ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Lost Boys, Aliens and America’s Got Talent (or an evening with my teenage Vampire son)

imagesSummer is here and so is this season of America’s Got Talent. Yes, it is back along with my weekly update about what your favorite Vampire family thinks of it and our opinions.

For those of you who are just recently following this blog – there is a history here. We did this last year. Usually we added cocktails too but Teddy isn’t here tonight so no cocktails (you’ll have to make your own).

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Teddy is with Clara on the last field trip of Middle School – ever. They’re in Santa Cruz enjoying the beach and the boardwalk and touring UCSC. And yes, it IS where the movie Lost Boys took place, but that isn’t going to happen on this field trip. The Vampires we know aren’t like that (it is fiction). OK a few might be that nasty but not in our circles. And yes, in the movie they call the city something else be we all know it is Santa Cruz, CA.

So tonight it is just Garrett and me. We’re drinking virgin cocktails of fresh blood on ice with a sprig of mint and a dash of unsweetened cranberry juice. If you’re not a Vampire just try the cranberry juice and mix it with a little ginger ale with the mint. Good stuff (yes, we’re always thinking of keeping our Regular Human friends happy as you keep us.)

Garrett asked me what my favorite Vampire movie was. I don’t know. I don’t really like most Vampire movies (and don’t ask why. Just figure it out.) I guess Lost Boys. Then he asked about Werewolf movies. American Werewolf in London hands down winner. So what about Alien movies? Now that is a difficult one. I know Vampires and Werewolves but I don’t believe I’m ever met an alien (I’ve had my suspicions) but it would have to be District 9 and Close Encounters and ET and The Man Who Fell to Earth and Liquid Sky…but District 9 is brilliant.  And as everyone knows the one thing that gives me the hair stand up on the back of your neck willies is space aliens. It all started the first time I read War of the Worlds (when it first came out).

Lost-Boys-wallpaper-the-lost-boys-movie-1969090-1280-800

 

 

 

 

So we’re watching America’s Got Talent and so far we’re impressed with the judges. The ladies are great (Heidi and Mel are darling.) And we all adore Howard and Howie. And you all know I adore Nick  – he is as cute as my cat Oscar.

 

 

My cat Oscar (as a kitten)

My cat Oscar (as a kitten)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So on to the acts…

We have a lot of rattlesnakes around where we live so I wasn’t too impressed with the snake guy. In case you’re curious a snake popped a balloon. My girl cat Gloria could do that (but she won’t.)

The country singer was ok. I didn’t see him. Just heard him. Just ok. He will not always be on my mind.

CATAPULT – remember that name. They were wonderful. Dancers who told a great mystery story through shadows and body movements. WOW. Expect to see more of them in the future. They have my vote. And of course we all remember that silly sickening sweet shadow dance troop from last year. These guys take it to the next level without all the annoying kids.

The three guys who danced to Singing in the Rain were absolutely darling. Good job guys (I didn’t catch your name because I was petting the cat.)

The guy with the blow up doll (it isn’t what you think) was fun. I definitely want to see more of him. Another fun act was the kid with the hat.

They had to show Chuck from the Bronx because he was exceptionally stupid eating peppers and snorting salt and sucking eggs. He sucked more than eggs. He just sucked.

Ten year old Anna Christine sounded like a seasoned 25 year old professional – the girl could sing. Oh my goodness. The House of the Rising Sun no less. Wow. She was good – she was amazing.

The 3 Penny Choir and Orchestra was so much fun that we laughed out loud. The did the Call Me Maybe song as a classical number. That was FUN. Really FUN. I want to see/hear more. A lot more.

The Pacific Boys Choir was nice and sweet.

Special Head was a weird bit of smoke and mirrors. I didn’t like him. Neither did Garrett. And his name sounds sort of nasty and creepy.

And just as he finished up I noticed a huge raccoon out on the deck eating the dog food. I have to respect our nocturnal friends. Creatures of the night have a special place in my heart. It ran off as soon as I turned on the light. And yes, I brought in the food dish. Don’t need a critter party out there tonight,

So back to the show…

Angela Hoover did a fine job with her impressions and comedy. We want to see her again. I’d like to see more women in comedy. I’ve always thought it would be fun to do stand-up. It is one of my secret dream jobs.

Tone the one hit wonder reminded me of the scene in the movie the Proposal when the grandma and the boss lady were dancing around the fire. It was that bad and not funny or cute like the movie. It was stupid. Nooooooooooo.

So that is our review for tonight. Happy Tee Vee watching. We make no excuses here for any of our opinions, taste in entertainment or life choices. We are what we are and we like what we like.

After it was over Garrett said, “Maybe the Elders should be on America’s Got Talent. Their voices are amazing.”

“Not a good idea. They might tell everyone they’re Vampires.” I had to be honest about it. I never know what those two old Vampires might do.

Garrett smiled. “Sure Mom, but who would believe them?”

I had to laugh. “You have a point there darling.”

So tune in later for more on Vampire Maman!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

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