When Time No Longer Matters

I love old-time pieces. My husband and son are also collectors of vintage time pieces. They don’t have to be valuable – just stylish and with a lot of character. It warms my heart to see young men, guys in college, or in their 20’s and 30’s wearing time pieces of old, be it pocket watches, or some of the exceptionally cool wrist watches that belonged to the time of their grandfathers, and great grandfathers. They go online, or to second-hand shops, or to vintage jewelers, yard and estate sales, or to Grandma, to find their kicks, and to find that perfect time…piece.

Many young women take old watches and turn them into refashioned jewels, or put them about like decorative pieces. There are stories to be told, and stories to make up when the history is a mysterious secret.

When time no longer matters…

Antique Pocket Watch With A Heart

http://www.ebay.com/itm/191957222728?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Antique watch with tassel fob

 

Old Time

One of these watches is up for auction on ebay right now. It should go cheap, like the woman it’s original owners lusted after and lost, on the long journey across the sea, or lost with a rustle of skirts, as she ran laughing across the street.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Space, Crazy Circus Music and A Perfect Seventy-Eight Degrees

I  was going to dive into to my Friday post but my brain is under attack by such noise, I can hardly explain…

I’m in the roller rink for Friday practice. All the skaters are doing beautiful thing with their dance and artistic routines. And yes, any comments about derby will be removed. Anyway, the music today is especially bad. It sounds like an old-fashioned circus. I expect Emmet Kelly and a band of clowns and elephants and dancing bears on skates to come flooding out of the back room any minute.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

Dude, dancing bears. I have this poster in my house. The real one.

When we arrived the music (on a circus organ) was “Morning After, ” in some sort of polka or maybe fox trot or even an upbeat cha cha beat. Yes, that song, the one Debbie Boon sang to in the original Poseidon Adventure (1972 with Gene Hackman and Shelly Winters.) Imagine that song upbeat and in a crazy circus organ out of American Horror Story, or worse a Stephen King novel, or more like, well, an alternate or parallel universe. Holy crap this record is bad. No wonder young skaters aren’t joining the sport. Thank goodness the only thing with the old organ music is the American Dance. Yes, boys and girls, this is why your sport isn’t in the Olympics yet. It isn’t the skating – it is the music. Hell upside down. Now a version of “The Stripper” is playing that I have no words to describe. This is the Muzak they play in Hell.

poseidon_adventure_ver2_xlg

OK, back to our previously programmed blog post…

My sixteen year old Clara was talking about the Universe and space earlier today. She can’t get her mind around the fact that the Universe is expanding. But where is it expanding to? Where it come from? What was before the big bang, and before then, and before then? Then she told me about someone who created a photo of the entire Milk Way using millions of images of the Milky Way. It is all mind-boggling.

Then consider the fact that we’re looking at flickering stars billions of miles away. Then consider that someone might be out there looking back at our flickering star (the Sun) and wondering if anyone is out there. Think about it.

It is almost too much to get your brain around. We know so little about our own solar neighborhood. Only in the past hundred years have we managed to fly, and communicate with wires, then wirelessly, then we got cat memes. Actually cat memes aren’t new. But back to space, please.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Seriously, I kid you not. Cat memes aren't new. People have been creating them since ancient times. Think about it.

Pre 1920 Cat Meme. Cat memes aren’t new. People have been creating cute cat drawings and memes since ancient times.

Where was I? Oh right, physics, super colliders, and even some quantum physics. Stay with me. This isn’t leading anywhere, but stay with me.

I mentioned to my child that I’d read somewhere that some scientists thought they might be able to get to a parallel universe. The headline was, “Large Hadron Collider ‘Could Be About To Find A Parallel Universe.” Look it up. And if you ever get the chance to visit a Super Collider DO IT. I have and it is super interesting.

So the child asked me what exactly again was a parallel universe.

From Wikipedia: A parallel universe is a hypothetical self-contained separate reality co-existing with one’s own. A specific group of parallel universes is called a “multiverse”, although this term can also be used to describe the possible parallel universes that constitute reality.

Yes, you can be two places at once.

Or as they say in Firesign Theater How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All.

Or another bit I swiped off of the Internet, “But, according to quantum mechanics, microscopic systems can be in two or more places at the same time, a principle called superposition (also called quantum weirdness – no explanation needed). Atoms and electrons can be in two places at once.”

I explained it the best I could in the best mom terms I could. It made more sense than what I’m writing here, but then again, when I’m driving in my car I’m not listening to crazy insane circus organ skate music.

What I didn’t explain to my daughter or anyone else, was that I had been in that somewhere else parallel universe – recently.

Then our conversation changed a bit.

“Being a Vampire is like living in a parallel universe. Tell me again why we can’t let anyone know about us?” My daughter has asked me this a lot.

“Because darling child, we must let them think they are on the top of the food chain. You know what they do to their own kind who are different. You know about the Vampire Hunters. You know the history.”

She shrugged and told me about her English class. Then we listened to music.

My mind went back to the night before.

I was in bed, my arms and legs wrapped around my husband, or I thought it was my husband. I assumed it was my husband. I was hot. I don’t think I’d ever been so hot.

We both opened our eyes at the same time.

“Juliette?” I knew the voice but it wasn’t my husband.

“Pleasant?” It was indeed my old flame Pleasant Van Dusen and he was burning hot. Not burning hot as in that kind of burning hot, but temperature wise hot.

Remember we’re Vampires and run at a cool 78 degrees farenheit. He was burning up at 98.5 degrees give or take a few.

He gave me a weak smile. “Happy Birthday honey.” Then he wiped the sweat off of his forehead. “What is going on? I can’t cool down.”

I rolled away from him. We were naked. Oh my goodness. The room looked unfamiliar but it was in a style that we both would have picked out. Modern with a touch of 80’s – and I mean 1880’s.

“My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. Feel it.” He said this as he grabbed my hand and put it on his chest.

“It feels like a regular person Pleasant. It feels like…oh my God. Sit up. Look in the mirror.”

We sat up and looked at the mirror on the wall across from the bed. Our images showed up sharp and clear. We both smiled, uncomfortable grins. No fangs. Hot skin. Hearts beating fast. No fangs.

“Dear God, Pleasant, we aren’t Vampires anymore.”

“No. Juliette no.” The panic in his voice was frightening. Pleasant never panicked.

We’d been transformed. Both of us had been Vampires from the day we were born as rare Vampire babies but now…now…now…we were not.

And we were together. The rings on our left fingers matched in design. A portrait of our wedding was on the night table. We gazed out the window. Two moons. That could only mean one thing – an alternate universe.

I got out of bed. Pulling on a pink silk robe (I would have never chosen pink), I opened the bedroom door. Then everything grew dark. Next I opened my eyes and I was back in bed, my arms wrapped around my husband Teddy. He was a cool 78, exactly like a healthy Vampire should be. I was exactly with the man I should have been with.

My phone vibrated. I answered. It was Pleasant. “Are you a Vampire Juliette?”

“Yes. You?”

“Yes, are you with your husband?”

“Yes, are you with your wife?”

“Yes. What happened?”

“Alternate or parallel universe. We must have hit some sort of time warp or black hole, or I don’t know.”

“Are you cold.”

“Yes, thank goodness. You?”

“Yes, I’m cool.”

“Juliette, I gotta go. I’ll call you.”

“Sure, take care. Be careful.”

“You too. You too Juliette.”

And that was it. We were one of them if only for a moment. It was life as it would have been if we’d been regular “normal” people. But we aren’t.

I didn’t tell my child. I had no idea if our Regular Human versions ended up in our beds with our spouses. I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know.

I feel hot.

I feel hot.

 

I’ll continue to talk science with my kids. We will continue to speculate. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is good not to mention those time warps that happen when we least expect it.

So I guess, the only thing to say is to stay curious, stay cautious, and stay cool. And that my friends is the only point to this story.

And like I always say, take with your kids. Talk with them. Explore with them. Discuss with them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Businessmen, Handsome Gen X

How long does it take for a Vampire to….?

How long does it take for Vampire Maman to do stuff (or most Vampires for that matter.)

 

Q: How long does it take to draw and post one of the “Cut and Color” paper dolls?

A: 20 – 25 minutes

 

Q: How long does it take you to drain someone of a pint of blood?

A: 15-30 minutes depending on who it is. Sometime I like to savor the moment. Of course the whole subject of choosing and seduction is a an entire blog post, or two, or three or more. That could take hours.

 

Q: How long does it take for you to write a blog post?

A: 5-45 minutes. The average posts takes 15-25 minutes. Short Story Sunday posts take 15 minutes to an hour. I’m a busy working mom so I don’t have a lot of free time for this.

 

Q: How long does it take to turn someone into a Vampire?

A: Oh please, I’m not going there with you. Not even. If you’re already a Vampire you already know.

 

Q: How long does it take to get a pizza at Strobellies?

A: 20 minutes.

 

Q: How long does it take to get Chinese take out at Hop Sings?

A: 15 – 20 minutes.

 

Q: How long does it take to drive your daughter to school?

A: 15 – 20 minutes.

 

Q: How long have you been a Vampire?
A: Almost 155 years.

 

Q: How long do you sleep?

A: Not long enough. About 6.5 hours a night/day.

 

Q: How long have you been writing Vampire Maman?

A: Since April 2012.

 

Q: How long does it take you to think up ideas for your blog posts?

A: Sometimes I’ll think of something for a while but usually the posts just randomly pop into my head. I sit, I write, I post – really fast (hence all of the typos I have to go back and fix later.) .

 

Q: How long do you plan on writing this blog?

A: Forever.

 

Q: How many days until Halloween?

A: THIRTEEN!

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Above the hearth – sounds of night

vm moon light night

 

I hear the clock behind me. It is a Seth Thomas from the 1870’s. So many of those are still running. I can’t imagine living without the sound of a clock and the strike of the chimes. Mine, a model called Atlanta, after the city, only strikes on the hour. It is a mantel clock but it sounds much larger. It sounds huge.

Above the hearth,

The clock lives,

No time to muse on the past,

Or years gone,

Because it is a sound,

That makes babies sleep,

And the mortal quiver,

The sound of night,

And lovers in the light

Of the moon through the window,

Listening to the clock,

The yips of coyotes,

A fan against the heat,

And their own hearts beating,

Then all is still,

As it is with Vampires,

And old clocks

That need to be wound,

And cared for,

Like love,

And memories,

That tick away,

Then come back around again,

And again and again.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Friday the 13th – Space, Time, Lucky Stars and Vampires

It is Friday the 13th AGAIN. I first posted this on September 13, 2013. And since it is good luck to read stuff for a second time then here you go – all the facts you need to know about Friday the Thirteenth and Aliens! And don’t forget to kiss a Vampire tonight!

 

Friday the 13th – Cosmic Adventures in the Final Frontier!

I wake with a cool hand stroking my hair. He kisses my neck and then covers my mouth with his. I pull the handsome man beside me in my bed closer. “You’re naked.”

He smiles. “I know.” And we both know the kids won’t be up for at least another 30 minutes.

Friday the 13th isn’t all that unlucky after all.

I was thinking about our conversations last night with the kids.

Voyager 1 has left the solar system. About a year ago but the signal is slow getting back to us.

My dad got his first telescope in the late 1850’s and we’ve been watching the night skies with close-up wonder ever since. There is something about being a small dot in a large universe that brings on such a sense of awe and wonder that can’t be explained away by reason or logic. And it is great fun! FUN.

And the speculation continues on what is out there, if anything. I’ve always thought it would be very sad indeed if we were the only planet with intelligent life. I’d like to think there would be more advanced places where every single day didn’t seem like Friday the 13th and ignorance wasn’t King.

So now we just wait for someone from another planet to find the Voyager. I’m hoping it will be sooner or later. I can imagine one of them saying “Hey, they have Chuck Barry too!” How cool would that be. And don’t say it couldn’t be because we have so much to learn – there is so much we don’t know about our neighborhood and the universe we live in.

There was a long discussion about space with my husband and kids. That is one thing the Voyager has done – made people think and talk about stuff. Space, the universe, our roles in it, the idea that someone else is out there… good stuff.

I have to say there is nothing sexier than a man who spends a couple of hours talking with his kids about stuff like space and life and imagination and wonder – or anything.

Finding real life in Space, life we could communicate with would be literally earth shattering, or more human shattering.

I’ve imagined if they knew Vampires and Werewolves were real. Just imagine if someone from another planet dropped by for a visit. It is mind-boggling. It is exciting beyond belief.

Then one of the kids brought up the proposed Mars trip. Those who went would volunteer to never come back.

That would be difficult to leave our home forever. There is an attachment we have that tugs us and keeps us here, like an emotional gravity.

If you die in space will your body rot? Not unless there is bacteria. But I could be wrong.

We can’t breathe the little atmosphere on Mars. It is colder than cold. It is a harsh planet, but then again so is ours – thanks to humans.

But imagine going to live on Mars. How cool is that? It is the stuff of dreams – the ultimate dream. The dreams the cumulate in the reality of great science fiction books and films.

We talked about Vampires in space. That might be a logistical nightmare considering our unique dietary needs. It certainly would be a nightmare for our fellow space travelers.

We need to keep our dreams and work on making them a reality. Dreams of home and dreams of places far away in space.

After the kids went to bed my husband Teddy said “I sometimes feel as if I’m an alien on my own planet.”

“You’re completely normal, for a Vampire. That’s why I fell in love with you.”

“There is nothing normal about us my love.”

Well, I thought, nothing is normal except our kids, thank goodness, but they’re our kind of normal which isn’t a bad thing.

Some random thoughts on Friday the 13th:

  • It is Friday the 13th of September, 2013. 9-13-13 an odd string of numbers. This blog is an odd bit of postings. Something to think about.
  • Hold out your hand and the palm reader will tell you to kiss a black cat, fall in love with a mysterious Vampire and dream of your heart’s desire tonight with 13 wishes and 13 candles blazing on the mantle and 13 kisses.
  • There is no bad luck – only good luck missed.
  • Imagine a literary cat with 13 toes and 13 lives and 13 stories to tell.
  • Yesterday was the 12th, tomorrow is the 14th, today is an odd day indeed.
  • Let us ponder the unlucky. A Werewolf with fleas. A Vampire without passion. A Ghost in an empty house. A teenager without friends.
  • But it is Friday so the Werewolf takes a flea bath and goes on an art show. The Vampire tastes the warm blood of a passionate human. A ghost gets a house full of children. A teen meets kids who think he is really cool.

Favorite movies and books (of mine) about meeting someone from another planet:

  • Another Earth (2011)
  • Star Trek – First Contact (1996)
  • The Man Who Fell to Earth (1996)
  • District 9 (2009)
  • And every Spielberg film ever made even if it isn’t about space.
  • And just read any Ann McCaffrey book. I recommend “The Ship Who Sang” and “The Crystal Singer”.

Then anything by H.G. Wells, Issac Asimov, Philip K. Dick and Robert Heinlein. And of course Edgar Allen Poe’s The Black Cat (because it is Friday the 13th) and Stardust by Neil Gaiman.

This is just a short list (since I have only spent about 20 minutes writing this post and haven’t thought it out too much). Feel free to share your favorites!

Happy Friday the 13th! Reach for the Stars! And don’t forget, even if you have to force them, talk with your kids! It’s fun – and FREE!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Proof of Life on Mars!

Proof of Life on Mars!

My clock is a little off… musings on sleep, time and creativity.

silver watch

 

It is said that we all have an internal clock. I know I do. The problem is that my life goes by a different schedule or no schedule.

Plus sleep is a problem. Sleep is like a spirit who doesn’t like me, or at least have a love hate relationship with me. Sleep is a friend with benefits (we used to call it a F____ Buddy) who torments us with a promise of love then yanks it back. Sleep throws rocks at my window one day begging for me to let him in. Then he won’t show up for weeks. Sleep is not my friend. I know, I know, I have to just get over it. Plus the day/night/Vampire thing is a bitch if you want to live in the regular world, which if you have kids, is something you need to do. I mean, I know you know what I mean.

But forget Sleep. He’s a bastard and we don’t need to talk about him right now.

My cats keep a rigid internal clock. They are up in the wee hours before dawn. They let me know that 5:00 am, before the sun comes up, is time for breakfast. It is then that my own clock sets in and creativity flows the best. It is a new day without the distractions from the world around me. It is the time before I start wondering why I’m up during the day instead of the night. It is before the time I have to get my teens ready for school (oh the drama of it all.) It is a time when my Vampire husband is tending to his own business. It is a time when it is my time alone, with just my thoughts and the cats.

All parents need this time alone. Your kids need it too. We all have our prime time. Our time for creativity, our time for work, our down time, our up time, our own clocks… even if the clocks are a little off.

Yes my clock is a little off, but then again, I’m a little off too. But that isn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It’s just a thing.

And so is coffee, which I need badly right now.

Wishing you all a good week. Expect more on high school, ancient vampires and other quite unexpected adventures and musings in the coming days.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

WAKE UP!

WAKE UP!

 

 

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