Don’t ask me…Vampire Fun and Games

My phone made a meowing sound. That’s my brother Aaron’s ringtone.

“Hello,” I said. I wondered what he wanted.

“Juliette, how’s it going?”

“I’m not crawling under any houses or going into any basements for you.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because whenever you have to get rid of, or otherwise deal with dried up musty old Shadow Creeping Vampires you call me to do it for you.”

“Juliette…”

“Isn’t that what you have your Vampire Hunter for?”

“I’m not going to ask you to kill anything. Well, not technically. You know what I’m asking. You and Val are the best. He’s on his way over right now.”

“Does Val know what you want Aaron?”

“No, I neglected to tell him.”

This reminded me of an event a few months ago. One of my daughter’s good friends from High School started sending her fervent religious materials and calling her about church events and sin and it was strong and negative. My child was offended and told her friend that she was offended and then told him to never call her again. He was such a nice kid. I’d hoped they’d stay friends.

So when my brother Aaron calls me to do something I’d never ask my kids to do I sort of cringe. There are some things I did in my past, with and without my brothers, that I would never want my children to do.

One of those things is converting regular people into Vampires. And the worst thing about it is that my brother Val and I are the best. Yeah, I don’t talk about that a lot on this blog, you know the whole Vampire thing.

We’re the youngest two of five siblings. Val and I are little more than a year apart. Aaron is five years older than me. Then there are the two older brothers who are eight and ten years older than me. I don’t want to get them involved with this at all because one knows everything and can be a real asshole and control freak. The other is just, well weird and always defers to the eldest when things turn stressful. Either that or he’ll tune out and find some back door to sneak out of.

Our brother Aaron is smack in the middle. I’d like to smack him right now.

Then he said, “Do you mind stopping for coffee on the way?” Then he proceeded to give me an order for six different cups. It made me wonder who would be there.

“Do you want any pastries?” I had to ask in my most snarky voice.

“Very funny. Just get here soon baby sister,” he said. Vampires don’t eat pastries. I wish we did but we don’t.

So to make a long story short I showed up at the Victorian house we all still own in the middle of downtown.

A thirty something couple greeted us. Aaron claimed he’d known them for a while. They’d been thoroughly vetted. He thought they’d be good Vampires. Whatever. I knew I’d be the one who’d end up helping them through the transition.

My great great great great grandmama Lola was there as well. She was uncharacteristically quiet. On the other hand she looked quiet lovely in a flowered sundress covered by a denim jacket. At six hundred and seventy five years she still looks like a twenty six year old young woman. Val and I kissed her cool cheeks and thanked her for being there. You know, just in case. God only knows (or maybe not) how many Vampires she has brought into the world.

Val and I asked the obligatory questions. Do you understand that you’ll be dead for short time before we bring you back. Do you know there is a risk of losing your soul? Do you understand what it means if you lost your soul? Do you know there is a huge risk death, as in final death? Do you understand that you will need to consume human blood to survive? Do you understand that you will have to actually bite into a live human body every once in a while? Do you understand that you will outlive everyone you know? Do you understand that once you become a Vampire you will not be immortal? You can die. Someone can kill you. You can suddenly die for no reason as well. Do you understand that this can’t be undone? Do you understand that once you become a Vampire you will ALWAYS be a Vampire?

I didn’t ask, “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

There was more but I won’t go into that right now. Actually there is one more item that Aaron, Val, and I stressed more than the other points. “Do you understand that if you tell anyone, or show anyone what you have become that you will die in an extremely unpleasant way.” That is one of the ugly points of being a Vampire that I don’t cover on my nice humorous feel good parenting blog. We don’t take blabber mouths lightly.

“Want to go to Target with me when we’re done here?” I asked Val.

“Sure,” he said. “I need shampoo.”

“I hear you’ve never lost anyone,” the woman said to me. “How many have you converted?”

“How many Vampires have I made?” I glanced at Val. “A lot.”

Val just smiled. Asking a Vampire how many people they’ve turned into Vampires is like asking someone how many sexual partners they’ve had. It is something you just don’t ask anyone.

Then we did what needed to be done. Lola had agreed to stay for a week to help with the transition. It isn’t easy. It isn’t pretty. Aaron was going to stay at least for a few days, but he lives walking distance away so it isn’t a big deal.

I watched him as he took off his Hermes tie and rolled up the sleeves of his custom made shirt. Always the best dressed Vampire in the room. I love Aaron but I wish he’d occasionally relax (and I don’t mean just rolling up sleeves.)

Val and I ended up finding a dark neighborhood bar and sat for a while doing shots of tequila. We talked about our three elder siblings. It wasn’t all bad. A lot of it was. At least they respected us for our talents.

Then we wandered around Target for about two hours laughing and filling our basket full of all kinds of fun stuff. My kids would have been proud of us, just because of how much fun we were having.

And now I’m home with nobody but my cats and a dog. The husband and still at home child are away. The other child is living far far away. OK, only about six hours away but that is really far if you’re a mom.

I’m not even sure that I’ll tell them what I did today. They won’t approve, or they’ll have questions I don’t want to answer. Everyone has strong opinions on the matter. Vampire families are like all others – we all have strong opinions.

So that was my day. I’m tired and… sometimes when you’re a mom you just don’t need to be bugged. And sometimes when you’re a mom you just want to smile and listen as your family gathers around in the evening and forget your day. Even if you’re a Vampire.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Juliette by the window

 

 

 

 

 

Rambling Around The Christmas Tree

December 13 already???? Yes indeed. It isn’t supposed to rain until later today so I’m rushing to get up my pathetic outdoor decorations. No big lights this year (Teddy is busy) so I’m decorating the porch a-la Griswold. As a piece of trivia I live within walking distance (about a mile or a bit more) from Dovewood Court, which is one of the most famously decorated neighborhoods. If you move there you MUST agree to light up like the City of Las Vegas every December. Anyway, my goal is to get lights, garlands, and assorted wreaths on my farmhouse style porch, and a few pathetic wreaths on my garage lights.

The small sort of old fashioned lamp light we have out by our street has red, green, and yellow blinking lights in it. Eight years ago Teddy put them in at Christmas time and never took them out. Nobody has complained so our lights blink all year long. Sometimes I wonder if our neighbors consider us weird. We’re the only house on the street with kids. We have the most pets. Our cats visit everyone, as have every dog we’ve had. We’re a mess. I’m finally 90% done with landscaping my front yard (all by myself thank you very much.) And we’re Vampires, but don’t tell our neighbors. And sometimes, when I’m feeling especially happy, I will blow a trumpet from my back deck.

Inside the tree is beautiful, and the stockings are hung with care.

 

Other Holiday Things I’m Going to Ramble About…

Christmas Trees – Dogs, Cats, and Small Children

I haven’t had a pet bother a Christmas tree for years, but if you have a young puppy or a kitten it can happen. My worry this year is that the pup (who turns one on Christmas Day) will chase the cats around the tree and knock it over. If my tree falls it is usually because I knocked it over adding water to the base.

So this is what you do: Put any breakable ornaments on the bottom. Tell your kids NO, just look. Tell your dog NO. Tell your small kids NO again. Do that about fifty times. You can’t tell cats anything so you might as well give up on that one. Sure you can try the old squirt bottle but they’ll just scratch your favorite chair or pee on your shoes.

Chill, enjoy, and realize that sometimes stuff breaks.

What’s New? New Girlfriends That’s What.

I have four brothers, and a son. One of my brothers is married. Yes, it is just like a math problem because it is usually hard to figure out and it usually makes no sense.

Garrett, my twenty year old son, came home from college with a great new red and green plaid Christmas vest, and a new girlfriend named Taylor. I’ve had no such surprises from my brothers but there is still time.

Taylor is cute, laughs really loud, and obviously likes my son. To tell you the truth she is great. I like her from the top of her bleached blonde pixie cut, to her cute little flats with kitty designs on them. And best of all she is a Vampire too, from a respectable Central Valley Vampire family.

No drama there. Aside from being deathly afraid of Werewolves, and Vampire Hunters, Taylor is ok. We’ll need to work with her on those fears. Vampire Hunters are not to be feared because they’re so easy to fuck with. Ho Ho Ho.

As for my bothers. Nothing. I can only give my opinions, and now days I don’t even bother because it just pisses them off (and they don’t listen anyway or get all butt hurt.) Max should be here later today so I’ll give you an update.

So Back to the Holidays

My dear friend Amelia (My Vegas Vampire) has been staying with us a few days a week this December. This has given me the excuse opportunity to attend events such as accordion concerts under the rotunda in the California State Capitol Building. Today I might take her up to the Mormon Temple on the hill (Sacramento Temple but it is in Folsom) to see if they’ve decorated it up for the holidays. Hey, we’re Vampires but we’re not goons. We like to see what everyone is doing and wish everyone well. Anyway, from the path through the woods near my house one can see the spire of the LDS Temple at night, at a distance over the lake. It looks like the Eiffel Tower. So, yes Virginia, I can see Paris from my neighborhood. And you thought that crazy woman in Alaska was the only one who could see another country from her house.

It has been great having Amelia here. That is all. Good friends make a house a home, and makes even hardly beating Vampire hearts merry.

So be merry and bright. May all of your Vampires dance at night, and bring you bright dreams of joy (that comes with being lightheaded from blood loss.)

I’ll keep up the Christmas stories and other holiday fun.

xoxoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Merry Christmas Baby!

Merry Christmas Baby!

 

 

Expert Dating Advice, Parenting Books and November Writing with the Vampire

Don't listen to a word I say.

Don’t listen to a word I say.

 

I will be writing a lot in November but without word count or updates other than this post.

I am signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), but the only think I might do is cut and paste what I’m working on at the end of the month (if I remember, which I won’t.) It will be well over 50,000 words. Last time I participated I wrote almost 200,000 words. Word count is never a problem for me. First of all I don’t care. Second of all I write like I talk so I can write a lot.

I’m only doing this because friends are doing it. No, I would never give this advice to my children. No they will not follow their friends off of bridges. They will never be involved in a crime spree because their friends told them to. Don’t even go there with me.

"We don't need no stinkin word count." Yes, this is the brilliant actor Alfonso Bedoya and I bet he didn't count his words either. Yes, this is from the 1948 Movie The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

“We don’t need no stinkin word count.”
Yes, this is the brilliant actor Alfonso Bedoya and I bet he didn’t count his words either. Yes, this is from the 1948 Movie The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

NaNoWriMo is a great tool. It is a fantastic tool.  It is a fun activity. I’m almost talking myself into it. I’m not introvert (but I am an asshole sometimes but usually I’m considered really nice and sweet) but I don’t like group things, at least not for me. I can’t explain. I love my friends and parties and…but I won’t try to explain. Anyway, look it up if you think you might have fun doing it. Hell, give it a try. Don’t listen to me. I’m just the chick who writes the weird Vampire blog.

The group events I hate most are corporate team building exercise type things. I hate that sort of worthless self-serving BS crapola almost as much as I hate parenting books and self-help books. But wait…wait…wait…

Idea FLASH: Maybe for NaNoWriMo I should write a parenting book AND a self-help book.

Coming Soon From Best Selling Author Juliette Kings:

Deliberate Parenting: Parenting the Smart Way –
Not the Stupid Way (and that means YOU)

and

Juliette’s No Nonsense Guide to
Love Letters, Dating, and Romance.

 

why get married

 

Sure thing, expect about 645,000 words from me by November 30th. I’ll take Thanksgiving off. Maybe the day after. I have to go find somebody else to clean up my kitchen so maybe even the day after the day after.

Write ALL THINGS VAMPIRE

There is an exception for November – I’m writing with a group of people. It isn’t an event or club or anything like that. I’m writing a section of a story, sort of, with four other authors, based on a story by one of the authors. I’m kind of confused by it all but I’ll figure it out. They are all nice people who are happy to put up with my shenanigans and clueless behavior. When we’re done I’ll put a link somewhere.

I’ve also promised someone else help with a romance novel. There might be some time travel involved, or a ghost, or a past life, or at least a handsome man with ripped abs and a deep voice and great hair. No Vampires.

And I’m writing this exceptionally deep and famous Vampire Parenting blog.

In addition to that I’ve got a book to the editor. And elderly friend of Eleora’s, a former text book editor, has agreed to help me out. She thinks my book is wonderful. I’ll get her the final 60 pages tomorrow. This is not a Vampire book, a self-help book, a parenting book, or a ghost story. It is just a popular novel with a good ending and a lot of twists and turns on the way to that ending. More on that later. I don’t tell you guys everything.

Right now I’m not doing any beta reading. Unfortunately I don’t have time and my comments would be worthless to you. Ask me later.

So happy writing to everyone out there who writes. Happy reading to those who read. Happy dancing, cooking, drinking wine, hugging your children, playing basketball (GO KINGS), being a Vampire, walking your dog, talking with your kids, and enjoying whatever it is that you enjoy doing.

Happy November.

My kids and their friends think it is cool when parents write stuff. That will be in my book.

And guys don’t forget to grow that mustache for MOVEMBER (to show your support for Prostrate Cancer testing and cures.) My Teddy is growing his out. Love you Teddy.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Thomas Nast rocking the facial hair

Thomas Nast rocking the facial hair

 

 

Space, Crazy Circus Music and A Perfect Seventy-Eight Degrees

I  was going to dive into to my Friday post but my brain is under attack by such noise, I can hardly explain…

I’m in the roller rink for Friday practice. All the skaters are doing beautiful thing with their dance and artistic routines. And yes, any comments about derby will be removed. Anyway, the music today is especially bad. It sounds like an old-fashioned circus. I expect Emmet Kelly and a band of clowns and elephants and dancing bears on skates to come flooding out of the back room any minute.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

When we arrived the music (on a circus organ) was “Morning After, ” in some sort of polka or maybe fox trot or even an upbeat cha cha beat. Yes, that song, the one Debbie Boon sang to in the original Poseidon Adventure (1972 with Gene Hackman and Shelly Winters.) Imagine that song upbeat and in a crazy circus organ out of American Horror Story, or worse a Stephen King novel, or more like, well, an alternate or parallel universe. Holy crap this record is bad. No wonder young skaters aren’t joining the sport. Thank goodness the only thing with the old organ music is the American Dance. Yes, boys and girls, this is why your sport isn’t in the Olympics yet. It isn’t the skating – it is the music. Hell upside down. Now a version of “The Stripper” is playing that I have no words to describe. This is the Muzak they play in Hell.

poseidon_adventure_ver2_xlg

OK, back to our previously programmed blog post…

My sixteen year old Clara was talking about the Universe and space earlier today. She can’t get her mind around the fact that the Universe is expanding. But where is it expanding to? Where it come from? What was before the big bang, and before then, and before then? Then she told me about someone who created a photo of the entire Milk Way using millions of images of the Milky Way. It is all mind-boggling.

Then consider the fact that we’re looking at flickering stars billions of miles away. Then consider that someone might be out there looking back at our flickering star (the Sun) and wondering if anyone is out there. Think about it.

It is almost too much to get your brain around. We know so little about our own solar neighborhood. Only in the past hundred years have we managed to fly, and communicate with wires, then wirelessly, then we got cat memes. Actually cat memes aren’t new. But back to space, please.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Seriously, I kid you not. Cat memes aren't new. People have been creating them since ancient times. Think about it.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Cat memes aren’t new. People have been creating cute cat drawings and memes since ancient times.

Where was I? Oh right, physics, super colliders, and even some quantum physics. Stay with me. This isn’t leading anywhere, but stay with me.

I mentioned to my child that I’d read somewhere that some scientists thought they might be able to get to a parallel universe. The headline was, “Large Hadron Collider ‘Could Be About To Find A Parallel Universe.” Look it up. And if you ever get the chance to visit a Super Collider DO IT. I have and it is super interesting.

So the child asked me what exactly again was a parallel universe.

From Wikipedia: A parallel universe is a hypothetical self-contained separate reality co-existing with one’s own. A specific group of parallel universes is called a “multiverse”, although this term can also be used to describe the possible parallel universes that constitute reality.

Yes, you can be two places at once.

Or as they say in Firesign Theater How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All.

Or another bit I swiped off of the Internet, “But, according to quantum mechanics, microscopic systems can be in two or more places at the same time, a principle called superposition (also called quantum weirdness – no explanation needed). Atoms and electrons can be in two places at once.”

I explained it the best I could in the best mom terms I could. It made more sense than what I’m writing here, but then again, when I’m driving in my car I’m not listening to crazy insane circus organ skate music.

What I didn’t explain to my daughter or anyone else, was that I had been in that somewhere else parallel universe – recently.

Then our conversation changed a bit.

“Being a Vampire is like living in a parallel universe. Tell me again why we can’t let anyone know about us?” My daughter has asked me this a lot.

“Because darling child, we must let them think they are on the top of the food chain. You know what they do to their own kind who are different. You know about the Vampire Hunters. You know the history.”

She shrugged and told me about her English class. Then we listened to music.

My mind went back to the night before.

I was in bed, my arms and legs wrapped around my husband, or I thought it was my husband. I assumed it was my husband. I was hot. I don’t think I’d ever been so hot.

We both opened our eyes at the same time.

“Juliette?” I knew the voice but it wasn’t my husband.

“Pleasant?” It was indeed my old flame Pleasant Van Dusen and he was burning hot. Not burning hot as in that kind of burning hot, but temperature wise hot.

Remember we’re Vampires and run at a cool 78 degrees farenheit. He was burning up at 98.5 degrees give or take a few.

He gave me a weak smile. “Happy Birthday honey.” Then he wiped the sweat off of his forehead. “What is going on? I can’t cool down.”

I rolled away from him. We were naked. Oh my goodness. The room looked unfamiliar but it was in a style that we both would have picked out. Modern with a touch of 80’s – and I mean 1880’s.

“My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Feel it.” He said this as he grabbed my hand and put it on his chest.

“It feels like a regular person Pleasant. It feels like…oh my God. Sit up. Look in the mirror.”

We sat up and looked at the mirror on the wall across from the bed. Our images showed up sharp and clear. We both smiled, uncomfortable grins. No fangs. Hot skin. Hearts beating fast. No fangs.

“Dear God, Pleasant, we aren’t Vampires anymore.”

“No. Juliette no.” The panic in his voice was frightening. Pleasant never panicked.

We’d been transformed. Both of us had been Vampires from the day we were born as rare Vampire babies but now…now…now…we were not.

And we were together. The rings on our left fingers matched in design. A portrait of our wedding was on the night table. We gazed out the window. Two moons. That could only mean one thing – an alternate universe.

I got out of bed. Pulling on a pink silk robe (I would have never chosen pink), I opened the bedroom door. Then everything grew dark. Next I opened my eyes and I was back in bed, my arms wrapped around my husband Teddy. He was a cool 78, exactly like a healthy Vampire should be. I was exactly with the man I should have been with.

My phone vibrated. I answered. It was Pleasant. “Are you a Vampire Juliette?”

“Yes. You?”

“Yes, are you with your husband?”

“Yes, are you with your wife?”

“Yes. What happened?”

“Alternate or parallel universe. We must have hit some sort of time warp or black hole, or I don’t know.”

“Are you cold.”

“Yes, thank goodness. You?”

“Yes, I’m cool.”

“Juliette, I gotta go. I’ll call you.”

“Sure, take care. Be careful.”

“You too. You too Juliette.”

And that was it. We were one of them if only for a moment. It was life as it would have been if we’d been regular “normal” people. But we aren’t.

I didn’t tell my child. I had no idea if our Regular Human versions ended up in our beds with our spouses. I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know.

I feel hot.

I feel hot.

 

I’ll continue to talk science with my kids. We will continue to speculate. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is good not to mention those time warps that happen when we least expect it.

So I guess, the only thing to say is to stay curious, stay cautious, and stay cool. And that my friends is the only point to this story.

And like I always say, take with your kids. Talk with them. Explore with them. Discuss with them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Businessmen, Handsome Gen X

Even Vampires Get The Blues: Musings on a hot summer day

Even Vampires get the blues, or just the stupids, or maybe even those out of sorts times when everything is just yuck.

I’ve was on the road for over a week. There were magnificent highs and low level lows. When we arrived home I was feeling out of sorts and blah. Then it all ended with a near death experience.

But today I am fine and said to myself, “YOU ARE THE MOM.”

I have teens but I’m still the MOM.

Not only am I the mom but I’m the wife, the one who checks in on the elders, the one who carries knowledge of all things, the one who makes everyone laugh, and the one who listens. I also change the litter box and feed the animals and water the plants.

You know, if you choose to live in a crypt, away from the world, away from everyone, life is fairly easy. You sleep. You get up at night and get blood from unsuspecting people. Occasionally you meet with your friends who also live in crypts or old houses. You don’t care about anything. You don’t love anyone or anything.

I’m not that kind of Vampire. Neither are the Vampires in my life. We’re not a bunch of friggin Shadow Creepers.

Oh, and speaking of Shadow Creepers, my kids have been talking a lot about politics. presidential politics.

The male child can vote (18) and the female child can’t (160) but is still is involved.

In their opinion a zillion people are running for president but they ALL SUCK.

The teens don’t like Hillary. They can’t relate to her. She says nothing. They think she should have dumped Bill and had a huge bonfire on the White House Lawn when Bill was doing saying “I didn’t have sexual relations with that woman,” or whatever. I tend to agree. Smart kids.

When Vampire cheat it hits the fan big time. But that is another blog post…

Garrett (the 19 year old) and I will not be voting for anyone who puts the issues of sex or religion on the roster. People who are obsessed by sex and religion, or the sexual habits and religious beliefs of others. It is sick. SICK. Unfortunately the majority of people running and people who support them are SICK.

Then they discussed foreign policy, social welfare…and oh boy, it all just hit the fan. I won’t go into details but the sixteen year old said:

White trash is the worst kind of trash because they have no excuse. They are white and in the USA. They are the most privileged people in the world. There is no excuse. 

And don’t we all know that. We’ve got Vampire trash (in limited supply) and don’t even get me started on Werewolves.  And mind you, trash has nothing to do with income or ethnic background. It is attitude. It is when a person or group of people choose to embrace ignorance and make it their way of life and the core of their universe. Suspicion, envy, and distrust rule their worlds along with iron clad clannish behaviors that can only be destructive.

So that concludes the political/social portion of this blog post.

I talk with my kids a lot.  I also am proud that they research the issues on their own and then report back to me on a lot of it. Their dad and I might now always agree but hey, that is OK. Your kids aren’t your clones. Even if they were clones they wouldn’t be YOU.

So tomorrow is a new night. I’m not digging the heat but I can deal with it. I have my family, friends and my creativity. I also have to clean out a fish tank, which is no small task. I have a novel to finish and …

Whoa, I just glanced outside and saw Nigel the Ghost sitting on a deck chair in the middle of the dead grass. I haven’t seen him for ages. He just flipped me off. I showed him my fangs and mouthed the words “fuck you.” Awww man, it is good to have him back. I’ll keep you posted.

We all need to ramble and have days to reflect and be random. We all need downtime.  We all need to spout off. We all need those late nights when we’re all alone. We still need others. There is no one absolute for anything.

So anyway, take care of yourself. Hug your kids. Kiss your cats. Remember your friends. And watch out for ghosts. I mean it… watch out for ghosts.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Comfort Zones

Last night I received an unexpected call from my brother’s girlfriend. At the time I was up to my ears in dog fur, cat barf and an unfinished novel (I’m writing not reading.) It was still good the hear from the lovely Shawna.

“How is your arm?” I had to ask. She’d broken it just a few days ago while helping my brother with some household task.

“Just a cracked wrist. I’m ok.”

“Good. Tell me about Andy?”

That is a loaded question. The answer can be one of three things. He is bat shit crazy, totally completely lost or absolutely wonderful. All kidding aside, Andy had been recently attacked by what we think was a Vampire Hunter. We’re still working on it. Anyway, a wooden stake grazed his dear cold heart. We could have lost him. The next day Shawna somehow managed to break her wrist.

My parents and eldest brother Max, plus a few more Vampires showed up on the scene. Shawna was a bit out of her comfort zone with all of them around.

She is beyond being out of her normal comfort zone.

You see, Shawna isn’t a Vampire. In fact she isn’t even the kind of warm-blooded girl whom you expect to be looking for romance with for Vampires. Shawna is a college professor – a tenured professor no less.

So what is a middle-aged educator doing with a 163 year old Vampire? Love works in mysterious ways.

Anyway, Shawna needed a break from the commotion at Andy’s house in San Francisco and wanted to check out some documents in the State Archives (in Sacramento near where I live.) She said she’d take the train over. A friend would pick her up but she wanted to see me. So I invited her to stay the night if she wanted.

I know, more Vampires. But it is just the three of us these days (my husband, teen daughter and me) unless anyone else stops by to visit. We’re pretty normal around here.

Hey, we’re not the Addams Family around here and we are certainly not the family in Million Dollar Baby. 

In so many romantic situations one party always seems to be asking “why not me?”

In this situation, Andrew and Shawna, she keeps wondering why he loves her. Why is he even attracted to her? Love and attraction works in mysterious ways.

When we arrive at my house and settle in a bit Shawna says, “You’re so normal here Juliette.”

“Aside from drinking blood from living humans, well, that and a few other things, we are pretty normal,” I say.

I never ask her if she intends on becoming a Vampire or marrying my brother or just hanging it all up and finding a man with warmer blood and maybe a colder heart. I just let her talk about what she needs to talk about. I have a way of bringing that out in people. Then again, I’m a Vampire. But aside from that, I force myself to listen and be there. This time I didn’t have to force myself. Today wasn’t about me. It wasn’t even about my brother. It was about Shawna.

We talked about our kids and other normal things. I told her about my husband and how he wasn’t always a Vampire. He was once like Shawna. You know, just talking over coffee. Yes, lots of coffee – no Vampire lives on blood alone (at least not any I know.)

It is hard to suddenly be thrown into what seems like The Twilight Zone. I guess it is like that with a lot of people when dealing with their significant others family. Different backgrounds, cultures, traditions and temperaments can make for some interesting situations. I try not to make it uncomfortable for the women my brothers fall in love with.

I always feel that just because I’m a Vampire I don’t have to make life a nightmare for a newcomer. I’d feel the same if I wasn’t a Vampire. Territorial pissing matches just aren’t worth it and pretty juvenile. Even my teens know that.

Shawna is smart and witty and very pretty (she has doubts there, but she is wrong, like most women are wrong about their beauty.) Yet, she is still cautious around us. Her guard is always up. I could feel her relaxing a few times and letting it down.

Moral to this story: Be nice. Just be nice.

Like I said, we don’t know what attracts people to each other, be it lovers or friends. With family, we get what we get. We have that weird bond, especially with siblings, that is just there. Sometimes, with any luck, our mates will become part of that pack. More often than not, under the best of circumstances, they form their own pack. They are the inside outers. It is our job to try to make them more inside than out.

Anyway, Shawna and I are going to do something fun today before she goes back to Andy’s tomorrow. Well, as fun as one can have without being a Vampire.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

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FYI

For how Andy met Shawna click here. (Dancing on the Beach)

For more on Andy and Shawna click here. (Vampire Housewarming)

Or just do a search. I’ve written about them before.