Evolution – For the moon shines bright on those who love

starsI have to admit there have been times when I’ve stopped in my own tracks, dead still, heart almost stopped, cold and in a panic of remorse and dread thinking of something I did in the past. Then I close my eyes, take a deep breath and wonder who the Hell was that person I was a long time ago. She doesn’t exist, or at least not in that form.

Chocolate starts out as bitter dust but then one adds sugar or spices to become a sweet temptation or a wonderful mole. Then again, that is too easy of an analogy for Vampires, and Regular Humans for that matter.  We’re not  something to be merely spiced up. In fact, sometimes spicing up will only do damage and make something wonderful taste bad (or something bad taste even worse). The same goes for adding too much sugar.

I’ve been helping out some fellow Vampires lately – those who are new at being Vampires and those who are adjusting to the modern world we all share – that is what I do. Long story – but I’m fairly good at it.

My young Vampire friend Cody has done remarkably well. He and his ex-girlfriend became Vampires about two years ago. He made it through the change quite well both physically and emotionally. She, unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, not so well.

But things were not always so easy. Cody has a tremendous support system and has been given all the resources and training a new Vampire could every want or imagine. It saved his life and he can respect that.

Unfortunately not all new Vampires can adjust to the change, especially if it wasn’t their choice.

I wanted Cody to meet Matthew, a very old Vampire who has had to recently come into the Modern Vampire world. As we waited for Cody to arrive Matthew and I talked in quiet tones, close as Vampires do.

One can’t live in old castles and in the dark corners or shadows when one has a teenager.  Matthew was an old fashioned Vampire with a Modern Vampire son. This happens a lot. Not just with Vampires but with all sorts of people. Maybe not as much as in the 1960’s and 70’s (I’m just thinking about recent history you all might remember) but it happens. The world is constantly changing and it is always a challenge to parents.

Today was one of those “stop in your tracks” kind of days for Matthew, the old fashioned Vampire who was trying to be a Modern Vampire. On the surface he could pass for any 30 something guy who dressed better than average and looked a little more appealing than average.  Underneath he was a creature of darkness and cold, who’d lived that past few centuries more or less hiding out, lurking in the shadows, seeing the people who live in the light of day as both prey and predator.

When one who was born with a gentle soul is violently made to change into something that goes against the knowledge of everything they’ve ever known to be true, it takes a while getting used to. Stress and trauma can last for years.

Sometimes we must put aside what happened and move forward. Easier said than done. But we can’t let the trauma define us or enslave us or rule us. We accept it and move on – evolve to something new – something better – something stronger.

Like I just said, it is easier for me to write those words than to snap my fingers and make it happen. One can’t just say, “get over it” to someone and expect it to be a one size fits all answer for everything. That is just mean and often shows a total lack of understanding.

So back to my Vampires, for I do consider them mine, for that is what I do. I help Vampires who need help adjusting to new situations. New Vampires learning the ropes or old Vampires who wish to become more Modern. It isn’t easy – but it can be interesting and rewarding and a chance to discover one’s self. It is a chance to start over. It is an opportunity to clean out the cobwebs that clog one’s brain and heart.

Matthew is doing his best not to brood. Vampires are good at brooding – really good. But brooding isn’t productive or positive especially if one is a parent. Sorry to all of you brooders out there, but in my humble opinion (ok, not so humble) parents should not brood. And easy way to remember that is “don’t brood over your brood.”

But I’m getting off subject and don’t really even remember what I was going to write about much less a subject (so I’ll call it musings). Anyway…

Matthew talked of his son, born a Vampire, now without a mother, in a new town, a new school and 16 years old. Josh was such a typical Modern Vampire teen that I had to congratulate the awkward Matthew for doing such a good job. Matthew was definitely a master at what I call Deliberate Parenting – that is thinking about how you parent and how your child will fare in the world because of that.

The old Vampire Matthew had issues with his own life but he didn’t want to pass those issues on to his son.  He wanted his son to be strong and successful and most of all happy.

We talked quietly, Matthew and I.  It was the little things that he could relate to. He smiled when I told him Cody was getting romantically involved with my Grandmamma Lola (much to my chagrin.) Matthew had known Lola years ago, hundreds of years ago, before the Modern Vampire Movement. Anyway, we spoke of a lot of things and eventually I could see the cobwebs and shadows that covered his eyes start to vanish, especially when we spoke about his son Josh.

“I can sometimes remember before I was a Vampires,” Matthew began. “I wasn’t always the kind of person I want my son to be. I thought this was my punishment until I met Josh’s mother. She was so strong and wanted for both of us to make a new start through our own child. It seemed so unrealistic, but we were determined to be good parents and the kind of parents…” He looked away, unable to finish. I took his cold hand in mine.

“You’re a good father Matthew. You’re one of the best. Josh is a great kid.”

He squeezed my hand, just slightly, I could feel his heart speed up just a bit, from almost stopped to slow and steady.

So when it all comes down to it, our kids live now, and so we need to appreciate their world and help guide them into the future. For our children are the future – not only our future, but more so theirs.

And since the future belongs to all of us, we can put away any ghosts of our personal pasts that haunt us. For the moon shines bright on those who love, and learn and evolve and hope.

So today – go hug your kids, your friends, your parents, your cats…your Vampires.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Letters to my brother…or don’t be sorry that your family isn’t “normal”

Dear Aaron,

I no longer wish to be a Vampire. Please be a dear and do some research for me.

Love,

Your brother Andrew

Dear Andrew,

You don’t have to remind me that you’re my brother. And are you freaking crazy? You are a Vampire and there is no undoing it. You were born that way. Even if you weren’t there is no undoing it. End of story. So get over it and any girl you’ve recently broken up with.

Aaron

Dear Aaron,

Your cruel and unfortunate comment hit me to the core.

Andrew

Andy,

Mom and Dad are on their way down to see you, like they really need to come bail you out again. My wife wasn’t always a Vampire and she said being a regular human is no piece of cake either. Take a deep breath. You’re only 163. You’re young and we all make mistakes.

Aaron

I saw this typical exchange between my brothers. Typical Birth Order study in action. Max is the over achieving golden child eldest, next comes the incredibly phenomenally talented Andrew, in the middle is Aaron who is steady and smart and always has his act together. The last two are my brother Val and me. We’re smart too but we’re fun and, well, we’re fun.

But for some reason Aaron seems to be the one everyone expects to fix things. Somber and serious, but only because he feels he has been forced into it. The happy fun of a large family.

I told my children “marry an only child and make sure you marry and orphan too.” And don’t send me hate mail, I’m just kidding (sort of).

While Aaron was ready to growl, I got on the phone and called Andrew. Mind you he is in Patagonia so it is very long distance with questionable connections but I finally got through, sort of.

First someone answered in Spanish. I told them I wanted to speak to Andrew. Then someone speaking German got on the line. It was German with an odd accent. German with a British accent. It was James, Andrew’s old friend from way back.

“Jewels!” He literally sang my nick name  (in English now) into the crackling phone line. “Are you still with Teddy? If not you know I’m available. Come one down to Argentina and we’ll dance under the Southern stars and make wild love on the deserted beaches…”

“James, I need to speak to Andy.” I told him that while taking a deep internal breath and trying to erase way too many visuals and memories the sound of his voice brought up.

Dear lovely James who can drive the most patient saint crazy. James who has never met a woman who didn’t end up hating him. James who is so sweet and charming that you hate yourself for all the times you want to kill him. James who is once wooed me with such abandon and aggression that I called him a stalker and told him I’d rip out his heart with my bare hands if he didn’t leave me alone. He left me alone and we’ve come to an understanding. We friends, with conditions. But when you’re dealing with a Vampire brother in trouble crazy James is the one to trust. Did I mention that he is also a successful clinical psychologist and marriage counselor? He is. Just thought I’d mention that. Oh right, and he is a Vampire too – just like the rest of us.

Andy’s voice came on the line. His is one of those clean, clear, magical voices of unbelievable tone and beauty that makes a person just want to sit and listen forever no matter what my brothers is saying. Unfortunately he never has much to say that is worth listening to. I love my brother, I really do, but sometimes his lack of everything makes me think I’m talking to a 10-year-old.

“Remember when we were in Paris in 1927 and the entire city seemed to belong to us? I was singing at the Opera house and it was the first time I felt human, like the masses.”

“You shared your gift.” I told my brother quietly. He has such a gift.

“They loved me. They adored my baby sister. Do you remember?”

I remembered but not quite the way Andy did. “How are you Andy?”

“Remember the French girl, the lovely one with the sky blue eyes. She had Lymphoma. I could taste it. I let her go. I helped her until she passed. Jewels we’ll never know. We’ll never know.”

“Nadine. She was lovely. I remember.” I remember he’d been hopelessly in love with her.

“I knew she was sick before she died.”

“I know Andy.”

“Why can’t we help people?”

“We can, but, Andy, you know how it is.”

“That’s why I don’t want to be one of us anymore. I don’t want to be  Vampire.”

“Andy, we can’t change what we were born into. We can’t change our DNA.”

“What about Teddy and Verity? They were born as Regular Humans. They didn’t start as Vampires.”

But they are now and they can’t go back. Teddy (my husband) and Verity (Aaron’s wife) had their own demons to deal with but they resisted the “what if” urge. Acceptance was their key to their survival. And for goodness sake I hope their children and my brother Aaron and I could keep them in the NOW and POSITIVE about their lives.

“Andrew, Teddy and Verity are fine. They’re happy as I want you to be. Oh Andrew, if I had your heart and soul and talent I would be the happiest woman on earth.”

“Vampire woman.”

“Any kind of woman.”

“What if I came home, to you. Could I crash at your place?”

“Of course. Clara is playing the guitar. With her talent she’ll be playing in the Warped Tour in a few years. You could teach her about music and you could sing together and write music together. She knows all about how to make Youtube videos and all of that stuff. It would be wonderful for the both of you.”

“I miss the kids, yours and Aaron’s.”

“Then come home Andy…”

The conversation went on a rambling mess, but by the end the tears and angst had stopped. I knew my parents would be with him in a few hours. I knew he’d be fine, at least for now.

I went into my family room to find Verity asleep with her head on Teddy’s shoulder. They’d married into my crazy family. They also had once been something that my brothers and I never were. They knew what it was like to face death over and over and to fear it and more to accept it. And they knew more than any of us how to face loss of all kinds, and again to accept it. It wasn’t just a waiting game with them as it can become with us. It is always the here and now. It is always NOW.

Aaron had gone upstairs where our kids where, his two home for a summer vacation from college and my two teens.

Family is an odd thing. There is no normal. So never, no matter what you are, be sorry that your family isn’t normal. Maybe on the surface, but never in the deep down soul. We’re all unique – unique alone or unique in a group.

But even if you can’t stand them that weird connection that we can never explain is there, deep within that makes us family and connected and parts of a whole. Even if it is a whole lot of crazy. But for the most part it is a whole lot of love.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman (aka Jewels)

starry

Live with your children, not through them.

Live with your children, not through them.

The Night, their Night belongs to them.

Share their world, but let it be their world.

The need their own time and space.

And in turn they will always be yours.

 

pink

Standing out in the night…poetry from our youth, a true gift

Poetry is a gift we give each other and ourselves - 
no matter if we read the poetry of others or write our own.

Today I'm truly honored to share three poems 
from my friend Adelia (age 13, 9th grade)

Standing out in the night,

The tell-tale roar

And gentle, soothing light

Reflect on the

Loyal eyes of the old dog

Illuminating the landscape

Giving life to the storm

He shivers, cold while his

Tail tucks between his legs

And he howls to

Notify his master of the

Danger in the night

His master

Urges him to be quiet,

telling him to give it a

Rest, but the dog doesn’t understand

Ruff, ruff, ruff, right into the incoming Catastrophe

And he doesn’t stop ’till it hits

In the morning,

Nothing is left and

Everyone knows of the hurricane in the

Starlight

 

 

 

__________________________________

 

 

 

 

Such a rare happiness, the

Mother hugs her child after

It recovers from the

Life-threatening

Emergency

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

 

Running free,

Everything has beauty

See it in the trees, the

People, and the animals

Everything has a purpose, all

Connected for all of

Time

Over there, the

Finch builds a

Nest, expectant of new chicks

Antelope travel

Together, searching out the

Utopia of predator-free lands

Resting in the shade,

Elephants flap their ears

And people watch this all,

Not a scratch on them

Delve into the

Lives of animals

Immerse yourself,

Find your purpose

Everything has one

And you are no exception

Neither life nor

Death changes this fact

You must find your place, be it

Over the next obstacle or

Under a trial

Respect is key in

Survival

Everything knows this

Life goes on as a

Family


windstale

Poetry on a Vampire Mom blog? 
Why? Click here and I'll tell you.