Burning Question #7: Jungle Love

Burning Question #7

It is now time for this week’s BURNING QUESTION. When I get to question #50 we’ll be at the end, or maybe not. Anyhow…

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I was listening to the radio and the Steve Miller song Jungle Love came on and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about Tarzan. It was driving me crazy.

Don’t know much about Tarzan? Here, read this. I took it from Wikipedia. Tarzan (John Clayton, Viscount Greystoke) is a fictional character, an archetypal feral child raised in the African jungle by the Mangani great apes; he later experiences civilization only to largely reject it and return to the wild as a heroic adventurer. Created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan first appeared in the novel Tarzan of the Apes (magazine publication 1912, book publication 1914), and subsequently in 25 sequels, several authorized books by other authors, and innumerable works in other media, both authorized and unauthorized.

Needless to say Tarzan took off like hot fudge on ice cream and was made into movies, cartoons, comics, and animated films. Everybody loves a sexy English Jungle guy, raised by apes. What heart isn’t melted by the thought of a wealthy Englishman who grew up as a feral child? Of course I did everything I could do to keep my kids from being feral children but that is another post.

But still, there is a burning unanswered question about Tarzan.

Look at ALL of the photos below of Tarzan. Do you see any trace of a three-day beard, or even overnight beard growth? No you don’t. Neither do I.

 

 

 

So what’s up with Tarzan? He is a hunka hunka burning Jungle Love but no chest hair, no beard, no pit hair. What’s under his loin cloth? OK we won’t go there today, but you know where I’m going with this (maybe you don’t but I’m not going to explain.) If you really want to know ask Jane. We all know she knows what is under his loin cloth.

Tarzan was raised by a bunch of apes after his human parents died. Apes don’t shave. They don’t have tools. They don’t have Amazon Prime so they can’t even order razors online, and if they could they wouldn’t use them to shave their faces.

And who taught Tarzan how to make a loin cloth, and what is that loin cloth made of?

But back to that handsome face… Does he shave? Did he keep his dad’s razor? Seriously the books and movies never mention anyone going potty, so he might be shaving off of the written page, behind the scenes.

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If Tarzan’s parents had left him in the Pacific Northwest or British Columbia he’s be shaving like this guy.

Burning Question #7: Does Tarzan Shave?

So answer the question. Yes or No. Does Tarzan Shave?

 

Now everybody shout out: AAAAAAeeeeeeaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now that you’ve answered the Burning Question we’re going to have a sing along. The first song always makes me cry. It is from the Disney Tarzan Movie. It is about Tarzan and his ape mom. OMG my eyes are watering up right now. The second song does not make me get all squishy but sing along anyway. Take it away Phil and Steve.

Did you notice I didn’t even ask about the six pack and I’m not talking about what beer Tarzan drinks.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Foxy Mendoza the King of Suave

I’ve told you about this guy before but I’m going to tell you again, just because I was thinking about it…

He went by the name Foxy Mendoza but was neither Foxy or had any ethnic background that warranted then sir name Mendoza. The last time I saw him we was going by Mitchell Smyth-Robinson. Just imagine a Vampire in a cheap suit, no, please, don’t do that. Vampires don’t usually wear cheap suits. This time Mitch, excuse me Foxy, was wearing lime green skinny jeans, a tight black tee, a small black pork pie hat and had something that looked like a Yorkshire Terrier growing off of his chin. Gold hoops adorned his ears and he carried a bright red organically grown cotton man-purse. He called it a satchel. It was a man-purse. He still smelled of violet water. You can’t get the Victorian out of this Vampire who is always reinventing himself.

Foxy Mendoza is the epitome of ridiculous but he is also so successful at everything he does. Well, almost everything.

To make matters worse is the fact that I’m stuck with Foxy Mendoza aka Mitchell Smyth-Robinson aka Sonny Valentino aka John Earl… that fact is that I am stuck with this creature of many names is because I am the one who turned him into a Vampire. I cringe each and every time I think of it.

“So where did you get the name Foxy?” I had to ask.

“My flaming red hair of course.”

He is a strawberry blonde at best. I didn’t even ask about the last name Mendoza.

My kids were glad to see their Uncle Mitch. Aside from the strange ungodly hair on his chin they thought his new look was exceptionally cool. They laughed at his new name. Foxy laughed with them. But they still called him Uncle Mitch.

I have to admit that we all have those weird, eccentric, unusual and unique people in our lives. Those qualities are quiet annoying at times but can be quite charming as well. And face it, if you want to be a successful Vampire you have to have at least 3 out of those four qualities.

Yes, I know you’re curious about the circumstances in which I turned Mitch, I mean Foxy, into a Vampire.

It was 1879. We were really young. I was a few months from turning 20. Mitch, known then as John, was 22.  I met him on a boat, at night, in San Francisco Bay. There was no moon, only stars out. Anyway, I’ll write up the entire tale later, but he knew I was a Vampire. We started to talk. At first I wanted to rip out his neck he was so annoying but then he grew on me. He made me laugh. I made him smile. We talked until dawn and then kept talking. No, we were never involved romantically. Oh he could be so annoying that it frustrated me to no end, but there was something about him that was so… I don’t know, because he is SO annoying. But friendship is weird that way. So there you go. On my 20th birthday he was a Vampire and we were still friends.

Friendship is like that. I do need to tell you more about Foxy but then again you might want to tell me “NOOOOOO I can’t take it anymore.” Foxy brings that out in people.

Crap, now I have to figure out how to get him to shave that ridiculous thing off of his chin. What is it with guys and beards? My husband never had a beard and only one of my brothers sports one right now. Val has a neatly trimmed short beard that actually looks good on him. I have to take a break and smile here because Val thinks Mitch/Foxy is the most annoying person in the world and it takes a lot to annoy Val. Just makes me laugh.

And did I mention my friend’s laugh? Maybe it would be better if I didn’t. Think fire trucks and snorts.

Have fun everyone and never make an excuse for your weird and annoying friends. Just think of how boring life would be without them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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