AGT with Vampires and Drinks and Amazing Things (Eclipse Edition)

Every summer since 2012 I’ve been blogging about the TV talent show America’s Got Talent (or AGT.) It started out as a cheap trick to get people to read my blog. It is still a cheap trick to get people to read my blog – especially since I add in booze.

I was up in Oregon earlier this week to see the TOTAL ECLIPSE so I did not see the show live, or at least not on the night it was aired. I didn’t get to vote. I didn’t even drink.

However, when I returned home yesterday I watched it with my husband Teddy and college student daughter Clara.

Here are our thoughts and the results.

Tyra Banks was wearing some sort of weird jumpsuit in a loud black and white print. She is a beautiful woman but this just made her look like a circus freak. But hey, whatever floats your boat or whatever.

Here are the acts:

Boy Dancers.

I don’t remember their name. We stopped watching the dancers and noticed how weird Mel B’s hair color was. It was a dusty gray, like dryer lint. Not a good look.

Celine Tam (singing child)

She is darling but her parents are exploiting her. She is so polished. Every single hand movement, facial expression, comment is studied and planned. She did sound like a child this week but the 90’s songs are getting old. Her parents take her to a lot of other big talent shows like this in other countries. She is their cash cow. That makes me sad because she is precious and super talented. I know we are jaded but I bet she has no friends, no sleep overs, no public school, no other activities. I hope I’m wrong. Teddy said she is really 47.

Scary Twins (Mirror Image)

Remember when you were in school and there were those annoying kids who were always “ON” 24/7. They were talented and wanted EVERYONE to know it. Well here they are as an act called Mirror Image. They are two boys who dance and sing in a way that only Donnie and Marie fans on Meth would appreciate. During their act we discussed how Simon’s shirts never fit him. He is a nice looking guy and rich. There is no reason for him to dress in ill fitting clothes. Heidi looked lovely.

Clara said with twins there is always a dominant twin. She said “I would like to think that I would have been the dominant twin.” Ain’t that the truth.

Johnny Manuel

Sweet kid. Good looking. But here are the notes from the peanut gallery…

He is awful. Why’d he pick this song? He is doing it slow cause he can’t sing. Doesn’t sound like he is singing that song. He’s not. No this isn’t even… he’s just doing the same notes over and over and over. The judges will love him.

And they did love him. The sweet kid made it through. I hope he can find a better song next time.

Dancing Robot Kid Merreck Hannah

Comments from the peanut gallery: He looks like that weird creep kid everybody has in class. You just want to tell him to sit down and shut up.

Nobody here was inspired.

The Masquerades

Three old guys who sing like angels. They sang together in the 60’s. They had a record deal at one time. They came back. They were darling.

Light Balance

Just another group of guys dressed up with lights. Ho hum. This kind of act has been overdone. Thank goodness nobody is doing one of those awful shadow acts this year.

Evie Claire

I love this young lady (age 13). She had tragedy in her life, but she brings joy and hope through her voice. She won’t win but she gets my vote. She is lovely.

Danger Guy – Escape Artist

Clara likes him. I don’t remember his name and it isn’t in my notes. I’m not a fan. His girlfriend sits on the sidelines and cries. It is all so fake.

Magic Guy Eric Jones

I like him well enough. He did illusions with cards and glass. Yep, stuff went right through glass. You can’t help but like this guy. His illusions are fun. But he is slow. We lost interest right away. Teddy mentioned if he could pull cards out of Howie’s ass that would be great, but then Clara reminded her dad that someone had already done that a few years ago.

Dogs – The Pompeyo Family

We love dog acts. This time it was cute. The dog danced to Katy Perry singing Roar. The dogs were dressed up like African animals. It was kind of a mess. Cute but a mess.

Mandy Harvey

This beautiful talented young woman could be our winner. Mandy Harvey was a talented young singer and song writer when at the age 18 she lost her hearing. Her father encouraged her to get back into her music. Now in her mid 20’s she is amazing. She still sings, writes her own music, and plays her own instruments. And she is GOOD. She is beautiful – her face, her voice, her personality. This is not a sympathy call because she is deaf. She is THAT GOOD. It was powerful.

So who won and is going on to the next show?

Mandy Harvey

Light Balance (we are tired of light shows and didn’t even watch them)

Johnny Manuel

Celiene Tam

Robot Boy

Evie Claire

Eric Jones


Now for the Cocktails.

We didn’t have any. I had some Rogue River Beer in the fridge but we skipped it tonight. We’ll have it tonight. I’ll let you know how it was.

So until next time… have fun.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Action, Adventure, Romance, Parenting, Musings? What would you like to see in 2014?

Bigfoot is not the answer I’m looking for but if I get any photos I’ll post them here first.

I know, TWO posts for January 1st, but I’m feeling the blog today.

Answer as many times with as many answers as you want. Vote as often as you want. I never said there was anything scientific about this.

I like polls. No secret there. Polls are silly and fun and don’t mean a whole lot… unless it makes you ponder or smile or gives you the idea I might be motivated by something other than the smell of fresh blood and an evening of shoe shopping. And if you want to lie go ahead. Everybody lies to polls. At least Vampires do (all of us.)

And have fun. Have fun no matter what you do.

AGT and we’re waiting for the fun to start…

If you’re not into AGT then skip this and check out some of the previous posts that are more compelling and better written.

It is Tuesday and another night for our America’s Got Talent Night! Woo Hoo. Last week Clara and I watched it from a hotel room in Fresno. Ugh. It was HELLISHLY HOT. Unfortunately we didn’t see much we really liked. The was a sort of funny comedian and a lot of really stupid stuff…but nothing really amazingly good stood out. EXCEPT the three OPERA GUYS. I’ll look up their names later because I’m going to attempt to write this blog in 15 minutes or less (and I can type about 70 wpm.)

So we’re trying again this week in hopes for something that will WOW us.

In the meantime the kids off for the summer. Teens. So I’m trying to keep down the quotas of misinformation, practical jokes and for my son “romance”. He is also filling out a zillion college applications (OK about half a dozen, maybe a few more.) None of this is new…get into the way-back-machine and remember when you were a teenager. Summers were a long period alternation between frantic fun and sheer boredom. At least that is what they want their parents to think. And sleep. In the summer I let them sleep.

So back to the show. No cocktails tonight because Teddy is out playing trivia with some of his friends in the antiques business. I hope they don’t get third place because it is usually a really disgusting porn CD. Really. I kid you not. Second place is usually something stupid like a banjo picker picnic CD. First place is a good gift certificate which he usually gives away if he wins, but that’s ok by me.

Did I say back to the show already? OK here is the rundown…


Kelsey & Bailey. Exceptionally cute dancing dog and cute 17 year old girl. Toxic cute. Cute without being annoying. OMG that dog looks soft. It is soooooo cute. I’ve never seen a dog dance like that.

Juggling Kid. I didn’t catch his name. He had a red shirt and was 19. If put in the hands of a seasoned professional he could go a long way.

Chicago Boys. Very nice and inspirational. Wow they were fun too.

2 Unique: No no no no no. Didn’t like those two little 10 year old DJ girls and my kids didn’t like them either. Any of our neighborhood kids could do better. I didn’t like the attitude of the smaller girl. The whole tough girl thing is a big turn off.

We heard loud thumping and no it wasn’t the air conditioner exploding (it is still in the 100’s here) it was Teddy pulling into the driveway blasting Metallica.

Sully Dunn – the guy was a singer. Not a good singer. He was a moron and they sent him through. A bitter young talentless hack. Blah.

The Opera Guy with the mom who didn’t approve of him. Teddy said he was terrible. The kids said he was ok and liked his eye color. I love Nessum Dorma. But where is the Prince Poppycock of this season? Really WHERE IS HE (or she). Where is that unexpected flash of brilliant?

Then some asshole came out with a cat puppet and threw fake poops all over the stage. Next.

Enrico the Samba guy came out and Teddy asked “Where is the sniper when you need one?”

Next was San Antonio and Heidi was rocking the animal print dress!

The Texan David Finley was a big guy with a whiskey and smoke voice. Wow. Now that is more like it. Good earthy sound. Good job dude! Teddy found him compelling. I thought he had a great voice and was really sweet. The kids liked him too but said the beard had to go.

Dillon the hiphop robot dancer kid was cute. And his mom was cute. Awwwww. And we all liked the noodle arm thing. How’d he do that?

Tiny Red Shirted Rappers. They were really strange but compelling. Good at Rap and I don’t like Rap, but they were ok.

American Hit Men. Former Marines that formed a band. They were ok. Garage band stuff. They won’t be making it to Warped Tour next year. We’re (all 4 of us) are pretty critical because the kids go to a lot of concerts and hear a lot of small and local bands too. These guys aren’t ready for the big time. Clara said “I’m not digging it.” Garrett said “It is cool they were Marines but they need more practice.”

So that is it for this week. Sorry the detail isn’t there. I just wasn’t paying that much attention. Like I said, I’m waiting for something really good that catches my attention and sticks in my memory.




Ghostly Muse – I think not


You are not prey

For I do not kill

Or take without giving


I don’t steal your dreams

Or make you scream

In your bed alone


I take only what I need

And in return

You are in blissful wonder


Don’t fear the ones

With a shadow for a soul

And a vision of night


“What are you writing?” That was said in a sarcastic tone right from the mouth of the Ghost who materialized over my shoulder like a puff of stale cigarette smoke. That was the last thing I needed.

I glared at him. “Go away. It isn’t for your eyes.”

He gave me a disgusted look. “It isn’t for any eyes.”

“I was just playing around with the words.”

“You’re such a Vampire. Always trying to make your vile nasty things look so innocent. Why don’t you just say that you creep around at night and scare the shit out of people.”

“That is your job Mr. Ghost.”

“Oh right. But you’re pretty creepy.”

I stood up and faced him. “Really? You think I’m creepy?”

He gave me one of those creepy smiles and raised an eyebrow. “I do.”

“That comes from a disembodied dead person who lurks around and stalks people,” I told him.

“I don’t lurk. And you’re not a people. You’re a Vampire. You’re dead too.”

“ Excuse me Nigel, I am not dead.”

“A twisted technicality. And what about your husband? He wasn’t born into your sick and twisted Vampire world. He was held down by a gang of Vampires while their Vampire slut sucked out all of his blood as well as his very life. Then they filled him with their poisoned blood and breath and gave him a shadow for a soul. He had a funeral. His girlfriend cried over his dead cold body. He now, like you, has to drink blood to survive.”

“At least my husband has a body.”

Nigel smiled again. “A body most guys would envy, but he is still a cold dead Vampire.”

“Are you done here?”

“Sure.” The ghost all but rolled his eyes. “You know when you’re angry your fangs come out.”

“Enough.” I snapped out at him.

Then he had the audacity to put his head back and laugh. “Admit it Vampire. I’m your muse.”

“Go away.”

“Goodnight Juliette.” He faded away but I could still hear him laughing in the distance.

be nice

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman