Ask Juliette: Difficult Questions about Family and Relationships

Ask Juliette (Dear Juliette – Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature here at vampiremaman.com

Real answers for real readers (you think I make this crap up?)
Ask Juliette

Q: My husband and I have been fighting with my sister-in-law for four years since their father died, over simple estate matters that could have been easily resolved if everyone had worked together. What is it about death that turns ordinary people into monsters and turns siblings against each other?

A. There are a lot of reasons people act nasty after someone dies, and none of them are good reasons. Old resentments live on long after death.

Sometimes siblings feel entitled. They feel as though they deserve more than the other siblings for various reasons (or no reason.) Or sometimes somebody else feels that because they are more “successful” or “educated” they are entitled to be in charge. And some people are just nasty to begin with.

It is incredibly sad how someone can let their own ego get in the way, ruin the memory of a loved one, and tear their own family apart.

My advice has always been for each person to take a few small things they want and have a third-party auction everything else off.

This is a cautionary tale for everyone to make sure they have a will and a family trust so their heirs won’t be fighting over who gets what. That includes making of list of heirlooms and who gets what (post it notes don’t cut it – it has to be a formal list.)

Or I could give you a typical Vampire answer and say “Stab em in the neck.”

 

 

Q: A guy I like has a good job, his own place, cleans up after himself, is funny, cute and sexy. So what’s the problem? He writes fiction. I’ve read his work and he is really good but he has only had a few short stories published. Is this normal or should I write him off as a out of touch dreamer.

A: Maybe he needs to write you off as out of touch. People write for a lot of reasons. You should consider yourself lucky to be with a creative guy. Life will never be boring, of course unless he gets bored with you.

Q: I’m a successful widowed middle-aged guy with two sons in college. My girlfriend is successful, middle-aged widow with a daughter in college. I was drawn to her for her sense of humor and intelligence. My son’s love her and talk with her for hours. I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun with anyone in my life. I was recently looking for some ibuprofen at her home and found prescription antidepressants in her medicine cabinet. When I confronted her about it she said it was no big deal. She said it is just a minor thing, like a chemical imbalance. She said she’d been depressed for no reason since her teens, and got weepy about every little thing. The drugs stopped it and made her feel “normal” again. She said she could function without the drugs but didn’t like having to fight with the depression coming on at any given moment. Should I be concerned about mental health issues down the road. I love her but I don’t want to be stuck with someone ready to go off the deep end.

A: Your girlfriend is fine. She saw a problem. She got help. Don’t worry about it. Be happy she recognized her depression and got help. You said she is a success and your kids love her. Wow, I mean, how wonderful is that? Now call her up and tell her how much you love her.

 

Q. Why do Vampires always wear black.

A. We don’t always wear black. OK, we do a lot, but everyone wears black (at least those of us who are hip and with it.)

 

Q: How do I get rid of feelings of guilt. I think I hurt someone who overheard me saying something out of context. It wasn’t about him, but he might have thought it was. Do I say something?

A: I don’t know. This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t moments. Either way it could heat up, back fire, blow up, get uncomfortable, or just make you want to crawl into a hole. Life can be a bitch. Of course if you’re a Vampire you just move on. If you’re a regular person you suffer. Eventually you might want to explain it, but choose your words carefully. Sorry I couldn’t help you more with that one.

Q: Every time I’m with my girlfriend I feel like she has eaten my brain. Our sex life is great and my friends all like her and tell me she is the one, but she is so demanding. She wants to spend every night with me, but we always have to be doing something. She never wants to just hang out. Some nights, after a long day at work I just want to watch TV or play on the computer. I don’t always feel like entertaining someone. It would be nice if she could just sit with me and do nothing. I’m going to go broke financially and emotionally.

A. She obviously isn’t the one for you. She sounds needy and high maintenance. Nobody needs that.

We all need our own space and our down time. If she can’t respect that then it just isn’t going to work. Tell her you need your space. If she refuses to understand and says stupid things like, “I guess you don’t love me,” then dump her. Seriously, you need someone who isn’t so needy.

Vampire Teen

Well folks, that is all for this week. Now that I’m emotionally exhausted from answering all of these questions I’m going to take my pup out for a walk.

Ask Juliette is a regular Thursday feature here at Vampiremaman.com

If you have questions about anything from Alligators to Zombies just ask and I’ll try to answer.

Send your questions to juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never Shout Never – Absolutely Never

Define and Conquer

I’d picked the kids up last week from the roller skating rink and caught a nice break visiting and singing along with them to fun music from the iPod (Never Shout Never, Coffee and Cigarettes. Always fun and inappropriate), when I pull into my driveway and see that black Mercedes parked in front of my house.

In another life, another time, another moment, my heart would have skipped a beat. Everything in my romantic Vampire soul would have cried “Adventure and Romance are MINE”, followed by “Insanity and Trouble” and the urge to RUN, but at this moment, BUSY MOM, just looked and thought “You’ve got to be kidding?”

My kids are already wondering why my mood is gone.

The last time this person was over my husband gave him the “We’re not going to raise our kids in a Vampire Ghetto” talk. Not “Ghetto Talk” but telling this prominent Vampire that we would not be raising our children in a night-time world of Vampires and darkness. We’re modern Vampires. We don’t lurk around shadows. We don’t lurk. We live in a diverse world. And aside from that, my husband used to be a regular human. But that is another blog post up the road somewhere.

He greeted the kids and they ran upstairs with excuses about tons of homework. I greeted Nathaniel Chase with a kiss on his cold cheek. He took my hands in his and told me how lovely I looked. Teddy had already opened a bottle of wine. I headed to the kitchen to get my own glass of wine, with the intention of joining  the men who were deep in discussion about whatever it is men discuss when my brain is full of kids and work and the 50,000 things the average mom has to do each and every single day rain or shine, dark or light.

I was in no hurry to get my own glass. From the corner of my eye, from the kitchen window, I could see the ghost sitting on my back deck reading a large red book. Nathaniel Chase would be too polite to bring up the ghost. Most Vampires are polite to a fault unless provoked (or with their blood relatives). As I poured the wine I wondered what brought Nathaniel here. It was always something that would turn my world upside down. He always wanted something. What would it be this time. Did he still want to know about Jack the Ripper? Did he want to recruit my son into studying with some old musty Vampire in Europe? Did he want to get information about someone? Or did he just plan on bitching about our lifestyle choices?

I glanced out the window at the ghost. He flipped me off and vanished. I thought about Nathaniel, glossy black hair, slate blue eyes and matching sweater and black jeans with a plaid Cashmere scarf hanging around his neck (you know the kind guys wear now). He could have been the front man of a famous band or a CEO of a Fortune 100 company. He could be whatever you wanted him to be. As a Vampire he was that good. Women’s heads would turn but they wouldn’t know if it was because he was dressed so well or if he was handsome or if he was a creature from another realm. All they were really sure of was that they couldn’t resist him. He could work it on men too (we all can). No regular human could resist Nathaniel Chase.

He’d been around for a long time. I suspect at least 400 years but I never asked. I just knew that it was his job, or he thought it his job, to keep track of what other Vampires were doing. I’m a mom, so had too much to deal with right now without being twisted and turned by Nathaniel Chase. And I could resist Nathaniel Chase. I’d been resisting him my entire life.

I’m proud to be whatever I am and have raise my children to do the same but that said…I don’t want my children to grow up feeling as if the world is not theirs. I don’t want them to live in an antique world of darkness, reeking with the smells of dried blood and fear. I don’t want them to feel as if they are monsters or outcasts.

Nathaniel Chase was always watching me since  I was a child. Nothing I ever did was right. Of course girlfriends and I got into all sorts of silly problems but we were just girls. On the other hand my brother Val and I got into some serious trouble on more than one occasion over the years, but we learned from our mistakes. We were serious successful adults now – not the crazy reckless youthful Vampires of old.

I downed my wine, poured another glass, straightened my shoulders and joined my husband Teddy and Nathaniel in the formal living room. I was ready to take whatever crap he wanted to throw at me and I was ready to throw it back. Never again would I let Nathaniel Chase get the best of me.

It took everything I had (and the wine helped) to keep my upper lip from getting a twitch in it. My head was light. I hated confrontation. I didn’t need it right now.

“So what brings you here Nathaniel?” I asked as I pushed a cat off of the chair and sat down. The cat jumped up into Nathaniel’s lap. Traitor.

“My wife and I are moving here in a few months. Our daughter is 3 and our son just turned a year. I wanted to ask you about the schools. I hear you’re the go-to source for all things to do with parenting” Nathaniel answered. My husband just smiled.

As we grow up, no matter how long it takes, there comes a time when we realize that we’ve come into our own. I believe that most people are respected and liked and loved far more than they can ever imagine. I don’t always feel like that, believe me, but all reason tells me to just stop thinking and give myself a pat on my back for doing a good job.

We talked for another couple of hours about kids, schools and the joys and challenges of parenting. And all was well in my world, as the tune to Coffee and Cigarettes ran through my head.

wings

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman