Outtakes (from a parenting/vampire blogger)


These are the recent outtakes (the absolute real reason I’ve started so many blog posts lately and not finished a one, hence all the dead space and reruns.)

THIS

I received my 11th telemarketing weirdo freak call of the day and I tell the guy, “Hey, you know what, go suck your own dick.” He tries to say something. I continue. “And while you’re at it go to a dark room and close the door so nobody can see you. Just do it you fuck head.” Then I turn around and see my daughter’s sports coach looking at me in a somewhat shocked manner.

OR

From the truth is more disgusting than fiction files… this morning a kid in my daughter’s English class accidentally left a window in his car cracked. Someone broke into his car, crapped on the seats, then smeared it all over the car. He had the car towed because he couldn’t drive it. He said he could smell it about five cars down. If the kids who did it are caught they won’t be able to graduate, and if it isn’t a seniors they’ll be kicked out of the school. Ugh. The poor kid with the car can’t figure out who could hate him so much. Of course every kid in the school knows about it now so I’m sure they’ll find the criminal crappers soon.

OR

It is International Women’s Day and….

OR

A question for my advice column: Dear Juliette, an agent requested I send her my vampire romance. I haven’t heard from her in two years. Now what? Do I keep sending it out to agents? Do I self-publish? Do I go back to law school? ~ Writer in Waiting.

OR

My daughter is graduating from high school on June 2. And this is where I started to cry and couldn’t think of anything else to write.

OR

A few weeks ago I went on a high school field trip with two bus loads of advanced art students. It was fun. The kids were great. A crazy guy said one of the girls assaulted him in Golden Gate Park. My mind just went totally and completely blank.

OR

I’ve filled my twitter feed with political rage. Maybe that wasn’t the right branding choice.

OR

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up. Snakes. Ireland. Vampires. Drinking. Small children… Actually, I might have a story here…

OR

The frustrations of training a 13-month old German Shepard Dog. Let’s just start cussing NOW.

OR

Why I HATE Cover Reveals and fifty other ways to offend other bloggers.

OR

I was going through some old photos the other day and I found a couple of CIA Operatives.

OR

I’m not getting enough sleep. I have a lot of demands and shit like that. Seriously, I am not getting enough sleep and I’m losing my mind. Wait, I lost it a long time ago, I think. Maybe…

OR

Why are so many people reading my story The Travelers?  I’ve posted the story quite a few times, but this is the original 2012 post. This is traditionally a Christmas story. But seriously, the traffic for this story has gone through the roof for about six months. I thought people were coming here for love letters. They’re coming here for love letters and THE TRAVELERS. WHO ARE YOU??? I even put a note on the end of the post and nobody will get back to me about it. Please let me know if it is on a story list or what/why/who.

OR

I got nuthin.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

What we talked about on the way to school this morning

The ride to school with my teenager always brings up school, current events, and everything else.

“We’re starting existentialism today. I don’t know what we’ll be reading. But the teacher already called out kids before they made complaints that it was against their religion.”

Some devoutly religious kids and their parents have complained in the past about these books and the ideas they write about. That bugs me is that ANY parent would want their child NOT to be exposed to other ideas, including religion, philosophy, and well, anything. Ignorance is not an option folks. It will not help your children. It will not make them better people. On the contrary, ignorance and extreme sheltering will make your child into the WORST kind of person – that is an ignorant closed minded person.

I asked my child what they were reading and she didn’t know. The class just finished 1984 and Brave New World, so now that they’re all throughly disturbed and depressed I imagine story stories or a play might be in order.

Who could it be? Kafka? Camus? Sartre? Beckett?

AP English Literature. No Exit. Bahahahaha. But seriously folks, I’m glad the students are being exposed to so many different ideas.

College applications are due today for University of California. Of course someone (my kid, my kid) waited until the very last day. She’ll be applying for two schools. We’ll see what happens.

We talked about the Supreme Court and what scary things might happen, which seems appropriate considering the discussion on existentialism. And no, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is not 93 years old. She is 83 years old (or something like that.) We also talked about Clarence Thomas who is an odd waste of space. The guy does nothing. Says nothing. Votes on nothing. He is just weird. This isn’t political. Everybody else in those black robes works hard. This guy just takes up space.

Clara asked about Anita Hill. I told her that almost every woman I know has been sexually harassed, or bullied by males. Most of us, like Anita Hill, just go on with their lives, because we can’t do much about it. It isn’t like she just brushed it off, but (I speak from experience) if one makes a big deal about it there are consequences – unfortunately even now. But, that said, we need to keep speaking up and speaking out, and making sure there is equality for ALL – women, men, children, everyone.

Luckily in the Vampire world that isn’t an issue, at least when it comes to other Vampires. Sure some guys are jerks but they know what is right and wrong. Seriously, it would be a better world if we had a voice as who we are, but like other groups of the past we can’t speak up. That is one of the hardest lessons for us to teach our Vampire children.

We talked about the rain. We discussed our schedules. And we just talked, like all parents and their kids should do. Seriously, sometimes the talks serve no purpose, but you have to talk with your kids, not just when they’re young. Share ideas. They might not be your ideas, but that is why you have these discussions, and find out what makes your kids tick, and what is important to them.

It was a quick ride and there wasn’t much traffic today. Tonight I’ll find out what the next book or story is. I’ll find out if anything else interesting is going on at school. I’ll find out if weirdness abounds, or if all is well, at least in our little corner of the world.

Then she said, “Uncle Max said all of your boyfriends before dad were douches.” OK, I’ll have to have a talk with my brother, or just let it go. I had to laugh.

 

Hope your day is full of interesting thoughts, discussions, and loads of laughs. Just remember to keep your mind open and your temper in check.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

vampire teens

Science Fiction and… maybe not.

You never know where creative ideas are going to come from. I’m around teens a lot. Teens belch. Write what you know (so I write about teens and Vampires) but sometimes we can be inspired to write something new. I’ve never written any real hard-core science fiction. So on the drive home from skate practice yesterday I thought of a story and told my 14-year-old daughter and sounding board Clara.

My idea:

There is a planet with two different forms of life. The first form of life belches a lot. They belch out gas that the second form of life need to live.

Clara looked at me and said “Mom that isn’t one of your best efforts.” Then in a deep strong Southern accent she says, “Bob come over here and belch in my face so I can keep living.”

“I was thinking they were more like toads or something.”

“Mom, that is so lame.”

Later I told my husband who respond with “That is really bad.”

So much for being the next Philip K. Dick. Maybe on a good day I might get close to H.G. Wells. That would be a really great day.

Friday morning could have been out of a science fiction story…

Being with the elderly is always interesting. A little bit of time travel, a little bit of wisdom, a little bit of “I’m too old to give a shit about what anyone thinks” attitude. The attitude is what makes being really old so delightful.

I stopped by to see the Elders. They’re ancient Vampires. Nobody is quiet sure how old. They look like they’re around 19 or 20 but they’ve been around since before the birth of Christ. It is my job, now with the help of my brother Val, to look in on them and make sure they’re ok.

When I arrived they fluttered around me, giving kisses and hugs. They sang a song to me Irving Berlin’s “I Love to Have the Boys Around Me.” Yes, they’re pretty random, but also exceptionally sweet.

Eleora had her long reddish-brown curls up in a loose bun and a most interesting outfit. She’d taken one of those old lady track suits. You know the kind I’m talking about – velourish fabric pants and top, always matching, usually in bright colors. Always monochromatic. Eleora rarely wears trousers (what she calls all pants.) But she wanted that track suit. So she made the pants into a skirt. Remember those skirts in the 1970’s made out of jeans? The legs were split and usually patchwork fabric (yes, like a quilt) was a large triangle in the front making a swell skirt. Well, Eleora had done that with her track pants. It was a riot of colors and patterns all in reds. She was so happy twirling around for me.

So maybe I don’t need science fiction to be weird. Sometime I just need my own life, which is always weird and astounding and fantastic and full of astonishing things I could never imagine.

It is a coolish Saturday and I’m going off to downtown to have more adventures – with a car full of teens no less. Vampires on the go. We’ll see what happens.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

vampire space

 

Share a blog – there is always enough for everyone!

moth

I write an odd little blog. 

I also read blogs. Not because I’m obligated to but because I enjoy the blogs I read. In fact, I look forward to posts on my favorite blogs.

The subject matter varies from cats to cooking, Vampires to verse, politics to play, musings and music, fiction and fact, weirdness to wonder, squirrels to stars, from dogs to dreams. I could go through the entire alphabet quite a few times with this game. Some of the blogs are so unique that it still amazed me at how creative and wonderful it all is. Nobody else is doing what these bloggers are doing. Nobody. That, is why I like them. And other are doing something more mainstream but doing it in a wonderful way. So enough of this love letter…

Recently I went poking around my favorite WordPress bloggers and found out that a lot of them had rather modest followings.

That surprised me because I love those blogs. The authors are smart and funny. If they aren’t funny they’re still smart and thoughtful. Best of all these I learn things from these blogs, even if it just learning a bit about myself (from my reaction.)

Extra bonus: some of the bloggers I read are insanely talented.

There are THOUSANDS of people out there who would love these blogs and are missing out. We can’t let that happen anymore.

So what am I asking from you?

Support the blogs you read. It won’t cost you a penny. All I’m asking you to do is to spread the word.

If you enjoy a blog and want to be enjoying it a year from now please do one or more of the following items:

  • Tell your friends to read it. SHARE.
  • Share it on Facebook with a witty comment on why you’re sharing it.
  • Share it on Twitter.
  • Share on all blog sites (I have friends who have blogs on several different blog servers.)
  • Share it on all of your social media outlets.
  • Share it on WordPress (reblog or add a link to one of your posts)
  • Tell the nice folks at WordPress that you like the blog and suggest they highlight the author in one of their articles or put it on Freshly Pressed.
  • Tell your mom and she’ll tell her friends.
  • Tell the ex-boyfriend. You know the one who never got over you and still hangs on every word you say and everything you do. He’d do anything for you. Tell him.
  • Drop blog names at parties. You’ll sound so smart. Write it on a cocktail napkin.
  • Tell your friends.
  • Share posts you like with your reading and writing groups.
  • Share posts you like with all of your other online groups.
  • Just share. If you like it share it.
  • But never SPAM a blog. Be polite. Share nicely.
  • Tell your friends.

Unlike cake, chocolate and a nice bottle of wine – when you share a blog there is always enough for everyone.

Most of us bloggers aren’t getting paid for writing all of the unique content you expect from us. We’re doing it because we love to.  We have something to share.  And we’re happy if in turn you share what we’ve shared.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

We are "the guys" and we approve of this blog.

We are “the guys” and we approve of this blog.

Write what you know…and make up the rest.

Common advice to people who think they might want to write is “Write What You Know.”

Then again don’t. Especially if you’re extremely anal. Then book stores and libraries would only contain autobiographies and technical manuals.

Don’t be anal. Write what you know and make up the rest. It’s OK.

In an alternate universe I’m associated with a society of amazing authors who mentor and encourage writers of all kinds. We are frequently asked “What should I write about?”

What do you want to write about? The human condition? The great angst of it all? Maybe not. Maybe that has been done too many times. Most of all maybe that isn’t where YOUR heart and soul is.

Or you might say “How can I write about Vampires? I’m not a Vampire.”

No you aren’t a Vampire. However, you know about relationships, you know about desire (I hope for your sake), you know about night, you know about being different, you know about fear, you know about the deep dark thoughts that you didn’t dare let out before NOW. So write what you know AND about Vampires (and zombies, ghosts, trolls, unicorns, talking dogs, dragons, cops, politicians, middle aged men trying to find themselves…)

Another example…

I don’t know first hand about trolls but I know relationships. So I could make up crap about trolls and write about troll romance and troll family drama and I’ve dated more than my share of scientists (in an alternate universe) so I could write about scientists who are tricked by trolls with complex romantic and family relationships. I know how wet dogs and skunks and goblins smell so I can imagine how bad trolls smell. And I know a few politicians so I could write about trolls who are criminals and compulsive liars. Or I could continue to just be silly.

Another example: If you’re writing about dragons write what you know. These are YOUR dragons so they can blow raspberry jelly at people if you want them to, or they can breathe fire. But what you do know is how they’ll react when they find love, or if they’re in danger, or the fear when someone steals their babies or invades their home. You know the feelings. Let your Dragons know your feelings and they’ll let you know theirs.

So what I’m trying to say is that I tell writers to tell their stories. If you can look into the night sky then you know the wonder of Science Fiction.  If you’ve ever loved anyone or had a friend or family you can write about relationships. If you’ve ever enjoyed figuring something out then you can write a mystery. If you know what terrifies the souls of men then you can write horror. The list goes on.

Don’t just write fiction. Write facts. Do research. Follow your passion and put it down on words. Share a story, fiction or non fiction. Just remember that in all fiction is some truth. In all fact is your voice, not just hard cold facts.

Fact or fiction it is your story. YOURS. Your reality, even if you are writing from an alternate universe or from your own desk or breakfast table or under a tree in a meadow.

This my dear readers is an example of a rambling dialogue about writing.  So your assignment is to have fun and start making stuff up – about what you know.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 Vampires write love letters too