Burning Question #7: Jungle Love

Burning Question #7

It is now time for this week’s BURNING QUESTION. When I get to question #50 we’ll be at the end, or maybe not. Anyhow…


I was listening to the radio and the Steve Miller song Jungle Love came on and it got me thinking. It got me thinking about Tarzan. It was driving me crazy.

Don’t know much about Tarzan? Here, read this. I took it from Wikipedia. Tarzan (John Clayton, Viscount Greystoke) is a fictional character, an archetypal feral child raised in the African jungle by the Mangani great apes; he later experiences civilization only to largely reject it and return to the wild as a heroic adventurer. Created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan first appeared in the novel Tarzan of the Apes (magazine publication 1912, book publication 1914), and subsequently in 25 sequels, several authorized books by other authors, and innumerable works in other media, both authorized and unauthorized.

Needless to say Tarzan took off like hot fudge on ice cream and was made into movies, cartoons, comics, and animated films. Everybody loves a sexy English Jungle guy, raised by apes. What heart isn’t melted by the thought of a wealthy Englishman who grew up as a feral child? Of course I did everything I could do to keep my kids from being feral children but that is another post.

But still, there is a burning unanswered question about Tarzan.

Look at ALL of the photos below of Tarzan. Do you see any trace of a three-day beard, or even overnight beard growth? No you don’t. Neither do I.




So what’s up with Tarzan? He is a hunka hunka burning Jungle Love but no chest hair, no beard, no pit hair. What’s under his loin cloth? OK we won’t go there today, but you know where I’m going with this (maybe you don’t but I’m not going to explain.) If you really want to know ask Jane. We all know she knows what is under his loin cloth.

Tarzan was raised by a bunch of apes after his human parents died. Apes don’t shave. They don’t have tools. They don’t have Amazon Prime so they can’t even order razors online, and if they could they wouldn’t use them to shave their faces.

And who taught Tarzan how to make a loin cloth, and what is that loin cloth made of?

But back to that handsome face… Does he shave? Did he keep his dad’s razor? Seriously the books and movies never mention anyone going potty, so he might be shaving off of the written page, behind the scenes.

If Tarzan’s parents had left him in the Pacific Northwest or British Columbia he’s be shaving like this guy.

Burning Question #7: Does Tarzan Shave?

So answer the question. Yes or No. Does Tarzan Shave?


Now everybody shout out: AAAAAAeeeeeeaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaaEEEEEaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now that you’ve answered the Burning Question we’re going to have a sing along. The first song always makes me cry. It is from the Disney Tarzan Movie. It is about Tarzan and his ape mom. OMG my eyes are watering up right now. The second song does not make me get all squishy but sing along anyway. Take it away Phil and Steve.

Did you notice I didn’t even ask about the six pack and I’m not talking about what beer Tarzan drinks.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



  1. He fell into some hot tree wax or something which actually exists in the jungle one day and was so impressed at the results it became his beauty regimen.

    1. I’m leaning towards this theory as well. Along with facial hair that hot tree was would remove any blackheads and other impurities. No wonder Jane was so enthralled.

  2. He is a genetic anomaly. His body just doesn’t grow facial or chest hair. No hair follicles or something. He just grows fabulous jungle hair on his head. Would you believe that’s why it was so difficult for Kerchak to accept him as an ape? That’s what I’m going with. 😉

    1. Sounds good to me. There are guys who are challenged that way. Kerchak has a point there. Who is that naked as a mole-rat thing that pretends to be like me? Good thing Jane showed up.

  3. This is actually interesting, because now I’m curious if the original BOOK Tarzan was ever described as having facial hair or not. I mean, we all know why the Hollywood version doesn’t…. Tarzan was supposed to be a sex symbol, and scraggly beards and SOS pad chests just don’t sell theater tickets. And, of course, just like Coca Cola established Santa’s look… the movies branded its image of Tarzan into our brains. So maybe Burroughs originally wrote him to look like a castaway, and that got thrown out and forgotten about when Tarzan went to the silver screen. I don’t know. I will confess that I voted for the dumbass answer since that made me laugh so hard…

  4. I read a bunch of the books along with a lot of other Burroughs books a long time ago so the details are vague. I need to go back and take a look. You’re right that movies always twist and change the details to fit a 120 minute storyline, or fit the personality of the leading actor. If you look at movies Tarzan is always shown in the current sexy mode. He would have lived in proper 19th century England had his parents not gone into the jungles without birth control. Would he have had stylish whiskers had he been born in London? Would Jane fallen in love with him because of those whiskers? But you’re right. He is fictional. Ed Burroughs can write him however he wants. As Jessica Rabbit said, “I’m not bad, I was just drawn this way.”

    Glad it made you laugh.

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