Outtakes (from a parenting/vampire blogger)


These are the recent outtakes (the absolute real reason I’ve started so many blog posts lately and not finished a one, hence all the dead space and reruns.)

THIS

I received my 11th telemarketing weirdo freak call of the day and I tell the guy, “Hey, you know what, go suck your own dick.” He tries to say something. I continue. “And while you’re at it go to a dark room and close the door so nobody can see you. Just do it you fuck head.” Then I turn around and see my daughter’s sports coach looking at me in a somewhat shocked manner.

OR

From the truth is more disgusting than fiction files… this morning a kid in my daughter’s English class accidentally left a window in his car cracked. Someone broke into his car, crapped on the seats, then smeared it all over the car. He had the car towed because he couldn’t drive it. He said he could smell it about five cars down. If the kids who did it are caught they won’t be able to graduate, and if it isn’t a seniors they’ll be kicked out of the school. Ugh. The poor kid with the car can’t figure out who could hate him so much. Of course every kid in the school knows about it now so I’m sure they’ll find the criminal crappers soon.

OR

It is International Women’s Day and….

OR

A question for my advice column: Dear Juliette, an agent requested I send her my vampire romance. I haven’t heard from her in two years. Now what? Do I keep sending it out to agents? Do I self-publish? Do I go back to law school? ~ Writer in Waiting.

OR

My daughter is graduating from high school on June 2. And this is where I started to cry and couldn’t think of anything else to write.

OR

A few weeks ago I went on a high school field trip with two bus loads of advanced art students. It was fun. The kids were great. A crazy guy said one of the girls assaulted him in Golden Gate Park. My mind just went totally and completely blank.

OR

I’ve filled my twitter feed with political rage. Maybe that wasn’t the right branding choice.

OR

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up. Snakes. Ireland. Vampires. Drinking. Small children… Actually, I might have a story here…

OR

The frustrations of training a 13-month old German Shepard Dog. Let’s just start cussing NOW.

OR

Why I HATE Cover Reveals and fifty other ways to offend other bloggers.

OR

I was going through some old photos the other day and I found a couple of CIA Operatives.

OR

I’m not getting enough sleep. I have a lot of demands and shit like that. Seriously, I am not getting enough sleep and I’m losing my mind. Wait, I lost it a long time ago, I think. Maybe…

OR

Why are so many people reading my story The Travelers?  I’ve posted the story quite a few times, but this is the original 2012 post. This is traditionally a Christmas story. But seriously, the traffic for this story has gone through the roof for about six months. I thought people were coming here for love letters. They’re coming here for love letters and THE TRAVELERS. WHO ARE YOU??? I even put a note on the end of the post and nobody will get back to me about it. Please let me know if it is on a story list or what/why/who.

OR

I got nuthin.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “Outtakes (from a parenting/vampire blogger)

  1. Check your search terms and see if you can match up any frequent terms to something in that story. That’s how sudden hit spikes on old posts usually happen… the untold randomness of Google’s search algorithm. My “xxxxxxxxxxxl” searches suddenly stopped dead in their tracks a few weeks ago… not because people stopped searching for it, but I guess Google took my fat man picture down a few pegs in the pecking order of the results for that term. My most frequently visited old posts rarely get any additional comments or likes… I’m not sure what people are looking at when they find them…

    • Oddly enough the views for “The Travelers” are coming from a K-8 Education site. Nobody looks at it on the weekends, just school days. All things considered this is good news because I’m not on the banned book list. I’ll get things in spurts. In the spring and summer my “taking your kid to a rock concert” related posts get lots of traffic. Of course the love letter stuff is half of my blog traffic. I guess I should give a crap if anything else gets read. Oh well. And you’re right, the most viewed older posts don’t get any feedback. Seems odd to have so many strangers passing in the night.

  2. Congrats on the agent request!!! That’s awesome! Please send her the full and keep querying, regardless of what you decide to do with the book. You just might get more options , then you can choose the best one.

    As for your daughter’s friend’s car….GROOOOOSSSSSS!!! WTF is WRONG with teenagers today??? I know I sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon, but seriously!! You have to have a pretty sick mind to even think of something like that!

    • Agent request? That isn’t me. That was for my semi-regular advice column “Ask Juliette.” Readers send me questions and I answer them. If you don’t hear from somebody in two years I figure it is a dead horse. I always try to encourage writers from beginners to more experienced to my professional friends. I also like to encourage new writers, especially teens.

      The poop thing is still a hot topic at school. Quite a few kids were interviewed. All of them were crossed off the list of suspects. It is pretty sick and twisted. I’m surprised nobody saw it except a fuzzy security camera.

  3. I have an old post called “Thank You for Washing” about people who barely wash their hands in public bathrooms. It was one of my least popular posts when I first published it, but for the past 3 years, it gets at least a few hits a day because I linked to the CDC handwashing guidelines. Go figure! I guess a lot of public health people are reading about my germophobia. lol!

    • I can see how that one is getting a lot of traffic. Hey, if it brings in a few new fans then it is a good thing (or gets someone to wash their hands more.)

      You never know. After six years blogging still has surprises for me.

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