. CLICK HERE for details.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

ATG 2014 Final Twelve Party & Vampire Cowboy Cocktails

Cheers!

Cheers!

 

Tonight starts the final countdown with the top 12 talents for America’s Got Talent.

Nick’s suit is sort of a silvery white. Not bad Nick. Good color on you.

2014 is our 5th year watching this summer show. This is the 3rd year I’ve been blogging about it.

The entire gang is here tonight. My family, two of my four brothers, plus assorted friends and even a Werewolf pal and his girlfriend. Needless to say the peanut gallery will have plenty of comments about the acts.

But first, Teddy, my darling husband, is making cocktails.

Vampire Cowboy Cocktail

  1. 2 ounces vodka
  2. 1/4 fresh squeezed lemon juice
  3. 1/4-cup of cold beef broth
  4. 1/4 cup blood (leave out if you aren’t a Vampire)
  5. 3-5 dashes of Tabasco (or mix to taste with other hot sauces)
  6. A dash of ground pepper
  7. A dash of cayenne pepper
  8. A dash of kosher salt

Combine all ingredients in a shaker with liberal amounts of ice. Shake vigorously and pour into a chilled old fashioned glass. Garnish with a lemon slice (keep it round like a wagon wheel). Rim the glass with salt if you like that sort of thing.

I’m having a Lemon Martini.

 Now on with the show…

Acro Army

We love Acro Army

 

The line up is fantastic. The teens all want to see either Emil and Dariel the two young cello players or the ultra cute singer Miguel Dakota win. I tend to agree but I’d be happy with any of 9 of the 12 in the finals.

 

images

A little night music for the ladies

Below is a list of contenders with comments from the peanut gallery of Vampires and Werewolves in italics. Warning some of the comments are rude.

Sons of Serendip

The singer has beautiful eyes. I hate harps. I like harps. Beautiful voice. They sound so churchy but so pretty. I love this song. Who sings this originally? Elton John. Oh. If I’m not mistaken. Great voice. These guys aren’t scrubs. They’re real musicians. A horrible name for a band. Wow. They’re wonderful. They are good looking guys. They’re really handsome.

Aero Army

These guys are every bit as good as Circe Sole. This is like senior level big time stuff. Very tight. If they had a dog… If they had Scooby they’d win. Wow. Oh my gosh. Don’t drop her. This is great. They were good. They were tight. There again, it is what it is. They’re an opening act. Definitely talented. Wow. I’d watch these guys. Of all the groups we’ve seen like this they’re the best. Put your shirts on.

Blue Journey

I hope they do well. All the other dancers were tired. They’re the best. I Put A Spell On You, interesting. He is such a good dancer. Wow, she can really move. I would have done the james Brown Version. This is interesting. I like it. I love it. I’d pay to see them. They’re fun. They’re really good. That was good. I’ll vote for them. They have talent. Mel needs to shut the F up. Really? She (Mel) is pretty much brain dead. The judges are stupid. I like the dancing. They’re great. 

Emil and Dariel

They’re just so cute. Interesting choice for a song. Aerosmith. Get rid of the singers and tone the band down. The background is drowning them out. Very pretty. I like them. I thought they should have rocked the house. I really like them. They should be in the top 5 at least. They are darling. I wonder what our friend who plays the cello thinks. It wasn’t safe. It was a tough song. Playing it safe would have been what they did before. Nick’s suit is terrible.

David and Leeman

I adore these guys. They are so darling. Love their style. Fun lottery act. OMG how did they do that? OMG. Awesome. They get a vote from me! Very nice. I honestly thought they’d screwed up. The stupid judges didn’t even stand up for them. That was really good. If I was single I’d date them.

Miguel Dakota

Fantastic job. Hard song. We’re voting for him all the way. I hope he wins. We all do. He is the star.

Mat Franco

I really like him. Very good. I really enjoy his act.

Magic

We’re all concentrating on the results

Quintavious Johnson

Sweet kid but he can’t sing. Sure but he’ll win. He has no talent, nice kid but no talent. Nick has no talent. Cute kid but… He is just awful. It all sounds the same. It sounds off, so off. He is singing off key. He can sing one not. That’s it. He has good stage presence. He has no range. This is just putrid. You can’t compare him to Stevie Wonder NO NO NO NO. I’d rather hear James Spader sing that song.

Mara Justine

Sweet kid. She can belt out a song but…Ewwwwww that hurts. A little bit off. Nooooooo. Nice kid but…wait about 10 years and come back. Ouch. Big lungs. Uh oh. I thought that was her best performance but she just isn’t that good. Good job Mara I hope you don’t read my mom’s blog. I dunno.

Christian Stoineu and Scooby

Put a shirt on. I love the dogs. They are sooooo cute. Would you pay to see this? Not this guy. Its the dog. Everyone votes for the dog. I wish I could do that. Uh oh. Who gives a shit. He is good but not the million dollar act. I agree with Heidi he needed more dog. More Scooby.

Mike Supre

If he does a really good trick he could beat out everyone else. He can do it. Good stage presence. They have to give magicians more time. Hey dude get on with it. You’re losing me. I’d put Howie in the booth. I want to see him squeal like a girl. Wow. That was hecka good. Go get work.

Emily West

She’s ok. But as far as being amazing… I don’t know. NOOOOO bad choice of song. You can’t do Moody Blues. Nobody but Justin Hayward should sing that. This doesn’t highlight her voice at all. Her voice cracked there twice. No, this is not good. Don’t eat the microphone. No no no. That wasn’t that good. Pale imitation. Oh shut the F up Howie and Howard. Oh bullshit. I think Howard slept with her.

 

Dog Act

And don’t forget every good talents show needs a few dogs and cats

 

We all had a good time. Now only the spirits will tell who makes this round. Or we can all vote and find out tomorrow.

board

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman