So tonight we shall toast…

The air is getting colder as it gets closer to Thanksgiving. We still have sunshine and humming birds around unlike other parts where everything is covered in snow and ice.

When the night falls I will light candles and welcome friends.

Somethings can be fleeting, like the overly wrought emotions of family relations, especially this time of year. It makes one grow weary of the pointlessness of it all. The way people hold grudges and hate – and hold fast to traditions that only make one feel controlled and not loved.

So we gather with friends, those who wish to be with us for no other reason than that they enjoy our company – and we theirs. Family can be like that as well, if they allow it. If they dare.

In the Vampire world we tend not to keep grudges for they last far too long and do far too much damage. No need to fight when the sun comes up each and every single day and gives us a new opportunity to take a deep breath and let go. And in the night we see our light, the beautiful stars that will last on for a billion years after we’re all gone. And it humbles us and makes us realize what really matters is our love and our companionship and our memories – that is the good memories. The others, the bad memories, should be banished from our lives.

So tonight we shall toast our glasses filled full and laugh until our sides hurt. We’ll listen to the stories and funny jokes from the young ones and we will celebrate all that we are truly thankful for.

Including our Regular Human friends.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

redwine and candles

If you read this…tell the Vampire

The problem when someone dies is that you never know. You can’t go back and ask about things.

The problem about being a ghost is that you can’t always contact the people you love. In my case I end up with Vampires. I never knew a Vampire until now. I didn’t believe in them. No, take that back, I didn’t even think about them.

My friends, people I loved, wonder what happened the night I died. I know it wasn’t my fault, but they don’t know. I don’t know who killed me, I think I might but I don’t know.

So they wondered why a guy who barely drank anything that night ended up in a mangled car after the funeral of his best friend.

I don’t remember much. Not from that night. I wasn’t supposed to die. So I’m a ghost.

But ghost or not, when someone is gone everyone starts to speculate and point fingers.

I remember a friend telling me that when his girlfriend died people who didn’t know him told him that she didn’t love him. She was in love with him but was still in love with her ex husband. I told him it was bull shit. The last time she saw her ex was 3 years before she died. She hated him. She told me so. Why do people say mean things to make themselves feel superior. They say it because they think they’re changing history but they can’t change history. They’re assholes. Only assholes lie to change history.

So I’m so close to getting to the answers and the only people I can talk to are Vampires. Can you believe that? Vampires. Nasty creatures of the night who drink blood and wear more sunscreen than an albino elephant in an African summer.

I don’t remember your name, I might tomorrow, I might never, but you visit my grave and I can’t get to you. I’ve seen you but I can’t remember so if you read this tell the Vampire. Tell Juliette.

But you don’t know about Vampires. They’re cool. Not really but they won’t kill you. Not you. They like you and even thought I don’t remember you, not quite, I know they won’t hurt you. Don’t ask me how, but if you read this tell Juliette or Teddy. 

I mean, what is it with Teddy? How can any living or dead creature be that good-looking? He started out as human too. He was that good-looking as a human. A damn Victorian. And he knows who Jack the Ripper is. They all know. Juliette knows. She knows everything. She is so freakin scary but she can see me. She can see my soul. And she is a good mom. Damn. A Vampire who is a good mom. Imagine that. You can’t can you. That is so weird and screwed up and sort of cool.

I had a girlfriend once who broke up with me because she said I talked too much. I think it was because she was stupid and had a crush on…oh what was his name, he was big, blonde. looked like a Greek God. But Mary, my ghost girlfriend. She is an angel, just figuratively speaking because she is a ghost. I love her more than I love any living person.

Gotta go. I hear the Vampire. She won’t even know I posted this. Can you believe she threatened to pour Pinesol on my grave? I hate Vampires.

But you know who you are. If you read this, it is me, Nigel. Ask Juliette. As the Vampire. I hate her but she won’t lie to you.


~ Nigel aka The Ghost

Ghost story follow up…

Vampire MamanWe had a date night. I usually don’t like to use that term. The kids were staying with friends. We went to a party and got our fangs into some good friends. It was fun. But I couldn’t get the Ghost off of my mind. I don’t like ghosts but this ghost haunts me for some unknown reason as if I could help or as if I’d hurt him, but I haven’t and I can’t. Click here for what happened with the Ghost.

I kicked off my shoes and sat back with a glass of wine. “I can’t stop thinking about the Ghost,” I said to my darling husband.

“What’s going on with the Ghost?” asked my husband Teddy looking out into the dark.

“He pissed me off.”

“You’re always pissed off,” Teddy smiled and kissed my cheek. “When I was turned into a Vampire it was against my will. I had no idea what was happening. I more or less died and came back as a creature that only existed in nightmares.”

“Nightmares. You know we’re not that scary.”

“You’re wrong. We’re extremely scary creatures. You were born a Vampire but for the rest of us it is pretty horrific to think of oneself as a blood sucking, cold blooded, creature of the night.”

“We’re not cold blooded. Well, not completely.” I looked down at the wine glass and knew he was right but didn’t want to admit it.

He continued. “You know what I mean. What I’m saying is the ghost feels the same way but doesn’t have the support system I had. He hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he is a ghost. He is angry.”

“But why is he so angry at me?”

“Because Vampires, those like me, more or less come back from the dead and go on with our lives. He can’t do that. He is bound by whatever keeps him here as a ghost. He resents us. To him we’re all dead but he got the short end of the stick.”

“How long did it take you to stop being angry.”

Teddy sat down next to me and took my hand in his. “On some level I haven’t stopped being angry. But I’ve come to accept and even embrace what I am. I’ve lived in both worlds and seen the best of both. Juliette, I wouldn’t give up the life we have or our children for anything.”

“I love you Teddy, so very very much,” I said then kissed him. “Why do Ghosts more or less ask for help then don’t take it.”

Teddy gave me a knowing smile. “Everyone does that. You live with teens so you should know all about that.”

“You have a point.  But I touched the Ghost. I read his soul. I saw what happened to him, how he died, how he was betrayed. If I could find the person who hurt him and even caused his death maybe…”

“Don’t get involved. He has to work this out on his own. The sun will be up soon, let’s go to bed.” He kissed me again…and well, the rest is private.

 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Don’t haunt yourself (because real ghost are bad enough)

Let me tell you about ghosts.

I hate ghosts.

They’re sneaky dishonest depressed creatures that have neither body nor soul. They covet our lives and our love. When they come into our lives they cause nothing but annoyance like a dripping faucet or an Internet connection that never works right.

Or they can haunt you in the worst ways possible.

Ghosts feed on your fears and insecurities.

So I tell my kids that there are the ghosts that are disembodied unfortunates who covet our lives, but there are other ghosts that we create.

Those are the ghosts of our own lives and deeds.

Those are the events that we can’t let go of until they drive us insane or at least make us depressed and uneasy.

  • There are ghosts of romances and affairs of the past.
  • There are the ghosts of what could have been (one of the most dangerous ghosts we can create.)
  • There are ghosts of guilt.
  • There are ghosts of resentment.
  • There are ghosts of what might be if only…

I won’t expound on all of these points. But you know what they mean and you know how they are made and how they sit heavy on hearts and souls of both regular humans, Vampires and Werewolves.

It is wise that you warn your teens so they’ll be free of these things. Yes, these ghosts can weigh them down worse than any chains worn by Marley’s ghost in A Christmas Carol.  These ghosts will ruin relationships, jobs, school, success in life and happiness. You can’t afford to….

Wait a minute…I’ll be back….what the…what is he doing here?

“Look at you so full of yourself with advice for others. You’re such a know it all,” a voice said from over my shoulder.

“Go away,” I hissed at the Ghost looking over my shoulder. Damn him. I thought the nasty little bastard had gone for good.


“I know a great exorcist. Want to meet him?”

“Be careful Vampire or someone will put a stake through your heart.”

“At least I have a heart.”

“I would have expected more of you, I mean, maybe a little paranormal energy to boot me out of the room or something along those lines. But you just sit there with your laptop writing about bogus crap about parenting and your petty little words of half assed wisdom.”

I gave him the look. “You’re a ghosts with horrible ghosts of your own. I can’t even imagine the burden that must be. You really ought to just let them go.”

“I can’t imagine the regrets you must have Vampire. How old are you? A hundred and sixty?”

“One hundred and fifty-three. But no, I have no regrets. I’ve learned not to have personal ghosts. I’d advise you to do the same.”

“You advise me? There is nothing you can do for me.” He stood there, well sort of hovered.

I spoke to him again in a calm quiet voice. “I can do the scary paranormal stuff to make you go away, or if you want to talk about it I’d be glad to listen. Like you just pointed out I’ve been around for a while and like to think I have a little bit of life experience.”

I took a deep breath and put out my hand expecting it to go right through his heart but instead I touched something solid. He stood before me looking shocked as if unable to move. For the first time I could see his face as if he were alive. My ghost was younger than I thought, fine features, flawless skin, glossy black hair, eyes as blue as a morning sky. I could read him as if I was reading my own thoughts. If only for a few seconds I had him. I had the Ghost.

I’d broken into his mind. If he’d lived he would have been 53 years old now. He was 26 when he died, just a few weeks shy of his 27th birthday, a birthday he shared with me. His heart was full of regrets and anger and grief, too much for a man of his young age. But despite the fact it didn’t show on his face, he was old beyond his years. There was a woman, a betrayal, violence, and the vision of a fresh grave and his own new grave next to it surrounded by white flowers. There was heart-break and anger. Someone loved him very much. A large crowd gathered around. He tried to speak but couldn’t. I had a grip on him and wouldn’t let him go. There was a song playing in the background, at first Master of Puppets by Metallica, it was new that year, 1986, but there was another song. 1983, Duran Duran, Hold Back the Rain. What was going on? I wouldn’t have expected that but it came into my head full blast like from a car stereo on a cold raining night after a funeral and an argument. It was so random.

Yes we’re miles away from nowhere and the wind doesn’t have a name
So call it what you want to call it still blows down the lane
People tell me I haven’t changed at all but I don’t feel the same
And I’ve bet you’ve had that feeling too you can’t laugh all the time

And if the fires burn out there’s only fire to blame (hold back the rain)
No time for worry cause we’re on the roam again (hold back the rain)
The clouds all scatter and we ride the outside lane (hold back the rain)
Not on your own so help me please hold back the rain

“Stop.” he gasped and tried to break loose.

I took my hand away and he stood there looking at me in shock and horror. The temperature dropped at least 40 degrees. Ice crystals formed on the sleeve of my shirt. I took a breath and realized my fangs were out. I could almost taste the fear in him.

“What are you afraid of?” I whispered.

“I’m afraid of you Juliette.” And then he vanished without another word. I wanted to feel angry but the experience left me feeling sad.

Isn’t it always like a ghost to get one off track. Think about it.

Don’t look back unless it is for memories only. Live in the present and make the best of your time there.  Look to the future with hope and excitement.

It still seems so weird the ghost and I have the same birthday – a hundred years apart. Hmmmm.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman (and ghost whisperer extraordinaire)


Credit: Hold back the rain: Songwriters: Taylor, Roger Andrew / Taylor, John / Taylor, Andy / Le Bon, Simon / Rhodes, Nick

For more about the Ghost click here or here or here or here.

Driving in the Dark

I was sitting on my back porch tonight. Everyone was gone. I missed my kids. I missed my husband. They’d all be home in a few hours.

I didn’t see any meteorites or asteroids in the sky. No bats. No nocturnal eyes in the woods. The cats were sleeping in the laundry room on the clean clothes. The dog was inside on her bed. All I could hear was distant traffic and the deafening noise of frog songs.

The moon was a crescent, like a slice of honeydew melon. I love watching the moon but tonight it seemed cold and distant. A cold gust of air blew my way.

“Why the long face?” The ghost sat next to me and inspected my wine bottle.  He wore a WW1 Aviator helmet and a bomber jacket with a long white silk scarf. “Nice wine. Crappy label. What’s wrong oh Mistress of the Dark.”  I remember he’d been an artist before he died.

“I don’t know. And don’t ever call me that again.” I said to him with as much disgust as I could muster.

“Even Vampires get the blues.” He had the audacity to wink at me.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sad because you’re a blood sucking creature of the night?”

“Does it bother you that you’re an asshole?”

“What crawled up your…”

“Stop it. Stop it right there.” I snarled at him almost showing my fangs.

“You know our relationship is never going to be like The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.”

“You can go now.”

“We need a sound track. I’ll pick a song, then you pick one.”

Suddenly a guitar appeared in his transparent hands and he started singing.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces everytime
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a black sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don’t need no carryin’ on

You had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don’t lie
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I’m not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I …………………………………………….


“Stop it Nigel.” I stood up and glared at the ghost sitting in front of me. I think it was the first time I’d ever used his real name.

“No, you stop it.” He growled back at me. Then he threw me a set of key. “You have a screaming fast yellow convertible in your driveway. Let’s go for a drive. Just you and me under the stars.”

“You’re a ghost.” I said.

He smiled and threw his scarf over his shoulder. “And you’re a fucking Vampire. Come on baby. Let’s go for a drive around the lake with the top down and the wind in our hair.”

And so we did.




Have a good weekend everyone. See you when I get back.

Juliette aka Vampire Maman.








Musical Notes:

I was thankful he didn’t sing “Drive” because it still makes me sad that Benjamin Orr is no longer with us.

Lyrics by Daniel Powter – Had a Bad Day. Thanks to Daniel Powter even if he won’t ever see this blog. See the video on YouTube.

I’ve missed the boat – but I don’t care…

There are so many times I’ve missed the boat or taken the wrong boat or jumped off of the boat. I’ve even jumped off the pier.

I’ve given up on waiting for my boat to come in. That ship has indeed sailed.  It seems like I’ve spend way too much time standing on the shore watching the mast vanish over the horizon.

When it comes to romance my brother Max definitely took the wrong ship when he ended up on the Titanic and met the wrong woman who broke his heart 100 year later (but that’s another story. She was weird and I’m glad he didn’t end up with her).  Max is always looking for an ideal perfection when I know in my heart of hearts that is the imperfect woman who will make him happy.

On the other hand, it is a good thing I’m a strong swimmer because my own romantic history involves a lot of jumping off of wrong boats, back paddling and treading water. Most of all it involves ships that pass in the night. Wrong time, wrong place, maybe right person, but maybe not. I’ll have to check my life in some alternative universe to find out what might have been.

Missing my boat might not have been a bad thing after all. If I’d taken that boat, that one perfect boat I might not be with the man I love, the man I married, the love of my life. And I love my children more than the universe or any alternate universe. I’d jump off of any boat for my kids.

I’ve grown, as I’ve grown up, that the question of “What if?” should only apply to the here and now or the future. It should never apply to the past. The past is great. We share our memories. It made us who we are not, but the burden of regrets is like a cargo hold full of rotten fish. It will only smell bad and make us sick and miserable.

So what ship am I on now? I’m on the first leg of a fantastic journey into the unknown. I’m on a journey where the wonders of the universe will unfold in front of my eyes – I know that because I live with teens! Everything is possible.

I don’t need to wait for a boat. Now is my time.


Juliette aka Vampire Maman